Help

Sabrina - posted on 01/29/2017 ( 6 moms have responded )

4

1

2

I'm a single mother of a 5 yr old girl. Her father left for another woman in another state. While we were together and while I was pregnant he was abusive and had multiple relationships with other women. One as close as 5 blocks away. He's never had a job, he's leached off of other women and myself for support. He's not on the birth certificate due to not having identification. He was two days late to her birth and broke my nose while I was in the hospital and she was 2 days old. If asked he can not tell you when her birthday is. Despite knowing my address he's never sent, cards, gifts, support, nothing. He calls on father's day and maybe the day before or day after important holidays. Throughout the rest of the time it's staggered calls. When I do take his calls he makes it a point to ask for money. I cut communication when our daughter was about a year and a half. He continues to call and leave messages about me taking his daughter from him and that I should let him talk to her. I truly believe that he's a text book sociopath but I have no proof except my experiences with him and what I know from research. I'm worried. I'm worried that I'm doing the wrong thing by not accepting phone calls. That I may be damaging her instead of protecting. She doesn't know him, she doesn't remember him and she doesn't ask. Help!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jbrauer1964 - posted on 01/31/2017

68

0

2

Sabrina,
Wow, this is a dangerous place you are in with your daughter. It sounds like you should go and get some help from a police officer. Maybe he can advice and direct you in which direction you should go. Maybe find a social service counselor. Maybe you should start by changing your phone number. He has no right to be hitting you or anyone for that matter. As much as you would like your daughter to know her father, this does not seem to be the right time. Maybe you can try something different with her and tell her about her dad when she starts to become interested or when you feel the time is right. Do not let him make you feel guilty about anything! You do not owe him money of any sort. You sound like you are a good and loving mom for your daughter. Keep up the good job! Motherhood is tough, but well worth it. Do you have any family or friends that you can turn to for help? A support group, get involved in a church...?

I had a family member when I was a teen who physically abused me when I would go to their place in the summertime. No one came to my rescue, no matter who I called or told. They thought, no way, not possible! Try to find find someone who will believe you and support you and see you through this time. I will be praying for you and your daughter!

6 Comments

View replies by

Jbrauer1964 - posted on 02/04/2017

68

0

2

Ev Witt,

Yes you are right about all this, but you just take one step at a time. I have a lot of family experience in this particular situation.

Sabrina,
Just take one step at a time. Make sure to find yourself a good support group, your own family support, seek out wise people and heed their advice. Make sure you let your family and friends who you trust help you out in any way possible.

Ev - posted on 02/03/2017

8,185

7

919

What the rest of you do not see is that dad has rights to be a part of his child's life. This mom has not set up custody, visitation, or child support. How does she expect to get him to help support the child without the court orders? She said she had no proof or his being a sociopath. She would need sound evidence that he was a danger to her child. Why did she not call the police when he broke her nose in the hospital of all places?

You need to get custody, visitation and child support in place through the courts. You also need to find a way for dad to be around his child for visits. You need to find the proof you need to prove he is a danger to her. It has nothing to do with you. He wants to see his child and be in her life he has the right. No matter that you did not put him on the birth certificate, he can petition the courts for parternity.

Elaine - posted on 02/02/2017

48

0

0

Dear Sabrina, JK Brauer's post is filled with good advice and truth. Abusers don't stop abusing unless they acknowledge what they are and get help. Your job is to protect yourself and your daughter. You should speak to child protection services. You might also want to consider a support group for abused women so you learn tools to stay strong and keep him far away from you. Anyone can father a child, but it takes work, commitment and a clean life to be a good dad. Your daughter needs a "dad" so your instincts to protect her are correct. Yes, if you are involved with a church, share your story and let them help you. Reach out to trusted family and friends for support and love. Abusers know how to play on emotions and you must stay strong. You want to keep your distance at all costs. Stay strong. You will be in my prayers.

Alexisferro2 - posted on 02/01/2017

6

0

1

I'm in a similar situation. I say listen to your gut. He sounds dangerous like my kids dad that I haven't let my kids (2&3) see since he left us for sex and drugs. I was letting them talk to him on the phone but it wasn't doing any good so I stopped. I say keep as much poison as u can away from your child. It's hard and painful to go thru this stuff. It does suck and idk why my life's path is the way it is but I try to do my best and try to keep anything negative far away from them

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms