Help, I am scared of my ex?

Annabeth - posted on 09/17/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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To explain everything that happened i should start from scratch. I met my ex at a party about 18 month ago and we hit it of straight away. I was only 14 at the time and Mitch was 17. We started seeing each other, went to the movies, to the beach, parties together, we would talk for hours on the phone about everything and anything. We hung out on weekends and pretty soon we were inseperable. I would spend weekends at his place and everything was going great for a while. I started hanging out with his mates who used drugs and pretty soon i was caught up in drugs as well. Then one day he asked me if i could do him a favour. He wanted more drugs but had no money so he asked if i would sleep with his dealer in exchange for drugs. I was stupid and i agreed. I know it was stupid but at the time to me everythig he said was like gospel to me. A few days later again he asked the same thing but with a different guy and again i agreed. About 8 months ago i moved i with him and we would fight all the time and about a month later i started getting really sick, throwing up all the time so i went to the doctor. I found out i was pregnant about 2 months along. I immediately stopped the drugs because i wanted to have the baby. I was worried how my ex would react to the idea f having a baby and when i did tell him that night he told me to have an abortion. I refused and for the next few days he keep arguying with me, putting me down all the time, and then one day he hit me. He kept pushing me to have an abortion and i got to the stage where i was so scared of him that i felt trapped. Then the next night i told my brother everything and he told me to pack my shit and leave as soon as possible. So i did, i waited until he was asleep and i left him. I moved back in with my mum and i told her i was pregnant. She said she would support me and about a month ago i got a phone call from ym ex asking if i had had the kid yet. I said no and he hung up. On the 4th of September i gave birth to a healthy baby boy Alexander. I ran my ex the next day to tell him about the baby but he wasn't home but his mum answered the phone. I told her about Alexander and she didn't even know i had been pregnant. She said her and her husband would love to meet Xander and i was fin with that. But my ex well he went off his head when he rang me that night because i had told his mum about the baby. He said the brat wasn't his and that i was a slut who cheated all the time. Anyway he rang a few times after that just to go off at me and then i aranged to stay with his paents this weekend. When he found out he rang to say he would drop by so we could TALK. 2 days ago Mary and Frank drove up and stayed over night. They met Xander and it was really good to see them. Yesterday i drove back to their place with Xander and everything was great. My ex showed up at his parents place today and accused me of cheating again, said i was a druggie, a slut, and quite a few other things which i woud prefer not to say on here. He saw Xander and the first thing he said was that brat is not mine. He then walked outside and took off in his car. I was really shaken after he left because of how he treated not only me but Xander, his mum and his dad. I have not done anything to him and yet he still treats me like crap. I am really scared of him, you can never tell what he is going to do next. He is very unpredictable and i really don't know what to do.

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Vanessa - posted on 09/18/2010

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It sounds like you're from Australia or the UK? I'm not sure about the laws there so I don't know how to advise you as far as a restraining order. It sounds like pressing him into a DNA order will do more harm then good. It will probably only aggravate matters and not make him grow up any. I think that you are past the point about worrying about getting the police involved. If you are concerned about the safety of Xander, involve the police. It might do some good to speak with his parents ahead of time if you think they'll understand and support you. Make sure that your reassure them that if you are successful in getting a restraining order, you will not be keeping them away from their grandchild. I've been where you are, more or less, and it's a scary thing to wake up and realize that you're afraid of the person you love! Stay strong for your son, it sounds like you've already made some good decisions where he is concerned!

Tara - posted on 09/18/2010

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I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this at such a young age. Your Ex sounds like a scum bag and you should stay clear away from him at any cost. I would seriously consider going and getting a protective order out on him for you and the baby,s safety. If he is using drugs he is very unstable and can't be trusted. My ex is still on drugs and I keep away from him, he beat the hell out of me on a few occasions. I am a recovering addict my self so I know what the drugs can make people do that they wouldn't normally do, so do not beat yourself up for the things that you have done in your past. Stay away from the drugs just take it one day at a time and you will see how much better your life will turn out. Trust me I know! I hope everything works out for you and your baby!

Kerry - posted on 09/17/2010

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my heart goes out to you annabeth you are just a baby yourself and your ex and his mates have taken advantage of an underage girl whether you consented to sex or not, its not you that i judge but your ex who sounds to me like a nasty piece of work, id advise you to not even bother asking for a DNA test as it does not sound like it would make any difference to him anyway, if there is anyway you could get his parents to have contact with your baby boy without him knowing or even at a contact centre where he cant attend go down that road! tell his parents exactly why you are scared of him and that you dont want your baby seeing this type of behaviour! it is hard at times being a single mum but its harder when there is a useless "sperm donor" hanging around believe me i know! also hunny for your sons sake stay away from drugs! get your new life on track with your baby and let him be proud of you! his mummy! good luck and if there is anything else you are worried or anxious about come straight back on here because there are lots of mums to support you! xx

Vanessa - posted on 09/17/2010

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Is he on the birth certificate as the father? If you are after child support from him, then he has to be.... perhaps a DNA test would be a good thing - that way he has to acknowledge that the bub is his.
His parents sound like good people,
If he continues with this childish behaviour, get a restraining order on him, and a court ordered DNA test if he wont do it willingly.
I'd do it.
It's a rotten predicament you're in, but at least your eyes are open now --- do what's right for bub.

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18 Comments

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Eva - posted on 09/23/2010

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Best thing to do is write down everytime he harrasses you. even go back o the physical abuse. it sounds like your worried more of what he might do to your son(which is understandable). I went threw this with my ex as well. you can get a court ordered dna test so you wont even have to ask him. and if you dont want him invovled with you or your child in fear that hell hurt you or your son get an order of protection. if you want him invovled with your son go thru court and get custody and let him get supervised visitation. its sad to think that a father doesnt want to be invovled with such a beautiful baby. and im happy to hear your son is healthy and well. i wish you and your son the best. we all did stupid things in our past but it makes us who we are today. you can ask or confide in me anytime. Im a young mother as well who was using drugs and bein stupid around the time i got pregnant too. i understand what your goin through and most def. wont judge.

Danielle - posted on 09/23/2010

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I'm wondering why no one has suggested she &/or her parents file statuatory rape charges against the guy. Was Annabeth of consenting age when she was having sex with him? Was she no longer considered a minor when he impreganted her? Filing for statuatory rape (if applicable) along with the restraining order would not only get him off the streets to prevent him from possibly doing this to another child but also keep him away from her & the baby, affording them some protection. Maybe too the jail time might serve to get him off the drugs, even if for a little while.

Should the ex come over again, I'd immediately call the police. To not do so, you're endangering yourself, your baby & anyone else present.

Siphe - posted on 09/22/2010

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Ok i feel bad for you, but to be honest with you you should have thought about this. 1 . Did you use condoms with his folkes when you slept with them. When you think back the months of your pregnancy does it go to the month you slept with these guys. You should have listen to your heart and do what is best for yrself andf the baby. The truth is the baby might not be his and the reason he behave like this is because he knows that you slept with other man. Since that the baby is there you should love that baby regardless. He is yours. There are lot of single mom out there.

Kim - posted on 09/21/2010

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Oh my, Sounds like you have became a Mother and are looking out foor your sons best interest. Good for you. Please keep doing that. Get a restraining order and go on with your life. Move onward and upward for you and your sons sake. With a man like that unless he is willing and wanting to change for his child then he wont and he will not do anything positive for baby and you. Please go ahead with your life and forget about him... it culd turn bad if not. You have a child to worry about for the rest of your life. You are 16 and there is a lot of help out there for young single Mom's. Seek the help and protection for babys sake.
Good luck and pray!

Mary - posted on 09/20/2010

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it sounds to me like your in a situation similar to mine. my sons father was a drug addict and the i became one as well. then i found out i was pregnant and quit drugs all together. my sons father was in the picture until he was about 1 month old and started hitting my child. you don't want it to come to that. that is what is different from mine to yours. i had no other choose then to go to the cops cuz of all of the harassment and threats i was getting for trying to let his parents see their grandchild. i had to get a pfa out on him and when that was done with the courts took him for dna to make sure it was his cuz at the time i got pregnant i also was sleeping with his deals for his drugs. so i somewhat know what you been though. i am only 19 and my son will be 1 next month. it is scary but it will get better but it won't get better if you don't do anything about it. the advice i would give you is to get your number changed or something where he don't know how to get ahold of you. and it is a good idea that you are trying to keep your sons grandparents in the picture.

Brooke - posted on 09/20/2010

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It sounds like you have realized wrong from right, and for your son's sake I really hope so! If that is the case, let the father go..he sounds like a piece of crap to me, and you do not need that around your son.. if you file for child support or medicaid for the child, they usually do a DNA test...in your case I think it would be a good idea to get one done, just so you know..that way the grandparents can be grandparents. If you are scared of him, get a court ordered Order of Protection..it's great that your mom is supporting you in this matter! Keep focus on your son and do what's right only for him and you..and please stay away from that crowd! No good for you or your son! Make your son first priority!! Good luck!

Trachelle - posted on 09/19/2010

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i went through something similar and im going to inbox you with some advice

Kathy - posted on 09/19/2010

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I understand you do not want to get the police involved but please get a restraining order against him. Call the police every time he contacts you and do not contact him. If you contact him, it may void the restraining order.
You will need evidence for the restraining order. Write down everything he has done. Get specific with dates and times. If you feel uncomfortable with going to the police, contact the local domestic violence shelter. They usually have the resources and the contacts you would need.
My ex threatened me when he was served the divorce papers. The women's shelter was very helpful and supportive in getting the restraining order.
I wish you and your baby good luck. Keep us posted!

Gabrielle - posted on 09/19/2010

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I feel really sorry for you hun. I think you should get a DNA test likle you sadi, but i think you should get the courts to do it as i dont think you should be around your ex. Do you want him to spend time with the baby? as he sounds like a sad excuse of a man and if hes hit you he could hit your baby or worse. I dont think you should ever be alone with your ex and if he keeps ringing and being nasty, then change your number as no-one should have to put up with that. Let his parents see the baby as they sound nice and if you change your number, give them it but tell them not to give your ex it as he has been nasty with you over the phone and you have more importnat things like your child to look after. Do you still want to be with you ex? x

Annabeth - posted on 09/18/2010

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Thank you for your comments. I have decided to go to the police today and i also spoke to his parents and they fully support my decision. I need to not only protect me but my son. My ex showed up here last night and kicked the front screen doorin, was yelling abuse at me even though i was inside with his parents and brother. Then when his brother tried to defend me my ex punched him in the face. I can not have my son in that kind of enviroment and i am sick of being scared of him. I just want to get on with my life and raise my son. MY ex's brother has offered to do the DNA test but atm i am just going to go to the police and i can deal with who might be Xander's father later down the track.

Annabeth - posted on 09/17/2010

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No my ex is not on my son's birth certificate because he was not there when my son was born. His parents are really good people and have been amazing me and my son. They both adore Xander and i am just going to do everything i can to protect my son. To me he is all that matter's right now.

Annabeth - posted on 09/17/2010

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I do not want to involve the police unless it is the last resort. I want to get a Dna test to prove he is the father but i am afriad to ask him. I am pretty sure he is but around the time i fell pregnant was when i slept with the other 2 guys as well. Please do not critisise me on what has happened in the past. I did a lot of stupid things but right now i am scared not only for me but my son. He is only 2 weeks old and i do not want my son or myself to get hurt ever again by my ex. I might only be 16 but please do not judge me based on what i have done in the past. I am a good mum and i love my son very much. Please i just need some advice on what i should do.

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