Help. Ideas. Honestly. Suggestions? School

Ester - posted on 08/16/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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This is probably the wrong place for me to ask this question, seeing as this is for single moms. But I need an HONEST answer. I have been with my fiance for nearly 2 years. He has been divorced for 3. He was in a previous marriage 5 years ago. He has a 4 year old daughter. The reason for his divorce was his wife cheated on him, and during the seperation got pregnant by the other man. I have became a huge part of the child's life. In the beggining I wasn't around her much but now she asks for me. We don't live together, and don't plan on it until we are officially married. Recently, the last couple times the baby has gotten sick she has asked me to go with her to the doctor. I would NEVER under any circumstances, outside of extreme life or death emercency, go in the back with them. I usually sit in the car and just let her know that I am there for her before and after the appointment. I do not under any circumstances want to be disrespectful to the mother. My question is.... What is alright for me to do? The girl started preschool last week. I went to the orientation, sat in the car like I usually do, when the little girl came out she asked me why I didn't come in with her because she wanted me there, I made up an excuse about not feeling well, then I felt horrible about for the next week. My fiance and her mom took the girl to school on the first day, and again the girl asked where i was at. So as a suprise I went with my fiance to see her at pick up that after noon. It was followed by harassing text messages, and phone calls..Threats to have me banned from school, and to never let the father know of events. I want nothing more than to be a positve role model for this little girl. I know I'm not her mother, and I have never tried to be. Please can someone give me some opinions on the matter

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[deleted account]

It could be worth getting to know the Mum of the girl, so that she knows who you are and gets to know you as a person. That way you're more than her ex's new/current gf/partner to her. She may also feel threatened/jealous of you. His ex may not have gotten over their split up (no excuse I know, but a possible reason anyway). I know that my ex hasn't gotten over me (he cheated and I divorced him). My ex has made some interesting claims about me over the years - none have been true.

As for being part of your partner's life, then you will be seen in the girl's life as a sort of second Mum/important adult to her and in her life - as someone who's important to her Dad, someone she trusts etc.. Certainly it sounds like you've been reasonable with taking your partner's ex's feelings into account. Going to the school playground to pick her up (with Dad) isn't the worst thing, especially if you're planning to marry your partner. That means that you're planning to be in a very long term relationship with him.

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