HELP! MY 8 YEAR OLD IS ACTING OUT LIKE AN ASSHOLE TEEN

Redlushtrees - posted on 09/05/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi, I'm completely new here. I've always been the type to be on the fringe, tending to be a little proud about asking for help (the reasons why too long to list here), but I am at my wits' end. My son, who is going to be 9 in a couple months, was (and still can be, about 65% of the time) the sweetest, kindest, abiding child. I was always the parent to be consistently there for him, even when things were rough, because I wanted to make sure that my influence trumped his dad's. His dad tries and loves him very much, but he is in a perpetual state of victimhood, and resents me and my moving on despite his cheating/disrespectful/misogynist ass being the reason I left before my son was even born. He disparages me and my character every chance he gets, and would do it in front of our son regularly. Well, to get to the point, I had to move for a new job last fall, and since school was already underway and I wasn't sure how the new situation would turn out, I resigned to letting his dad (and live-in gf, who is the only reason I felt ok making this decision) be the full time parent, and me being the weekend parent. At the end of the school year, my son came back to be with me full time. And all I can see is his punk ass, perpetual asshole dad's behavior oozing out of him. He's defiant, disrespectful, sneaky, rude, and whiny. Oh, and he constantly corrects me, even the SLIGHTEST non-issues are subject to his open-mouthed scrutiny. He won't listen to authority, he'll take a few steps in the right direction when I lay down the rules and standards of behavior that are/aren't ok, then right when I think we've had a successful day, he'll be a total asshole. I see red. The rest of the time he's like the child I knew before he lived with his dad full time. But the turnarounds come when I'm finally relaxed and have my guard down, and I just can't abide it. How do I get the bad parenting of his father turned around? He's so young, and there's so much good there, but this is too much for a single woman to bear. I'm exhausted from having to shout my points to even get him to STFU and LISTEN most of the time. HAAAALLLP. I need the company and advice of other mothers, and I'm not very good at being 'that mom' that the other mom's flock to.

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Rebecca - posted on 09/09/2016

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It's so hard to take care of my kids when they have different rules at their dad's house. Their attitudes change. Sometimes I can hear their dad's words or demeanor coming through them. We become like those we spend time with, even our parents.

What I do is try to be consistent and show my kids how I expect them to behave. I also try to have a little patience when they first come back from their dad's house knowing that it isn't their fault that they picked up on their dad's behavior. But it isn't easy. Just keep being consistent without talking bad about his dad. Talk about your son's actions independently of his dad's actions. Good luck! I agree with you that being with other single moms helps so much.

Alyssa - posted on 09/08/2016

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I'm sorry, I know it is frustrating to feel powerless over the other parent's behavior. However challenging it is, I know that there is still hope for our children. I've been using the Smart Stepfamilies website for help on co-parenting and I found this particular article that addresses some of the issues you're facing: smartstepfamilies.com/view/109
There's some very solid advice on this website as well. I hope this will be helpful to you. Praying for you and your son!

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Redlushtrees - posted on 09/09/2016

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@Laura Dunlop~

I appreciate your intention to help, though I must disagree that using an instrument to hit my child, or any child, is to be condoned. That's battery. I was abused growing up in many ways, so I have triggers that do make me see red and WANT to hit, because that's what I was conditioned to do. However, I reign in that urge because it traumatizes the kids. No matter how bad their behavior, I don't think using any instrument against my kid is a good idea. Sometimes, a sharp smack on the tush with your hand might help jolt the kid out of an uncontrollable tantrum, but even that is a method I rarely use. Hope you can find an alternate way to discipline.

Laura - posted on 09/07/2016

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Hi hun when my kids 9yr old and 10yr old play up in that way then its time they were spanked hard why dont you take him over your knee for the slipper/sandal/hairbrush or belt x

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