Help, my daughter's father wants to meet her.
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Mandy - posted on 04/30/2010
From someone who now has a 17 year old boy who longed for his father ! I found out the hard way that mothers cannot raise sons, we r women, we dont fully understand the whole man thing, and they need that from thier dads, whether the man is a piece of shit or not. I wish i would have did things a lil different!! Let him play some kind of part somehow. This is very important for him that u do that. Who cares about his girlfriend, she could never be the mom, you are! Plus whos to say she will even be around for very long? This aint about your feelings at all, its all about how your son is affected 18 years from now, not just now, believe me i know!!
IDALIA - posted on 06/05/2010
Just think for a moment: Do you ur child to have a bad impression from you and be unrespectful just because you never gave them the opportunity to met each other. The time will tell you if u did right or not in letting them to see each other. Now if he is a violent person that will change the story. Let GOD to lead you and give the answer, 'cause HE is the answer.
Kat - posted on 05/07/2010
Good Ashley I'm pleased. And your right he would have moved mountains to see her if it is what he truly desired. I think the companion & public place was a good move. He might be a little frightened at first & warm to the idea in a couple weeks. Would be nice if for the sake of your Daughter he did. But best to know now he's a jerk while she's too little to be affected by it. Good luck for the future.
Ashley - posted on 05/06/2010
Thanks to all of you for the advice. I thought and thought about it, and when I said he could come see her with me and My dad there in a public place, he changed his mind. He said he didn't need to be "babysat" with his daughter... I think if he really wanted to see her, he would say whatever would make me comfortable.
Candeice - posted on 05/05/2010
it;s never to late for him to be a part of her life.....if you havent already i would meet with him first just the two of you to find out his true intentions... and then go from there... I was in the same situation. my sons fathers intentions were not on his boy and so we had to move forward. take your time, dont rush into it. theres a cutie pie of a baby involved and her feeling are valuable. Once you find out his intentions and if they are sincere, gradually allow him to spend time with her with you present.....Shes the prize
Kat - posted on 05/05/2010
I guess the circumstances of why he left & what happened matter here too. Safety etc. But all being well - as a child who has NEVER met my Father because my Mother stood in the way I would encourage you to let him see her. If he's not going to be a good Father & be around often then maybe 8months is better than when she's older and knowing more about what's going on. At least at this point she won't really have a clue who he is & what is going on & you can get a feel for what his intentions are & if they are genuine. It will be hard on you I'm sure, maybe have someone around with you when he comes. A good friend or family member that he won't object to being there & who isn't too judgmental. Don't leave him alone with your daughter though, he's a long way off those rights.
My Mother lied to me about my father, kept information from me & never let me meet him. I now have very little to do with her. Make sure your decision is something you will be able to live with & your daughter will be able to live with in years to come.
Ladee - posted on 05/04/2010
The bottom line is that your daughter needs her father and he needs his daughter. Give him a chance to prove himself and if he does not them you pull the chair from under him. But he deserves a fair chance to make a fresh start.
Sondra - posted on 05/04/2010
ashely i was 3mths when my daughters dad walked out to. after she was 8mths old he came back to see her, i let him just to see were it would go.he didn't stay long so you need to find out what he really wont because if it is to run in and out it not good for her my daughter is 12 now and that is all her dad did for the first few years of her life i seen the pain she went threw with it and i stopped it. now he wonts her around and its to late because he hurt her, so just find out if he wonts to be a dad r if this is just him feeling sorry for his self.
Amanda - posted on 05/04/2010
Think of it this way. What would you do if you wanted to met your mother or father but either parent told you no. What would you do? At least he wants to see her. Unlike some parents have nothing to do with there children for no reason. Let him met her and see what happens from there. The only way I would say no is if there is other reason, like criminal reason why you think he should not see her. If he wants to see her that is a start. If you don't let it happen now then it could be worse later. She might be mad at you and do who nows what later in life when she finds out that you held her back from him. Unless like I said there is other reasons why you say no. I now I would want to see my father when I got older.
Tiffany - posted on 05/03/2010
I think that you should allow him to see his daughter but first I think that you & him should sit down & have a conversation about what his intentions are for being in his daughter's life after all this time & does he plan on continuing to be there for her. From there you two should come up with some type of mutual agreement for your daughter. Good luck!!! I hope that he does the right thing.
Elizabeth - posted on 05/03/2010
my youngest is just over a year her dad has never wanted anything to do with her he even tried to blackmail me in to not haveing her, we have to other children together, 5 and 4 he makes out he wants to see them everytime he spilts with his gf whos got his other little one just 6weeks younger then our's. if this wa sme id say no, but like everyone has said it depends on hows he is and what happened. , good luck hun
Alana - posted on 05/03/2010
my daughter is also 8months and her father and i split when i was around 4months pregnant....i wont allow him 2 have any access 2 her at all but i went through the courts 2 stop it....i think it all depends on the reasons behind the split and the fact he wasn't there the first question i would be asking is why the sudden interest now?.....whatever u decide i hope it all works out 4 u....in the end just go with whatever u feel is right 4 ur daughter.....will she benefit from having him around? i dont think it should really matter what happened between the parents but what should matter is what it will do to ur child....all children deserve 2 have 2 parents but sometimes it's better 4 them 2 just have 1
Whitney - posted on 05/02/2010
You have the right to decide what you want to do . If you do decide to let your girls dad see her ( be there with her - for the 1st few times or even more - in case he takes off (kidnap her ) with her . Does he have any other kids who are older ( if so, how is he with them ? ) My ex has a few other older kids ( 2 oldest he wasnt apart of their lives ) and the child that was born before my son, my ex didnt pay attention to him much -wanted to sit at the computer 24 /7 , while I ( not his mother) took good care of "R Jr" . anyway go with your mom instinct . Tell your family and friends what you decide ( before you take action /your intentions 1st in case of any bad things happen. GOOD LUCK !
Stephanie - posted on 05/02/2010
see if he will help you with her finaclially and if he left while you were pregneant how do u know if he wont vanish again and your child in the long run and blame themselves for the dad leaving. To me he needs to prove he wants to be part of YOUR childs life
Cara - posted on 05/02/2010
I've been through a similar thing. My daughter is 3 and her father hasn't even seen a photo. He is a violent criminal and I now have full custody. I have an older boy to the father as well and he hasn't seen him for 3 years either.
After weighing up whether or not there are risks involved, think about whether or not it's anyones interest to start involving anybody.
I went through councelling, solicitors and many days of thought to come to my own conclusions. I believe a father has just as much right to their child as their mother, providing violence and danger are no part of that factor.
Give the father a go after weighing up all pro's and cons and remember that it's not only about you. Your child will be the one who benefits or doesn't from the decisions that you make.
Good luck x
Sara - posted on 05/02/2010
i agree with most of the replies. does he want to be a part of her life now? if so, then for sure let him be, but if he is just gonna meet and leave, then why bother. she won't know who he is, and she won't remember if he meets her and disappears.
Stacey - posted on 05/02/2010
It really depends on the circumstances. Was he a danger to you and her when he left. If you feel like trying, make sure you have someone else with you and in a "safe" setting. But if he doesn't act right or you feel in danger, I wouldn't let him have another chance to hurt the two of you. I have tried over and over and it always ended up with us hurt. There are some good fathers out there, don't get me wrong. But protecting your child physically and emotionally is the main thing, and of course, yourself. Search yourself and you will come up with the right answer. Good luck! :)
Jeanna - posted on 05/02/2010
If he is interested then let him with the ground rules you set. He may be trying to get back in her life. His intentions may be good.
If my DD's father showed up I would let him see her with my ground rules. He was not there through my pregnancy and my daughter is almost 2 years old. He still hasn't seen her. If he called and said I want to see her I would let him obviously with me there and make her as comfortable as possible. If he does show up and is in and out of her life that is on him and not me.My daughter will make her own opinion of what type of person her dad is.
Robin - posted on 05/02/2010
I am a single mom of 4 kids 1boy 3girls when I was pregnant with my oldest her father took off my late husband raised her till he passed away and a year after he passed my oldests father wanted to meet her it was a verry hard decision for me to make I let him meet her with me there at a park they had lunch talked for a little bit but I set ground rules like he cant force her to talk to him she dosent know him let her be the judge of when the meeting is over and any thing that is sead is to be sead in front of me if he cant say it in front of me he cant say it they would not be leaving where we were and if I felt that she wasnt confertiable then we would be leaving so I think you should do it but make ground rules he hasnt been there you know your doughter so you know whats best
Amanda - posted on 05/01/2010
If he wants to see her great. Maybe a light switch went off and he realized he mess up and wants to be a daddy. Take it slow and feel out his intentions. Don't deny her of the right to see her dad it could blow up later. My ex and I are not together and he hasn't seen his son since he was two months old. But if he did call and say he wanted to see him I would say ok come over, but you can't take him anywhere and I stay in the room the whole time. Give him a chance to step up to the plate. Some men take longer to see what they lost.
Erika - posted on 05/01/2010
i know what you are going thru. I went thru the same thing. I let him see her. Then he disappeared again. It was a struggle tolet him back in. BUt he is and has visits with her now. She sloves me and I am glad i did not deny her the right to know her dad. Dont get me wrong she does not always want to go... but she does and I tell her he is her dad and a very important part of her life. She is about to be 8 now so I have been thru it for a while. Pray and God will get u thru it. He had to agree to my term at first because I was all she had and was not just gonna be like heres your dad. BUt it worked out. Good Luck
Kathy - posted on 05/01/2010
Do not keep kids away from either parent it will only come back and haunt you later on in life, no matter how shitty the other bio mother or father is we do not have the right to keep kids away, unless we fear for their life. Kids grow up and figure out for them selves how we were as parents yo do not want to be that parent that has to explain why they did not let them see the other bio parent.
Mandy - posted on 04/30/2010
well if he is a decent person then she deserves to have her dad in her life. Dads are very important too. Consider yourself lucky because some guys who arent with the moms when they have a baby do not want nothing to do with the child.
Wende - posted on 04/30/2010
Ashley, please let your daughter see her dad. I'm sure you are concerned that he may end up disappointing both you and her, but that fear should not stop you from accepting the "olive branch" he has extended. He made a mistake by not being "in the picture" for so long, but now he is attempting to be a man and a father; your daughter will appriciate it if you let him at least try. It may be hard to separate your feelings about him as a boyfriend from your feelings about him as her dad, but for her sake try and keep trying. Imagine how she will feel years from now if she finds out her dad wanted to have a relaionship with her but you stopped him. That's not a conversation any one should have to be a part of. I hope this helps, and remember you're doing it for her, as well as for him.
Karmi - posted on 04/30/2010
I also had this same problem. My son's father was out of his life for a long time. It was extremely hard letting him see my son again, because he could walk out of his life as easily as he did the first time. I would say go for it and try it out. But if you have any feelings of their being a problem or feel unsafe, then leave.
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