HELP!!! Need Advice b/c unplanned, but much loved Baby on the way!

Christina - posted on 09/14/2011

Wow - good to learn, thank you - did not know that custody law.
You're a great mom - they are lucky to have all your support - bless you! Reading up on everything is the best tool I've found, so that will hopefully help you a great deal. It's stressful, I know, and I hope the other case resolves itself in a kind and happy manner, too.

Lisa - posted on 09/09/2011

Christina,
Thank You for all the info. We have not had this situation to deal with in the past. I am sorry if I made it sound like my "panties were in a bunch", that is not the case at all. I am only concerned with what is in the best interest of the child, and legally what is expected by the state of TX. I would like to see the child have both parents in his/her life. However, if that is not how the father wants it, then my daughter, and us (as her support system/parents) are just fine with that. My nephew has been embroiled in a nasty custody battle with his ex for 2 years. He is wanting visitation with his little girl, who he loves with all of his heart. He pays his child support monthly, and is there for every other weekend, and every other Wed. visitation. His daughter loves the time she gets with her daddy. In their case, it is in her best interest. Oh, and in their state, Missouri, after the court screwing up, and the lawyers, we learned that since there had been on "next friend" assigned to my Great Niece's case, that at any time if my nephew had wanted to refuse to return her to her mother, he could have. The court had not established who the custodial parent was, so legally (at least in MO) it is not automatically the mother who has full rights.
Again, I do appreciate your response, and thank you so much for the link you posted. I have already began reading, and found out some useful info! Just hoping it doesn't get into an custody battle...don't think that is in my daughter, or grandbaby's best interest...way to much money spent on attorneys!

Christina - posted on 09/06/2011

Here's my best:
1. If she adds the father to the Certificate, he is in the game. Child support will be ordered, he is in "the system" and responsible for the child.
You do not have to put him on the Certificate - up to her. They will ask at the hospital, she has to choose if she wants to do it. Why? Sometimes women would rather be eligible for benefits, to have to deal with the legal system at all, and not deal with the visitation issues that often come up down the road. Or, the father isn't someone they feel will be a good parent. That one you have to decide. They may be very pushy at the hospital (in some states they are paid $25 per name of fathers they gather - yep long story there) He can always be added later.
2. If the baby is born in Texas - the courts in Texas have jurisdiction I believe. Not to mention it is the home of the mother - that usually plays into it.
3. If you are getting your panties in a bunch about "paternity, support, custody and Birth Certificate" it sounds a little, well, over the top. The reality is: every single unmarried mother has FULL custody until a court decides or decrees otherwise as far as I know in all states. When a child is born "out of wedlock" she has every one of the rights, and the father can petition the court to demand paternity, then he is liable for support and he can then petition again for visitation. He will have to prove to the court that visitation is in the best interest of the child - and still pay support - but they are TWO VERY DIFFERENT things in the system.
4. If he cannot afford much in the way of support, then it is scaled to his income and hers. The daycare costs she pays to be able to work often factor in as a substantial amount in the calculations.
5. "Damaged or hurt" well, honestly, the only person who usually suffers in court battles is the child. Not always, but the tugs of war cause a little one much heartache over time. Many children thrive with one home, one "soft place to land" without having another person "ripping them" out of their comfort zone on Wednesdays and every other weekend because they "have Rights" - it's ass backwards in my opinion. So - with that in mind, do what is best in 20 years for a child. That's what matters most.
Birth Certificates can be changed, support can be ordered, but hurts that run deep can leave scars. Just sayin - I've seen it too many times. The adults get caught up in "the drama of MY KID" and miss the reality that this is someone's life - and childhood they are dealing with.
to understand the laws in your state, I suggest reading the following link - CAREFULLY. Read it until you understand how it works in real life - understand the difference between the words "MUST" "CAN" AND "MAY" - AND "WILL" "SHALL" "MUST" "ASK" - this is what the courts can do - what people can do and what both MUST do etc. Here is a link to the laws of Texas - go through the headings - and read the ones that apply:
http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/Se...