Liz - posted on 08/18/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )
Hi, I've got a 14 month old baby girl. I married her father in feb againist my own better judgement. He is verbally violent and i started to fear he would soon become physically violent as well. I left him in April, only 2 months after we married, b/c one morning he decided he was going to get Lillian out of bed when she got up in the morning after staying up all night on his xbox. I woke up to find that she was next to him on the couch and he was asleep! she hadn't eatten yet and didn't even have a clean diaper on after sleeping all night. I had already told my husband serveral times i didn't want him getting her out of bed in the morning b/c he never feeds her or changes her. I took her off the couch and started changing her diaper and i told him he needs to go get in the bed b/c i didn't wanna listen to him snore all day. He instantly got mad and started yelling at me and calling me a b***** and throwing things around. When he went to work that night I had my mom come get me and the baby. In the following days after countless threats from my ex, and then promises to change, i gave him another chance and went back home with my daughter. He has never helped me with our daughter, he lived in the same house with her for a year and didn't know a thing about her except what i told him. I left again in June b/c i just couldn't take it anymore. He has an exstremely short temper and says mean horrible things to me right in front of my daughter. I do not want her growing up thinking that it is ok for a man to talk to a woman the way he talked to me. He will argue with anyone and everyone no matter where he is or who is around. He's mom has custody of his oldest daughter and he calls her horrible things to her face and loses his temper with her over the smallest things. seeing the way he treated his oldest i never allowed him to be alone with my daughter. He has a son from a previous marriage and the mother has full custody, John had supervised visitation but the judge said he had to make so many of those visits within 6 months to get regular every other weekend visitation, he only made 1 or 2 visits. After i left the second time in June he started harrasssing me. I set up a whole new email so he could contact me about our daughter without having to give him my phone number and get 50 calls a day. He kept getting my phone numbers somehow and got mad and deleted me off his friends list online. I tried to be nice and let him come visit her a few times after i left and everytime he came he would only spend a few minutes with her and spent the rest of the time trying to talk me into being alone with him. When i left the second time he got verbally violent with me and broke several things in the house, he chased me down the road saying he was going to beat the shit outta me. i called 911 but the officer never wrote a report, i have a cad visor report which is almost the same but not as good. John is on probation, he has been in and out of jail his entire life for violence and robery. After we got married he would often mention to me how he beat his first wife near to death. I am horrible afraid of this man and i don't want Lillian to be alone around him. Since i left he has been trying to make himself look like father of the year, he cought up his child support with his ex wife and somehow convinced her to let him take the child on his own, i do not know why she is letting him see his son b/c she has never let him be alone with him before, but she is one of those people that cares more about money than her child and i assume since he is paying child support she doesn't really care anymore. He went to a lawyer and had the lawyer send me a letter telling me John can get full custody and i'll lose Lillian and just basically trying to scare me. I have done absolutely nothing wrong, i have NO criminal record, i do not drink or do drugs, i am a very good mother. The lawyer he went to sounds like an idiot, he calls Lillian my son several times. He claims that since me, my mom, and Lillian are sharing the same room that i will lose her. Lillian has her own bed, she doesn't sleep with me, and the room is plenty big enough. He also says that there are unmarried men that aren't family living in the house and that will make me lose Lillian and thats a complete LIE, my two brothers live here and yes they are unmarried, but they ARE family. I have a protection order againist John for harrassment, and that laywer tried o make it sound like I'm in the wrong for having it! when i got the protection order, the judge that gave it to me didn't even ask me any questions, he looked at John's record and said that i was indeed in danger. Has anyone else been threw all this? Can he really get full custody when i have done nothing wrong and he has done so much wrong? Do you think i will be awarded full custody of my daughter in court? And what are my chances of getting supervised visitation because of his violence? thank you for reading, sorry so long!