Her Daddy died 2 days before she turned 2 months old.

Kristy - posted on 05/12/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My little girl was ADORED by her daddy. He was the stay at home daddy while I worked and he LOVED it. He spoiled her rotten. Then he got another job and we were sending her to stay with my granny while we both worked. On his way to his 3rd day at work he had a wreck on his motorcycle. He died. 2 days before my little girl turned 2 months old, her daddy went to live with Jesus. Everyone says it will get easier. Every day has only gotten harder. I may not have been married to him, but we BOTH knew we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Now I'm spending my life alone and his life is over. I met him April 14, 2009. He died April 14, 2010. He would have been 23 on April 22, 2010. We would have been together a year on April 29, 2010. Idk what to do with my life now.

I always told him how lucky I was to have such an amazing man that was still around. I got pregnant at 19. I met him in April. Moved in with him in may. Got pregnant in June. but he was still there and he proved to me every day how much he loved me. He stopped drinking for me. He changed his whole life style for ME. He loved me with all of his heart. But I told him all the time how lucky I was to have someone like him. That I didn't have to raise our little girl alone. That there was no way I could do it without his help. Now look at me. I'm a single mom at the worst circumstances.

But what I'm scared of... What do I tell her when she's 5 years old and comes home from school asking me where HER daddy is. And why she doesn't have one. Granted it'll be easier explaining to her that Jesus wanted him to live with Him rather than telling her that he didn't want anything to do with her... but idk how to even prepare for those days.

I'm so scared. I'm scared of life without my soldier. I'm scared of not raising her the way WE wanted her raised.

My life is upside down. And in two days it will have been upside down for a month...

Is there ANYONE else out there that has a baby that will never get to know their daddy because Jesus decided it was time for daddy to come Home?

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Amanda - posted on 04/03/2011

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well I can't say I'm in your position.. but i am in your daughters only 20 years later. when i was 5 weeks old my dad died in a car wreck. My mom told me about it when i was 5 years old as well. the best you can do is be honest. keep lots of pictures and things that were his for her.

I never knew my dad, and he didn't leave by choice. I miss him everyday and i love him despite that fact. the things I have of his are precious to me and I'm thankful for all the things of his i have. It was hard, but just stay strong, don't crumble and your daughter will respect and love you for it. maybe once a year go visit his grave and explain to her every year that jesus needed daddy and he's watching over her and misses her.

It will always hurt, but it'll get easier.

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Jane - posted on 04/11/2011

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When my daughter was three she told the doctor that Daddy had gone to God's house to play cards with Gramma and Six Pack (her cat). I don't know where that came from but she visualized everyone happy and busy although no longer where we could see them. She keeps one of his t-shirts to remember him and we have pictures of him all over the house.

What I have found to be the best thing is to be honest, and only tell the child as much as they want to know. You can revisit the subject as often as the child wants or needs.

Your loss never goes away but the burden gets easier to bear over time. Everyone grieves to a different schedule, but it might help you to talk to someone. If you can't afford therapy perhaps a local church or other group runs a support group.

Jane - posted on 04/11/2011

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When my daughter was three she told the doctor that Daddy had gone to God's house to play cards with Gramma and Six Pack (her cat). I don't know where that came from but she visualized everyone happy and busy although no longer where we could see them. She keeps one of his t-shirts to remember him and we have pictures of him all over the house.

What I have found to be the best thing is to be honest, and only tell the child as much as they want to know. You can revisit the subject as often as the child wants or needs.

Your loss never goes away but the burden gets easier to bear over time. Everyone grieves to a different schedule, but it might help you to talk to someone. If you can't afford therapy perhaps a local church or other group runs a support group.

Jackie - posted on 04/11/2011

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It never gets easy, you just learn how to move on. My husband was killed 5 weeks before our daughter was born so she never did get to meet him. She is now 11 and she still has questions. She knows that he did not leave because he wanted to. She knows that Jesus needed him in heaven and that he had accomplished what he needed to do. When she was about 5 she asked me if her Daddy left because she was coming. That was like a knife in my heart. We sat down and I explained to her that was not the case. Her Daddy was so very excited that she was on the way. It's been 11 years now and I have yet to remarry. It's a difficult position to be in, but God felt like you could handle it. There are days,(today has been on of them) that you feel like you just cant do it, but it's then when you pull up your bootstraps and do it for your daughter. I'm sure that there are things that you will do diffirently than you would if your partner were still here, but all you can do is do the best you can and love you daughter. May I suggest putting a photo of her Dad in her room so she can feel like he is still there. I have a corner in my house , by the fireplace, that I keep my husbands
memory alive by putting up photos and his military awards. They( we also have a son) have told me that it has made them feel closer to him to have those things out.
WHen it comes down to it, you just have to do what you feel is right for you and your daughter. I feel your pain and do understand how you feel. Like is said earlier, it never gets easy, you just learn what your new "normal" is and how to keep going. My prayers are with you and your daughter. Feel free to email me if you want to talk or just need a shoulder.

KaSandra - posted on 04/03/2011

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my daughters dad was in a car accident when she was 5 and a half months old she is almost 10 months now ans i am terrified of when she comes home asking about her dad. i am a single mom i am 18 and he was 21. we met feb 24th 09 and started dating feb 27th 09 got engaged may 25th09 the day after his 20th birthday october 16th 09 found out i was 5 weeks pregnant had her june of 2010 and he passed away november 22nd 2010. we had our problems but we knew we wanted to be together

Jennifer - posted on 05/14/2010

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I have been in your shoes but I was married and we split and my husband died on me a month before our sons fourth b-day it may not feel like it gets better but it does believe me he will always be in your mind try talking to him as if he was there late when your kid is asleep go to his grave do whatever you feel will help you thru it.

Tonya - posted on 05/13/2010

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always tell your baby girl how special she was to him and how much he adored her. You dont have to wait till she is older to tell her. It is when you are ready is when you can do it. Ive never been through this but will say that no matter what I feel he would be proud of the way you raise yours and his child. You are truely blessed to have had him in your life and give you this beautiful miracle. Let his memories forever live on through you and her. She will only know what you know and it will be a blessing to hear those wonderful memories you have with him. I will be praying for you that God will keep you under his wing and be with you as time passes God bless

Allyson - posted on 05/13/2010

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Your story brought tears to my eyes, hun! I got pregnant with my oldest son only a month after bein with his dad. We broke up b4 I found out I was pregnant, then got back together when our son was 2. We were madly in love, and had a great relationship. He knew everything about me, could finish my sentences, and sometimes we spoke by just looking at each other. We were getting married, had been back together 3 yrs, when he lost his job. He got really depressed that he wasn't supporting us, even tho my income paid all the bills still, and, one night while me and our son slept, he got out of bed, and went and hung himself in our basement. My little brother found him a half hour l8r. My world was destroyed. I didn't eat NOT ONCE, for a month, the thought of him bein gone 4ever made me puke. I lost it, literally. Wished I would die instead of living without him, but could've never left my son, either. I was out of control and crazy for a year. I became addicted to painkillers and started drinkin and using other drugs heavily. I couldn't see how I could go on. It was awful. But eventually that gut wrenching, literally HURTS ur heart pain started to get a lil better. I started dating a guy I had been friends with all my life a little over a year after he died. It was too soon, but I was so lonely. I got pregnant with another son. It woke me up. I got off all the drugs, and started to feel some hope again. That son is now 2 1/2. He saved my life, along with my other son. Fact is, nothing anyone can tell u will make u feel better right now. Hearing that "things will get better" seems like an impossibility, and altho the pain will never go away, it does lessen after time, altho I thought there was no way it could be possible. There are still times I miss him like crazy, and cry, and get angry, and it hurts bad all over again, but now I can at least smile when I think about him most days, without having a complete break down! He will always be my love, even tho I am happily engaged to my other sons father. U will love again, one day, but u will always hold him in ur heart. It breaks my heart that my son will never go fishing again with his daddy, and will never get to know his dad, all he has left is what memories a 5 yr old can remember. I suggest checking into seeing a counselor to help u cope. I went to counseling right away, for a year and a half, and although I was losing it, counseling did help me keep SOME of my sanity, and did feel kinda good to get it all out. As for what to tell ur daughter, I explained to my son that his daddy had died and went to Heaven. Obviously, I couldn't tell a 5 yr old HOW his daddy died, so I just said he couldn't breathe. In ur case, u can explain that ur daughters daddy died in an accident, or a motorcycle crash. I talked to alot of counselors about when would be best to tell my son the truth. They all said I have to decide when he is ready. I was so confused, and didnt know HOW I would ever know when my son would be "ready" to hear that his daddy committed suicide. Its been 4 yrs since he died, and last month, I finally knew my son was ready for the truth. He had been asking more pointed questions for some time, but I just didn't know where to begin. It was the most heartwrenching thing I've ever had to say to my child. I could barely bring myself to say the words. But my son needs to know that its something we can talk about, and I make sure to tell him funny stories about his dad to reinforce how much he loved him as often as possible. My point is, only U can decide whats best for ur daughter now, and how much information to give her as she gets older. When its time to give her information, or more information, u will just know it, I promise. There is no easy way to prepare for that kind of conversation. I cried through the whole talk with my son. And thats ok. My heart goes out to u, and ur daughter. There are things I wish I would've handled differently after Corey died, but I cant change them now. I can only be the best mom I can be from here on out. No child should have to lose their daddy, but u will both carry him with u for the rest of ur lives. U WILL BE OK, even though its hard to believe right now! I wish u the best of luck, and if u ever want to talk, fb me! Good luck, sweetheart, stay strong. U have a part of him in ur beautiful little girl that u can cherish forever!

Jackie - posted on 05/12/2010

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am sorry for this sad story but i want you to get encouraged because you are not alone. My hubby pasd on after we were married for 4 years when our son was 2 years. It was such a difficult situation for and also for my son but i can confidently say that God has made our lives meaningful by day. It is pocble to get comfort from God and hope is also built. 6 years now since he passed on n although have not remarried as yet we are happy as a family. Miss my love n my son misses his dad but we are coping. God has given us faithful friends and family and we are greatful......expecting more from Him SO MY DEAR DONT LOOSE HOPE IN GOD. there is still a life ahead of you after all i know you young and beautiful.

User - posted on 05/12/2010

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My baby's daddy asked me how much money I needed to abort her... God provided a father for her and kept her safe. She was married at 29 and is now raising her own family! Where is God when we hurt? He's right here!! He hung on the gallows to prove once and for all, with pierced hands and blood stained face, that He is here, that He didn't create the hurt, but He came to take it away. When you hurt, God hurts with you. When no one listens to you, God listens to you. When you wipe away tears of loneliness or frustration or anguish, in heaven there's a pierced hand approaching a heavenly face wiping away a tear. Sometimes storms of life come to teach us that God is in control, that we must lean on Him and learn to be thankful for the richness of His blessings to us. I walked life in your shoes and trusted God. It wasn't easy, but, through it all I saw the hand of Jesus guiding me. He still does... Open your heart to Him... He's listening... He loves you so very much! Max Lucado

Alicia - posted on 05/12/2010

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It is so hard to explain to them, I know it is with my daughter. My story is different, her real father left us, I met someone new, started a family, got engaged, he adopted her and that is who she knew has daddy! She was almost 3 when he died, and she now is four. She remembers him and comes up with some crazy unexplainable stories how her daddy visits her in her dreams. I am not quite sure what your daughters father did, but mine was a brick layer. My daughter Mariyah, tells everyone that God sent down an angel to ask her daddy if he would help build house, and he said yes. Now he to died in a car accident on christmas eve non the less. She cries for him every now and then, and things are hard to explain.

Now my cousins, her husband died when her youngest was a few months old. Now, he was a contractor, he had liver cancer. His son, he has two boys one of which is autistic, but the baby, who is now five tells people his father plants the trees for GOD.

Now let me just add that we let the children use their imagination, which we wonder is that really what they think? or is it really what is going on? I wont lie each day is a struggle but if it was not for our children, how would we go on? Follow your heart he will guide you the right way. It is very hard and I to cry a lot as well. Nothing is worse than having the police come to your door and let you know he'll never be home again! The pain will never go away, it never gets any easier. We just learn how to live with it. Now the child already knows, they are certainly going to ask questions dont lie about it to them, which I am sure you wont. Every night we pray to daddy and let him know were going to bed, so daddy can visit us in our dreams. As crazy as it may sound talk to him, if you believe, he'll hear you. Just look at it as he is your guardian angel now, going to lead you and your child down a safe road! if you need someone to talk to though shoot me a message or something. I have already been down this road, currently still am! Stay strong, let the tears roll, and keep your head up because your little girl now needs her mommy more than ever!

Dawgylvr - posted on 05/12/2010

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Oh sweetie! I don't even know what to say, because I have not been in your shoes. And I certainly won't even try to tell you it will get better or easier, because I have no idea how you feel. But I read your post and it brought tears to my eyes! I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss, for your daughter's loss and for the pain you are going through! I really do wish there was something I could say to you to make even a tiny bit of your pain go away. As for what you can tell your daughter...that part is easy. You just need to tell her the truth! That her daddy went to live in Heaven w/ Jesus and the Angels and he's watching over her and keeping her safe! And you don't have to wait until your daughter is 5 and asks about it. Start telling her NOW how lucky you were to have had such a wonderful man in your life, even though it was much too brief a time. As your daughter is growing, show her pictures of her daddy. Especially if you have pictures of her WITH her daddy! Always tell her how much her daddy loved her and cherished her and how great a father he was. That way she'll always grow up knowing her daddy may not be with her in body, but he loved her while he was on this earth with her and that he's always with her in spirit! I have a little boy who's daddy walked out on me when I was 6 weeks pregnant and I've never seen him again. I wonder every day what I will tell my little boy when he starts asking where his daddy is. Honestly, I think it would be easier to tell him his daddy went to Heaven than to have to tell him his daddy didn't want him. Of course I will NEVER tell my son that, but I am thankful I have a few more years to try to think of a better story!

I don't know what else to say, other than please just keep your head up! Do you live around family or close friends that you can talk too? Or maybe even spend some time at their house? Just so you aren't alone too much! I know being alone can make the pain and heartache even worse. Try surrounding yourself and your daughter with people who love both of you and talk to someone! Talk....Scream...Yell....Vent...get it all out! You shouldn't try to keep it all inside! I know you want to be strong for your daughter, but YOU need time to grieve, so if you have reliable people around you, let them babysit for you at times so you can spend some time by yourself. Let yourself cry! Go visit his grave and talk to him! I don't know you, but if you need to talk, please feel free to click on my profile and msg. me I can't say "I've been there" or "I know how you feel", because I don't! But sometimes it helps to just talk! Take care of yourself!!

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