His last name! Is he crazy!

Dana - posted on 02/11/2010 ( 60 moms have responded )

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Me and Tj had been together for eight years. He's not a good role model for anyone. He cheated on me a year and half before our eight years together and we tried to work it out but I never trusted him again. It was a lot more than a one night stand. He stole from me and from my mom and I finally kicked him out in December. I'm 25 weeks pregnant with my second child and because it's a boy this time he believes the baby should have his last name. He doesn't pay any kind of child support but likes to be involved with our daughter whenever he can. He's not a bad father when he has time for her. He has no car! I want the babies name to honor my father who passed away a year ago. We were never married and the relationship is really over! Am i wrong?????

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Samantha - posted on 02/22/2010

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You are not wrong in any way. My ex has 3 boys with his ex. So when I first told my daughter's father that we were having a girl, he said, "Wow, I didn't know I was capable of doing that!" And then he asked who's last name she would have since we were not married. I said that I hadn't decided yet. Then he said, "Well, it doesn't really matter anyways because it's a girl." It's his first girl. All throughout my pregnancy he kept saying how he wants to be a part of her life and he doesn't wanna miss out on anything. He came to the hospital the day we were leaving. She was 2 days old. He held her for 2 minutes and gave her back to me. He never offered to buy her any diapers or clothes or anything. I haven't seen or heard from him since then, and she is now 2 months old. She has my last name. I had a gut feeling that he wouldn't be around for her, and I thought that she should have my name. Do whatever you feel is right.

Margaret - posted on 02/21/2010

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Not at all... But who's last name does your daughter have??? there will be a lot pf questions later on if they have different last names and the same parents.

Carla - posted on 02/19/2010

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I'm not an attorney but I don't see why they would make you legally change it. The only thing the state will do is put his name on your son's birth certificate. There are too many kids with their mom's last name to make me think a judge would make you change your son's name after the paternity test. I'm sure if my daughter's father could have made me change my daughter's last name he would have just to spite me.

Kimberly - posted on 02/19/2010

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I am having a similar problem but he's been denying my son through my whole pregnancy and after he was born, can the judge make you legally change it? Cause I gave him my maiden name. But he wants to do a paternity test to prove Landen (my son) is his and than have it legally changed. I don't think it's fair if he hasn't yet helped me with anything.

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Dana - posted on 02/23/2010

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I told him today that the baby would have my last name and it's not up for any discussion.I really feel that if he made a commitment to love me and cherish me forever he would deserve to have his name passed down. I will be the one bringing him to the hospital. Driving him to daycare everyday and budgiting our life so we can have nice things. I have to put all the work in while he gets to enjoy the baby on the weekend. How fair is that? Not at all!!! So, The baby will have MY LAST NAME! THANK YOU ALL!!!

Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2010

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You can give your little one the last name that you want. Your not married to him so it is your choice. I am a single mother and my little guy has my last name which make my father happer because his last name will carry on. So give you little guy the last name that you want. My son's father is not part of his life by his choice and i told him that he wil have my last name because we are not married. So give him the name to honor your father I am sure your father would greatly enjoying knowing that the last name will carry on and will be honored.

Carla - posted on 02/19/2010

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To the person that had the military husband that got someone else pregnant...sorry but I would have made sure his career went up in smoke.

Carla - posted on 02/19/2010

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I don't know how it works in your state but I know for a fact that in VA if the DNA test proves paternity the state puts the dad's name on the birth certificate whether you or the dad likes it or not. It happened to me -- my daughter has my last name and although her father never signed the birth certificate, his name is still on there. I'd keep the original copy that didn't have his name on it just to make it easier to register for day care. I hate having to explain to anyone that I don't know where he is and I haven't spoken to him since my 8 year old was 5 months old.

Nicole - posted on 02/19/2010

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15 years of on/off and we wanted his son too to have his name-separated at time of birth,listed as father but named child mine-we both have the same name on our medicare card,only boy to carry on my fathers family name as other sisters married...Has nothing to do with in his life-At one stage asked-I went to the trouble of finding out how and we needed $76(going back afew yrs) to change-Never got the money and never brought up again

Lisa - posted on 02/18/2010

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totally your decision, and who can blame you for not wanting to give the baby his name? I gave both my kids their fathers last names, and with my son I dont mind so much because he saw him on a regular basis and paid child support, although he was an ass to me. My daughter I completely regret because he is not in the picture at all, doesnt pay anything, and her last name is like we pulled something out of a hat because he's not around for anyone to know why she even has the name. I've been thinking about having it changed legally for sometime now...........

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2010

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I gave my daughter her father's last name becaues I felt that was the right thing to do. I also had him sign the papers that he was her father so his name could be on the birth certificate. Well it was a mistake because he ended up taking his name off the birth certificate and I was told I was not allowed to change her name to mine, so now my daughter has the last name of a person whose name is not even on her birth certificate. So I would not give your son his father's last name unless you two are going to be getting together and having a life together.

Susan - posted on 02/17/2010

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If he had no problem with his daughter not have his last name, why should a son be more important. It will be very confusing to the childern, later, if one has his name and one doesn't.

Mary - posted on 02/17/2010

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The number one thing i regret the most when it comes to my son is giving him his father's name... he caught me in a moment of weakness, after stringing me along and hiding shit and lying to me and somehow still convinced me to give his name to my son... It is something i would tell all mother's.... if the man changes later on in life, the name can always be changed... but don't give him something that precious if he is not worthy of it when your child is born!!!

Mandy - posted on 02/17/2010

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No- I dont think you wrong at all. If your thinking about it.... Let the baby have your last name... and in the end if you guys work things out and he does become a dad instead of just a sperm donor.... then you can legally get it changed its not hard to do at all.

Janelle - posted on 02/17/2010

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Your not wrong...youll have him everyday and if you want to honor your father than do that. Do what you know is right and that is to give him your last name.

Kelly - posted on 02/17/2010

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Your not wrong, all though if he fights this then they will hyphenate his last name on to your babies name. Just as long as the child knows who their bio-logical father is so that they dont feel hurt when they are older, thats what I had to do.

Karissa - posted on 02/17/2010

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Absolutely not! I believe that if a father wants their children to have their last name they had best be buying me a ring. without a commitment that child is under your care not his and the way it sounds he only wants to be a father when it is convenient but that is not how it works. In my opinion give the baby your dad's name and i think that is soooo cool that you want to do that for your dad. Besides you dont want to look back and regret the name you chose. Good Luck and God Bless!

Georgia - posted on 02/17/2010

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i say you should follow your heart AND your brains, if they dont agree ponder it until something comes to you. im under age, and my family hates my babies father and pressured me into not putting his last name. but at first i thought it would be the best choice.. since then im happy i haven't.. so its really up to you..

Summer - posted on 02/17/2010

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I would first like to say do what you believe will be best for your children. Having different last names than each other causes strain- I know this from experience. Second- he is not a bad father when he has time for her? That's like saying he plays ball when he gets a chance. Parenting is 24/7 not when they have time. It's not a "job" or a hobby it's a life. That's it.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/17/2010

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i was always told you would name him after the father if he was worthy, a man you wanted your child to be like.my sons father was the same way.when i was 6 moths pregnant he went to jail for purse snatching and some other drug related charge.i never named my son after him, thanks goodness because now my son's father is a theiving, lying drug addict-definatly someone i wouldnt want to name my child after...

Liz - posted on 02/17/2010

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Trust me on this, give him your last name...I was in a similar situation (not married, having a baby with my long distance boyfriend who had no intentions of moving, etc..)I had several close friends tell me to give the baby my last name because it is much easier to have it changed to his last name later (if u ever wanted to) than the other way around. Yes, these friends had been through court trying to get the names changed to theres after the fact. Anyways, I gave my son my last name and I have NEVER EVER regretted my decision. He lives with me full time, so why shouldnt he have my last name, it will make things easier once he starts school, etc. Dont let him pressure you, do what u think is right. YOU are the one that will be filling out the paper work at the hospital :)

Amber - posted on 02/17/2010

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no, youre not wrong... This is what I told my daughters dad, flat out...

we are not married. I do not have your lasst name. once you decide IM WORTH THE COMMITMENT, and I GET your lat name... then she can, until then... no.

Joy - posted on 02/16/2010

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So do you ask yourself why you allowed this man to get you pregnant a second time still unmarried and still irresponsible it is just as much his child as it is yours and you knew what he was like prior to having sex with him unprotected and getting pregnant a second time. The choices is yours undoubtably and unless there is a paternity test on your children he probably by law is not obligated to pay child support. You can whine and moan all you want but you allowed this. I hope for your childrens sake you find a friendship with this man unless he is physically abusive. Our children suffer from our decisions not the other way around. God bless you and your family

Genetazia - posted on 02/16/2010

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your not worng i feel the same way. I gave our son both of our last names; he was mad at first but i didn't care.

Danielle - posted on 02/16/2010

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My daughter's father did the same thing. He said he wanted his name to live on for a while, but we were never together and I thought I was nuts for telling him no at first too...but you are his legal guardian and you can choose.

Diana - posted on 02/16/2010

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No, you are not wrong! I just went through the last name drama in a different way though. My daughter refused to be acknowledged by her last name! After all was said and done, I decided that I was raising them on my own, with no assistance from him and legally had their last names changed. It is a lot of hassle to do. Go with your gut instinct, if you want to use your last name, then do it now and avoid all the hassle and expense later on!

Monica - posted on 02/16/2010

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It's really not your choice no matter if he's not the greatest father he is still the father and you cannot deny your child the right to have his last name. With time and as your child gets older he can make the decision to have have his name changed.

[deleted account]

I think that you should think of the rest of his family.. Are they involved with your daughter? Does she have his last name? I have a similar situation with my son's father.. I gave my son his last name because he was the only one to carry on the family name.. It's up to you.. I don't regret my decision because my son's father came around and has become a wonderful father though he was a terrible boyfriend..

Samantha - posted on 02/15/2010

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No I don't think your wrong I think it's your decision I know a girl that has 2 boy there biological brothers but there mother gave the second child her last last name, b/c he didn't claim the second child as his until a DNA test proved that that child was his but he still doesn't have anything to do with either one of the boys and she's raising them both on her own

Fran - posted on 02/15/2010

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Gave my lil girl MY last name after lots ov Rows wiv the Dad... The actual Registra said as we not married it easier to have His name added & new Birth Certificate If/Wen we got married which never happened & it sooo better for me & my lil girl to have same last name, stand by ur guns & honour ur dad (rip) xxx

Alnisa - posted on 02/15/2010

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i'm not understanding...Does the girl has his last name?..and if she doesn't and it wasn't important to him for jher to have it then it shouldn't be that important for the boy..i have a son and he carries my fathers last name for the same reasons you want your son to carry your fathers last name. I just felt like my son should carry my families name. These men want their boys to carry their names for braggin rights only and it just discusts me. Also, is his last name his fathers last name?..Because if its not, then your won't be carrying around any heritage, he'll just be carrying around a name. at least with our fathers name there is some history.

Crystal - posted on 02/15/2010

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i gave my 10 week old daughter my last name.....they told me it would be easier to add his name to the birth cert. later (if i decide to do so ) than it is to have his name taken off if i wanted to change her name....plus im finding out that when the dad is not involved it is much easier for me to get things for her like a passport( if his name had been listed then to get her birth cert. he and i both MUST be present to get it....since its not, only i have to show) and other situations like this! if she decides later she wants his name she can add it! but for now not being married i wanted she and i to have the same last name!! check with your state laws....i got most of my info at the hospitel i gave birth at! they get these kinds of questions a lot! good luck. and i have a friend that added his name and some 5 years later (when he has not seen the kid since the day he was born) dosent call or ask about her, nothing! showed up and took mom to court and got visitation just cuz his name was listed (he still does not show up, no child support anything, but trys to make her come stay with him every other holiday!!
good luck with everything though

Valerie - posted on 02/14/2010

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nah your not wrong...this is your decision...you are the one carrying the baby its your choice.

Kristina - posted on 02/14/2010

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I had a similar experience and I didn't allow the father in for the birth of our 2nd child since during my pregnancy he put me through a lot of hell and he wasn't around-having a good ol' time. He wouldn't sign the paternity of avidavit after our 2nd daughter was born and wanted to do genetic testing to prove paternity.What a winner! I made the decision to give her my last name and he wasn't too happy. The only problem is that my two daughters have different last names-mine and his. You are not wrong!

Jocelyn - posted on 02/14/2010

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I had a very simular situation as you. In the end, I am not married and I am the one taking care of our children so they have my last name. I went further and actually excluded him from the birth certificate too. But we had a really bad relationship that went on for too long. I have been free for 8+ years now. Good luck girl, I think you already know the answer to your question, and I support you in your decision.

KARMEN - posted on 02/14/2010

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YOU ARE NOT WRONG AT ALL, DANA. YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO HIM. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE THE BABY HIS LAST NAME. YOU ARE THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER SO GIVE HIM YOUR LAST NAME. I KNEW WHEN I HAD MY SON 6 YEARS AGO, I KNEW I WASN'T GOING TO GIVE HIM HIS FATHER LAST NAME. HE DIDN'T DESERVE THAT RIGHT. I RAISE MY SON BY MYSELF AND HE IS NAMED AFTER ME, THE ONLY PARENT HE KNOWS. HOPE THIS REPLY HELPS YOU.

Lucy - posted on 02/14/2010

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No I don't believe your wrong darl, how stupid to want his son given his last name just for that reason, his son! I believe that if the guy can't be arsed to do the normal relationship thing and NOT cheat and lie and steal from you then he has no right at all. But since we now live in a morally saddistic society today its hard to do what is 'right', get some good advice,



Lucy (a fairly lucky single mum)

Amanda - posted on 02/14/2010

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Theres nothing wrong woth that. I was 5 months pregnant and married to my husband when he left me for a whore who is currently pregnant and due june 13. Hes NEVER seen our son, I was still married in sept when my son was born and I gave him my last name, even my sons little military ID says Mason Lee Spears and still but his fathers name on the birth certificate. Your the mom and he can have whatever last name you want.

Dara - posted on 02/14/2010

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God, I just wouldnt want myself and my children to have different last names. It will lead to questions in the future for a start. I was so upset when my ex wouldnt sign for our daughter at the time... i had to give her my name. what a blessing now though, ten years later, he is long gone.

[deleted account]

I can't tell you what is right or wrong. I can't tell you what to do. But I can say this, every human being have five senses but only WOMEN have a sixth sense about things. Trusts that, and you will do fine.

Ashley - posted on 02/13/2010

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its nothing wrong with your kid having your last name i went through the same battle with my baby daddy and i told him up front you dont see your daughter everyday lik i do i provide for her so she will hav my last name he diodnt lik it but he got ova it real fasy lo he had no choice lol

Bevan - posted on 02/13/2010

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NO..you are 100% right!!! I recently gave my son MY LAST NAME...to honor my father!! go with your instinct and give him your NAME. YOUR the primary caregiver financially and emotionally!

Guadalupe - posted on 02/12/2010

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If your ex is that much of a disgrace then don't pass on that disgrace to your child. Honor your Father who portrayed a "Real Man" image. You are worth a hell of a lot more than your ex, just remember he went too far your only fixing the problem.

Carrie - posted on 02/12/2010

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I don't think you are wrong @ all! I wish that I had given my first son my last name. We where together for 5yrs & yes like u we had crazy times but I was talked into giving my son his last name! Needless to say he has not seen my son since he was 2months old & he's 6 1/2 now. Its sooo hard to get their name changed after the fact! We have spent over $1000 & a lawyer with no success. Easier to have your last name & change it to his later. if you decide! Hope this helps!?!

Emily - posted on 02/12/2010

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No...your not really wrong...i was in the same situation with my kids...but my kids have my last name...because neither of their daddys where there for theirs births...so of course they have my last name...but now...their daddys want to be on the birth certifiacte's and want them to have their last names....BUT i told them...that in order for me to change my childs last name to theirs is for them to show me that they are going to be A+++++ daddys!!..Because i have been there from the start and i like my kids to have my last name brcause of the fact that im the only one thats has been there COMPLETELY from the beginning...so i guess my advice to you is...its up to you what to name your child...because at the hospital..the mothers are in charge really. But if he does want to debate you on it...then id make him work for the last name!!...But you said that he was an ok daddy...so it shouldnt be to hard for him to show you that the little boy deserves his last name=]..I hope this helped a little bit?!=]

Princess - posted on 02/11/2010

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You are not wrong. I changed my son's last name to mine once his father decided to not be apart of his life. I wanted my son to feel like he belonged. I felt that if his last name was different from mine, my parents and brothers (since I lived with them) it would cause more confusion for him. He has and will go through issues because his dad is not a part of his life and having his dad's last name will be a constent reminder of his father walking out on him. I wanted him to have a last name he could be proud of and when he hears it he could have positive visions of family, HIS family. The Jackson Family :-).

Crystal - posted on 02/11/2010

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It depends on what the laws say in your state. You have all rights to your child so if you want him to have your father's last name more power to ya!! BOTH of my boy have my last name, I have never been married, I told their fathers that if they were active in their lives that when they get older.....18 or older......if they chose to take their father's last name I would be behind them. My youngest is 6 months old and his father made it a huge deal when I was pregnant that since I was having a boy he should have his last name. Well, he is not god, nor does he deserve to be treated like god! Just because he helped make my son does not make him a father. He is like your ex, not a good role model for anyone!!!! When I explained to him what I was going to do about the last name he was upset but since then has not said anything about it. I would not change a thing!! My older son is 6 1/2 and when it comes to school and things they ask him about home life....mommies name.....he knows we all have the same last name. It's just easier for him. His father is very active in his life and pays support however, he does not have the same closeness I have with my son as I do. Plus he was absent from his life for about 3 years. My 6 month old's "dad" has not been a part of his life at all. He made it seem to me and everyone else that we would be parenting together and was excited about being a father-for the first time-and watching his son grow up, but has since changed his mind. I am glad my son has my last name because of that reason alone. Just think things over. If you are dead set on having your son have your father's name- GO FOR IT! Don't let anyone talk you into it or out of it. I hope this has been helpful. Good luck!

Hilary - posted on 02/11/2010

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I gave my son my last name when his father wanted him to have his, because we aren't married and were never together and he hasn't even seen his son in 6 months so I think I made the right choice. I did end up putting his fathers last name as a second middle name so he knows where he came from, but it is not neccessary, in my opinion to give your child the father's last name just because you're going to have a boy. Just do what feels right.

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