How can I leave the state to be with my family if my baby's dad won't let me?

Sherry - posted on 06/06/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

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My daughters father and i do not get along at all. I'm pregnant with his second baby and he refuses to accept that it is his and will not help me at all. I get a year maturnity leave from my job and want to spend it with my family in another state but he keeps threatening me that i can't take his daughter. Do i have the right to take her out of state for a year?

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Rebecca - posted on 06/19/2010

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when I spoke with my lawyer about this after I separated from my ex (at the time we had an 18mth old, now she's close to 3) the lawyer told me that if he has any time with the child, & I want to move state, if he refused to "let" me, I would have to go thru court to petition to do it, even as primary carer. & the courts would probably allow me to do it, however I would have to travel back/allow him as much father/daughter time as they get now.
I too moved interstate for my partner, so have no family where I am & would love to move home, but for now it's just not possible.
the lawyer did say as the children get older & can travel on planes, etc for school holidays, that is an alternative, but for now I just have to sit tight.
good luck - I totally feel your pain!!

Tonya - posted on 07/26/2011

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Get a restraining order against him. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical. ABUSE is ABUSE no matter how you look at it. You did not say if you were married to him or not. Either way pack your stuff and get out. You can stay in a shelter for battered women once you get a protective order he should be made to leave then come back for the rest of your stuff with family and do not look back. Is this how you want your children to think life is suppose to be about where women have to put up with crap that men do while being stupid. Sorry for being so blunt. Yes I also agree you should seek legal advice first but if you are being mentally abused you need out. Good luck hope this helps

Adrianne L - posted on 11/09/2013

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Hello :)
I need some honest legal advice & glad I found u. I had an all day Trial court hearing 2day & I've had the help from my parents, who drove from Or. & they hired us a pretty expensive & reputable attorney about 1-2 months ago here in San Diego, California. My parents came 2 stand trial in the support of helping me obtain a move away order 2 take my daughter back 2 Or. So I can properly care 4 my beautiful 6yr old w/ family love & support. Her father quit paying child support 4 months ago per our verbal agreement we've been doing over 1 & 1/2yrs All since his GF & her 11yr old daughter moved here from Or.... :/ The judge had a hard time decinding & went in favor of him @ the end... My question is, He's made Spice & BathSalts/ designer drugs & a lot of $$, but yet Denied it on the stay saying he's never "bought or sold Spice & BathSalts". By the way, my Hired attorney did not show up & sent a replacement on his behalf... Extremely upset about this, but I have proof he DID in fact sell & buy these nasty products & I have my proof of his sales & invoices... Can I do something ASAP 2 get him 4 perjury....???? & do u think my move away order whould be given in spite of the proof of perjury...? Thanks 4 taking the time 2 read this & hope 2 get a positive reply :) ♥

JPatrick - posted on 10/16/2013

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Leeha -- Do you have a custody order in place? Has paternity been estabilshed by court order, and is there a visitation or custody order that mentions him? If so, you will need to abide by the order or petition for a modification. Does the father know of the child or care whether he stays in-state? If he would consent, then you should have no issues leaving, but it is impossible to advise not knowing the particualrs of your situation.

Melissa - posted on 01/13/2014

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I'm going through something similar. I've spent $15,000 this year trying to relocate my son 100 miles south of where he currently lives in FL and with it now in the appeal process all I can say is good luck. FL law states you can not move more than 50 miles away from the child's established residence. So if an ex stays in the area you previously lived and wants the child to be close it is very very very hard to get a FL judge to rule in your favor.

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Leeha - posted on 10/08/2013

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i am a young mother I have a 5 year old and his father has nothing to do with him. I am wanting to leave the state of fl to live by my sister in Wv and I called the clerk of courts and asked if they could give me some information on if I was legally allowed to leave and they said that they cant give legal advice.. so im lost on what to do

Laura - posted on 07/31/2011

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I'm pretty sure that unless there is no court order, you are free to go. Depending on your state, you should be fine. Also, if he isnt on the first baby's birth certificate you definitely can go. You seem to have legitimate reasons for leaving so most likely it would be supported in court.

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Lol...Omgoodness child this sounds exactly like my situation...I feel for y' girl,except I'm not leaving to stay with family I want to leave for better career opportunities,and starting ovr basically! How far along? I'm due August 26th here in a few weeks! Very exciting, but very stressful I feel for you..My ex and I as well were on a turning point one minute then back to square one and hated eachother...Sometimes you just have to bite the tongue,hold all negativity and do whats right for your child..Unfortunately I do not have a law degree so i do not want to advise you as far as leaving..I would speak to an attorney on what YOUR rights,and HIS rights are..Does he pay child support?Does he see the child,an active participant in the childs life? An attorney can give you all the family laws according to your state- It has come to the point with my ex now, where my daughter speaks to him and If he wants to schedule seeing her? I make it very brief,and to the point..It's hurtful sometimes, but once you do this for your sanity as well as yoru childs? All else will fall into place! I hope this helps.

Jacks - posted on 07/29/2011

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i had the same concern and like all the other post say the laws are different in every state and every case is different with out all the facts it is hard to say. i had the same question i am moving and the ex said that i cant what i did was got on the net and did some research which is how i found out that all states have different laws. so then i started calling lawyers and got their advice and one lawyer would say one thing and the next lawyer would say something different. so when i went for the divorce the ex stated that i was moving to another state the judge plan out said that we are not here for that we are here for the divorce lucky for me the judge remember giving me full custody of the children and then stated that since i have full custody there is nothing he can do about me moving besides hiring a lawyer and proving that he has changed so my advice would be get a lawyer and take him to court so you dont get in trouble.good luck

Angela - posted on 03/29/2011

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Here is what I would do. Take your daughter with you. File for divorce while you are gone. IF he takes you to court over custody just let them know how emotionally abusvie he was toward you and that you felt it was the safest option for you and your children.

Rebecca - posted on 06/19/2010

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I hadn't read all the replies before posting my last statement, but I want you to know that even if you can't leave the state, I FULLY support your wanting to leave an abusive relationship. it's not good for you, but also not good for your children to see it. all 3 of you deserve a better life.
I live in Aust, so if you're in US maybe things are different over there, so yes - seek legal advise now, before the baby is born so that you have all the info.
good luck!!

Jessica - posted on 06/17/2010

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Emotional abuse is a a form of domestic violence. You have rights to protect yourself and your children from this. If metro wont help you go to your local Domestic Violence shelter and file a restraining order against him then he will have to leave. I understand that finding a babysitter for these hours is difficult but go to your local child welfare office and they should be able to help you find a sitter for these hours and possibly help paying for it. Good luck.

Jeanette - posted on 06/17/2010

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i michigan if you are unmarried the mother has full custody even if the fathers name is on the birth certificate its in the papers they give parents about establishing paternity

Tracey - posted on 06/16/2010

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Hi Shelly, I agree with the other moms, the laws very from state to state.......when i wanted to move, my daughter's father said he was going to take her and I would never see her again......I HAVE FULL CUSTODY of both my daughters and if you have that there is nothing he can say........I wish you the best of luck!!

Alicia - posted on 06/16/2010

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If there is no legal custody agreement, then by all means, go. If you have one in place, you will need a judge's permission to allow you to leave the state, most likely. I say most likely because the stipulation that the custodial parent not leave the state is usually present in most custody documents. You should get an attorney.

Brittany - posted on 06/14/2010

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well if you two are not married or anything like that he has no rights to her because when the baby was born you are the legal parent to her not him and you can take that baby wherever you see fit that is how it works in florida and they have to fight for rights the are not just given to them but i would ask a lawyer to make shure

Erin - posted on 06/12/2010

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Why are you waiting until August to go be with your family? After checking your state's laws, and IF you are in the clear, then GO NOW!!!

I live in the state of Maine, and I will soon be going through this with my daughter's father, but there are no rules stopping me from going. As long as we don't have a court ordered custody agreement, there is nothing stopping EITHER parent from taking her out of state. I'm lucky in the fact that he's not smart enough to know this, and if he does, he knows I'll hunt him down and kill him for taking my baby away from me!!

Victoria - posted on 06/11/2010

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I know how you feel, I Live in NY too and i went through hell and back to try and get the judge to let me leave state with my boys and i still lost

Maria - posted on 06/11/2010

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well i just moved out of NY with my son and it wasnt that bad. we now live in NH

Shawn - posted on 06/10/2010

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i dont know where u live but if ur in NY and he is refusing the answer is NO! im not trying to be harsh or mean but i have just spent the last four yrs of my life-my son was 2 when this nonsense started. i had a trial in family court and lost and then we appealed the decision and got the answer just last week. NY is one of the hardest states to move out of with a child. it has been pysically and emotionally draining. i am just trying to save u money and heartache, i wish someone had warned me

good luck.

Maria - posted on 06/09/2010

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i literally JUST went through this.

i was raising my son in an unhealthy dangerous household with his father, so when he was 2 months old i moved out of state to be closer to my family.

All states have different laws, but where I was the child's "home state" is where you and the child have been residing for the past 6 months and in the case that the baby is less than 6 months (like me) the home state is where the baby was born.

with this being said it was technically illegal for me to take my son out of an abusive home without his fathers consent.

i waited for him to take me to court so i could plead my case. we ended up coming up with a visitation schedule (which the father doesnt follow).

if i had known all of this before i fled the state i would have done things differently.

You can file a Petition For Relocation at your local Family Court. you will have to fill out some paper work and tell the judge why you want to leave, your daughter is in a dysfuntional home and you need to be around a stable support system to help you with your children.

Also if the second baby is his and is "accidently" born out-of-state (on a visit or whatever) then technically the home state of your second child will be the desired state and your case will drastically change.

Chrissy - posted on 06/09/2010

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He can do something if you leave with your children, if he is on the birth certificate, he can take you to court for kidnapping. I would seek legal advise before you do leave the state. Every state is different and may look bad on you if you do leave with them (personal experience is talking)....I hope that everything goes well for you.

Karen - posted on 06/08/2010

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Hello Sherry. How are you? If there is no binding court order, then you are allowed to go spend time with your family. When you move out, go after him for child support. he is probably threatening you because he does not want to pay child support. Don't tell him about you going for child suport because he might move without telling you. Just let the court serve him. I wish you the best of luck with everything.

Alicia - posted on 06/08/2010

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I just read the other post...guess I should have read it all first. If I was in your situation I would pack up and leave, everything is in your name, so shut it off. But, I do have to stress if you have been to court for custody seek legal advice, if not, then there is nothing he can do.

Alicia - posted on 06/08/2010

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The best thing to do would be to seek leagal advice. If you have not been to court over custody, then you can go. But if you have you need to call and talk to a lawyer, and may have to petition the court so you can move.

Emily - posted on 06/08/2010

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I know as long as yall dont have no custody agreement...Then yess..you can take her....they only way you would not be able to go is if he takes you to court...if you do leave..he would have to go petion the court to make you bring her back=]....ive been there before..lol=]

Bridgette - posted on 06/07/2010

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state laws differ, call the friend of the court in your area our , go to your states website.
you can also ask the courts if you may go for this visit.
if you have visiting time set up though the courts for your daughter, you do not want to find yourself in contempt..
I hate to say this, they arent to strict on that where I live.its sad for the fathers that really are trying to be a good dad!
having hte right ..and doing what is right for your child are really 2 different things..
I understand fully what your going though about him not wanting to be there for your unborn baby...but being there for your otehr child, i'm going through the same..but, is he a good father to your daughter and, will it hurt her if she is not with him for a year?
if she is use to being with him a lot, you might want to think about that 1.
is it very far away? can you meet him half way for visitation?

Candice - posted on 06/06/2010

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" i heard that mothers automatically have full custody of their child until the father fights it in court"

that rule may not apply if you live together when the child is born. If i were you, i would leave before the child is born. then he can't stop you.

Michelle - posted on 06/06/2010

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Start documenting the abuse and saving to move. Can any family come be with you after you deliver to help you leave him? If bills are in your name, make sure he has no claim to make on any of them.
Most men plan a divorce at least 6 months before they announce which is why they often win, you need to be savvy too.

Sherry - posted on 06/06/2010

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Thanks Caroline for the reply. I'm the bread winner and he knows i need him to watch our daughter so i can go to work every night ...i work graveyard so its hard to find a sitter for those hours. i know he is using me for all i got. every bill is in my name including the house, he drives my brand new vehicle everyday to work leaving me stranded w/o a car everyday. I could go on complaining about him forever but the bottom line is i treid to make him move out i even called metro on him and they did not help me so now he knows there is nothing i can do. He is very emotionally abusive towards me but io don't know how to handle it properly to protect my baby girl so i've been just dealing with it. I figure since my maturnity leave is coming up this is my chance to get away from him but he keeps telling me i can go but i'm not taking our daughter. i'm really seeking some help here. Thanks

Sherry - posted on 06/06/2010

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Thanks Jessica! Right now we still live together but i plan on leaving him when i go on maturnity leave in August. But i heard that mothers automatically have full custody of their child until the father fights it in court. Also I did talk to a lawyer a while back and he pretty much said the same thing that it would be up to the father to fight me in court or not.

Caroline - posted on 06/06/2010

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The best thing to do is to seek a lawyer advice. But why don't he want you to take his daughter out of the state? And you are going to spend some time with your family what's wrong with that.I have to ask you another question. Why do you stay with him if you guys don't get along?With all that you have going on in your life girl you don't need a man like that in your life. You need to move on and make life for you and your children.You need a man who will love you and respect you.And not treat you like his child.

Jessi - posted on 06/06/2010

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does he have legal rights to her? this is something you may want to talk to a legal advisor on. if you have joint custody than yes he has the right to say she can't go but if he's only allowed visitation then i don't know.

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