How do I deal with being a single mom?

Catrena - posted on 01/31/2010 ( 38 moms have responded )

2

77

0

It's really hard being a single mom. The father is really dumb and I do not like him at all. He has did things to me and hurt me and my daughter. What do I do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lawanda - posted on 01/31/2010

3

25

0

i pray about it and try to have lots of patience.i let my kids know that im there for them 100%and that even though there dad is not here they should never feel like they have less or is missing out on something because hes not around,i tell them thats hes the one missing out on the 2 most important people that he will ever meet or know in his life and that its his loss because no matter what they will successful in life and know that im always gonna be there cheering for them.and that i will always give them the best and my all.

Wendy - posted on 02/05/2010

3

15

0

Love your daughter, do what you need to do to take care of the cost of living, and push every thought about him and his foolishness out of your head. Remain focused on your family (you and your daughter). My daughter's father left me when I was 7 months pregnant. He has not been around and has never paid any child support. My daughter is now 7 years old, in first grade at a good school making straight As. It was hard emotionally on me the first year or two, but I had to learn to love myself and forgive myself for even allowing such a man in my life. Do that for yourself!

Shelly - posted on 02/04/2010

16

5

2

If he doesn't want to be there, don't want him to be. Being a single mom is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do when the father doesn't want to be there. I was married to my son's father and he was never there for him (even though he got me pregnant because he wanted a child and he thought that way I wouldn't leave him). My daughter has never met her father. My kids are basically pretty good, other than my son has "issues" as I call them. He has Asperger's and ADHD. I know it is better for my children to be with me than going with someone that doesn't want them there in the first place. Your daughter will grow up loving you and she will know that you are there for her. No matter how much I don't like either of my children's fathers, I never say anything bad about them because that will only make me look bad.

Cassandra - posted on 02/04/2010

2

14

0

Just put your little one first. Don't worry about the father he isn't worth it. Never talk bad about him. Kids are smart they will know whats going on. Always be there for them no matter what. There will be good times and bad. If you have a good support system ask for help if you need it. I'm a single mother of 4 ages ranging from 16 to 4 and we get by. You can do it too!! Most important love them.

Kimberley - posted on 02/04/2010

13

13

0

make sure you always put the wee one first, and you will find the strength to be a brilliant mummy, i didn't think i could do, but 2 and a half years later i couldn't imagine doing it any other way. be strong and stay positive, and like the others have said ask for help when you need it. :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

38 Comments

View replies by

Macon - posted on 02/14/2010

8

23

0

You don't have to like him. I am going through the same thing. You just have to think about what is best for your child, and keep your own personal feelings seperate. Cause no matter what is going on with you and the father, your child is innocent in all of this. If he has physically hurt your daughter then he shouldn't be around her. Being a single mom is hard. There is no way to sugar coat that. But now you have a reason to work hard at being the best parent you can be. Just remember the rewards will be great.

Tricia - posted on 02/11/2010

4

9

0

Put your child first and build a network of friends that are willing to help you out. The toughest thing about being a single mom is that you rarely get time to nurture yourself. However, this is imperative to being the best mom you can be. So gather your friends and family and make a plan for you to get "you" time at least once or twice a month. Stay strong and determined and never forget that your child is priority #1. I wish you the best.

Jenelle - posted on 02/10/2010

7

4

1

An addition to everyone elses comments. All I can say is that no matter how much I don't like my daughter's father, I do NOT say anything bad about him in front of her. In fact I try to not talk about him at all, so I don't have to worry about questions and getting into indepth conversations about him with her. My only advice, DO NOT speak poorly about your childs dad in front of your child. Be the bigger person here, your child will respect you for it. And this comes from someone who's ex told her child that "mommy doesn't like daddy any more." Which she still brings up over 6 months later and asks me why. My answer is simply it's not something for her to worry about, it's something for grown ups to worry about.

Elissa - posted on 02/10/2010

2

0

0

You just do it :) There is no other choice, i left my ex when i was 3 months pregnant in hospital having my head stitched back up. I'm now a single mum, paying off my own home, working, studying at university and somehow im not sure how but somehow it all just seems to work out. The most important thing is to love your bub and do the best you can for her my son and i will be fine he is now almost 6 months old (his fathers never seen him, personally i dont think he would be a positive influence) i take the time to play with him and nurture him and thats all we can do. Just remember no matter how hard it gets your a mum and do whatever it takes to get through it for your littlle girl.

Bevan - posted on 02/09/2010

7

8

0

Always know that a single parent is better then having your child HURT by A MAN. Please keep strong for you daughter --you are all she has and she needs you to be the best you can be today, tomorrow and forever. YES it's hard, but woman do it every day..IT CAN BE DONE and YOU CAN DO IT.

Denise - posted on 02/09/2010

7

14

0

my baby dad was so sweet/nice to me every thing was great. 8 months pregnant he got back with his ex gf well ii dont live in the same caribbean with him but since the girl has in his life my baby his the one payin for her jealousy she doesnt want him to us when i call to say the baby was at the hospital she call me back to say his not a doctor.. i know how u feel i feel so bad so hurt inside when i see other kids with their dads well now the girl got pregnant it kinda hurt me in side cuz his with him being a father to y baby i ask my self wat did my baby do to his gf to be left without a father

Senobia - posted on 02/07/2010

22

8

4

What things? Physical things? If so, you put his ass in jail - that's what you do.



Otherwise, keep your distance.



And then you do what the rest of us do....the best you can where you are with what you have.

Natashi - posted on 02/05/2010

11

155

1

Just go on and take care of your daughter the best to your ability. i have been a single mother since 2005 and seen so much achievements that I have done by myself. Just have faith and make your daughter your focus. Do not allow peopel to talk negative to you just strive for the best and you will always achieve.

Nancy - posted on 02/05/2010

1

11

0

Many years ago I was in the same place as you. I devoted all my time to my daughter and after two years went back to work to support us ad make us a better life without his help. My going back to work helped show my daughter that good thngs come to those that work for it. We had a great life together even though we didn't have a lot. Love got us through, we grew up together and today we have a fabulous relationship. Be your child's mom and be strong. You can do this. And I agree with Angela. Never speak ill of your child's father. That serves no purpose. Make the best life you can for your child and you. It will pay off.

Stephanie - posted on 02/03/2010

1

12

0

im 18 && ive been a single mom since ii had my son; his dad comes around every now && then; but lately his been around ALOT; its not that hard to be a single, yu jus gotta give it time && things will fall in place && all get better; dont stress bout the little things; jus take it day by day && it all with better!!

Brittany - posted on 02/03/2010

1

20

0

Been there and done that girl. i have to little girls now 3 and 5 and I am single. My advice is be social. Being single isn't hard but it can be exhausting to joggle so much at one time. Just never stop living because your single and you have a child. we live once and make it your best. it is defently harder some days than others but thank god we wake up to a new day.

Jessica - posted on 02/03/2010

14

25

1

its hard but you gotta deal with things the best you can. i am a single mom & my sons father is pretty stupid esspecially when it comes 2 my son. he wants 2 take my son out ny himself but i refuse 2 let him. the only thing you can do is what YOU think is right for your child. nothing is better than a mothers instinct.

Rachael - posted on 02/03/2010

7

72

0

I am also a single mum and yes it is hard but at the end of the day it's the father missing out on the precious little moments not us!! I have a 19month old little & 2 weeks old twin girls he left me about a month before i was due to have the twins. Men don't realise what they're missing or what they've got til it's gone.

Maggie - posted on 02/03/2010

17

20

1

Don't even sweat him....move on because believe me if you are still bothering yourself with him...in the long run it will be a big waste of time.....he is not going to change...Concetrate on your daughter and yourself....

Niesha - posted on 02/02/2010

8

47

0

Girl FAITH. Never thought id be a single mom either. But For me its not hard, i wish i could have help a night though waking up when you have to be to work at 6:45 is rough!
But i say Pray and believe me it may not feel like GOD is listening but he is, and he is working. Things will start to get better trust me just do all you have to make sure lil momma has what she needs. She is the extra push you need. All the dumb STUFF and drama wont even matter anymore!
I say move on from the situation and wait for him to come around and do what he needs. Honestly when he see that you are doing this on your own and don't need a thing from him thats when he will come running. your main focus is your daughter because whats already DONE IS DONE! U slept with him you had a child and you just got to make the best of it. IM IN THE SAME BOAT but i love it!

Hayley - posted on 02/02/2010

6

23

0

I've been a single mom to my daughter her whole life. The father only saw her twice and it was his own choice he never wanted to come up to see her. He died by his own fault for drinking and driving he never cared about his daughter or never even bought her a single thing or gave her anything. Your baby is your first priority....if he's gonna hurt the baby then you need to do whats right for her. She is whats important.

Cathy - posted on 02/02/2010

1

14

0

im going through the same thing. i have a 10 month old who has only seen her dad 5 times since shes been born. it sucks dont get me wrong, but i deal with it everyday with the strength of god. he will relize how important his child is when he/she grows up and becomes something big in life. keep your head high and dont let it get you down. god will not put more on you than you can handle

Lori - posted on 02/02/2010

1

23

0

Being a single mother is hard I know from experience,all you can do is the best that you can do,and always be there for your little one,thats what they will remember and thats what counts.

TANYA - posted on 02/02/2010

2

20

0

JUS PRAY ON IT. hold ur head up high neva let him c u swat. neva cry n front of ur baby nrva let her hear u say negative things about him ( close ur door blast radio an curse him out). then go bac to that beautiful lil girl an b the best mom u no u can b. im a single mom of 3 (boys) an its heard as HELL but i tak it day by day with PRAYER. he dosent even come around or call unless i ask him to an im sick of tryn to get him to b a gud dad he shuld want to b NOT made to b. As my oldest ur daughter will c him for wat he is an will not want to c or talk to him.

Pennie Jo - posted on 02/01/2010

2

8

0

pray ALOT, ask for help, appreciate how strong it's making you, try to find the humor in stressful situations, use every possible resource available to you (shcool, work, church, financial aid, family, friends) , establish paternity early and ask for child-support because you both deserve it.

And remember if the father is not involved, that's an issue he needs to deal with. You just concentrate on you and your baby.

Sammi - posted on 02/01/2010

93

24

9

try and get support from family and friends... i know it is difficult at times but you will get through it. i hav just turned 18 and a single mum to my beautiful daughter Skye Ruby who is 4 months old. there have been some very difficult times but i have stuck through them with the thought 'it can only get better' in mind. and i have lots of friends and family members around me to support me. i will be moving out off my mums home soon aswell so me and my daughter will be living alone...

Yvette - posted on 02/01/2010

1

12

0

Focus on your child!!! And legally protect her (child support, custody, etc) and yourself. He seems to have alot of growing up to do. It is never easy being a single mother or the sole parent with sense but it will pay off for you and your baby girl in the end. The best you can do is be the best mother you can be. Make sure that you have an outlet as well to keep you sane.

Catrena - posted on 02/01/2010

2

77

0

Thanks you guys...that was really helpful to me. I needed that. My daughter always makes me smile thats how I get through my day all the time

Marlene - posted on 02/01/2010

4

20

0

I am a single mom my self. You need to focus on yourself and your child. Do things to empower yourself. No one should make you feel bad in any way. Stand up with your head up high and deal with the situations one day at a time.

Tricia - posted on 01/31/2010

36

24

6

I have been a single mother for seven years, and my son has never met his real father. It gets hard sometimes but the reward is well worth everything. I have an incredible son who holds my heart in his hand.....I would rather be by myself than have a man in his life that would hurt him, or not show interest. Just remember that we are strong, we will make it because our children depend on us. I hope you have a good support system in your family. Dont speak badly about him to your child or infront of them, they will make up their own opinion of their father and know how much you love them for always being there. Cry when you need, but always remember to smile and enjoy your baby. Good luck you can do it.

Emily - posted on 01/31/2010

76

24

13

I am in the same situation...but i see it as this...things go the way they are suppose to go...so he wasnt meant to be in yalls future...if he doesnt want to be there...then it is his lost...but she doesnt need her daddy if he chooses not to be there...all she needs is you=]...when 1 door closes...another 1 opens=]

Erica - posted on 01/31/2010

6

14

0

i agree with all the moms the father of my child has done so many things that were diffcult for me to deal with and then i ended up being a single mom i wanted Jaylin's father in her life 24-7 but he was not ready and like most guys ran from the situation and only sees her when it is convient for him and that really pisses me off he has missed so many of her "first" but in the end you will realize that most men in my opioin are there for the fun stuff but when reality hits they can not handle it so they run... i hate my babys father truly and that sucks i see him as a sperm donor that gave me the best mircle in my life so keep your head up and remember that your chid will love you more because you stayed and never left

DEMESHA - posted on 01/31/2010

26

22

0

being a single mom may be hard at times, but as a woman u gotta be strong for your kids.the dad will be the one hurting in the end not knowing whats going on or being able to see the child grow up. just be the best mom u can n do what u have to do thru it all...

Vicki - posted on 01/31/2010

1

33

0

my ex partner used 2 beat me n i stayed wit him untill he hit my son 4 tat i blame myself cz i didnt leave i wud tell u 2 leave him bein a single mum is hard but u cope because of ur child

Emma - posted on 01/31/2010

9

23

0

i have 2 daughters by 2 different dads and have brought them both up my self from day 1.my eldest is 8 years my youngest 10 wks and it can b very hard i know! but stay strong ask 4 help if u need it also cry if u want 2 but most of all love urslf as much as the kids and belive that u can do it cause we women were made 4 bin brilliant mummys.hope things go well and im here if u want 2 chat.xxx

Meagan - posted on 01/31/2010

30

12

0

just dont b a fool... i dont talk bad to my 4 yr old abt her dad even tho hes a major busta, i just b the best mom i can and i never go out of my way to make her see him...thats his job dont set yer kid up to fail by thinking hes around more than he would b if it was just up to him...i never let him get away with anything...im like just because u see your kid once or twice dont kid yourself into thinking u r a good dad..i make sure he knows his place...this is MY kid & my accomplishment & hes just LUCKY i dont bad mouth him & that he even knows this wonderful kid at all...just remember, u cannot make someone else b a parent...just forget trying to do his job and do yours u will b so proud of YOUR kid and yourself his lame @$$ wont mean a dang thing

Gail - posted on 01/31/2010

51

20

3

i have to agree with angela im in the same situation my son has seen his father probably 6 times in his seven weeks of life...it will be his loss when Gage grows up and doesnt know him...my struggles as a single mom and working mom mean nothing to his dead beat dad who does not have a job of any of that so ive quit worrying about that and put all my focus on my little guy...i DESPISE his father with everything in me but i also know that i have to thank him for the wonderful gift i now have in my life...

Angela - posted on 01/31/2010

27

15

4

you deal the best way you know how by putting your daughter first. dont worry about the father because he will just missout on everything while you get to watch your daughter play laugh and grow. if you have good family support then she wont miss him not being there. dont speak bad about her father either to her or in her presence it will backfire on you and make you out to be the bad guy. trust me when I say I know its going to be hard as a single parent , been there done that. I raised two children alone and I wouldnt trade on day of it for anything. Now their father is trying to get in their lives but hes meeting much resistance but thats his cross to bear. just love your daughter its all you can do........

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms