how do i deal with being left with my one month old son, the father left me for another woman.

Mackenzie - posted on 10/04/2009 ( 57 moms have responded )

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So right after i had my son, the father started staying out all night and leaving during the day, suspisious phone calls, and i caught him at 4 am driving around with another woman, now the break up has gotten messy and im so depressed over this im struggling with wanting to take care of my son. help???

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Hang in there! You are not alone, thousands of us are in the same boat. More than likely it has nothing to do w/ you, but him. Men have a hard time w/ faced w/ responsability. They
panic and act like a fool. Not all, there is still hope (I think). But once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. Do your best to move on and let it go. Turn to God like never before, seek the comfort of friends, and DO NOT seek revenge. It's hard but you gotta let it go. God bless!

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Julia - posted on 11/02/2009

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Honey- if he left u to be with another woman- be glad- because now you know what type of man you was dealing with. Better knowing sooner then later!

Jasmyn - posted on 10/11/2009

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GURL U DNT NEED HIM, IM RAISEN MY 1 YEAR OLD BY MYSELF.....THESE GUYS OUT HUR REALLY AINT SHYT BT HE'LL B BCK BT WEN HE DO DNT OPEN UP SO QUICK, U HAVE 2 OUT UR FOOT DOWN AND SHOW HIM U DNT NEED HIM.

Cassandra - posted on 10/11/2009

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hi my name is cassandra .if you need anyone to talk to you can talk to me.

Miranda - posted on 10/11/2009

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My bf was with a nother women my hole pregnancy and I thought hed never come back and I was ready to try to do it on my own with nothing!U can do it I promise hes now in jail and im alll alone with my 4 month son its hard but u can do it Just take things in stride stay strong for your son dont let him break you!

Sarah - posted on 10/11/2009

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I'm in the exact same situation. I feel for you. When I figure out how to make it feel better, I'll let you know. I'll pray for us until then.

Quita - posted on 10/11/2009

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To keep it 110% with you myoldest sons father did the same thing. Look dont down yourself for his wrong doing. If you believe in the Lord he will see you though this situation that your in. Also your childs father will miss you dearly when he sees another man on your arm. When he does see that you no longer wants him he will get jeealous and want you back because a man hates to see the woman that they once loved happy with another guy. Trust me I know!

Stephanie - posted on 10/10/2009

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I know how you feel! My daughters father and i had an AWFUL breakup just 4 weeks ago. You have to try and force yourself to get out and see family friends, anyone! I still am verry sad and he continues to try and screw with me. Its hard to deal with demands of a new baby when you are falling apart inside. Some days are worse than others, but eventually each day it gets a little easier. And you have to realize no matter what youve done in your life you DO NOT deserve to be treated that way, especially just after having a baby. If he cant put aside his desires at a time when you need him most, HE NEVER WILL!! Focus on fun things you can do with your baby, Halloween is working for me, and getting back to who you were before him!!

Heather - posted on 10/10/2009

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Im sure you can do it. If I can you can, I have two boys and have been taken care of them on my own for 3 years now... I hope only the best for you,, If you would like to chat you can hit me up anytime, I have been there...Heather

Sereniti - posted on 10/09/2009

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I was with my x husband for 10 years, married for three. He left me for a 17 yr old with an infant. Our children were 1 and 3, they are now 5 and 7. I must say I completely agree with Patricia Oldham. Time is one thing you can not get back if wasted. You must get on with life, but as other mothers have said on here, counseling is a route to try. Talking about things and building positive thoughts work wonders. Allow yourself a given amount of time to 'mope', if you will, over things, then dry it up and get your mommy on. Your son will benefit from your strength. Seek God, he is AMAZING! My x husband got remarried to a different woman less than two years after our divorce. They are now expecting a baby in dec. He is involved with the children, but has been a long bumpy road. Just always, always focus on the well being of your son and things will get better. "YOUR HAPPINESS LIES WITHIN''. (looking for happiness in things or other people will only leave you empty.) If you need to talk feel free to email me at IamSeren@gmail.com. Im not on FB regularly enough. Keep looking up, thats where it all is!!

Erika - posted on 10/09/2009

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i got pregnant by a guy that is not in my daughters life what so ever. when i told him he told me to get an abortion. it totally crushed me and i thought that everybody thought like i did. if you got someone pregnant step up and be a man and be a dad. way wrong... well when i was 2 months pregnant i started dating the greatest guy so i thought. we picked baby names and he did my registrys with me and we even lookd at 3 bedroom homes cause i thought he was going to be with us forever... he ended up breaking up with me the month before my daughter was born and i was so crushed i almost went into preterm labor... he ended up feeling bad and we are still friends. pretty much best friends and he's great with my daughter. but i know exactly what your saying about not feeling like you can take care of your kid. theres days i wonder if i should have given my daughter up or maybe had the abortion. but then i remember how perfect my daughter is! raising a kid is one day at a time... i cant believe she is almost ten months already... it gets easier i promise! do the best you can and if you have a good support system with family or friends its okay to ask for help. people are having sympathy for you, they are loving you and your baby... i had post partum kinda bad and i would just loose it for no reason at all... but i promise it gets better... your heart will mend but you'll never get these days back with your son!

JENNY - posted on 10/09/2009

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SO I'VE BEEN A SINGLE MOM 4 A/B 3 YEARS NOW AND IT'S NOT EVER EASY DEALING WITH IT. HOWEVER ALL THE ANGER AND DEPRESSION TURN IT INTO ENERGY AND KEEP YOUR MIND FOCUSED ON YOU AND THE BABE!! MEN DON'T MAKE IT EASY 4 US AT ALL! JUST KNOW THAT YOUR BABY DEPENDS ON YOU AND WILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOUR IN. HAVE FAITH IN THE MAN ABOVE AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER!

Kimberly - posted on 10/09/2009

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I've been in a similar situation. When I met my son's father, we were both addicts. I was actually cleaning up, and he got me back into it. When I found out I was pregnant, we were a mess. At that time, we were high every day. But getting pregnant was the best thing for me. I stopped using, and smoking, right away. I have never done drugs since. I have been clean for 5 yrs now. His father on the other hand, would not stop. He was so bad, that he would hit me when I was pregnant. So I left him, and moved back in with my parents. Best thing I could ever have done. His dad could not clean himself up. That is not something your child needs to be around. Just remember to keep your child safe. If he's in a world of drugs right now, you dont need him! Let him rot! Let him go to jail! Let him screw up his own life, NOT yours. You are better off. Stay strong! It's going to be hard, but it will be worth it. Keep your child away from anyone thats involved in drugs, including the father. Your child needs you. Children are a precious gift! Without my son, I dont know where I would be.

Vicki Ann - posted on 10/09/2009

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Everyone says it gets better and it does, but it just takes time. Yes, focus on your beautiful little boy, but don't forget to focus on you. As moms and especially as single moms we put our kids first. I sure do, but remember the old saying "if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy!" Well that is so true! If you are not taking care of YOU, you cant do the best for your baby!. Remember, you are not alone! Lean on your friends and family as much as you can. That is what they are there for. I have 2 girls 3 & 7 and we have been on our own for 3 years. Their dad is in the picture and I wish he weren't, but hey! Just remember...YOU CAN DO THIS!

Bongekile - posted on 10/09/2009

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I know it maybe hard to accept the reality of the suituation but your son comes first because he can't take care of himself so you must put your feelings aside no matter how painful it is.I lost my fiance through death when our daughter was four months I wanted to just die with him but I had to be through for my baby. Because a baby can sense you stress, pain and what ever you going through.It has been two since he passed away and im still finding it hard,but my heart has excepted and im thinking about dating again.So just be strong pray a lot and time is the greatest healer.

Bye stay strong
Bongie K.

Jessica - posted on 10/09/2009

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My baby daddy found another woman when my daughter was 4 mos old, its hard but as long as you remember to take some time for you and make the best of the situation things will get better in no time! Enjoy being a mom and hang in there you get to experience some of the most amazing things, kids are great!

[deleted account]

i was single while i was pregnant and ended up back with the father of my baby when he was bout 5 months old...sometimes i wish i didnt get back with him Men sometimes make things harder, just concentrate on your baby and your life and good things will come ...if you have a good support circle and family it will all be ok

Denetrah - posted on 10/08/2009

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Have you ever heard of momma's baby, daddy's maybe? That has more than one meaning. You may have gotten pregnant by this man but God gave you that baby to take care of. Of all the women in the world He chose you to take care of that baby. If He thought that you could not do it He would not have given him to you. Raise that child the best that you can. Don't left the father's behavior determine how, when, and why you take care of your baby. Focus your energy on your baby. Good luck and may God bless you!

Claire - posted on 10/08/2009

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I am 1 1/2 years down the line to kind of the same thing happening to me, I have 2 boys who look very much like their dad which is difficult, my youngest had just turned 1 so he didnt really know what was happening which was a blessing, but my oldest was 7 and he still struggles with a bit know, I can tell you it still very hard but life with me and my boys is so much better. I regret trying to work it out with him for so long when he can just up and leave with another woman (or should i say girl!!!) after 13 year and two babies. On a more positive note my boys and I have alot of fun now I may have to be good cop/bad cop but most of all i think the 3 of us are best of friends, keep your chin up Mackenzie it is hard but concentrate on doing your best for your little lad and things will get easier and the love he will show you is endless!!! i promise you!!

Lori - posted on 10/08/2009

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You have to focus on your little baby boy! He is relying upon you and will need you to be strong! There are TONS of single parents out there - me included! It is difficult but your son will also give you the strength that you need to get you through this! It has been just my little guy and me since he was 6 months old and he is now 22 months and we are doing just fine!

Alli - posted on 10/08/2009

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I can completely undersatnd what you're going thru. My son's dad left when he was 5 months old..this was after we we're engaged, planning a wedding and had just bought a new house. It's hard to focus on your son when so much is going on around you, but you have to remember he needs you. Take time for yourself as well..it's one mistake I made after it all happened. I isolated myself which made it worse..once I realized it was ok for me to take time away from my son for a night to enjoy life it made thing easier. Surround yourself with people who care about you and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Also remember that it's your ex's loss..you are the one who gets to enjoy your amazing son and show him what the world has to offer! Good luck!

Christy - posted on 10/07/2009

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I'm also in a similar situation, my daughter's father left us when she was 6 months old (She's now 11 months) after i caught him with another women!!! In our own home at that!!!! Anyways, don't waste your time or energy on the deadbeat!!! Put your focus on your son and watch the goodness and innocence in him! Learn to laugh at and appreciate something everyday....regardless of how small!!!! AND just take peace knowing YOU are the one to get the giggles, smiles, hugs, kisses and love from your precious child EVERYDAY!!! It does get better and pretty soon you won't even give a passing thought to your son's dad! Keep your head up and walk proud!

Anna - posted on 10/07/2009

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Live life...its the greatest revenge! Turn all that bitter energy into useful energy for you & your son. My son & his 'brother' are 2 days apart....messed up right??? Move on & never look back, once your ova that hump you'll wonder why you ever wasted this much time being depressed. Good luck....Hold your head up high & walk with pride!

BRI - posted on 10/07/2009

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DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT MAN... JUST FOCUS ON YOUR CHILD, CAUSE MEN WILL COME AND GO AS THEY PLEASE, BUT THAT CHILD IS GONNA BE URS 4 THE REST OF HIS LIFE. U DONT NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE YOU JUST BE STRONG, PUSH FORWARD AND NEVER LOOK BACK

Gretchen - posted on 10/07/2009

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all you can do is focus on being the best mommy you can be and a stronger woman than you ever have been before! i have raised my son by myself for 6 years, and i just focus on the good points of being a single mom....not answering to anyone else, not arguing over parenting ideas and ways to discipline, who spends how much on stuff, blah blah....i know it doesn't seem like it, and the situation is very hard, but it ultimately will be a blessing in disguise. besides, if he stayed there would just be arguing in front of the baby and thats not healthy for anyone. i wish you the best of luck, and prayers for your strength!

Eva - posted on 10/07/2009

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It is hard but spend every day thinking of your son he is all that matters ... If your ex wasn't man enough to step up to the plate and be there for you and your newborn son and would rather be out all hours then he was worth it anyways ... I am a single parent to a 7 month old little boy and have been doing it by myself from the beginning ...It is so much easier when you dont spend your time worried about what he is doing ...

Candice - posted on 10/07/2009

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Honey im glad u asked this cus i went through the same thing with both of my kids but that just goes to show hoe sorry men truely are but anyway look at it like this number 1 its that mans loss and number 2 your the only one that your lil boy got he is depending on you and only u God aint going to give you more then u can handle yea its hard but u can do it keep your head held high and let that fool (your son father) no u are a strong women and u dont need him to b happy u got your son who didnt ask to b here but is so all the energy that your using being depressed and pissed with your son father take thae and turn it to postive energy to give your son the love and guidence he needs he is a lil blessing and in time his father will c that and want to b there but in the mean time stay postive cus even though ya son is young he can stilll sense when your upset and thats going to make him upset and thats going to make him upset and i no that not what u want

Jamie - posted on 10/07/2009

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The only advice i have for you is for you to spend time with your baby occupy yourself with your child. Know that your baby cant give you the same type of love and affection that a man can give you but in another sense your babies love is unconditional and he will never stop loving you. So visit friends take you son with you, make play dates, just because he is small doesnt mean you cant have play dates. And lastly if his father is willing to be a father let hime be a father, because even thought you are mad and upset It is easier for you and the child to have someone to take over for a couple of hours.

Cindy - posted on 10/07/2009

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First thing first..You MUST keep in mind that none of this is your fault!! If he tries to lay a "guilt trip/Im sorry but your fault" attitude on you...don't listen to him. relationships start out by us hoping for the best, and when you create a partnership and bring a "child" into this world you want to believe that "both" parents will be supportive, responsible, and loving. Not everyone is capable of this though. Regardless of whatever reason he may have cheated for, none of them are excusable. I too was left alone after the birth of my first son..the father did not want a "sick child", (My son has kidney disease) In any case, I was depressed too, more so sad though, as Im sure you are as well, and I tried everything to change him into the person I had once saw when we first met, it didn't work, and by the time I realized it I had spent so much time focusing on changing him I was ignoring me. You are a Mommy now, if he has left, then the only thing you can do is make sure you and your baby will be fine. Confide in "true" friends, ones that will not judge you or fill your head with gossip, you do not need that extra pressure. You bet it is tough right now, and maybe it will be so for a little while, but millions of moms have raised their children alone, so believe that you too are strong enough to do this. I highly recommend talking to your Doctor as well, as you are still fragile considering your baby is only 1 month old. You can and will get through this, and at least now you will know what it is you do not want for your next relationship, and trust me there will be another one who will love you. Focus on what you can do in terms of you and your precious ones, and leave the things that you have no control over...your life will become much more simple!! Best Wishes & dont give-up!!

Renae - posted on 10/07/2009

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Your son is the most important thing in your life right now! Remember he didn't ask to be brought into this world so it is your responsibility to give him the attention he deserves. Get yourself some counselling there is plenty of phone help or face to face that is not expensive! I have been a single parent since I was 3months pregnant and I only wish I new what I do now. It is your choice how you deal with this! You can sit and be depressed and the only person you hurt is yourself and your son or you can pick yourself up, be an awesome Mum because you choose to be and make a brilliant life for both of you! You can do this and you do have the power within to achieve whatever you desire! One step at a time... make daily goals to achieve, just small steps at a time and start being grateful for the little things in life. Keep a gratitude diary and every night before you sleep write five things you are grateful for that day! Grateful your son is healthy and happy, grateful to be alive, grateful the sky is blue and the sun is shining etc etc. Once you start seeing that things are not so dark and depressing life will look brighter and happier. Remember your ex is not the be all and end all, and yes he is your sons Father but there is a difference between a father and a Dad!!! You can be both Mum and Dad as long as you continually remind your son he is loved and cared and its never his fault! Believe in yourself, respect that your a strong and determined women and go after the dream life you deserve! Stay strong and yell if I can help further. Life is good if you want it to be!

Tina - posted on 10/07/2009

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Always remeber this is the most special moments of your sons life and yours, dont let him take that from you. Hold your head up high you are worth more than that, with all the hormones surging it is hard to not feel overwhelmed take one day at a time take time for your self. I am single parent also of five kids for the last two years and trust me us woman are all worth real men and he isnt. Sending love light and rainbows to you and your son xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LISA, - posted on 10/06/2009

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hiya .well can i say that i no just how you feel .i was in a similar situation i had 1 son n lived wi his dad for a few years n i met this guy who showered mi wi compliments wanted 2 b witheach other wen ever we cud ,he was the only man ive ever loved .thimgs was perfect he looked aster my son like his own took him places my son loved him 2 any way il cut a long story short he went decoratin for sum women he new but coz i trusted him it didnt bother me .then after a few weeks of him bein there his attitude changed towards mi ,by this time we had a baby together he was made up . he was 1n half wen he left .he said it was coz things wasnt workin out between us .but deep down i new he left mi for her .it tore mi into tiny pieces mi heldest child wud hold me as i rocked back n forwards holbin his cloths in my arms ,pls dont go i kept sayin , but he di go n after a week i found out he moved in wi her .after a coupe of months of mi tryin to except that i was no longer wi the love of my life i found out i ws 4 mths pregant again wi his child ,i couldnt believe it he never came round to c me or the kids until recently he split up from her n im still on mi own ,n u no wats so stupid about it all .if he came now wantin cum hom ide take him back in a shot .theres allot more to this story .all i can say is it duz get easier but its hard ill never heel not properly ... take care xxxxx

Rebecca - posted on 10/06/2009

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you are a strong woman and can move past this , i too am a mother of three and found my self in a similar situation when my first two kids father did the same thing ,you just have to believe in yourself and love your kids cos they help get you past the tough times, your son will give you more hope and happyness .

you can do this

[deleted account]

hey. same kinda thing happened to me. my husband left us and hasn't seen his son since he was 7 days old. it slowly gets better. i moved in with my mom and have family and friends for support. my son is now 2 months old and i gotta say the days are getting better i don't cry as much anymore and jsut try to focus on my son. it definatly takes a long time but you'll pull through. i never thought i would but im getting there. good luck. :)

Patricia - posted on 10/06/2009

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you have to tell these people to quit telling you things about his life, it just eggs on the anguish and anger. sorry girl i hated this part of my life.

Heidi - posted on 10/06/2009

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Just letting you know you're not alone but I believed his bs and took him back at 4 months old it was the worst decision i ever made. Hang in there.

When I got really depressed my doctor told me to use these steps.

After bubs has gone to sleep spend 3 mins just calmly watching them every night you'll soon find love and drive to care your beautiful baby will be stronger than any negative feelings you have. Well I hope so anyway.

When I would lonely and depressed and the little would be asleep for a few hours I'd wrap myself in a big cudlly doona with a box tissues watch a romantic flick and cry my heart out it helps me a lot to release the emotions. Good luck!

Mackenzie - posted on 10/06/2009

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ya i just got a call today from their neighbor and she told me everything that is going on and its bad and im scared hes going to end up in jail or dead and i know him inside and out, hes with her for a reason, because he;s in his addiction right now and shes vulnerable and will let him, i wont. so hopefully he will snap out of it soon and get some help

Margaret - posted on 10/06/2009

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youre awesome and so is your son :) itll get way easier as the days go by and as for him the days will get harder as his own conscious eats away at him
keep your head right girl youre son only has you he wouldnt want his lovely mommy to be sad so think positive and again its his "fathers" loss

BarbarA - posted on 10/06/2009

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I know that it would be hard but you can't hold on to something that don't want to be held down. get through it so that when your baby gets here he or she won't have to go through that with you . let his ass go

Princess - posted on 10/06/2009

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Girl just pray to God and He will most definately take care of you cause prayer is made for you.You know we are women and are stronger than men you can definately pick up the pieces and move on.Please just take care of your child and make him your main priority.Everything will be alright you are not the first person this has happened to and you want be the last so take care.Lift up your head and move on.

Kerri - posted on 10/06/2009

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hi, i know this is a rough time, my daughters father and i just split as well, things didnt work out and he at one time cheated on me as well. it has been so difficult this last week for us, be thankful that your son is to small to understnd or remember this difficult time. But you do have him, and if you search withinn your heart, and inside those tiny beautiful eyes of your son you will find what you need all along. the love you and he will share during the years ahead are going to be worth it. if your needing assistance, have you asked family for support? or friends? id confide in someone, and if there isnt anyone to talk to go see a councelor. i hope your pain and mine can subside soon.

Patricia - posted on 10/05/2009

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i am a single mother of a four year old and her dad left me when she was a week old for my bestfrind of 13 yrs. devistated? YES!!!!!!! i ended up with post pardom dep. and depress. and i tried to commit suicide and ended up in a mental hosp. i know crazy right? but heres the deal all these people on here say time heals , it takes time yes but you are a single mother now just like that and with that you have no time for any of the crap you just got dealt. i hae be so harsh but thats what its gonna take for you to move on. you many decisions you are going to have to make now. its time to get on it love ya and ill pray for you good luck and remember that baby is the only thing you need to worry about in life.

Charlotte - posted on 10/05/2009

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Girl you just have to suck up the hurt and deal with it. Find a way to be strong for your son cause he needs you. I am a single mom and it is hard sometimes but you can do it. Sometimes it seems impossible but its not many people have done it before us and we can too. I know sometimes when i get frustrated with my son's dad i just have to look at him and smile cause i love him so much an he has helped me find strength i never knew i had and he doesn't even know it.

Kerri - posted on 10/05/2009

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Congrats to you for becoming clean. it is a hard thing to do. Some people just seem to not be able to cope with things and that is their way. you will have to be strong. you should go to court and get a order that states that he can not see your child unless he goes through detox and stays clean for a certain amount of time. I know in canada you can just go to the court and ask the judge for an emergency order and hey should see you the same day and it doesn't cost you. I hope this helps

Mackenzie - posted on 10/05/2009

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ya im just praying he gets miserable enough to get help again. thats how we met, we were both recovering addicts, well i kept recovering and when i got pregnant he got scared and covered it up with drugs and would go on binges and do mean horrible things and clean up again then when i had my baby he completely lost it and ran off

Kerri - posted on 10/05/2009

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for my situation i really loved my ex we were married for just over a year. then he started abusing me and that was it for me. I have lost3 babies then got pregnant with her. I used to cry myself to sleep every night. If it wasn't for my parents i don't knwo how I would have gotten through it. It takes a while but you will feel better about it and know that your son is in good hands and won't grow up around drugs. REMEMBER it is not just you anymore you have a little one to think about as well

GOOD LUCK

Mackenzie - posted on 10/05/2009

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the sad thing is, i am completely in love with this guy and i know if he wasnt using drugs he would have never left....and part of me, a big part of me, wants him back..but it is getting easier everyday

Kerri - posted on 10/05/2009

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hello... sorry about your situation i as well was in a similar situation. I have been single since I was 3 months pregnant with my daughter. It is a very hard thing to be a single mom. but it is the most rewarding thing as well. My daughter is now 3 years old. and I have not heard from him which for me is a good thing. He wants noting to do with her. The thing I am now able to realize now that she is 3 is that even thought it has been realy difficult for the first few years. but you see how the child turned out and see all the rewarding aspects of it. now I am at the stage where all the difficult new born stages are over. we get to cuddle up on the couch and watch movies ect.. i think that it is nice that she is who she is ALL because of ME not anyone else... GOOD LUCK

Mitch - posted on 10/05/2009

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You will go through some really sad times and be depressed but you must remember you are a great woman with a great baby, The baby like you did not make the choice that your boyfriend did, although an extremely painful situation your baby can't know your pain as they sense when things go wrong, you must remain upbeat and move on, you never have to seek revenge because that is Gods job. He will be the one with the sorrow when he misses out on all the beautiful things your child does that he never sees. My wife left me and I was sad and decided that my focus would be on my children and now my oldest son is 23, not biological but I raised him since birth so I am dad, my daughter just turned 18, my youngest son 17.. All the rewards will be yours you must trust me..time will heel your wounds and the beauty of being a mother will shine in you..mitch

Virginia - posted on 10/04/2009

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everyone on here is right when they say to just focus on your son and enjoy him and the company that he has to offer you, i can say when i left my sons father, as hard as it was then i can look back now and see how much easier it actually was. i just let him go and made my son my entire life and before i knew it, i had no time in my life for him and his drama. your sons company is the best you will ever keep, so embrace it, video tape and take pictures of everything! most of all just enjoy this time, your sons first year is so special and i will go by so fast, the last thing you will want to do is look back and be heartbroken that you wasted your time, energy and heart on "some guy" (even tho he happens to be the father of your child) and that you didn't put that time, energy and heart into your son. please heed this advice, i promise you won't regret it. good luck and god bless.



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