How do I deal with the hate I have for my ex?

Tiffany - posted on 04/09/2010 ( 150 moms have responded )

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I don't know how to deal with the hate I have for my kids' father. I know that hating someone is not good and really is only hurting myself, but I just don't know how to get over it. HELP!!

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Tiffany - posted on 04/14/2010

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Forgive yourself and forget he ever existed. I still hate my ex for everything he has done to me and my child. He threw her away like a piece of garbage all because I went through the courts and refused to allow him to control me any more. I'm still finding out more and more about him and it is scary stuff. Our whole life together was one big lie. Discovering the person you were with and fathered your child is a sociopath is not a walk in the park. I hate him for the abuse, I hate him fr the lies, most of all i hate him fr not stepping up and manning up. I'll let you in on a little secret. I pray for him, daily. I don't pray for the best, I pray for the worst. I pray his sins catch up to him, I pray he gets what he deserves. I actually heard a song the other day, it made me laugh! You may enjoy it too.
The hate will fade, but it will always be there. I think it comes with the territory. They didn't just hurt us, they did it to our children too.

Veronica - posted on 04/27/2013

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I honestly am dealing with the same thing. I hate my ex. He's a shitty father and his priorities are all wrong. He's the biggest piece of shit. His mom should've swallowed him. He's a waste of fucking space.

[deleted account]

Thanks for being real. I admire your courage. I don't understand nor do I desire to understand people that can just say o' well move forward forgive and forget. What has happened to my family is a big damn deal and I am not going to just be peaceful and nice. I am the angriest woman in the world and yes I wish bad things on my ex even if it means I am going to burn in hell. Abandoning children and the other parent should have more serious consequences but, the way society it was almost like my ex was encouraged to take off. He is sick and addicted to his vice and I couldn't help him. This is like normal now. God damn it! I have been searching the internet for weeks trying to find some other single parent who is angry. I don't think anyone has enough fight in them. Has society broke everyone?

[deleted account]

I think the anger and hatred will cause change. If enough parents get angry then perhaps the justice system might change. I don't like the way this going down. It is hard to imagine how many single parents there really is. I have been betrayed. My ex knows how much I hate the way single parents and the children of single parents get treated. I hate it! My number one fear in life has come true. What a nightmare! He still chose to act selfishly and my hatred will fuel my fire. My fire is going to burn and keep me going. I want to be treated with more respect. I don't like to be labeled a single parent I hate the word. This is a problem that needs to fixed. I know another problem. I think these people that abandon or hurt children in any shape or form should be hated. I am a mother it is my job to keep my children safe and I will do whatever it takes. Unfortunatlly, no one is on my side. I feel alone but that is alright I'm used to it. Lone wolf. I'll go it alone. God knows I am a warrior mom who will die trying. That is all I need. I hate my children's father and everyone knows and I am not ashamed! Real love can be scary! ROAR

Sandra - posted on 07/18/2013

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Response to Charlotte: Hate in your heart...only hurts you. I understand completely the frustration you feel when a partner leaves and then comes back like nothing ever happened. Be thankful that your children have Big hearts...they learned that from you!! Your husband obviously was lost for the past eight years. I am sure he lost out on some very pivotal moments in your children's lives, moments that you were blessed to be able to share them. Don't forget that he was the vehicle by which you received these wonderful children...and you cannot hate him for that. Forgiveness is not for him, but for you. Don't let Hate harbour in your Heart because it only takes up room that could be open to greater things to enter your life. It has been a struggle for me with my fathers daughter being gone from her for over six and a half years now. I wrote a children's book for her to explain that (you can see it at www.abovethetrees.ca). The most wonderful thing about that story coming through me, was that I was totally able to Thank my Ex (figuratively) for giving me this most incredible gift, but it also gave me the higher wisdom and compassion to understand that sometimes we all get "lost" and for my ex he is just that "lost" and how sad it is that he is missing out on the very best of him - our daughter. The odd time he makes contact via...text message..that he intends to pay child support...he never asks how is his daughter doing. Obviously he has problems but having Hate in my heart doesn't allow me to be open to greater things to enter my life so I don't go there. I do get frustrated and angry sometimes but then I just try to be compassionate. So I hope for you children's sake you let it go, be the bigger person, because your children when they are grown...will remember that.
Hate is a wasted emotion. Your a great mother I am sure...so continue to spread Love and try to explain to your ex how you feel and then move on from it. You will be a happier person for that. Let your husband know that you are worried he will leave again hurting the kids, so you hope he understands the important role he has to play here. He is setting the stage for the future parents that they will become. Good Luck & Love and Light to you!!!
Sandra
www.abovethetrees.ca

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Stacy - posted on 03/04/2014

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My name is Stacy Blair i have been in bondage ever since my EX left for another woman, It was really hell for me and everybody told me to forget about him but i could not because i love him so much. Things got worse until my friend introduced me to this great spell caster DR. OTIAGBE who have saved so many life and relationships and i contacted him through his email ( Otiagbe@yahoo.com ) i explained everything to him and he cast a spell for me immediately after three days, everything turn around and my boyfriend came to me on his knee begging for forgiveness that i have been the only woman he has loved in his life and he is ready to love me forever. I was really surprised because i have never seen such a miracle in my life. I am so thankful to this man and i will forever publish his name Dr. Otiagbe.

Contact him now for your own miracle via email: Otiagbe@yahoo.com

Sundance - posted on 02/16/2014

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I'm so glad I found this. I HATE HATE HATE my freaking ex. He cheated, he lied, he treated me like shit and I allowed it. He told me the marriage failing was my fault, the divorce my fault, etc. And left me alone in a foreign country, no family, no friends, a stay at home mom with no money. He sees his son but that's about it. The shit I went through and go through makes me more mad every day and I don't hesitate to tell him. Which makes me a psycho. I'm sick of this life and I'm sick of him and I'm sick of me. So I'm glad to ready others are going through it and the responses to that. I have no advice. Just good luck.

Tan - posted on 02/15/2014

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hey noticed you posted so long ago and it still has many replies .
I was married for 17 years and I helped him twice a total of $300 k and I paid bulk of bills during this time and he still hits me when I asked for the money back from his family . Finally , he hits me harder when I rejected his family . I tried to write off the money but when he hits me for wanting his family . I decided to leave finally . There was a lot of bitterness and hate .
But I later felt that I will be a better person to let it go and move on with life - for myself and for my children . I don't want to be stuck being as ugly on the inside as him . I still cry over my money and love lost and wonder why he does that to me and my children . But to let it go releases the ugliness inside me and I feel the better of me returning surfacing . for the sake of my children now . and maybe I will find a better man with a more beautiful me and have a better happily after .

Ann - posted on 02/15/2014

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Wtf, dion chambers? Sure you aren't her ex or her ex's new girlfriend/significant other? Saying she prays makes her sound like a "mad bitch"?? I'm guessing you're one of those condescending atheists??

Ann - posted on 02/15/2014

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I hear you...I'm in the same boat. I feel like any time he or my involuntarily much-delayed child support case is brought up, I go totally batty and turn into a spazzy monster so unlike myself.

Charlie - posted on 02/14/2014

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As I sit here with tears rolling down my eyes, I know how everyone of you feels and Im always told to get over it! What am I even worth, busting my butt when I shouldn't at this stage in my life! Why even exist!

Charlie - posted on 02/14/2014

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Going through the same, I also pray he will get run over by a truck!! of all that he did to my kids in the past, they run to him to get his approval still! Help me get through this as I feel sometimes what does my existence even matter. As I sit with tears rolling down my face!

Dion - posted on 02/08/2014

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You sound like a mad bitch. He wont attempt to be a father to a child you have used as a weapon (he controlled you? You used his child and the courts to control him) and probably hates you as much as you hate him. You pray, to most intellectuals that sentence alone stands out that you are in fact a mad bitch. Also, your not a man and know sod all about 'manning up', a phrase coined by feminist cunts and ho-yah trained killers (soldiers). I couldn't read any more of your story past the manning up phrase you used. My advice would be that you should become a dyke as men don't want to care for girls, especially girls who watch too many rom coms and read feminist hate rags.

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2014

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I'm so happy to find that I'm not the only one thinking terrible things!! I was married for 9 years and raised his son since he was 13 months old, we also have a 5 year old together. I left my ex because of severe emotional and some physical abuse. It was the hardest decision of my life. We tried to fix it all and had every intention of getting back together since we both went to counseling and we cared to much about our family to end it, we were going to get the divorce papers finished then start over. We were still together up to the day we signed. Once they were signed he decided it was time to bring his girlfriend home. Yes, his stupid sister hooked him up with this ugly girl and there was the end of my family. He tells me he still cares about me but, he doesn't he is so mean to me now. How do you go from being with someone that long to throwing it all away for some girl that looks like she belongs on the Adams family? I'm so mad because they continue to rub it in my face and my son comes home saying how bad he hates his dad and girlfriend! I want him to suffer the way I have! Any advice would be great!!

Lourdes - posted on 01/08/2014

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It's a struggle…every day. My ex cheated on me, became and addict and bankrupt us. I never had to mourn over him, but I had to mount the loss of the life I though I would have and for the loss of my family unit - that's what broke my heart. Maybe if afterwards, he had stepped up, taken care of his responsibilities and shown up as a father then I wouldn't feel so much anger. But it's been over 2 years and he just can't seem to get his shit together. He can't be consistent with his kids, won't pay support, tries to demand when he wants to see them (like texting me and saying he's coming to get the kids in a hour when he hasn't seen them in 5 weeks). I just have to give it to God and leave it alone. I know it's not worth the energy for me to be angry because it doesn't change anything. It's like drinking poison yourself and hoping the other person dies.

Cheryl - posted on 01/06/2014

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I stayed in my marriage 23 years because I wanted only the best for my children and didn't want them to come from a "broken home". I put up with so much bullshit its unreal....and for what? My grown children do not even want much to do with me now. I guess they feel I should have continued to just deal with it for the rest of my life so things wouldn't complicate their life. I feel I've sacrificed the best years of my life only to be betrayed by the ones I love most and that I created the selfish, self entitlement attitude that my adult children have. I waited far too long to get away from the evil SOB I was married to for so long. I don't speak badly about my ex- to my children because I feel that's not a motherly thing to do....but GOD karma has got to come around sometime soon!

Brandi - posted on 12/28/2013

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First of, it's ok to have hate and ill-feelings for the father. But don't make it affect the child or the rest of your life. Your child will find about the indiscretion of his/her father. Pray for him. Pray for guidance and wisdom for him so he can get right and that he can take care of his child. You need to seek counseling yourself so you can talk about your feelings and get positive advice of how to move on. I know you're protecting your child. That's very important. remember, trying to get revenge on your ex will do more harm than good. Don't become a bitter person. It will affect your child and it can ruin the relationship between the both you and the child.Your child is very important to you right now. So that's your focus. You need to forgive him and move on!!! This is not about your ex. understand that!!! This forgiveness is about you willing to accept the situation and person the way they are and close the chapter on the book so can move on with ease. Put God in your life, Let him take of the rest. You can't do it alone. Find positive people who can help you focus on more important things and find yourself. You never should expect too much on a person, especially on a man. They're not what they always cracked up to be. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, before loving anyone. Know your place, have faith and hope. Love!!!

Shannon - posted on 12/28/2013

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Start a blog and use him as fodder. I find this new one to be really funny. I think it's called Fleeing a moderately high degree of trouble. It's really funny and you can tell this woman is releasing stress about her ex.

And I don't mean to be sarcastic but I am in your boat and it's hard to let go of feelings towards and ex as they are still in the picture. Hopefully, time will change everything.

Lah - posted on 12/28/2013

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Now I don't feel as alone. It's been almost two years and for the most part of it, I didn't feel any hate towards him. Over the last few months though, I've realised that I had started to resent him. Which has now turned into hate. It's left me frustrated and alienated. I had thought so badly of myself for hating him. Now after reading everyones feedback I'm learning that it's okay. It's a shared feeling by so many other "Bebe Mumas" who have also been left short by their "drop-kick" "douche-bag" idiot "Bebe daddies". I know that this hate I've formed for him wont last much longer. Just like "him" it's a nuisance feeling that will fade. I'd like to just say this- My gosh!!! He irritates the heck out of me, the good for nothing sorry excuse of a Dad the moron is!! I wont have to wait for karma to do a full circle...he pretty much has that sorted for himself because he is still the same still in a stupid gang still unfaithful and still smacking up his Women. Not long now and he'll end up back in Jail because of his on doing.

CK - posted on 12/27/2013

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Take the hate out on him by keeping your kids away from him. Its will provide you some satisfaction for now. When you child is screwed up as an adult because of this, you can blame it on him again and get the last laugh.

Charlena - posted on 12/19/2013

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Oh god I need to know that to I have 3 kids by him and went through so much with and for him his drug use living in a car for a summer with our to lil one a3 yr.old and s new born I was with him for 6 yes and when he finally gets off drugs and go's back to school gets a good job he leaves me and now treats me as if I never meant anything to him and that every girl he dates even ones he is only sleeping with are better then me how can he treat me this way when he used to begg me not to leave him and I always responded I won't I love u and u are avoid man u will get better how can I not hate him its consumeing me I can't stay away from him help please

Vikki - posted on 12/17/2013

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Really? How do you know that? Usually when two people are together, it's mutual. If one decided they didn't want children from the beginning then maybe they should have moved on and kept their pants zipped up. The fact is that once a child is in the picture, responsibility needs to kick in from both. It no longer matters who did or said what. If you play, you pay. Who wouldn't want to take responsibility for a child even if it wasn't planned? Each need to step up to the plate and do "whatever it takes" to provide, nuture a child. The lies, deceit, absence, etc when one finds out they have a new responsibility that they helped bring into this world is weak and pitiful and shows what that individuals mentality is. There are many that will step up to the plate and it's clear, you're not one of them. No excuses.... "just do it"!

Vikki - posted on 12/17/2013

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Hatred truly takes it's toll on your mental and physical well-being. I too am a Victim of losing my family. I stayed in a marriage with children for 19 years knowing that my ex was a liar, cheater, and had a sexual addiction (prositutes). I wanted my family together more than not I guess (not a good idea). It took everything that I was as a woman and left me with nothing, Finally, I decided enough was enough and we divorced. Child support arrearage continued to build, alimony and our property settlement too. I spent 26k trying to recover what was owed beginning in 2008 and we are now in 2013 (still not resolved). I now live pay check to pay check and I have so much hatred in my heart for him and his new family that I don't know how to deal with it sometimes. I know I can forgive but because I've allowed this to go on so long, it's just taken it's toll on me. I'm angry with myself too I guess. People always say he will get what's coming to him. Hasn't happened yet and he appears to be living quite the life. Oh well..... I'm trying to move forward and find ways to think positive. I am a Christian but I struggle with the "God why me" syndrome. Must be a reason. So, don't let your hatred continue on in your life as mine has. It will make you the person you will truly hate. Find a way to move forward and that alone will aggravate the ex to see you happy and successful.

[deleted account]

I also hate my X. I thought I was over it and doing fairly well until he started treating my daughter the same way he treated me. She is 20 years old. All the hate came back pretty quickly. Now I ache for my daughter, now having to live with her dad because she has no other choice. She will be beat down like I was, emotionally and verbally abused, like I was. I see the train wreck coming and can't do a damn thing about it.

Marla Ann - posted on 12/11/2013

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Oh he will come around, as soon as you stop caring and move on thats.when they decide to.come back. Ugh i hate that. Keep your head up though Sarah, and just know that baby of yours will love you back and you give it your all and soon you wont even care or need that chump ever again.

Sarah - posted on 12/11/2013

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I hate my baby father told him about the baby hasn't even manned up and called me to see how the unborn baby is I have gave him a chance 2 be there but he anit so he best not think in years to come he has another chance to see his child its the baby I feel sorry for

Marla Ann - posted on 12/11/2013

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Gosh Tiffany I can relate. Thats cause I have to keep in touch with this asshole once a month to make sure I get my check ugh! And then to top it off this jerk has the nerve to ask me for nude pics and dirty favors! Hate is an understatement when it comes to this guy .

Rogers - posted on 11/17/2013

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Remember, YOU chose him to be the child's father. Also, how many of you had the child after he told you that he did not want children.

Karen - posted on 10/06/2013

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We all have been there,Just let go,hate will take your soul,Look up to Heaven and say
Please remove this person out of my thoughts and hand him to God.Be free and happy that he did not get your soul.

Rose - posted on 09/16/2013

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Very sorry Tiffany..
what you have to is to stop thinking about any thing that he have done to you,either it is bad or good u just have to let it go....i understand it is very hard but you have to..i even undergo the same thing but what i did is,i didn't care any thing that he has ever done to me...i just dis aided to forget every thing and delete every thing in my herd after 2 month i was over him.just don't fill lonely in an way....fill you have you kid is the only happiness your having and he will be repressed by you kid..give your kid the love you felt for your ex....and u will be OK.

Ochun - posted on 09/06/2013

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Tiffany,

What! Omg! What do you do when you child tell you she being touched and no one be alive you? I hate this family court and child service. I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. How did you find out?

Tina - posted on 09/04/2013

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I'm on the other end of the spectrum. My ex hates me. And is not afraid of showing it. Even after 7 years of not being together, he treats me as if I'm the worst person ever. Funny thing is, I have done nothing but work with & communicate with him.
I don't know your situation, and you may have great reasons to hate your ex. Just an opinion from this side....hate him all you need, but don't act on it. As hard as it may be. You're right, it's only making it harder on yourself, and giving him a reason to show the same feelings back. Maybe even worse.

Columba Lisa - posted on 09/03/2013

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I wrote a post about forgiveness a while back. It's important to understand forgiveness does not mean understanding why someone hurt us (although that can help with compassion). It also doesn't mean convincing ourselves what they did wasn't that bad. Forgiveness is truth-based, and very freeing. You can read my post here:
http://www.susannasapron.com/2011/04/for...
Love,
Lisa

Ochun - posted on 08/19/2013

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Achmed

This is a other scamm. So you get paid to promote these people? I don't trust none if them all they want is money and no guarantee

Ochun - posted on 08/18/2013

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Derek,

Thanks for you honesty! You cause the split? You cheated? Don't know the entire story. But I can tell you mine. Marriage is a commitment for life. And when there's kids we need to stop being selfish because is not about us anymore.

I loved my husband he was my soulmate that's what he said several times. This man cry at the day of our wedding like a little girl.

So why is it that as soon we have kids and the struggle start men tend to start looking the other way. And them blame the affair on the baby. Ohh we give way too much attention to the baby and forgot about them.

He cheated 2 times the second time I had to hire a PI. To find out what he was really doing. I file for divorce and why is it he gets upset! Then I get a phone call fm the mistress.

For the last year is been a erratic battle. How do you men do not understand that we don't want the mistress girlfriend around our child. Why is it that I have to take you do court I have him not bring her over to our visit exchange.

Better yet! In what type if metal status a man has to be to bring his mistress I his hold custody hearing. And have you mistress as your witness to bad mouth your wife.

To end the story I have sole legal and physical custody. He only has visit during day and no overnights.

I still have not dated anyone and that the last thing on my mind. My divorce is not even close to being done. I do the right thing by god eyes and moral and values everywoman should have.

So please explain to me how can we not hate you type of men.

How can we not stop the hate and bitter.

Men don't make it easy for us at all.

We work take are of our kids and to top it all we have to take you to court so you can pay child support.

How can we not stop the hate and anger!

You tell me?

Tovah - posted on 07/26/2013

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Honestly, I just had to go through this myself. I was married for 12yrs and was abused in every way but physically the whole time. I finally came to the decision to leave. He of course has continued over the last 3yrs to abuse me every way he can. I have just had to make the choice on my own that this HATE I carry for him is not doing me any good and only hurting me (you of course know this, but knowing and changing really are 2 totally different things). Its a decision you make, not just knowledge you have, not to let him get to you anymore. Have someone you can vent to that will allow you to vent and take it personal.
Also, when he talks to or takes the child for visitation, write down when picked up/dropped off, if he breaks the agreement by not showing up/saying he won't pick them up for whatever reason after agreeing to get the child. When your child is old enough to understand and make plans with the father, let the child make those plans and if the father renigs, he must tell the child not you. (Helps in making the father look bad and releases you to be able to comfort the child and you look better). I know that some won't like what I have said but it has worked for me to let my kids learn "who their father really loves". I hope you are able to finally come to terms with what you are going through. Counseling may also help.

Shameka - posted on 07/24/2013

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I feel the same way you do Michelle, but I just don't communicate with him at all because of all the lying, pain, and hurt, it's just easier to raise her alone to me

Charlotte - posted on 07/18/2013

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I am devastated right now, My Ex has decided to show back up in to our lives after 8 years of being gone. He never tried to contact the Kids in the whole time he was gone, Now both of my children are rushing out to see him. I am so angry. I will never forgive him for what he had done to all three of us. Everyone tells me that he is their father and they need answers, DAM IT I need answers to but I would make him work to see me. I just cant understand why my children feel they owe him anything. I think he needs to prove him self to them first. There is no reason in the world why I wouldn't be in contact with my kids for more than a day or two. How did he go for 8 years? please help.

Jodi - posted on 07/14/2013

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Tiffany,
It help me in the beginning to read others blogs, talk to friends and honestly I went to our county for help with a therapist, which I am glad I did. I tried it in the past and it didn't work bc it got hard and uncomfortable to deal with what I was upset and hurt about. This time, I was ready and it is helping. With every negative thought about him, I reminded myself of a positive one about our daughter or myself. You will heal. It can happen.

Jodi - posted on 07/14/2013

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Derek,
I completely understand what you are going through. I am in the same situation. At first, there were family days and outings, we had family dinner 1x a week, comfortable conversations, easily acquired joint decisions and now it's not going to happen. He gets pissed at me and janks everything. My bellief it harms our daughter as she has grown knowing that although we split these things are still going to happen and we can be a positive role model for our version of a family. Nope. I am told she will be fine and to accept it but it's still to recent. All because he's pissed at me. (and to find out has had a GF bf we split whom he wants E to get to know "as a friend". Not gonna happen if he starts it with a lie. I hope that things will come around but they may not. My job is to give her the loving and secure environment she would have had we not begun these activities he ripped away from her. And honestly, me too. I wish you the best. My therapist says that to heal I have to begin to understand that we are going to survive, I am not responsible for his choices or actions and she will begin to make her own conclusions as she ages (she is 7).

Antonia - posted on 07/07/2013

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I think me and u are in the same bout I can't even look at my son dad with out wanting to kick him in the face the a shoe that has spikes on them! Its a shame how much u can dislike a person that much he out me thru soooo much shit and I found out sooo many things about that bastard I'm ready to just let it all out just so he can b hurt 4ever

Derek - posted on 06/26/2013

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Id love to know how to solve this. My ex doesnt want me back. I learned and accepted this a long time ago. I still believed we would have family days out and share time with the kids. Not the case. The kids never have us together. I thought we might at least try and be friends so we could share information and opinions regarding the kids. Not gonna happen. I thought we might show the kids that people should be good to each other even if there is discord. Not gonna happen. I thought at the very least we would cooperate to make the time each other has with the kids be enjoyable and be reasonable and facilitating. Not the case. Just bad ass bitterness. I dont know what she gets out of it and if I try to talk its taken up as if im corrtecting her.
Its so so so terrible.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 06/26/2013

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Your right with saying the hatred will only cause you distress . Hating someone is so mentally draining!! I'm not sure if he is involved with your kids or not bc I haven't read the other posts if you might have mentioned it, but honestly it really hurts kids when they see this between two people they love. Even if you don't talk negatively in front of them you better believe they can sense this tension. I truly believe a child should have the opportunity to decide for themselves what their parents are like and shouldnt be influenced by one patents hatred of another. I'm speaking from experience here too! My mom hated my dad and it was obvious. It really hurt me that my parents were like this. My dad never spoke an ill word about my mom and helped her no matter how terrible she treated him. Guess what parent I have total respect for? My dad of course. You don't have to like him , but if your kids love him then remember hurting him makes your kids hurt too!

Derek - posted on 06/26/2013

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Just thought I would put a mans point of view in here. I am seperated Dad of two amazing kids. I caused the seperation many years ago. I did repent and made very serious efforts to reconcile. My efforts failed and we remained seperated. My ex hates me as much if not more than you women hate tour ex husbands.
I find the cruelty and game playing very difficult to deal with it and any efforts by me to discuss it are seen as a chalenge and only make things far far worse.

At times I am bitter too but I do not wish badness on my ex. I can not understand the mindset. She was wonderful. A woman scorned. Shakespeare knew women.

I sometimes just feel like crying.

I am desperately sorry for my wrongs. It is a very very long time ago. I have proven to be a loving and giving Dad.
I just try to avoid communication with her now. Each remark hurts and is intended to hurt and I'd say if she knew how much it hurt and really believed the level of hurt she would be proud of herself.

Kate - posted on 04/25/2013

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My ex-husband is such a mess. I have been in and out of court for over a year now trying to get his visitation changed to supervised and only in the state in which my daughter and I live. The judge finally granted this but it took months of fighting and paying for a mental health evaluation, a hair follicle drug test and many therapy sessions for myself and my daughter. This is all because he himself has a drug problem and drank every night the last time our daughter was in his care, he also left her alone with his German Shepard to go to the store. She was 4 years old at the time!!! How dare he? She came home from her visit with him very damaged and cried every night for a week straight, asking me to not send her to stay with him again. He also did not do the mental health eval. and he also did not take a drug test. I had a restraining order against him for a year and a half because he was making my life a living hell. He was not interested in what our daughter was doing or talking to her at all. He even stopped calling for her after the restraining order. He has not spoken to her in 5 months. He is now trying to fight over money and does not want to pay 17% of his pay for her care. His parents are supporting this and do not care about the best interests of my daughter, their grand-daughter. It has just been a non stop nightmare for 2 years now and I would just like the judge to rule that he has to pay 17% and that it will be garnished from his wages so that this can all be done.

Chris - posted on 04/11/2013

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Tiffany, you need to put your resentment and anger aside for the well-being of your child's future. Regardless of what has happened, you now have a child with him, and I would say keep it courteous and minimize the contact to issues only dealing with your child. Counseling might help you work through this, or talking to religious clergy might allow you to see this situation differently.

I speak about this through my own personal experience as a child growing up. Luckily, my extended family supported me when my mother was venting about my Dad regularly. I eventually started telling her "I'm not going to listen to you bad-mouth Dad." And, if she kept it up, I would walk away. Her anger and resentment for him ended up driving a line between us when I was around 14 (because no matter what happened between them, he was my Dad and I loved him) and lasted for almost 20 years. You have to let it go, if not for your own sake, but for the future sake of your children, and how your feelings (both verbal and non-verbal) may project on to them and affect them for the rest of their lives.

Xiaoli - posted on 01/21/2013

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i wish my soon-ex will have a car accident soon. we had 6 cars, he had accidents with 5 cars. the last one #6 did not have an accident only because i did not let him touch my newest one.
so, i wish he will be killed by himself. leave my son and me alone!
let's pray!!

Alice Monterio - posted on 12/20/2012

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Megan, All that hate is not going to hurt anyone but you. It could make you ill. You need to really forgive, but NOT FORGET so you won't get hurt again. I know it is painful. Maybe u could go to counseling. They do help you look at another perspective of things. I could be helpful.

Megan - posted on 12/20/2012

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I hate my Childs father. I hate the abuse he put me through sexual, physical and never ending emotional. I hate the fact that i can't do anything about that. I hate that he is am addict and has overdosed numerous times but hasn't died yet. I hate that his family endless him and makes me look bad for trying to protect myself and my child. I haute the court system for not doing a thing.i most of all hate myself for not putting him in hall when i could. Thus us my never ending nightmare and i fear it will never be over, and I hate that.i hate the pain.

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