How do I deal with the hate I have for my ex?

Michellenorton - posted 3 days ago

Thanks for being real. I admire your courage. I don't understand nor do I desire to understand people that can just say o' well move forward forgive and forget. What has happened to my family is a big damn deal and I am not going to just be peaceful and nice. I am the angriest woman in the world and yes I wish bad things on my ex even if it means I am going to burn in hell. Abandoning children and the other parent should have more serious consequences but, the way society it was almost like my ex was encouraged to take off. He is sick and addicted to his vice and I couldn't help him. This is like normal now. God damn it! I have been searching the internet for weeks trying to find some other single parent who is angry. I don't think anyone has enough fight in them. Has society broke everyone?

Michellenorton - posted 3 days ago

I think the anger and hatred will cause change. If enough parents get angry then perhaps the justice system might change. I don't like the way this going down. It is hard to imagine how many single parents there really is. I have been betrayed. My ex knows how much I hate the way single parents and the children of single parents get treated. I hate it! My number one fear in life has come true. What a nightmare! He still chose to act selfishly and my hatred will fuel my fire. My fire is going to burn and keep me going. I want to be treated with more respect. I don't like to be labeled a single parent I hate the word. This is a problem that needs to fixed. I know another problem. I think these people that abandon or hurt children in any shape or form should be hated. I am a mother it is my job to keep my children safe and I will do whatever it takes. Unfortunatlly, no one is on my side. I feel alone but that is alright I'm used to it. Lone wolf. I'll go it alone. God knows I am a warrior mom who will die trying. That is all I need. I hate my children's father and everyone knows and I am not ashamed! Real love can be scary! ROAR

Veronica - posted on 04/27/2013

I honestly am dealing with the same thing. I hate my ex. He's a shitty father and his priorities are all wrong. He's the biggest piece of shit. His mom should've swallowed him. He's a waste of fucking space.

Kate - posted on 04/25/2013

My ex-husband is such a mess. I have been in and out of court for over a year now trying to get his visitation changed to supervised and only in the state in which my daughter and I live. The judge finally granted this but it took months of fighting and paying for a mental health evaluation, a hair follicle drug test and many therapy sessions for myself and my daughter. This is all because he himself has a drug problem and drank every night the last time our daughter was in his care, he also left her alone with his German Shepard to go to the store. She was 4 years old at the time!!! How dare he? She came home from her visit with him very damaged and cried every night for a week straight, asking me to not send her to stay with him again. He also did not do the mental health eval. and he also did not take a drug test. I had a restraining order against him for a year and a half because he was making my life a living hell. He was not interested in what our daughter was doing or talking to her at all. He even stopped calling for her after the restraining order. He has not spoken to her in 5 months. He is now trying to fight over money and does not want to pay 17% of his pay for her care. His parents are supporting this and do not care about the best interests of my daughter, their grand-daughter. It has just been a non stop nightmare for 2 years now and I would just like the judge to rule that he has to pay 17% and that it will be garnished from his wages so that this can all be done.

Chris - posted on 04/11/2013

Tiffany, you need to put your resentment and anger aside for the well-being of your child's future. Regardless of what has happened, you now have a child with him, and I would say keep it courteous and minimize the contact to issues only dealing with your child. Counseling might help you work through this, or talking to religious clergy might allow you to see this situation differently.

I speak about this through my own personal experience as a child growing up. Luckily, my extended family supported me when my mother was venting about my Dad regularly. I eventually started telling her "I'm not going to listen to you bad-mouth Dad." And, if she kept it up, I would walk away. Her anger and resentment for him ended up driving a line between us when I was around 14 (because no matter what happened between them, he was my Dad and I loved him) and lasted for almost 20 years. You have to let it go, if not for your own sake, but for the future sake of your children, and how your feelings (both verbal and non-verbal) may project on to them and affect them for the rest of their lives.

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Xiaoli - posted on 01/21/2013

i wish my soon-ex will have a car accident soon. we had 6 cars, he had accidents with 5 cars. the last one #6 did not have an accident only because i did not let him touch my newest one.
so, i wish he will be killed by himself. leave my son and me alone!
let's pray!!

Alice Monterio - posted on 12/20/2012

Megan, All that hate is not going to hurt anyone but you. It could make you ill. You need to really forgive, but NOT FORGET so you won't get hurt again. I know it is painful. Maybe u could go to counseling. They do help you look at another perspective of things. I could be helpful.

Megan - posted on 12/20/2012

I hate my Childs father. I hate the abuse he put me through sexual, physical and never ending emotional. I hate the fact that i can't do anything about that. I hate that he is am addict and has overdosed numerous times but hasn't died yet. I hate that his family endless him and makes me look bad for trying to protect myself and my child. I haute the court system for not doing a thing.i most of all hate myself for not putting him in hall when i could. Thus us my never ending nightmare and i fear it will never be over, and I hate that.i hate the pain.

Megan - posted on 12/20/2012

I hate my Childs father. I hate the abuse he put me through sexual, physical and never ending emotional. I hate the fact that i can't do anything about that. I hate that he is am addict and has overdosed numerous times but hasn't died yet. I hate that his family endless him and makes me look bad for trying to protect myself and my child. I haute the court system for not doing a thing.i most of all hate myself for not putting him in hall when i could. Thus us my never ending nightmare and i fear it will never be over, and I hate that.i hate the pain.

Alice Monterio - posted on 12/19/2012

Learn to forgive. You MUST fogive, so you can move on. Focus on you and your children. Be the Best mom you can be. Success is the the BEST REVENGE! So, STOP thinking about how he hurt you and turn your kids into great adults. Listen, I was married to a drug addict that abused me and then abandoned me and my three kids. He put us through hell. When it was over, I knew that God called us to peace, but we were still broken from the experience. I pressed on and did what I had to do, and we are better for it. TODAY, some 19 years later, I purchased brand new house. I have a good job, and am comfortable. My kids and I have a great relationship and are doing really well. My ex does not have a descent place to lay his head and is much like a drifter. He tries to have a relationship with the kids "VIA FACEBOOK" lol, but they think its a joke. You and your kids WILL be bless in the end...I PROMISE! Just be certain not to talk bad about your ex to your kids, they will see the truth when they grow up and will love you for being a wonderful mom.

This is Aice Monterio. I have a book coming out Spring 2013, "Single Mom Syndrome, Rising Above the Challeng with God's Help" Talks all about that...and gives about 10 principles to follow to help acheive success, one of which is FORGIVING those who hurt you.

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Much love to another single mom!

Jessica - posted on 12/18/2012

OMG so true! I have been divorced for 3 years and just in the past year or so it has gotten very ugly. I don't know what to do anymore!

Samantha - posted on 12/10/2012

I feel the same about my ex-husband too. He raped our daughter when she was 34months old. As a result there were complications during her exploration phase of development. She is now 7.5 years old, and I still hate him with a passion for ruining her life. I also know I need to get over it - but, it is easier said than done.

Nicole - posted on 12/09/2012

Pray

Victoria - posted on 12/07/2012

Wow i thought it was just me my ex is a horrible dad yet he was able to marry a woman who supports him so unfair

Lucy - posted on 12/07/2012

my husband is even worse than that and I want it to stop what do you think we should do post

a message back to me.

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Jennifer - posted on 11/25/2012

I have the same HATE , FOR MY SONS FATHER HE'S SOOOOOO ANNOYING.I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD HATE SOMEONE .....

BUT I COULD CARE LESS IF HE'S ALIVE OR DEAD.....

I KNOW IT'S SOUNDS BAD BUT IF I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING HE'S DONE YOU WOULD THINK IT WAS FICTION BUT ITS MY LIFE I LOVE MY SON MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD BUT I CANT DEAL WITH HIS DRUNK LYING SNEAKY BACKSTABBING FATHER......

Dena - posted on 11/18/2012

Pray that he get all the happiness in life that you so desire. Do this for a month, everyday.

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Angela - posted on 10/30/2012

i wouldnt waste your energy hating him, im sure your not the only one that does, my ex is a psychopath and i never think about him, my lifes too full, ive got court soon about him and wotever the outcome he dont control me anymore and wot dont kill ya makes u stronger!! smile cos you never know whos watching....be happy... he will always be a loser!! next one will get all the shite that you got i guarantee, people follow patterns in life x

Angela - posted on 10/29/2012

i wouldnt waste your energy hating him, im sure your not the only one that does, my ex is a psychopath and i never think about him, my lifes too full, ive got court soon about him and wotever the outcome he dont control me anymore and wot dont kill ya makes u stronger!! smile cos you never know whos watching....be happy... he will always be a loser!! next one will get all the shite that you got i guarantee, people follow patterns in life x

Ana - posted on 10/28/2012

You know is hard to stop hating a person that continues to give you a reason to do so, I been divorced for 10 years and the lack of him prioritizing the kids needs before his continues to make me hate him, I don't think I could ever forget the struggles that my children have gone trough cause of him and his decisions, I just simply pretend he is not in this world and is the only way I go on.

Shelley - posted on 10/05/2012

I hate my ex, will always despise him, refuse to speak to him or be in the same room with him. I like it this way see no other way for me to press on but to hate him bad enough for me to get a new life! What he did to us is inexcusable I would not treat some one I disliked so cruely, he can rot in hell! It would have been easier if he would have just died in a car wreck....so I just tell myself he actually is dead....If I ever half to see him again it could be very painful....for him that is!!

Mischa - posted on 09/26/2012

I don't know either. I hate him too. I'm learning how to live with it I guess. I know I'm a better person. That's all I got. I hope in time it takes the rest of the anger away. But you know, some people never stop hating. My relative hated her FOB, and expressed it to anyone that would listen...for 50 years. Do we want that as well?

Nicole - posted on 09/16/2012

With gods help I first forgave myself realizing neither of us foresaw its cours, we did the best we could. Once i did this i found peace. It allowed me to open my eyes and ears to the fact that he was hurting to where before i wished i never met him, that he never existed.for awhile i was angry at God i would say where are you God how could you let this happen. It took a year before i stopped blaming God.and ananother six months before i forgave myself and then him. That's when the hatred finally stopped and the pain in my soul was gone

Nicole - posted on 09/16/2012

I recently found God, the hate i used to have for my ex was partially the hurt i felt and the fact that some part of me still loved him. I blamed him for robbing me of nine years, and i was angry at myself

Sybil Renee - posted on 09/15/2012

I am also struggling with that. It is like I have a love/hate thing for him. It is now to the point that I just give him all my power and I need to stop and don't know how.

Nicole - posted on 09/05/2012

I sometimes feel okay for just a few minutes when I am around my family, people who make me laugh and saw first hand what I went through. I was a stay at home mom of four kids 6 and under. I had postpartum after the last baby and he convinced me to seek help outside of the home, i did i went to counseling they told me i was being emotionally abused, i laughed, told my physicians i needed medicine and they said I was fine, told me a job would help and then filed for divorce and physically removed me, i barely see the kids and hour a week and he just told me the babysitter is now his fiance, I am going through a post judgement modification bc he never told me when court was and when i finally found out about the fact that i was divorced my license had already been suspended and he is trying to put me in jail-the 50/50 we agreed on was not filed. He filed something more to the effect he has 100% kids and i have 73% financial responsibility- This is not what was agreed on, I should have had an attorney, I should have left him a-long time ago-nine years of my life gone. everything I was since i was 16 gone-yea im angry. and he isnt going to get away with it-

Jennifer - posted on 08/25/2012

Just keep it to yourself and friends , family don't let your kids hear you bash there father if he is good to them. I hate my daughters father too he does nothing for her she says she doesn't love him because he doesn't come see her.

Barbara - posted on 08/13/2012

something someone once told me about my kids dads. When I express "hate" towards those men, I was 'hating" that part of my child." It made me stop and think and realize I didn't 'hate" them... per se, but their behaviors.

Another thing someone told me is, "not forgiving a person is like swallowing poison and waiting for them to die." So I found a way to make my situation not about me... but about my kids... I certainly didn't plan on raising them alone but with their dads... this however didn't work out...
So to fully heal from all the hurt, anger, and hate over their bad behavior... I sought out a way to forgive their dads for all the bad things they both did to my children as well as myself.

When you "hate" the first person you hurt is yuorself, and if kids are involved you, unthinkingly, "hurt" them.

Chelly - posted on 08/12/2012

I am not a fan of my child's father. I am being civil With him for my daughter, but if it wasn't for her I would never speak to him again. I am trying to be fair, and I only talk to him when needed. I keep it about my baby girl. I also don't go out of my way for him. It also helps that I am not friendly with him. I don't ask him about his personal life or anything. I also won't go any where with him. I keep questions short and sample. It seems to be easier so far this way. Hope that helps

Kerry - posted on 07/15/2012

I would have no problem getting along with my ex if he wasnt such a narcissistic liar! He decided not to pay child support because he thinks that I just use the money on myself and not the boys.. He makes me the look like thebad guy on facebook and portrays himself to be the victim! I left him 6 years ago and its only gotten worse since I started dating someone recently.
Some days I wished that he completed suicide when he attempted so many times, but that would have been worse for my boys in the end I think. Some days are definitely harder than others, and I just try to breathe. If any of you have suggestions to get through this, please let me know.

Maryann - posted on 07/08/2012

I, on the other hand have a great relationship with my son's father and it is working for now. You have to look at the big picture and review what is more important between the two of y, Hatred or Showing your Child Respect between the 2 of you. Think about the hate; is it even valid anyore? Your relationship is over, lovingly wise and has to continue through your child. Put on the show and have discussions not yelling matches. Try saying you disagree with him not hate him, because one day your kid may hear that. Hope this help , you'll be ok.

Caroline - posted on 07/07/2012

s much better for me since going to Al Anon. I go 2x per week, it's a dollar each meeting. These are safe, loving experienced people, who have been there ( some in different situations, and a few crazies in the bunch), but it has changed my life from focusing time and energy on hating him so much, and talking about him all the time, and telling everyone what an asshole he was and is. People don't want to hear that. If you think your kids don't know how you feel, you're WRONG. They really pick up on it. Do them and yourself a favore, and start working to improve yourself, by letting go of him. Don't let him continue to have a negative irritating influence on your life! You already did that times ten when I was married to him. THAT"S WHY I DIVORCED HIM! It's a lot of re-thinking, and a lot of bveing open to change, but it is soooo worth it! I'm worth it!


I hate my ex like you wouldn't believe! and 4 months after I divorced him (not what I had planned to happen in my life), he started dating, and has now lived with that woman ( size -2) for 5 years. He moved 6 times in 5 years, and when my sensori imparied daughter told him she was scared to sleep in his 7th house ( a permanent one) he told her she'd get over it, and walked away. I still have to deal with him, and it's a real pain in the ass. I want him to be crushed the way I was when I (FINALLY) realized he didn't love me. He loved himself, and always had. His verbal and emotional abuse was ( I've only just begun to realize ) was the only way he knew to have a relationship. He is a very unhappy man. I've been going to Al Anon meetings. It's for family and friends of alcoholics, and although he wasn't an alcoholic (neither was my Dad) They both treated me the same way.
My life is so much better for me since going to Al Anon. I go 2x per week, it's a dollar each meeting. These are safe, loving experienced people, who have been there ( some in different situations, and a few crazies in the bunch), but it has changed my life from focusing time and energy on hating him so much, and talking about him all the time, and telling everyone what an asshole he was and is. People don't want to hear that. If you think your kids don't know how you feel, you're WRONG. They really pick up on it. Do them and yourself a favore, and start working to improve yourself, by letting go of him. Don't let him continue to have a negative irritating influence on your life! It let's me stop having him intrude upon my life in such a negative way You already did that times ten when I was married to him. THAT"S WHY I DIVORCED HIM! It's a lot of re-thinking, and a lot of bveing open to change, but it is soooo worth it! I'm worth it!

I HIGHLY recommend the Al Anon "program" It is really wonderful. What I am beginning to realize is that I have absolutely NO CONTROL over my ex and his behavior. NONE. I am working hard to stop expecting him to do a better job "this time" I can't change or improve him. I can work on myself to learn to walk away from him and his abusive patterns. I can learn to work only to change myself and how I react ( or don't) to him and his inappropriate behaviors. I stopped trying to "make " him do things, or "make " him a better father. I let him fail all by himself. I no longer really really hate him, I no longer spend SO MUCH of my time talking about him or thinking about how he hurt me or did this or that, etc. I still feel poweful emotions (negative, hate) about him- but I am allowed to feel feelings, and LET THEM GO. It's very hard to do this. But as I work on the "program" of Al Anon, I feel less hatered (sometimes even pity) towards him. My hating him takes so much of my power and energy and LIGHTNESS away that it's simply ridiculous. It takes my power and lightnessand gives it over to HIM. I so don't want to do that. I have to try to calmly as I can, walk away. I have a rule. If it damages the safety of my kids, or does them harm, I call to remind him about things to get done (Dr.s appts, or putting eczema cream on my daughters horribly red legs)! (He never notices, and denies that they're red!) I try really hard to let it go, and intervene only in circumstances where I am clear about the boundry, and do it for a direct result for health and safety of my kids. I have been working on BOUNDARIES for a year with my 3 kids, 12, 9, 5. He has TERRIBLE boundaries, and so did I until I came out of the depression I was in from losing all my friens, the dream house I " should" be living in right now, the money of his I was able to freely spend (versus the scrimping and saving I have to do at a lousy job I have to work at for many more hours a week than I want to)....I try to email him rather than call. When I have to call, and he starts yelling, getting testy or just repeating himself, not listening and denying true things, I just say I'm in a hurry and need to get off the phone (or lie and say I'll call him back) OR say " I need to talk to you when you're in a better mood about this" AND HANG UP!!!!!. I used to stay on the phone with him, take the abuse and ( oddly enough, behave like him) and not listen to him and keep pushing my agenda.It's not easy, but it is so important to me to move away from the hatred. It's slow work for me, but it is really improving. I'M getting better at doing it-he won't ever get better at it ( none of it is his fault, right? it's all other people's fault. right?). I can only work to imrpove myself, and improve putting a small "pause"
in before responding to him, instead of being reactive and responding before I've thought through my response. It's really worth it to check it out. You can go whenever you want. If you're a stay at home mom, or you work, do yourself a favor and start working on changing YOURSELF. You are the only person you can change. You can't change him!

I know I'm kind of rambling on....I just wanted to share this with all of you, because I am glad to be working to improve myself, my boundaries, and to stop wasting time and energy focusing on HIM. I can only focus on myself!
Caroline

Sue - posted on 07/05/2012

I hat my ex too- we are divorcing and Im tryin ot bu a home for my 3 year old and I but its taking months go through. My lo has special needs and thats adding stress to the whole thing. My ex is busy vacationing and dating and going to the beach and only takes my lo the 3 days I work. Im worried about where we will live in the meantime. The fathe does not particioate in any coparenting, hes just Disneyland dad. Not useful at all. I hate that he is the father of my child and that i will have to negotiate with him for many years to come. The sight of him turns my stomach

Katelyn - posted on 06/26/2012

I just put him in the back of my mind. n pretend i never met him. esspecially when he does things to go out of his way to make sure i know to piss me off.

Charlotte - posted on 06/25/2012

I totally know what you mean because I went through the same thing with me ex. Sometimes I would be amazed at the hatred I felt towards him and it was all because I was holding on to the past. I eventually realized I was only hurting myself because he was going about his daily life while I was constantly consumed with anger. I made a conscious decision to let it go. Are we best friends now? Not at all! But I learned to tolerate him for the sake of my children. I don't want them to grow up seeing me as the angry parent and thinking that's a normal way to behave. It might help you to channel the feelings you have towards him into something more creative. Maybe write a letter to him letting all of your anger and hatred out and then burn it (don't give it to him!). Or take a kickboxing class and picture his face with every punch and kick! Whatever you do, don't allow the hatred you have for him to take over your life. I doubt he's worth having that type of control over you.

Charlotte
momonthegrind.blogspot.com

Malaina - posted on 06/23/2012

This is such a difficult subject. Emotions are very difficult to deal with when it concerns your ex. Although I don't know any of your situations, so I can only talk about my own. As long as I make EVERYTHING about my children and know that I am doing the BEST I can, that is all I can do. Do I dislike my ex, of course .. only because of the choices I don't agree with, but it is out of my control and I don't care for the feeling that I am left with and how it affects me personally. This world is filled with so much 'hatred' (I personally dislike that word very much). I chose to focus on the positive, like looking at my children and thinking .. WOW, they are so beautiful and my children wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my ex. They were made in love and I will continue to love what we made. I praise GOD for the gift and move on and know that all I can do is be the better person. Im not sure if this will help any of you, but take what you want from it :) Have a very blessed day and I wish you luck with your feelings.

Anna - posted on 06/23/2012

I'm having the same problems with trying not to hate him. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and hes left me twice since I got pregnant telling me he just wasn't ready for all this. He got me so happy to have the family I always wanted, I love him still and I always did that's why I kept taking him back but he left me the last time 3 months ago and hes been trying to get back with me for the last month and half. I want to just hate him so I can move on and stop loving him but instead I'm stuck in the middle hating and loving him at the same time. I had to realize that hating him would do nothing but hurt my daughter in the long run so instead I take pity on him and realize that hes just really messed up and I will find someone that treats me right and loves me back eventually... Hopefully he'll stop trying to get back with me soon and we can work on a friendship based on parenting and he'll be there for our daughter and not in and out of her life because hes immature! Good luck women! Its definitely an emotional rollercoaster!

Khumsi - posted on 05/25/2012

HI, Tiffany
i know how you feel. I'm going through that right now. my daughter just turned 1 2 days ago and her father and i broke up 2 months ago. Its hard to let go because we still communicate for the sake of our daughter. i hated him for a while but realized that, its not worth it and at the end of the day they are moving on with their lives.
I'm still struggling to accept that its really over. But each day gets better. There are things that I'm happy about,like now I'm jogging again, I'm studying which are things i never used to do. I spend a lot of my time with friends and family. there are perks of being single and i am by choice and I'm enjoying it. its just naturally i will miss him because two years of my life revolved around him.
Its true time heals but only if you allow yourself too. Focus on you and baby. Now its time to do what you want when you want.

Sylvia - posted on 05/01/2010

I understand where you are coming from. When me and my ex husband separated, I had a hate and bitterness for him that would not quit. But one day I was thinking about it and I realized that in hating him I was only hurting myself physically and spiritually. I began to ask God to remove the hate that I felt. One day I walked up to him, looked him in his eyes and said, forgive me for anything that I may have done to you to hurt you or anything and walked away. He was left standing there dumb founded. After that he respected me more and we never argued again. We were able to talk and have decent conversation with each other. Although you may be the victim here, do the same thing. You will feel better and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of your shoulders. Whatever he did in the past, let it stay there. Whats done is done, forgive him and move on and look to a brighter future for yourself.

Tammy - posted on 05/01/2010

I just remind myself everyday that if it wasn't for that piece of trash I used to love that I wouldn't have the AMAZING children that I have today. No, he can't be rewarded for the people that they are today....they are so amazing DESPITE what he was. I just take peace in knowing that. As much as I hate him....I love my children more.

Amy - posted on 04/30/2010

I love that Pray for You video. That is priceless! LOL : ) I have been divorced for over 2 years. Didn't like him then and I don't like him now. I don't hate him because it is not my nature. Not that I don't fantasize about something bad happening to him, but he is the father of my son and I can not change that. He is a very good dad and I respect him for that. We are civil to each other even though it is hard to be. The only time I really have to see him or talk to him is when we exchange our son every other weekend so it is not that bad. A favorite saying of mine that my mom told me is "It is what it is" That is so true. I can't change the past. All I can do is accept the things I can not change, change the things I can, and hopefully have the wisdom to know the difference. Keep on keepin' on as Joe Dirt would say in the movie. Hang in there. Things will get better : )

Kelly - posted on 04/30/2010

your no tiffany i get excactly where u are coming from, iv recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs in that time i have a beautiful baby boy who is now 18months old, when my son hit 1 i felt that this relationship wasnt so great after all and i started to resent him all together wicth made me releise how lazy, selfish and hurtful he actually was, it took me over 5months to call it off and after i did i was the worst in the world, that being 3months ago i have no friends no job, we had quite a big group of friends who have now all turned agaist me for all the lies he has told them all the hurtful stories he has made up about me, i live alone and he pays me $22 a fortnight for my son, along with that doesnt bother with him unless its his weekend and even then he leave him with his mum(who i hate) i sometimes wish he would wrap himself around a pole or crash i hate him that much, my life has been turned upside down and now im still in the fireing line with him and his "mates" i do however believe in karma and i hope it gets him soon, i think the key is to have min contact and really focus on ur child and yourself aswell.. im still currently trying to move on and deal with the lies, and hurt and i hope u do aswell =)

Tashanti - posted on 04/29/2010

It's best to forgive and forget b/c this someone that your child will be around. And you would not want ur kids around someone that you hate

Londa - posted on 04/29/2010

Whatever grudge you're holding is going to keep you captive...I don't know what your situation is, but he obviously has moved on with his life. Nine times out of ten, he's probably not thinking about what he's done to you..you need to have a special kind of love for him (because he "fathered" your children. But let him go and move on with your life! : )

Chelce - posted on 04/28/2010

I have the worst hate for my ex. We got pregnant and he was excited. Then he got his ex prego on purpose 2 months after me and told me he played me like a fiddle the whole time. He doesnt think this is his kid and wants nothing to do with him. As much as I hate him I love my child more and when my kid is born and grows up I dont want him to see the anger I have for his father. I want my child to be proud of me and follow by example. And everytime I feel that hate building up again I tell myself that karma comes around and he will get his and even though I hate him so much he gave me the greatest gift and the love for my child overpowers the hate I have for him. Hang in there, its a struggle everyday but be proud of how strong you are and know that you being strong and not showing your hate for him only makes him look bad and feel like shit whether he shows it or not.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/28/2010

Like some of the other posters said it takes time. The guy who got me pregnant, and I'm not going to call him my son's father because I don't think of him that way, was an expert at stealing, lying, manipulation, making threats, being emotionally abusive and showing signs of any day becoming physically abusive so I got the heck out of there. To this day I'm still afraid of ever stepping one toe in the state he lives in and it's be almost 7 yrs and it's hard now for me to trust many guys, but other then that I can go a long time without ever thinking about him, all it takes is time. And yes maybe some counseling would work though I've never tried it.