How do I get my 8 year old to sleep in her own room ?

Leesaann1173 - posted on 07/11/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Before anyone posts the responses of its my fault, please know that for a few years my daughter shared a room with me due to some downsizing and changes in our lives. Last year we were able to move into a much bigger place and I made my daughter the most beautiful girl's room, a room any little girl would want. My daughter will NOT sleep in her room. It's to the point when I put my foot down and tell her no, she must sleep on her own, she will lay there sobbing for hours. When I ask her "sweetheart, what is so scarey about your room?" she tells me "What if someone comes in and you can't protect me.. " our home is a split plan so my room is on the otherside. We have never had a security issue where she should have to worry about that, I don't know how that started, but she seems legitimately afraid that I won't be able to protect her if she's in her room at night. Anyone else ever have this issue ? What did you do to get your child on the right track....

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Sarah - posted on 10/10/2013

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My opinion may get me in trouble here but here goes: she is 8 - if she feels safe sleeping with you then I see nothing wrong with it, regardless of what the experts say. I left my children's father when they were 2 & 6...many nights I fell asleep reading them stories in their bed and wondered back to mine at 4am....many nights we all jumped.into my kingsize bed to watch a movie or read stories and snuggle and we would all fall asleep. Some nights one or both would start in or go back to their own room...it wasn't really something that became an issue as their comfort was my only priority. When they are ready they are ready..things start to change when sleep overs become a thing and their imaginations become less intense as they come to believe that monsters don't live in closets or under the bed and they have enough life experience to know that not only would you not place them in a dangerous situation...but that you will always be close by to protect them and keep them safe. In a few years they will be at University and the nights you spent with a little elbow in your ear hanging on to the side 4" of vacant mattress will be a sweet but distant memory. Follow your instincts!

Trisha - posted on 07/17/2011

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I had a similar problem last year, after my daughter's paternal grandmother was killed in a home invasion only thirteen blocks from us, in what should have been a perfectly safe neighborhood. Give her the security of an alert system. Set her up with a whistle or a horn or something. Let her know, that if something happened to her, she could ring the bell, sound the horn, blow the whistle, and you will be right there. Test it out a few times, and show her how fast you can get there if something were to happen. It is okay for children to be aware of the dangers out there. One of the best things we can teach our children is to be aware, especially of their surroundings. They just need to learn the likely hood of something like that actually happening is rare, but it CAN happen. My daughter is eleven now, has no issues with it anymore, but it has certainly made her more aware of things going on around her.

Lissa - posted on 07/14/2011

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I have the same issue with my 6 year old daughter. We moved from a small one-bedroom place to a lovely house where she now has her own room. She was involved in the decorating/painting of her room and was so excited to have her own...but she refuses to sleep in it. She has told me exactly what your daughter has said to you and I assured her we were safe and drove the area and showed her the 24-hour security guards and police that patrol...no help. I have installed a security system that includes camera all throughout the house and still nothing! It was to the point that even I started to worry about me getting to her in time if something did happen! I was at my wit's end...then, I started to make her take her daily naps in the room, I have her doing her homework in there instead of the kitchen table, I have her playing in there instead of the family room in hopes that she will feel safe in her room...my fingers are crossed...hoping & praying for the best.

Hope this helps!

P.S. If you believe in prayer, then pray...a lot!!!

Jennifer - posted on 07/11/2011

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Has she been subject to movies or tv that had kinapping or the like of people or children in it? Or heard talk about it? Those are the main things I can think of to make her think about that kind of stuff (or even if you watcbh news!)....

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Lianne - posted on 01/29/2013

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Hi
I am going through the same kind of thing with my son who is 9. His Dad has always let him sleep with him when he goes there every other weekend. So when he comes home he doesn't feel safe if I am not with him...it has always been a big transition to get him back to his room again. So far this is what I am doing. I am making progress :)
Bath before bed, cuddle and read stories for 15 min.
When I turn the lights out .. I recently purchased a turtle ( for babies) night light that shines starts and moons on the celling. I then cuddle with him and we listen to music of nature sound mix with lullablies and we look at the stars. I stay with him until he falls asleep. I also have told him he can come in my room if he gets really scared and he can sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor in my room but Mom needs her own bed. Don't make the bed to comfortable on the floor or they will never leave. So far he comes in around 5 am and stays in his room most of the night.
Good luck

Nichola - posted on 01/17/2013

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I am having the same issue! My problem is 8 year old twins. 1 boy and 1 girl. My daughter sleeps in my bed and my son sleeps in my grandmothers room. We all live together is my grandmothers house being a single mom it was the most economical way to live. The twins share a room that they dont sleep in. As of March 1, 2013, I will finally get the opportunity to have my own house and the twins each have their own rooms. My son is fearful of moving because he will have to sleep in his own bed. My daughter is great with it. My son is mainly scared of the dark so I told him he could sleep with the lights on and whatever is needed for him to sleep. He is still really nervous about the move. How do I gracefully transition him into his own space without him feeling scared. PLEASE HELP!!!

Sabrina - posted on 08/14/2011

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hun don't think its your fault for one thing it was there circumstances of the time, but you have to use a lil force and even tho she's sobbing she's 8 she knows what she's doing, not that your child is bad (all kids learn how to control us (the parent), just let her sob and reassure her that you understand why she's sobbing but se has to stay in there and sobbing isn't goin to make you come running, (try buying a monitor or walkies talkies that way she can feel a lil safer) but all kids will play they're parents at any age to find out what they can get away with (mine does it to me all the time as well i finally got her to sleep in her own room bout a year and half ago) she use to sleep on the couch with me or in my bed with me all the time because it's what she was use too until i just started puttin her in her own room she cried and i mean cried but i'd snuggle her for a bit, read her a story and then told her ok it's bed time, and i'll see you in the morning. and eventually it does get easier and they end up feeling comfortable (if your just in the new place now she just needs to get use to it and your daughter is 8 and if she's reading have her read you a bedtime story)

Heather - posted on 08/07/2011

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My daughter is 7 and at times sleeps in my room with me. To get her to sleep in her OWN room I have to check on her every commercial break. I do this and reassure her she is okay.First time I check on her I go into her room , touch her and say goodnite. each time after that I do less. The last time I check on her I stand at her door say nothing and just look. By this time she is asleep!

Patricia - posted on 08/04/2011

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This will make you all laugh!!! The problem for me is reversed! Like a few other of you mommies I too just finished a beautiful little girls room for my daughter. She is in love with it (she's 4) and loves sleeping in jer very cool bed. Well i'm having seperation anxiety!! Several times ZI have gone and put her in bed with me and she wakes up and goes back to her bed!! LOL!!!! However one of my friends had your problem with her 9 year old. She decided to let her daughter redo her room to her comfort zone. Together they decorated and olivia (daughter) had all the say so. Believe it or not it was very cute. It was done with very little exspense. She has not come out of room since!! LOL!! But seriously it worked. It was now her room the way she liked it and she was now comfy in it. Its worth a try!!

Letitia - posted on 08/03/2011

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Try to make if fun for you two to be in separate rooms, the baby monitors are a great idea but maybe think of getting her to pick out some pretty pink walkie talkies that way you can talk to her in her own room and reassure her you can protect her with being in there with her..

Bryndís - posted on 07/21/2011

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When my yongest had scare issues I made a prair for him. Knowing that Jesus is always looking out for him and watching over him makes him feel safe when he goes to sleep. This prair also contains good dreams and the safety of our family and friends and it always makes him calm to go to sleep knowing that everyone he knows is safe because Jesus is keeping them safe :)

Julie - posted on 07/20/2011

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You have lucked out that she is a girl. Get her a baby doll she can put to bed' with her and then tell her that her baby wants her in bed with her. She will feel important and want to nurture that baby doll :o)

Jessica - posted on 07/19/2011

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First off I just want to say that children are born manipulating, they know exactly what to say
To manipulate the situation. Don't let her see ur convinced face. Explain to her that there is nothing to worry about and perhaps you can pick up a simple baby monitor jus to reassure her that you will he able to hear her or even see her depends how fancy the monitor . But dont delay because longer she gets things her way the harder it will become, as she keeps coming out of her room you keep putting her back . Its going to take patience and consistency. But it will work... Im a,mother of five I dnt think theres much I have gone threw. Lol

Claudia - posted on 07/14/2011

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the supernanny method works great for smaller kids but not for 8 year olds. my daughter is 8 and i am dealing with the same problem. she is very scared to sleep all by herself. i still havent found a way to convince her yet that she is safe and no harm will come over her. please help

Rebecca - posted on 07/14/2011

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My son is 8 and used to have the same issue, unlike your situation my room is right across 4 feet of hallway from his but he always seemed to have this crazy idea that something bad would happen. I tended to find that he settled down easier after a long story and with music playing and a light on.. Some children can be a little more difficult, maybe get a baby monitor and tell your daughter "If you need me, you can just call and I will hear you" It's most likely just seperation anxiety because she is so used to having you on hand.

Hannah - posted on 07/13/2011

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i totally understand my son is six and we have lived in and out of places sometimes he had his own room but for the most part we shared a room. i suggest a pet it worked wonders for me it gave him the scenic of security and friend to talk to in that big scary room he had a lizard first witch gave off some light now he has a dog it also gave him the responsibility of someone to take care of!!

Christina - posted on 07/13/2011

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Try a baby monitor. I had this issue with my daughter and that helped her to feel more secure. Good luck.

Kelly - posted on 07/13/2011

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My kids, aged 8 and 6, have bunk beds. My 8 year old is in the top and my 6 year old is on the bottom. They want to sleep in my bed because we went to the movies a month ago and saw Mars Needs Moms. They are afraid that aliens will come in and take me away, and they wouldn't be able to save me. I told them it's just a movie, it will be ok. They have walkie-talkies we use and that helps.

Candace - posted on 07/13/2011

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Try a baby video monitor, the camera goes in her room and the little tv reciever goes in your room, show her how it works and let her know you will always be able to see and hear her, I got mine at babies r us for about 150 but you may be able to find one a lil cheaper, good luck

Asmi - posted on 07/13/2011

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I think n feel all kids just have it! they feel secure in your room next to u!my kids daughter is 14 n son is 10 till date sleep in thier own room but some time in the night or early morning if they get a bad dream or wake up they come into my room.Its just they feel secure with us.They need to be explained that Mom is nearby pray to god n go to bed or maybe what I used to do was lie with them till they fall asleep n then they were OK

Melissa - posted on 07/12/2011

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I wish i knew that was the reason my son slept in my bed, however his room is right next to mine and he's 5. i don't know if this may work. It may be better to try this on a day you don't have to get up for work or something in the morning. Maybe one idea is you could sleep on the floor in her room one night and show her it will be alright. Or another thing would be have walkie talkies, so that way she can always get a hold of you any time during the night and it's a 2-way communication for her. You could also go to a used kids store like once upon a child and get a cheap baby monitor and set that up, so even while she's sleeping you could always hear in her room. I don't know if that would help comfort her in knowing that she can always talk to you if she needs you, where she doesn't even have to leave her room- and you can always hear her with the baby monitor even if she's not awake. it might be an idea to talk to her about to see if she's willing to give it a shot and willing to try it, and maybe turn it into a fun game too.

Jenny - posted on 07/12/2011

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I had that problem with my son and he was afraid of shadows and noises (we live in the country). I let him pick out this big stuffed animal and told him when mommy isn't here your buddy will watch over you and protect you. For the shadows and nosies I told him what caused them and play a radio at night to help him relax. It took some coaxing but eventually worked.

Jennifer - posted on 07/11/2011

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My 5 year old had a sleepover at our place with her cousin for which I set up a little easy set up tent in the room for them to sleep in, the same room that she has always slept in. Well, her cousin finally falls out and then I turn off the movie so that she can stop watching it and go to sleep because it was pretty late. She starts crying and getting upset saying she was watching that and I told her to stop crying, it is time to go to sleep. She then tells me that she's scared and I ask how can she be scared, this is the same room, just in a tent. But she seemed genuinely scared and that response didn't soothe her, so I climbed into the tent and ask her why she's scared. Her response blew me away: "Because the bad guys are going to come and kill me." I have no idea where she got that from because I don't usually play any of my movies in front of them AND even when I do there is no way she got that from any of the movies I've ever played on occasion in front of them. One of the kids movies is usually in their tv in the livingroom instead. And I hate news, so rarely ever watch even a little of it these days due to mostly bad news always on. I tried to ask her where she got that from, but didn't really get anywhere, so I still don't know. I told her, "Honey, the bad guys aren't going to come and kill you, ok? You are SAFE. Mommy would never let anything bad happen to you, ok? You are at home, you are SAFE." Or something along those lines. This seemed to satisfy her and she went to sleep.
I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, you could try to do what supernanny has parents do for younger children who get out of their bed and cry and cry about not sleeping with their parents? If you've never seen the show, I'm referring to the technique she uses where you sit where the child can see you, a little way from the bed with your side facing them until they go to sleep. Gradually move a little further and further away until she goes to sleep without you there. It's the only thing I can think of. It's worth a try.

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