How do you de-stress as a single mom?

Emily - posted on 07/12/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi friends,
I am feeling pretty wiped out lately. My baby is so incredibly beautiful, and he's one of the most easygoing babies around. I get a lot of compliments on how happy he is. So it's not like I have it that hard as a single mom.... but I am just exhausted.
The hard part about single mothering isn't the moment-by-moment stuff. I can cook with a baby on my hip with the best of 'em, and I have our whole morning routine worked out so that I am done in the bathroom before he's sick of his exersaucer. The hard part about single mothering is never having a break, never having the dad around to soothe the crying baby when he won't go to sleep or change his diaper or trim his nails. I feel guilty even wanting a break... he's so perfect, and I'm so lucky to have him... and I don't actually want more time away from him than I already have (I work full time).
I'm just tired, and I need a way to get the energy I need and fulfill myself in the midst of single parenting. How do you recharge as a single mom, with no dad around to watch the kiddo so you can take a bath or go on a walk?
Thanks - Emily

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Meagan - posted on 07/15/2010

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I cry. jk
Seriously, it's hard being a single mother. I sometimes envy the moms who have a father with visitation time set up!
Honestly, don't feel guilty for wanting to take a shower alone, or watch Tv and go blank for a couple hours or even wanting to have a girls night out.
I ask my parents to baby sit when I'm really stressed. Luckily, my dad (the grandpa) is awesome about taking care of my daughter. Since he's a truck driver, he doesnt see her often, so when he is home (I live with my parents, but I am still raising my daughter on my own... And taking care of the house, and going to school, and cooking, and taking care of my mom. lol) he usually takes her for most of the day. Or, if I desperately need a break, I will ask my mom to baby sit while I go into my own little world.
If you live near your parents, you should talk to them about spending a couple days with them. Be honest with them. tell them you just want a little bit of time to relax, and let them take care of your baby while you sleep in and take a bath.
Asking for a day off isn't wrong. I mean, I read all the time in parenting magazines about letting your spouse take over while you get your nails done, but with us single moms, we have to rely on friends and family. It doesnt make you a bad mom. It makes you a better mom, because after even a couple hours of no baby, you go back feeling refreshed and excited to see your baby again.

Julie - posted on 07/12/2010

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I've been doing it alone since day one, and my son is now 5 1/2. It's not easy. The one thing I did as soon as I could was set up a consistent bedtime. He's always gone to bed at 7:30pm which gives me at least a couple hours of "me" time each day.
The saying "it takes a village" is so applicable to single parents. Do you have friends who you could swap child watching with? Even just a couple hours a month is amazing!!
Good luck and hang in there!!

Shanythia - posted on 07/15/2010

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thanks Rebecca!!!! i totally forgot that point!!!! i too am a professional masturbator and that helps a lot too. as single mama's we've already proved that we don't "need" a man to handle business and sexual needs are still a big deal to us. ( or at least me, lol) as sexual beings, we should definitely make time to make love to ourselves and do small things to show ourselves that we're valuable and worthy of lovin', even if it does comes from ourselves.. i think regular women miss this point of masturbating in the first place.... it's not just a last resort for when we don't have a partner, we should do it as an expression of love to ourselves and as a part of our self- love and appreciation. besides, we already know our favorite spots and how we like to feel. if baby is asleep, head to the shower and get that fantasy going or when you get that break ( baby's away from home) have at it in an unconvetional part of the house and have a blast!!! sex is supposed to be fun. you can get into sexy anonymous chat online or jump on a free chat line and keep your safety and wild side in total balance. there's plenty men out there who love and appeciate sinlge mama's and respect that fact that "home comes first" and still don't mind supplying you with a sexy voice that can help you reach that peak- no pressure. you can role play and be whoever you want, it's up to you. there are lots of possibilities when you use your resources. ( lol, i hope that helps.... i'm a freak, and it never gets in the way of my parenting. my daughter doesn't know and the sexy voices on the other end of the phone or computer don't know my real name or any personal info) honestly, some men are in the same boat as you and just want to connect with someone- anyone is this isolated world... you could make a long- distance friend and you can set the rules for the relationship....it's just another option;) you work hard, you desrve to play hard too :) get it mama!
shanythia*

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Rhonda - posted on 07/15/2010

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I try to find a quiet place for a few minutes if I can so I can just relax. Just a couple of seconds if that's all I can get even with my three year old around. Try this and see if it may help you.

Rebbeca - posted on 07/15/2010

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Amen girl! =) It's good to know so many others out there share my feelings on the subject. I mean, truthfully, I knew most women feel the same (whether or not they admit it). But, I'm proud to admit just how much I love it throughout the day/night. Sometimes, I swear, don't even know why I bother wearin' panties. Lol!!

Rebbeca - posted on 07/13/2010

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It seems there's a common theme within some other threads here that I've been reading. Either that, or I've got a one-track mind. But in other threads, we've discussed what to do when kids are asleep and what to do to combat boredom and something that keeps coming up - MASTURBATE! Lol!! =)

Think that works with de-stressing as well!! ;) Certainly does in my case, so I take all the opportunities I can! ;)~

Shanythia - posted on 07/13/2010

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i make time to hang by myself whenever i can. i'm a 100% single mama and full-time student. when i'm at school, i go early to hang online or incorporate my time with time with her. it helps that i have great friends,(cook inc, lol) having a supportive group of friends is key to having time for yourself. god friends will come over so you can take a nap or give you hand doing laundry and grocery shopping. we do toddler-friendly things like movie night and going for walks. we take turns making dinner at my house and we even attempt to play cards when our kids can stay busy. i have someone keep my daughter every week so i can go out and dance and i even have family friendly dates with men i'm interested in. i let everyone know that "team cook" is awesome and to get to know us, you have to spend time with us. i suggest you go to the park or get a membership at the Y and start making friends with some of those mama's!!! we're single, but that just means we're brilliant, strong and damn resourceful. you can do it :D

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