How Do you Deal With the dead beat dads.

Lyndell - posted on 11/24/2008

unfortunately it is the children who have the rights to know and be cared for by both parents - providing of course there is not an unacceptable risk. After working in family law for aprox 15 years and being a single mum of two boys there are a few things I am certain of and that is - what goes around comes around and if we do the correct thing and dont cover for the shitty fathers it does not take long for the children to work it out for themselves. If they dont get exposure to the disappointments and the crappy behaviour ie the let downs and denigration to the mother, they develop a romantic view of the other parent and then one day you become the bad guy for not letting them get to know their other parent. It is damn tough you are caught between a rock and a hard place. But.....dont loose faith in the values you are instilling in your child and their ability to work it out for themselves what an idiot the other parent is!

Karin - posted on 11/24/2008

Just remember that they see and hear everything. No negativity about dad in front of Cole. When dad is doing it remind him that Cole is listening, and... Cole will remember these things as he gets older. They hear when we don't think they are listening. He will remember who was always there for him, you, who was the good role-model, you, and who didn't have a decent thing to contribute, him. Just because he's good with his son 15% of the time doesn't mean he should be around. Only my opinion. What he does away from Cole still affects Cole. My 2 yr olds father only wants her on Sunday afternoons, but he drinks like a fish every Saturday so she only gets him hung-over? I said not a chance.

Natasha - posted on 11/24/2008

I Totally agree with Twinkie & all she has said - my daughters father played all the games as well. trouble with the law..drugs...alcohol... abuser.. Leopards Do Not Change their Spots!!! i learnt that the hard way.. God im sooo much stronger for leaving this all behind me a decade ago!! slight scarring emotional & physically yet my daughter is in an evironment opposite to all that crap!!! Dont allow them to do these things to your children...BE STRONG

"Twinkie" - posted on 11/24/2008

My son is 13 and hasn't seen his father in years because of what you're going through... I wouldn't leave my kid with a user or an abuser so we walked away totally. We had been broken up for a years but we ended all contact. I've always been honest with my son and he knows everything with out me even telling him...

But I've also never said anything negative to my son about his father. I've reminded him that he got all our best qualities so he is the best version of both of us and the whole point of having kiddos is to have someone better then you. :) He stumped me once by asking what the best part of his biological father was... I just said he was the sweetest guy ever just like how my son is.

I don't get support

we don't get visits

if he did pop up i'd call the cops



Guy's like that... their bad choices will come before their children more often then not. And it's up to us as the dual parent to raise them better. I'd have nothing to do with him and even try to get his rights revoked if he's such an abuser.



But that's just my opinion.

User - posted on 11/24/2008

Well Thank you. I know its not going to be easy but i can do it. I know I can be there for Cole but what do i do about my personal feelings toward the moronic sperm donar, I hate having him there and i hate the way he thinks life is all about him and i just all around hate the guy but i still want him around for cole. hes good with cole. even though hes with him 5 days out of a month, but everyday that hes not with Cole hes out getting drunk high and into illeagle issues. And he hasnt paid a single dime for cole in 11 months....

Amanda - posted on 11/24/2008

I have the same trouble with my childs dad. All you can do is be there for you child and make sure that ur child knows what is true. i have found that being very truthful with my 4 yr old actually helps him deal with what all is going on. even though we may hate our ex's we always have to remember we are doing this for the dear child that we love so very much.