How do you do it all, when it's just you?

Tina El - posted on 04/22/2013

I have been a single parent for four years. I work full time - have a 10 year old little girl and a grown up son living with me. I also help to look after my aging parents. My problem is that my house is a mess my doors are hanging off their hinges, I need a new bathroom, kitchen and the entire house needs a good lick of paint and plastering in places. I find it diffcult to keep the house clean. My eldest son has diabetes and he doesn't help out and I am trying to teach my daughter self help skills but I don't want her to become a little cinderella. I want her to enjoy her childhood and chill out after school. She is a good child and reads to me everyday before she goes to bed.
Some of my family members think that I am lazy because when I have some spare time I sleep instead of catching up with my ironing or house work. I had a cleaner but my son sacked her for losing the dog. I don't get any help from anyone. I just want to try and keep on top of the house work and have people/friends over sometimes. At this moment in time I don't think my house is good enough to invite people in it. I just would appreciate any tips on being a good housekeeper and mum. Thank you.

Katie - posted on 08/08/2011

So I am not a single mom but I did spend 3 months with my husband in another country. At the time I had an 18 month old and a 3 yr old, 2 labs and a full time job. The only way I survived was to be organized and decide when I was going to get stuff done. I picked the days I was going to grocery shop, did 1 load of laundry a day and before I went to be laid out the boys clothes and everything that had to go to nursery with them along with all my stuff. That way I just had to get them up, dressed and out the door. THey had breakfast at school which gave me a time I had to have them at school by. It wasn't easy but we settled into a routine, which both my boys love routines so there was less issues with it as they got use to it. Good luck and know you are not alone!

Jenny - posted on 07/26/2011

I hear you loud and clear. I have no idea if it is possible to keep up. At one point I tried and I just couldn't short of mopping the floor while my 3 girls were having supper or folding laundry while they required my undivided attention. Someone gave me the best advice possible. You have to let go...Whatever, does not cause danger to your kids or yourself...leave it. You have to prioritize. Yes, I leave all the clean clothes in the laundry basket a few days BUT at least the clothes are washed. Yep, I leave the clean dishes in the dishwasher but at least they are clean. I spend quality time with my kids before I put them to bed and IF I have the energy I will do a small tasks. If I am too tired to make supper...we get creative I make a nice place of ham, cheese, carrots, cucumbers, pita bread and some ice cream for dessert...Did you notice I did not have to stand over an oven to cook? And they enjoy getting everything ready because I am so less stressed and stressful

Jane - posted on 07/25/2011

your house doesnt have to be perfect 247 even the "JONES" is never perfect, why are you stressing? tidy up when the kids go to bed, mow the lawn at tea time when the kids have had their tea and are watching videos. i had 3 kids under the age of 3 byu the time i was 21 and i had no husband, after the kids got up, i made their beds and then took their toys downstairs, if it was nice i blew up the padding pool, with no water and put toys in there, then hung the washin out, they were safe as it was rubber and couldnt hurt themselves, i also had a playpen for the baby so that i could safely go to the loo without there being an accident and sometimes i would put the washer on at night so i could put the washin out in the morning. i did the ironing as and when, so that i had time to do everything else. fold the clothes neatly so they dont need iironing. have a relaxing bath late when they are fully asleep. you stressing will make the kids adhd worse. relax have fun and dont worry what the neighbours say, if anything they might ant to help dont be too proud to ask xxx

Charity - posted on 10/08/2009

Im sorry to hear that you are newly single!!! I remember those days....grrr. I have two children that are barely 1 yr apart, and you just really have to rely on family, and friends. Wichever one surrounds you the most. At first, It was my ex's family, and that got awkward really quick. So I moved home and relied on my family and friends. I recently lost my father to cancer about six months ago, and now to add on to my pile of chores, I had to move in with my mother to take care of her, b/c she has never driven, or worked. Yes they were "Old School", and had just celebrated their 50th 4 days before he passed. I now do the lawn work, getting them off to school, getting them home, dealing with sicknesses, and taking them to their friends, or on play dates, I have to run my mother everywhere she has to go, and as far as my ex goes, well he fought me tooth and nail to get at least every other weekend, and now that he has got that.....he doesn't do ANYTHING else. You have to just take a deep breath, try not to plan anything, just go with the flow, and do what you can. If it doesn't get done, it will be there for you to do later. I always get my kids in bed, and then I tidy up around the house. I wake up before them through the week so I can work out a little, and that helps to some degree. Good Luck!! ~Charity~

Denetrah - posted on 10/08/2009

My secret method is prayer and meditation. you may not have 6 hours of sleep at night but you can steal quiet moments to yourself every once in a while. I am a single mother of 3 ages 4,6, and a 9-yr old with sickle-cell amenia. It is hard but one thing you must do is take care of yourself because if momma's not happy ain't nobody happy!

Claire - posted on 10/08/2009

I also have two boys 8 and 3 and work 3 days a week so i do know how you are feeling, I also found it very difficult at first ( i am a year and a half down the line of being a single mum). Do you have any family or friends who could help occasionally? I didnt like to ask at first because of my silly pride ( I am their mum i should be able to do it all myself!!) but i eventually found out that some family members and friends were a bit insulted because i didnt ask!!

I really dont think there are any secret methods apart from dont try and be wonderwoman. Leave some of the housework (i know i didnt like that idea when someone suggested it to me either but it does work!!) The ironing isnt going to go anywhere and besides you can always iron as you go as a last resort, i know i have had to most weeks. Dont tear you hair out and get stressed because things will seam 10 times worse and will probably get ten time worse.

As for the outside chores get the kids in their scruffy clothes with wellies etc and get them to do some of the work with you!! Granted they might not do it right but at least they (and you) might have a bit fun together and chill out a bit, and besides if they are entertained you might get a little bit of what you want to do done!!

Good luck with it all i know its hard but i am sure you will work it all out it will get easier and once the boys start school you will have a bit more time on your hands(and will probably be lost without them.

Evenjelyn Mama-u - posted on 10/08/2009

To all th single moms be strong....God can not gv you anything u can't handle....Single moms are all the strong women chosen by God, and its jst a path to success and a regret to th fathers wu whr nt thr for raising a life.....

Tammy - posted on 10/07/2009

Hey I was a single mom for almost 20 yrs.... my husband left when i was pregnant with our third lil boy..... i worked full time and spent as much time with my boys as possible, if the work got done that was great but if i left dishes or vaccummin for a day i was ok with that cause my boys were happy, as they got older they helped me with outside chores, I to had no one to watch my boys for me except when i was working then it was daycare. i wouldnt change a thing about my life, my boys turned out to be good kids and who respect me for wat i did for them... just remember somethings can wait dont neglect them for anyone or anything......... things will work out and will get better, im sure your doing a great job, keep your head up and be proud of wat you accomplish!!!

Ebony - posted on 10/06/2009

I've been doing it 7 yrs. I'm currently raising my kids, going to scholl, and working. It's hard because I feel like I'm depriving my kids but I know once I'm out of school it'll be better. But it does get hard and in my situation I don't have anyone to watch my kids when I need some alone time or just to get away some I am literally with my kids everyday, not saying it's a bad thing but it can be a little trying. Just try to take time out for yourself every once and awhile even if it means skipping work and staying at home or finding a sitter for over night or even one day during the weekend. Your stronger than you think you are believe me cause I can't believe I'm holding up so well!

Amy - posted on 10/06/2009

What you might find helpful is this tip: List everything you have to get done in a day, breakfast, snacks, mow lawn, diaper changes, sleep, play, work etc. Then, fold a paper lengthwise to form 2 columns, mark one 'Need' and the other 'Want'. Put everthing into one of the 2 columns, for example, Breakfast is a need, mowing the lawn is a want. To survive your day you must eat but if you don't get the lawn done it won't hurt anything to wait until tomorrow and try again. For the time being forget your want list and focus on your need list. Go through the list and make each Need as automatic as possible. For example, at my house we have cereal for breakfast, cheerios and milk with juice. I know how much cereal we have to have on hand so that I only have to buy it once a month, I know what part of my Friday I use to stop and get enough milk for the next week. Truth be told I hate Cheerios but when we are running the gauntlet in the morning I know we can eat and get moving pretty quickly, when I have extra time (as I am now starting to get) I can actually make breakfast. Make each of your needs a priority one at a time, figure out the most efficient way to get it done and then move on. At first the lawn looks awful and you cringe at the thought of people dropping in, but over time you customize your day so that it works for you, and your lawn starts to look like the perfect place for a picnic. :-) Good luck!

Teresa - posted on 10/06/2009

Hi - I'm new to the group. Although my divorce wasn't final until June 2009, I have been a single mom most of my son's life. His father traveled for work frequently and loved his sports. Rarely was he home. Once he moved out & the visitation scheduled started, I actually found my life to be easier. Maybe our husband helped out more so you're situation could be the opposite of mine. In any event, when Rowan is at his dad's (every other week Thur - Sun) I devote week day evenings to more simple but time consuming tasks such as laundry and grocery shopping (they are less busy during the week so it saves time) and then tjhe weekends to bigger projects, like cleaning the entire house. I live in a single family home & have found that I simply can not do everything. You should see if there are any young boys that are offering lawn services. They're not professionals but your yard gets mowed for a cheap price. That has been a huge help for me! Mowing & cleaning the house took up my entire weekend & that just left me exhausted. Since I have a single family home, there is a lot of outside maintenance that needs to get done. I'm currently getting estimates from "handyman services" so they can get done quickly and then hopefully I can keep up with them afterwards. With the poor economy, I have found you can get a lot done for less money. These guys are hungry for work and I'm hungry for help so its a win/win.



The most important things is to make time for you. I have seen other mom's mention this as well but I can't stress it enough. At first I tried to push myself to get it all done and I was tired & irritable when my son came home. He was happy to see me & I was dreading assuming all the mom duties that were coming my way. Once I started making time for me, all of this changed and it was a great feeling for both of us. Now we play in the evenings instead of me being too tired or trying to do more stuff around the house. And making time for you doesn't have to be costly, while massages & manicures are great they cost money & I'd much rather save and get some outside help with the lawn than my nails looking pretty (I can take care of those myself for a lot less). My favorite thing to do is antique shopping. I hardly every buy anything but its fun & takes my mind off of work and chores. Another thing is an evening at home doing nothing, take a bath, watch a good movie, catch up on your shoes but whatever you do -house chores are not allowed during this time.



It's hard but you'll get the hang of it. If you have too much to do, make a list & then put the most critical ones at the top. And set a goal of two or three - never look at the full list as it can be overwhelming & discouraging. I've found if I just put 2 or 3 things on my tasks list, I knock them out more quickly and feel like I've accomplished something. Good Luck!

Shelly - posted on 10/06/2009

I think everyone has given you great suggestions. Overall a daily chart system helps tremendously. If you need help setting one up check into Flylady. It's free and you can sign up for daily email reminders. The emails do get a little overwhelming but just even checking out her website, setting up a system and just giving yourself a break too will help so much. Habits take a little while to stick, but just keep after it and you will. The Flylady website is www.flylady.net It really does have wonderful organization ideas. Hang tough! A little bit each day is the key.

MICHELLE - posted on 10/06/2009

IDK I NEED TO FIND OUT MYSELF!

Dawn - posted on 10/06/2009

Teresa welcome! lol Yes mam it is very hard and very stressful. Everything is different for every mother! I personally do every chore by the day of the week. Monday clothes. Tuesday yard work{If its raining I do it on Sunday} Believe me it doesnt always work out this way but at least you can sorta have a plan! Good Luck and Just remember your not alone. There are alot of us out here doing the same thing.. And have faith to know you can do this you can manage it all it just takes time...

Melissa - posted on 10/06/2009

believe in yourself and dont be afraid to ask for help from people that care about you!!! We all need it and are totally afraid to ask but they are willing..Trust me ...i learned the hard way!!

Princess - posted on 10/05/2009

Well for one you have to pray that everything will be better for you and hold on in there.Things will be better you have towork around the sleeping and still at the same time you get sleep but set aside a special time for you to get things done and you to have time to yourself.If you need to right done a schedule for everything.And also do you have a good support system like family and friends,have them to help out to if its only for an hour?You have to have some type of support or you will go crazy.I know exactly how you feel cause im doing the same thing but hang on in there god will take care of His own.

Andrea - posted on 10/05/2009

I'm a single mom of 3...8, 5, and 2. I only had the two older ones when my husband and I split...and Oh my, was it hard! I struggled, I lost it at times! But I eventually got it down! Stay strong, depend on other people! If there is ANYONE, a little cousin, friend, fam member...anyone that will come over and just set with the kids why you do some things, let them! Don't be afraid to ask for help! I had my daughter 2yrs ago, and have been raising all 3 of them on my own. I work full time, I go to school full time, and I keep things together at home as well. People ask me how you do it, and I really could not tell you how I do it, I just do! Take a deep breath, relax, let things go. The lawn will still need mowed tomorrow, the floors will be dirty still in an hour, the laundry is gonna be there, but those little ones who need you, they are not always gonna be there!!

Isabel - posted on 10/04/2009

I really suggest at the moment that you stop stressing about how and when things should be done and take it step by step. With kids everything you plan or try to get straightened up will be messed up with in minutes. It is great to include them and try to make a game out of picking up their toys...my kids love the clean up song. The one thing I have learned is that the more control you try to hold on to getting everything done in a certain way and time frame the more overwhelmed you will get. It is impossible to determine anything with kids running around like wild banchees(I am talking about my own). Embrace the time you have with the boys and include them in the chores, believe it or not it works, the only time they will stop driving you mad is when they feel like they are a great big help. Take it one day at a time, things will start smoothing out.

Ashley - posted on 10/04/2009

i am a single mother of 3 they are 4,2, and almost 5 months.. what i found easy to do is make a list.. a chart so to speak of what can be done later put at the end of the list and what is more important put at the top.. i go to school full time and raise my kids.. i do all the mother and daddy things..it is hard.. but you learn to adjust and get into a rountine that fits you and your kids.. it does take awhile to get use to though cause sometimes you wish you had help and its not there

Genevieve - posted on 10/04/2009

You are doing it already! Just finding it hard which it is of course-the most demanding job of all. With 2 children with ADHD it makes it even harder but you can do it. Ask for help and accept help when it's offered. Prioritise tasks and don't live yr life by other ppl's standards..housework is 2nd to yr children so try not 2 get stressed abt everythng being perfect all the time. Make meals that are easy to prepare and involve yr children in everyday jobs. Spend time on yourself when the children are asleep or busy even if you think it's easier to get things done then. Spending time on yourself when you can helps you relax and re energise yourself. When the children start school you will find things a bit easier, for now let the grass grow n the toys stay on the floor..You can do anything!

Michelle - posted on 10/04/2009

I've always been a single mom so it is a way of life for me. Do what you can & the rest will be there tomorrow. Decide what is more important to you, having a spotless house or a house that looks like kid(s) live there if it means an hour of cuddling/playing with your kids? Get in a routine but realize it's okay if it doesn't get done right now. Pick & choose your battles wisely. Is it worth fight over toys not picked up & they go to bed late & are overtired the next day or is it more important to let them get their sleep & save your sanity? Make a game of picking up the toys the next morning before they get more toys out? A child will remember more when they are older the time you spent with them rather then you time you took to clean house. Good luck!

Laura - posted on 10/03/2009

Get a smaller lawn? simplify! Don't fold the underwear! Get a shoe box in the dresser drawer! I used to keep shoes lined up under a table near the front door, now its a pretty basket we toss them in.

Heather - posted on 10/03/2009

I have been a single mom for a year and I can totally relate to how you are feeling. At first, I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, but, eventually you just figure it out. My kids are 7 and almost 4. My 7yo is PDD-NOS, ADHD and a bit more. So, that's a challenge in itself, but, again, you eventually figure it out. I agree with the other moms that keeping up around the house a little each day is helpful. I do one load of laundry a day. When I switch it to the dryer, I take it out the following day when I do the next load. I do one BIG clean a week...or so lol. During the week it's maintenance/picking up. I try to get them in on the clean up and make it a game...sometimes successful. I unload the dishwasher while they are finishing their dinner. After bedtime, I clean up the kitchen and finish loading the diswasher and run it overnight. My lawnmower died this summer. My neighbor has agreed to help out. So, the broken mower actually helped me! There are days when stuff doesn't get done, but you do the best you can. As you keep going day to day, you will figure out what works best for you. I also strongly agree with the other moms that you need to take a breather now and again. A stressed out mom = stressed out kids. A happy, relaxed mom = happy, relaxed kids. Keep your chin up. You WILL make this work and find peace on the other side!

Anita - posted on 10/03/2009

The best thing I can tell you is to take it one day at a time, one thing at a time.... I have a 7 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. It's hard, but I try not to beat myself up for the things I can't accomplish. I work full time, and I am Mom full time, there are no "every other weekends" with Dad for my kids, so I do make sure I get a sitter now and then so I can get out and take a breather. That is VERY important. I have trouble keeping up with the housework sometimes, but my kids are happy and well-balanced so I guess I am doing ok! Oh, and do make sure you get the sleep you need! You are no good to yourself or your kids if you aren't healthy and well-rested. Keep your chin up, you can do it! Take care.

Nicole - posted on 10/03/2009

Time management is key. Make a schedule that works for you. Include the kids. If they make a mess have them pick it up. They are at the age where you can teach them to keep their area clean. My children and I have a system. When they are done playing with something they have to put it away before they can get something new. My four year old helps with the trash. I tell him I can't do it and I need someone that is strong. Of course I help but he gets for instance the bathroom garbage and I get the kitchen garbage. I agree with [ Lisa Mounser Scott] do not slack off. It is a lot harder to play catch up. You can even have your kids help with laundry. Have them separate colors or throw a load in the washer (of course you add the soap and start the machine) They love to help. While they do that you can be doing something else like putting away clothes. After eating have them put their plates in the dishwasher. What ever you do make sure to include the kids or you will always be picking up after them. Schedule and rewards for you and the kids. And use their napping and sleeping time wisely.

Paulette - posted on 10/03/2009

Being single and raising children is definately challenging, but take time to reward yourself in the good things you are accomplishing. Make yourself a chart, and if you don't get it all done, don't berate yourself. Take pride in having happy children, cause when they see you all stressed out, they are more likely to act out.



If I don't get the yard mowed, I ask a neighbor kid, and I know the laundry will get done and I put it in baskets instead of their dressers as it is easier for my 3yr old to choose from a basket. I do the dishes when they go to bed, involve the kids with the cleaning, and don't sweat the small stuff.

Sandy - posted on 10/03/2009

You must take time for yourself to unwind!!! That is the most important thing you can do, if you don't you may go crazy! LOL This is something I do know, I am a single mom with 7 kids. I have five boys and 2 girls from 21 to 5 yr old twin boys. The twins also have PDD-NOS / ADHD and Autism & both have sensory issues. They have some sort of therapy 4 days a week thet keeps me extremely busy. Plus I put myself back in college..ya know...cuz I didn't have anything better to do with my time. LMAO



Chores...just do what is needed. I have given up on a neat house. I take a day once or twice a month to do a GOOD cleaning. The rest of the time just maintenace or picking up. I stopped worrying about people coming over and seeing toys...I have kids...SO WHAT..step over the train track. Most people are amazing I do what I do...they dont really care what my house looks like. Heck, if it is messy maybe they will help pick up!! LOL



Outside chores...I knew I could not keep up with those if I tried so I moved into a townhouse..the association mows and shovels. Can you hire a neighbor kid for a few bucks to mow for you??



You can do it and don't be afraid to ask for help. Take your time to yourself even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for a long shower (this I have also done). Just know that everything will work out and a positive additude is a MUST!!



Good luck to you and keep posting here, it will help. :-)

Diana - posted on 10/03/2009

I have 3 kids, 18,9 and 7. I work 3 full days a week.I make a schedule Mon thru Friday and do my big chores when I am off, when they are in school or work. After work, things like dishes and laundry or grocery shopping get be done. Being a single parent is not easy but with the proper planning can be done. I have been a single parent for 6 years now. I was doing it all myself anyway so I thought I might as well be by myself and all of a sudden my work load was cut in half just by him being gone.



I do realize at the beginning at your new found freedom your going thru a lot of pain...it will ease and all will settle.I wish you lots of luck!!!



P.S. Moms also need have time for themselves...take time to read or just relax, watch a good movie etc.

Lisa - posted on 10/03/2009

Hi, It can be difficult if your not organized. I try to do one task a day, they key is to stick to it and not slack off then you don’t have to do it all at once. I also find a chart works I did one up as a star chart for myself and when I fill all my boxes I reward myself with a nice coffee out. The children have the same with their tasks they get a reward from the good child basket when all their chores are done. Simple things like making their bed and opening the curtains in the morning.

I do, Mondays clean the bathroom and toilet, Tuesdays clean down the kitchen cupboards, stove and general area, Wednesday clean the dinning/lounge area ie dust wipe down any areas that have finger marks etc, Thursday mop, Friday if there are any areas that need attention ie walls, dusty fans that sort of thing. Daily I sweep with my carpet sweeper, it is a manual one so it doesn’t wake the children and can be done when they are sleeping last thing before bed takes about ten minutes. The gardening is a entire family activity. We all have our own garden patch my children are 3 and 5 and simply love weeding and or planting or spreading out their plants whatever needs doing they are more than willing to help do. Not always the best at spreading out the plants LOL but the general idea is good.

I have also found it a great saver to have a mini veggie garden for things like tomatoes, beans and herbs. We grow what is in season and silver beat is so easy it just re grows when you cut off the leaves, the same as most lettuce.

If for some reason you don’t do one job on that day, don’t stop doing the others. If the bathroom doesn’t get done for a week it won’t fall apart. Simply keep going with the tasks for each day and soon you will find your sticking to a easy routine and not pulling your hear out or worrying if you have an unexpected visitor.

Children don’t notice a messy house they do notice a stressed out mum.

Kelly - posted on 10/02/2009

Im sorry to hear ur newly single, life can be a little harder (so ive been told) ive always been a single parent so to me its just the way its always been. My daughters father and i broke up wen she was 2 months old and my sons father run before he was born. im lucky to have my 9 year old daughter who is well behaved and helps around the house and with her little brother who is a very hyperactive 3 year old. Do your kids go to daycare? i work four days a week and try to finish work early atleast one day a week so i can do any shopping i need to. I have a trampoline with a net in the back yard which i put my son in while i mow the lawn ( he is safe from falling a happy bouncing a round). i use one day a week to cook tea, about 3 meals ( etc a big pot of pasta sauce, a chicken dish, a stew aand i freeze them up in serves big enough to feed us all for a night. but as for the house work i cant help im sorry :) i do a big clean once a week but i always struggle to keep up with it, i wish i could afford to pay some one to help lol.

Good luck, take pride in the fact that everything you do you do yourself and thats a huge thing!! try if you can to make sure you get a little time to yourself, its important for you to be able to relax otherwise the stress can get you down.

take care x

Danielle - posted on 10/02/2009

I don't have it quite as difficult and I'm sorry but what I found is some things just need to be done later. I put the dishes in either when I'm making dinner or after she goes to bed. We go grocery shopping sat morning and I throw in laundry and run out trash when she's napping. When it comes time for picking up toys be it in the yard or house you can make it a game for them to help, like can they finishing cleaning their room by the time you finish the vacuuming or something. Maybe mow while they play on the other side or something. I don't have a house yet so I'm sure I'm not thinking of something you need to do but always remember they can help if its fun and things can wait if they need to. Don't worry you can do it!