How do you feel about your child's deadbeat dad having a wife and other kids?

Tia - posted on 10/17/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My sons deadbeat dad,who never botherd to meet him has a girlfriend now that he seems to adore more than his own child.I only know this because I looked at his Facebook page.Anyway I feel like if he married this girl and had more kids then took care of them it would make me hate him even more.How do you all deal with that?And,do you tell your kids,or just let them find out on their own?

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[deleted account]

I didn't bad mouth my ex in front of my daughters. The ex has been in and out of my girls' lives. A couple of years ago he decided to come back into their lives (divorce number 2 and probably pressure from his family about knowing what the girl were up to). Anyway that lasted for a few months before he stopped. When asked by my eldest - I said that it was up to her Dad he either couldn't or wouldn't continue writing to them. I have let the girls make their mind up about their Dad, and generally speaking all three of my daughters aren't interested in having contact with their Dad. My eldest knows a bit more about her Dad than her sisters, but it was information that was better coming from me than someone else. She has made her decision about him and I respect her for that. She also understands why I have held information back about her Dad until she was ready for it.



As for your son, it is better that your son hears about his Dad from you, in a controlled situation, rather than from someone else locally. Remember to keep it to the facts, keep emotions out of it as much as possible. He will see for himself how interested his Dad is with him (or not). If you force your ex into having contact then it make it even more difficult in the future if and when your ex does decide to a relationship with your son.

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Tia - posted on 10/19/2012

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Yep,its so funny how some men don't want things until they see another man with it.I really don't ever think I'll see or even speak to my child's father again,but maybe its for the best.

Tia - posted on 10/19/2012

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Wow! I thought I was the only one.I know he never goes looking at my page,which is private anyway,but I still blocked his page anyway for myself.I don't want to see his page come up on the people you might know.And,blocking him there helps me avoid the temptation of looking at his page.There are no pictures of my son,that I sent him,up there anyway and no mention of my son.I finally come to terms that he is pretty much acting like we don't exist and we need to do the same.

Kristin - posted on 10/18/2012

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My kids dad doesnt see them either and time heals the anger. I wish him the best and hope he does get a wife and has more children one day. I dont harbor the anger anymore as I have moved forward in my life and I believe it is his loss not mine. You cant force a father to be a dad and the hate, anger and bitterness get you no where. It is what it is and all you can do is focus on you and your child and do what makes you happy. I never bad mouth the kids dad but I know they will eventually come to their own conclusions regarding their father. PS I also blocked my kids dad off my facebook so he cant see mine and I cant see his. I dont want to know what he is doing as I dont really care all i want is for him to be happy and be a dad to his kids one day

[deleted account]

my ex husband remarried a few years ago, his second wife already had children of her own from previous relationships. Looking at the pictures, they went on holiday together, yet we never used to do as a family. Anyway he and his second wife started getting divorced almost 3 years ago now.



I've let my girls make up their own judgement about their Dad. My eldest in particular, because I know that her thoughts about her Dad will be filtered down to her two younger sisters.



I know that my ex is in another relationship, my attitude is 'OK, get on with your life'. It means that when I do finally get a new partner for myself there is little that he can say as for the 8 and bit years that we've been separated (divorced 7 of those years), he's had a string of relationships. I'm looking forward to the day that I do find myself a new man, but in the back of my mind, know that when my ex finds out, that he will probably kick off about it. My answer to him - he's had lots of relationships and got remarried (then divorced) so if it's OK for him to do it (without asking my permission) then I don't have to inform him.

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