How do you stop aggressive behavior in young boys? He hav threatened me broke his room window

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Julie - posted on 05/06/2009

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Hi

I am a single mom and my son has ADD( same as ADHD) he is now 12 years old but I remember all to well these days!! Like you I had a tough time. A child that has ADHD understand things differently(math, reading etc) and it'd very frustrating for them when people do not understand them, but you and your other children must understand that as well. To let them know the situation is bether because like that they all know what is happening and they will be less frustration for all. As for the aggression you need to hold you ground, children with ADHD need structure and you will have to repeat a lot. We when to see a psychologies for children and it was the best thing, he made my son understand what he had and he helped my to get the formal evaluation from CHEO and help for subventions for tutors and more. If you need numbers or places where to go let me know. The psychologies name is Patrice Oligny 819-242-1133 and he is in Grenville he has more than 24 years under his belt :O)

Good luck

[deleted account]

Never ever back down. You always have to be the general, the boy is the private. Cut out all tv and stick with peaceful music, its hard to have a tantrum with Bach or new age. Don't give long explanations, be clear and consistant with short instructions. If his sister irritates him - she gets timeout and since she is older hers is longer :). Reward him when he is good, make sure he has plenty of physical activity every day - take up jogging, long walks etc anything to tire him out. Whispering commands as the poster above indicated works wonders as well.

Michelle - posted on 05/02/2009

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I also took child classes to learn different techniques and try to whisper instead of yell. It's 100% more affective. They listen thinking it's a secret. They expect the yelling, try the whispering.

Michelle - posted on 05/02/2009

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You drive to the Police Station and explain to them the behavior and have an officer talk to them. This can work very well. I know another mother who did this with her 5 year old boy. He was hitting mom and grandma and disrespectful. The police addressed the behavior and thanked the mother for addressing this. His attitude problem got much better after this. And if he's having anger mangement issues, try an art therapist. Get a drum set or something to get aggression out. Try to direct these feelings in a more positive way.

Julie - posted on 05/02/2009

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I don't have that deep voice either. But actions do work! It truly took everything i had to hold him in that spot, but once i saw him weakening, i realized that i had to be strong for him!! Don't get me wrong it took me months to get it right, but it was worth it. He has much more respect for me now. He pushes his limits some times, but he knows mommy is not giving in because he is worth it. I remind him of that over and over. He needs a lot more attention than my daughter ever did. Maybe it's a boy thing!! As for it happening more at home, it did. I think it's because they know once they got us alone they want all of our attention. I hope this fades with age, cause we do need down time too:-) No, a male figure around will not change the way he acts towards you!! He knows that mommy's are the pushovers. A guy around would take some of the attention off you, yes. But make sure it's a possitive attention. My little one is really jeolous of my boy friend now and demands more attention when he's around, but luckily my boyfriend gets along great with him. Now he has someone, else to "play" with. It's a good thing though. They fight for my attention, it's kinda cute!! My son does get rude when he gets tired and wants mommy time and my boyfriends around, but that's a whole other issue. Kaden always comes first. Then the rest of my life will fall into place!!:-) Keep your head up and Stay Strong!! It's all worth it!!

Shannon - posted on 05/02/2009

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Thank you for great advice! I think I just gave up for awhile because it just wore me out....now I have to try twice as hard to get back into the grove...I hope all of this pays off...It motivates me everytime I see my son smile or give me a hug and say I love you or if he draws a cool picture for me! Thats what is so hard, I can see the great little boy he can be. People say not to be as emotional but it is impossible as you go through the tantrums... I do hold him and he says mean things and tries to hit me with any body part available even his head. He must not like being that way either! I wonder often why does it only happen at home? Is there anything I can change at home that would help him? We do have a busy lifestyle because when we are out and about it seems like he does better...it is those times when I have nothing going on and want to stay home and relax that are challenging! Do you think having no male figure around is part of it...or do you think that doesn't matter...I just am not a woman with that deep startling voice that kids listen to.

Julie - posted on 05/02/2009

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My son used to act out very aggressively and say really mean and theatening things to me. I was told what Michelle said above and it's very hard to stay calm and to stick to your guns, but it pays off. I have had to sit with him in time out, holding him down, for 20 minutes at a time. He wouldn't stay unless i held him. So, i'd sit with him a wrap my arms around his and we'd cry together..... I'd tell him how much i loved him as he was trying to bite and scratch me. He would completely exhaust himself until he was just out of energy. I thought he would never give in, but he did. Honestly, the first couple times i gave in, because i couldn't take it. I would go hide in my room and cry. But, the last time i held him, it was a good 30 minutes, he gave in. I just kept telling him that i loved him, even if he hated mommy right now. Once he was all out of energy, he said he was sorry and he doesn't know why he does things. He now does not what to go to time out and he actually has second thoughts when i used the time out card. It really worked for me. I just had to dedicate my time and emotions in confining him for those 30 minutes. Letting him know that i was not giving in that time. I also couldnt understand where he was getting some of the things he was saying. Like " i hope you get hit by a car" or " i'm gonna stab you with a screwdriver in the head and make you bleed". This things really freaked me out. A doctor asked me what does he watch on tv. He only watched disney channel and noggin. He told me, it must be the news, since that's the only thing i get a chance to watch. Now i make sure he's not around when i watch the news. It has made a world of difference. He hasn't said anything like that ever since. He's still has his moments, but he is truly 80% better. Sorry to ramble, but i hope it works out for you!!

Shannon - posted on 05/01/2009

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It is so hard not to react if I think someone is going to get hurt... but doing it in a much calmer way is the key...which is easier said than done in those moments...and he is very destuctive in his room...do you think locking the door is good...it doesn't seem to be helping...but its my last resort

Michelle - posted on 05/01/2009

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Hmmm...first of all, don't panic. ADHD is pretty common. Ask your 8 yr old to try to help by not reacting at all to his outbursts. Usually actions like his are attention- seeking, even if not intentionally. Then, if he throws a tantrum (ie, throws, hits...) do not react. Just calmly tell him he needs to stay in his room until he can come out to tell you what he wants or what is bothering him. It won't work right off the bat - he will test you. If he comes out of his room (by the way no TV, games, etc...while in there) then brin ghim right back, over and over, until he finally falls asleep or comes out to tell you. It is very trying and hard - but stick with it,. You may want to try first when the other girls are not there. He is getting to the age where it will be increasingly difficult to curb his behavior...so do right away.

Shannon - posted on 05/01/2009

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He has been diagnosed with ADHD, I am a single mother, he has an older sister who is 8 and a younger sister who is 2. My oldest daughter likes to stand her ground in the fights they get into and she ends up getting him worked up and it doesn't take long for him to get irritated and then he acts out. He has been throwing things and trying to hit me or his sisters so I put him in a time out in his room, and I have had to lock the door because he is so mad at the time. A lot of the time the blow out happens over something so minor as not having the right treat or me not doing something right when he needs it.

Michelle - posted on 05/01/2009

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Tell me a little bit about what you are currently doing to stop the behavior. Also tell me a little about you - single, sisters older or younger...

Shannon - posted on 05/01/2009

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He is only six and it scares me because he is all ready desroying many things in our house and being unsafe to himself and his sisters.

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