How hard is it to be a single mom?

User - posted on 12/17/2009 ( 117 moms have responded )

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I just wanted to talk to other single mothers out there, i am 22 years old and i have two beautiful little girls ages 4 and 2. Me and their daddy just recently split up and im sooo scared. I am living at home with my mother again, so that makes it a little easier, but, me and her have the same amount of patience, and when you put us in a house together with two hyper toddlers, well... it isnt good! lol.. we get along fine, but i am under so much stress right now, i guess i just wanted some advice from some of you! I have been watching my middle sister she recently bacame a single mother, and she works her but off pretty much every day of the week, but she seems to be okay.. someone help!

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Liz - posted on 12/19/2009

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I guess your could call me an old hand at this. I was a single mom from day one and now have a lovely and talented almost 25 year old daughter. To all you younger women out there--don't dispair! Yes, you will have stress. Yes, there will be hard times, but trust yourself, you heart and your love for your presious little ones to see you through. Get hooked up to a good support system(church, family, community group) and don't be ashamed to cry for help when you need it.
Life is full of ups and downs, but if you take it one day at a time, things will work out.
My love too all of you!

Corrina - posted on 12/30/2009

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It's never easy being a single parent, but it's not all bad. It can be challenging sometimes to put emotions aside and make decisions that are best for the child/ren, but you need to make that happen no matter what. When my ex left I was 6 months pregnant and I spent a lot of months staying hurt that he left, so I went to counselling a lot to deal with those emotions. I took come conflict resolution courses to help me communicate with my ex, as we could be highly volitile. And just keep in mind that you won't be living with your mom forever, it's only for a time. I found it really helpful to talk with my mom and sister and set some boundaries with them about my daughter because they didn't agree with some of the decisions I was making and often times wanted to punish my ex for leaving; that's NOT the right thing to do!!! At the end of the day that is your children's father and THEY have the right to know him and have a relationship with him. It's not about you!! Point out to your mom that they are your children and although she may not agree with all your choices, you appreciate her feedback and will continue to make decisions that are best for your children and yourself. As for stress, you are only one person, do what you can; create a plan and identify what you need and what you need to achieve that goal and go do it. Little by little it gets done. Remember to breathe, take a few moments everyday for yourself and cherish the moments with your kids!! The dishes can wait, you and your kids are more important!! Good luck!!

Monique - posted on 12/27/2009

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Hi Jacky! I left my then 5-year-old daughter's father (we were married for 11 years) in December of 2006 and we never attempted a reconciliation. Nothing was really "wrong" (he didn't abuse me, didn't cheat on me, was a good provider, etc.) - I just battled for years with the feeling that we just weren't right for each other and I didn't want my daughter to grow up and marry someone based on the model I was setting. Granted, I am a bit older than you and was able to leave him with the house we owned and purchased a town home (at first it all felt so liberating!), but the emotional challenges a single mom faces are all very similar. I help run a single moms' group in Minneapolis called Alone Together: Single Moms Support Group and it has truly been a God send. I do not know what I would do without a lot of these wonderful, supportive other single moms in my life. So you ask how hard it is to be a single mom. Well, it's definitely not easy, but neither is being married even when it's a good relationship. I think what is difficult is just plain growing older and having more responsibility in life, and learning a lot of things about this world are unfair and people can be unkind. Not to be trite but one of my favorite pieces of advice comes from Dr. Phil - "Children would rather be FROM a broken home than LIVE IN a broken home" - and I think it is very helpful to keep in mind that no matter what struggles you face, you are doing what is best for your children. I can tell you this: It DOES get easier! I highly recommend that you look for a good support group of other single moms who can relate to the experiences and frustrations that you have to deal with, and that you DO NOT isolate yourself! What I mean is don't be afraid to go out with friends once in awhile and get the kind of help, love and understanding you need and deserve (and you're children will be getting the best mom possible)! When I say that it does get easier, by no means am I implying that everything eventually becomes rosy and perfect - goodness no! But you cry a lot less and you become a lot stronger. Of course you are always going to question if you are doing the right thing for your children, that is absolutely normal and expected. But don't beat yourself up, just promise to do the best job you can do for yourself and your children and you will get over any and all obstacles placed before you.

Best of luck to you!

Shana - posted on 12/17/2009

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Hi, I am 21 yrs old and I have a 10 month old little boy. I left his father when he was 2 months old. I mean it is hard to give advice because everyone's situation is different. It is really hard at first because not only do you have to care for you child/children but you also have to deal with your own emotions and the situation between you and your ex. I struggled a lot and lost my patience very easily at first, but now I guess I am starting to reach a common ground and just everyday I try to encourage myself somehow. I lived with my parents as well after we split up, but now I have my own place which really did take off a load of stress. I also go to school full time again and work part time. Just make sure that you make time for yourself, and truly take advantage of anyone who is willing to help or give you a break even if it is for a short amount of time. Without that, you will go nuts probably. I dont know if this really helped at all, but just try to keep your head up and find positive things about each day or things that happened that put a smile on your face rather than negative moments.

Jessica - posted on 06/10/2011

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Hi Jacky, were kind of in a similar situation but I only have on child a beautiful baby girl. I also live with my mother its hard because were 2 strong minded women so we bump heads alot. but eventualy things will get easier you just have to take it day by day.

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Amanda - posted on 10/26/2013

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I am a single mom of 3 girls, I am really depressed and I can't seem to pull my self together. I have been depressed for years now and it never gets better though I have good days and really bad ones it seems that I have too many bad ones. help please

Dawda - posted on 07/14/2012

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hey,
my name is dawda,am Gambian nationality,28yrs of age,i was rise by a single mom,so i know how it feel about.i thank my mum for rising up to this standard,through lucky ,got father when i around 19yrs old,love as his own child,love that i have never expect in my love,so i feel the same way to single mum trying to rise one or two of their own.
am interested in making friendship and sharing ideas,coz i know how it fell for the mothers.anyone one interested you can mail me at(dawda_jaiteh@hotmail.com)we will really get in touch.
take care,
dawda

Brittany - posted on 07/12/2012

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Hey I'm 18 and a single mom of a 6 month old little girl. Her dad was in jail when she was born. When he finely got out he was around for a couple months then completely ignored us. I decided it was best for me and Leah to move out of state to my moms. After our move her dad decided he wanted nothing to do with her unless i be with him. Witch is wrong in every way so since my daughter was born on Christmas eve I've raised her by myself with very little help. She's my whole work I just wish her dad would want to be part of her life.

Bonnie - posted on 06/28/2011

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Hello. I am a single mom if 2 boys, ages 3 yrs and 15 mths. I do find it hard. I have some support so that does help. I stayed with my mom when relocating to another city and found it harder living with her then by myself.
To keep my sanity I go to groups for ages 6 and under twice a week. I recently googled help for single moms and found an interesting group. They have mentoring programs for established moms to help those just starting and an opportunity for you to take turns with someone looking after kids. It's where they take your kids a couple hours a week and in turn you take theirs. Having free time is the most important and the most forgot about.
My days usually start at 5:30 (as the 15 month old thinks that is the best time to wake) and end around 8 pm. That is just with the kids. I do let me dishes stay in the sink some times if I find sleep may be more needed that day. Just try to find a schedule that works best for you and your kids and be as organized as possible.
It is tough but when I here my boys laugh that is all I need to make it worth it.

Bonnie - posted on 06/28/2011

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Hello. I am a single mom if 2 boys, ages 3 yrs and 15 mths. I do find it hard. I have some support so that does help. I stayed with my mom when relocating to another city and found it harder living with her then by myself.
To keep my sanity I go to groups for ages 6 and under twice a week. I recently googled help for single moms and found an interesting group. They have mentoring programs for established moms to help those just starting and an opportunity for you to take turns with someone looking after kids. It's where they take your kids a couple hours a week and in turn you take theirs. Having free time is the most important and the most forgot about.
My days usually start at 5:30 (as the 15 month old thinks that is the best time to wake) and end around 8 pm. That is just with the kids. I do let me dishes stay in the sink some times if I find sleep may be more needed that day. Just try to find a schedule that works best for you and your kids and be as organized as possible.
It is tough but when I here my boys laugh that is all I need to make it worth it.

Christina - posted on 06/18/2011

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Hi Jacky. I'm 31 and single mom since I was three months preggos. I did a lot on my own becuase my mom was constantly working and friends were far away. But I nung in there. It's really hard especially when you see a mom and dad togheter with teir kids and they are happy....so you want the same. But at the end of the day, it's those little moments your children gives you that makes it okay. I am not sure how your situation is with your ex. But mines were very bad and result to abusive. I do wish sometimes her father could be just a normal dad but reality, I am glad that his selfish, nasty ways are far away from my 2 year old daughter. Also I think about ow many people love her. granted its not the same but you will learn that it's the role that people who love your children plays in their life. Make sure they are happy and let them know how many people loves them. There will be a time ( I am soooo dreading, when they ask about their father). I feel just be honest with them but not too honest that it will effect their self esteem. call me wishful thinking but I like to think positive and know that I will meet a man that is so good with my daughter that she will not care if she came from him or not. As long he is a father to her. Overall, i understand what you are going through. I have my strong and weak times when it comes to this subject but got to stay positive for the "cubs". They rely on us so much. Just make sure they live a happy life and you will be just fine. There are many of us out there and their kids are just fine. Don't worry and be the best for you girls. Happy Father's day! ;)

Maryann - posted on 06/15/2011

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Iam a single mother of two beautiful boys,by two different guys,my oldest sons father in not in the picture never have and hasnt done shit. iam acutally in the works of getting back with him youngest sons father,we get along great,I just made mistakes in the past. My parents help me alot raise my boys,Its even harder when u dont have a job,stay storng and u can do it..my boys are 2 and almost 5

Shelly - posted on 06/06/2011

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Being a superhero is the same as being a single mom. Remember everyday you wake up, someone is trying to cope with what you think you can't cope with and you are special, hard working, determined to be the best Mom ever. Keep reminding yourself of how good you are for keeping up with being a single parent because it is hard. Consider yourself lucky to have your Mom to help out. I have friend who are in a different state with no family resources or help. Now that's hard

Patty - posted on 01/11/2010

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I agree with April. It's tuff, work all day with no time for your self in the evening because you have your little one and i say the same thing " i do it because i have no choice" but it's all worth it when i hear my little girl say "I love you mommy". Just stay possitive and don't be to proud to ask for help.

Joan - posted on 01/11/2010

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Jackie, Honestly I would say that you should expect nothing from anyone else and that way you will not be disappointed. Always anticipate having to lean on yourself and your own resourcefulness - even if you do live with you parents (now or in the future). The children we bring into the world are our responsibility and if we expect any help from anyone who is not their parent, we WILL be disappointed at times.

Always try to put in the front of your thoughts that your children did nothing to bring about your current situation, other people did (their father, you - maybe). They are only being what comes natural to them - children!

On the positive side, even though it does not feel very positive at times, you are the only one in complete control over your responses and reactions. THAT was what I have recently figured out. I cannot change anyone or anything except what I have control over - me and my little home. Everything and everyone outside of that I must learn to cope with and deal with as best I can. For me, sometimes that means taking out my frustrations in writing - I am a believer in journaling. It helps me to get my feelings out and when they are on paper, I can see them more clearly and deal with them better.

I will keep you and your patience in my thoughts and hope you too will learn of an avenue for getting the frustrations of life, work, and children out in a healthy manner.

Amanda - posted on 01/07/2010

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I am 27 yrs old and the single mother of a 6 yr old with ADHD and a 3 yr old. There is no job tougher then being a mother. Yes it's tougher and more stressful being single. But have patience take everything as it comes, day by day and step by step. Once you get into the swing of your own routine with your children things become easier. I have been raising my oldest on my own since he was 9 months old and I have been raising my youngest on my own on and off since he was born. My best advice to you is have a good support system so you have people to lean on and talk to during the tough times. When you have run out of patience and need a moment step away and take that moment to yourself to collect and gather yourself. Your daughters will only respect you more when they get older because they will see you as a strong independent women and individual. You will make them the same by showing them how strong and independent you are. You can do it all you need is faith in yourself, the courage to do it and a good support system! Best advice BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!

Maryann - posted on 01/07/2010

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I tottaly know what ur going though...I have two beautiful boys 3 and 6 months and im not with either of the fathers...My oldest sons father leaved me twice when I was three months preganant and has not really been there at all and my youngest father is starting to be a deadbeat dad..He has not job and has not really got his son much and its really hard cuz I dont have a job and im living with my partens and there is not much money coming in to help raise there family plus mine....and nither one has really seen the boys

Christine - posted on 01/06/2010

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Hi, I became a single mom (by choice) at the age of 28. I too lived with my mother. We rented a home large enough for the three of us and her and I split the rent. We both worked, she worked nites and I worked days. I don't know what I would have done without my mother living with me. She helped me raise my son - actually lived with me until he was 10 or 11, but that's another story.....



My point is, hang in there. Your mother can be a tremendous help in raising your children. Going it alone is very difficult and having a circle of friends and family to help is precious. You'll be okay....

Brooke - posted on 01/06/2010

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Being a single mother is the hardest job out there I believe.. I have a gorgoeous 5 yr old daughter and I really didn't think I could make it on my own..We are having the time of our lives now..money is very short but we have learned to adjust and when it comes down to it..no amount of money can replace a child and the happiness of seeing them everyday..Get a good support system of family and friends and just live your life for you and your girls ONLY! It gets worse before it gets better!

Gwenda - posted on 01/05/2010

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I am a recent widow at the age of 34 and i to have two little girls ages 2 and 4....i had the same problem i would lose my patients with the girls and it was just not fair to them, my doctor put me on a depression med. and it works...if i don't take it i can tell. Crazy but for the sake of my girls and i it works...I am in colorado where are you?

Imelda - posted on 01/05/2010

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hello jackie how are u today my name is imelda pleased to be chatting my aplogies in not replying now but sometimes better late than never u no doubt have hadsome inspirational and strong words of wisdom given from the beautiful determined strong ladies on the site so i wont keep u just to say that u are a wonderful intelligent strong lady who is no doubt a loving dedicted mum to your two young ladies u stand strong when times get hard believe in yourself and the love that your angels give u and happiness will come to u it takes strength to walk away it took me many years of emotional hurt and pain but at 34 and with two little girls 7 and 3 i am finally whole and content emotionally and spirtually and that makes up for the financial restraints placed upon us be proud of you and the great job u are doing and i wish u every happiness for the future .

Michelle - posted on 01/04/2010

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Boy there are a lot of us out there!
If your mom can help you that is great; I would say do what you can now with the help from your mom. If you don't have a career you like then do some career counseling (often available free or low-cost at community colleges) because having a career rather than just a job will help.
If you have friends who can help CALL ON THEM! I have always tried to do things myself but my friends were invaluable getting through those first few years. Especially trying to establish myself on a job, being asked to work at the drop of a hat, having friends willing to pick her up from daycare as quickly were really important.
It's been over 7 years for me and it is so much better now than it was. Her father and I can even be civil for short periods of time!

Joelle - posted on 01/04/2010

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I'm 21 and me and his dad split up when he was 10 months old.. but even while we were together.. other than working when he did I still felt like a single mom. I'm getting sooo much help from my mom and I am so grateful for all the help people have been giving me.. If you're mom is willing you should go to school and get a career started if you dont already.. It will be better for you guys in your future... because You don't want to end up living with your mom forever right? It is very difficult having no one to help you though.. You lose a lot of friends since you can't go do a lot of things with them. Find a group of moms and go to parks together an stuff

Graciela - posted on 01/04/2010

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I have 5 children and even when I did have their father in my life I was a single mom.. so now that he is gone it is pretty much the same except my house and my heart is at peace and I realize that I rather be a single mom than an unhappy mom so I have good days and bad days and financially it can be hard but when I look at my happy children it is all worth it :-)

I am also taking some online life coaching classes that have helped me
http://www.mylifecompass.com/gcpinder
I am soliciting this really helps me deal with my life day to day

Good Luck Jacky :-)

Chela

Allyson - posted on 01/04/2010

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I think it is hard im not going to sugar coat it... especially financially .... i work 2 jobs both part time and it constantly feels like i never get to spend enough time with my daughter because once i get home its time to clean... laundry... bottle washing... its stressful it really is. Im exhausted all the time and just want time to sit with my daughter and play and love on her and there are times that i do that and then get bitched at by my mom because our rooms not clean and ive tried explaining to her ill get it but she just starts a fight. And of course your mother is always going to "i kept everything just fine with 3 kids bla bla bla" so i suggest if you can get out on your own if your moms anything like mine. i cant afford to right now thats why im still living with her but its making my life hell.. its worth every minute of it though and i wouldnt change a thing in the world...i hope everything works out for you!

Kathy - posted on 01/04/2010

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Well you have plenty of comments and I will not tell you it is hard, I think you get that already, I will tell you to take one day at a time.
Get an education do that for yourself espesially if you have the support of your mother, do something for yourself to better yourself, when the kids are older you will thank yourself for teaching them to be stong on your own and their own two feet.
I am 46 with a 25 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter, I am living with someone now but I still feel like a single mother, but I see the rewards and all the hard work coming through in my son, I was young when I had him and I had resources and I used them and depended on the help thrown my way. Good luck and be strong

Brooke - posted on 01/03/2010

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im a single mum wheni found out i was pregnant i left my babies dad iwas 19 my son is nearlyy 6months its been a huge struggle ive just come 2 terms with the huge change and i had lots of support from day 1 from my mum she has just left 2 go back 2 work so its just me an my little one now an im feeling the pinch handling everything that i have 2 do for myself an my son is stressful and a struggle but the worst thing is having no one else 2 talk to and when ur stressed thats all u need is a break or someone 2 speak 2 its tough but like my mum says every mother does wheather they r single or married or all alone or have a lot of support every parent goes through it an no matter wat we have 2 find a way 2 keep going especially for that little bundle of joy we all spend 9months waiting for there will be going days and most of the time omore bad days but keep ur head up and think each day that goes by it can only get better good luck

Danielle - posted on 01/02/2010

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Hi i just read ur post and we have alot in common. i can relate with alot of the things ur feeling. I'm nearly 21 i have 2 lil girls sakaiah's 2 and Indigo's 3 months they have the same father. I was due with sakaiah 6th dec 2006 and me n her dad split up i went 9 days over with her and he missed the birth. We then got back together but broke up in april for 7 months. In november 2008 we tried to work it out again i fell pregnant with our 2nd then he belted me in feb 2009 n i haven't been with him since. I had indigo on my mum's birthday in september n he hasnt seen her. i've wiped my hands clean of him. I dont kno how bad it is between u n ur baby's dad but i know that my girls are better off without him and so am i. I also live with my mum in her 2nd house and raise my kids on my own. It's hard for me tho i break down sometimes coz it would be nice for my girls to havetheir dad around. I feel like breaking down when i see kids with their mum's and dad's but i'm stronger than that and you are too.

Brenda - posted on 01/02/2010

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well i know how you feel. me and my daughters dad split up when i was 6 months pregnant and i live with my mom....it is fustrating at times. i get online, or take my daughter to the park or walk out of the room and do dishes or something...weii if you ever wanna talk you can email me. my daughter is 16 months and i completely understand how it feels to be a single mom. well i hope things get better for you this year!

Charlotte - posted on 01/02/2010

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I've been a single mom for a little over 2 years now, my son is51/2. It is very hard at times but my son definately makes it worth while. I am soo glad that I had my mom to turn to when I split with my son's father. I've been staying with her since and putting my life back together and saving up some money. I will finally be getting a place for me and my son in the spring! Just hang in there! you will find your balance and life will start to make sense again. Just remember you have your children-they will keep you strong when you start to feel down(I know mine does:)

Tina - posted on 01/02/2010

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Hello i am 30 and a single mom of three and been doing things on my own since my son (9) was born the best advice i can give is to be consistent in your rules, have fun with the kids, and if you can do something for you everyday. Even if it is something small like reading or taking a walk by yourself. In the long run things get easier but take the time right now to get back on your feet. Get a suuport group that you can talk to and hang out with, hopefully this helps and good luck.

[deleted account]

I am a single mom w/ two daughters [6 and 1] my husband (their father) left us 7 months ago after 8 years and being married for 3..filed for divorce and now has a new girlfriend and another baby on the way. IT IS HARD! to deal emotionally for myself let alone know what my daughters have to be going thru. All I can do is be the best mom I can and be there for them..give them all the love I have and reassure them everything will be OK! in hopes that the strength they see in me sticks with them. I wouldnt know what to do without them, nothing could replace being a mom! It does get lonely! but knowing I will wake up to them every morning and come home to them every night is the best feeling! they light up my life! I believe everything happens for a reason! I can only hope everyday things get easier. good luck! stay strong!

Christine - posted on 01/01/2010

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I was a single mum of a 12 yr old and a six year old after finally escaping a 12 year abusive relationship. I was scared I wouldn't cope. My mum lived a long way from me so no immediate help there. It's got to be said now after 21 years and they have grown up and I have 1 new grand-daughter.It was the most terrifying experience of my life and the most rewarding as well watching them grow and develope into the people they wanted to be was worth all the tantrums the tears. But I do not focus on those bits I focused on the amount of love I could give my boys and the heaps of joy they have given me over the years and now the joy of grand children. Hang in there honey your hard work will reap you so much joy in the years to come. I often sit back now and ask myself what was the panic it all turned out in the end. Take each day as it comes and enjoy the good bits.

Stephanie - posted on 01/01/2010

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I'm a single mother of two, 8 and 5. I've always bee a single mother. Wasn't with my son's dad for very long, found out I was pregnant after I broke up with him later. My daughters dad is around but not as much as he used to be. I work all day, take online classes and take care of the kids. It's hard on my own, but so rewarding when I see those smiling faces of my son and daughter every day.You just need to get out there and do it. It may seem like a daunting task, but I did it without any car til my son was 6 years old, now he's 8. The more you accomplish the better you'll do.

Colleen - posted on 01/01/2010

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hi Jacky. my girls were 2 & 4 when their father & I divorced & I have been raising them by myself for 10 years. yes, it is hard but is is definatly do-able. it was the hardest when they were little but it gets easier as they get older. looking back i wouldn't have it any other way & i'm really proud of my accomplishments. you sound like a great mom & i'm sure you will get through it day by day. be patient with your mom because you will need your support system! the most important thing you can do for you & your girls is to get a good education if you haven't already so later you can make sure the girls do too. as we both know we can't rely on any man to take care of us!

Shellie - posted on 01/01/2010

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i know how you must be feeling overwelmed with it all but the number 1 thing to focus on are your 2 little girls.Try to keep control and your rutine with them try not to let others over ride you decisions when it comes to them.i lived with my mother for a short while when i had my eldest it was hard i found i lost control nothing i said was right.i got stronger.Kids feel what we feel they play on it also so try not to show the kids what your going through its hard i know but it will help take care all the best you are doing a great job always remember that.

[deleted account]

Jacky I wish you all the very best in the months and years ahead and the journey you have just begun. It is a very tough decision to make, but you obviously felt you needed to do this for yourself and/or your children.

So do it with your head up high. Make choices that you will be ok with in the years to come when your children will inevitably ask some hard questions.

Be consistent! is my best advice I can possibly give you.

Set boundaries for yourself and your children and STICK TO THEM. This way your children will always know what is expected and how they are expected to behave whether you're there, or not.

And please please please AVOID the trap of putting your ex-partner down in front of your children. No matter what the circumstances may be, he IS the other most significant person in their lives no matter how much contact he actually has with them. There will more than likely be times when either you or your ex-partner will lose your cool with the other, but respect yourself and your children enough to do this without bitterness spillover. Save it for later with friends if you need to.

And ALWAYS treat them the way you want them to treat you. Love them. Encourage them. And always be there for them. Challenge them. Show them what you want to become by being.

All the very best for the ups and downs of the years ahead. But I tell you, they are so totally worth it. I raised my 17y.o. from the age of 1 and he is the best thing that ever happened in my life.

Amber - posted on 01/01/2010

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Ive been a single mother since my son was born, I found out I was pregnant when I was 17 and brought my son into this world when I turned 18. My sons father chose drugs, partying and girls. He was my first true love. Honestly hun there is no answers at all besides one... Its hard. Its hard as hell and there is alot of times were you don't know how your going to get threw your days, I sat down and thought alot,cried alot, fought alot to give my son a family... but in the end what was the most important out of everything was my son. I got up and moved out of VT all the way to Florida, sucks but the one thing I remember all the time when I think about giving up and giving in when im crying anything is my child and there future! I already had my fun it would be selfish to choose my own happiness over my sons.. I wish I had the answers to why fathers don't stick around or to make it any easier on the mom and children that are neglected by the fathers but there is none you just got to make it threw day by day the best way you yourself can for your child and you!

Lisa - posted on 12/31/2009

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I'm a single mommy of 3, sure it's tough, but it is so worth it. I don't know what things would be like if they were different, but I believe everything happens for a reason, so all I can do is my very best. It's so important to have support. Find people that have similar beliefs as you, people that will give you strength, & encourage you when you need it the most. Accept help, don't try to handle everything on your own, even if it's just to vent, you need to take care of you. If you aren't healthy/happy than how can you make sure your kids are? It is such an awesome responsibility to know that you are creating/molding/guiding a person into what they will become & you can do it. It's tough, but so worth it. God bless!
~Lisa

Sara - posted on 12/31/2009

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It is very hard to give someone else advice, but I've been there. I have 2 little girls.(7 and 5) I had to move back in with my folks and put my pride aside. It took me a little while to deal with my emotions, but I got there. I moved out on my own with my girls 3 years ago. It isn't easy to be a single mom. You will always have that pressure to do the best for them. It is possible to work full time and take care of your children. I work, go to school, and take care of mine. You can do it. You just have to remember that sometimes you need help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Don't lose yourself in the midst of everything going on. There is no perfect answer. You will find what works for you. You may be scared right now, but it does get better. I really wish you the best of luck!

Sandy - posted on 12/31/2009

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Hi there,

I was older than you when I became a single mom and my son is now 15...I was already through school and into my career which made it alittle easier . and being a single parent can be tough ...but I don't think it is any tougher than being a mom in relationship ...it just has different challenges...you have more freedom and time to focus on your kids and yourself but you also might fell more alone ...and remember just because other moms might be in relationship...it doesnt mean they are in a good relationship and you wont have to deal with all the BS of a bad relationship as well as being a mom...I do think it important to make sure that you can get some time just for yourself (especially when your kids are very young) so you can recharge your battery..I joined a group for single moms and that really helped me to talk with other and do group/kid activites (although the online groups is good....try to find a in person group in your area...)...and in fact some of those mom and I are still friends after all these years...

Brandi - posted on 12/31/2009

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I am 29 and have been a single mom for 4 years now. It is tough. Managing a balance between work and your kids is hard. I'm not sure there is an answer for this. All I can say is that we just have to do the best we can and hope we don't screw our kids up to bad. One day you'll find a good man that will love your kids and will make carrying the load easier. Until then you will find that you're a lot stronger than you think.

Danielle - posted on 12/31/2009

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I am 19 and I live on my own. I gave birth to Kyleigh at 17 and then at age 18 I bought my house and her father moved in... It worked great till she was about five months old and her dad and I broke up.. I now live in my house alone and I am taking care of Kyleigh 100% by my self and it's very hard. I don't get any child support or anything. I don't have money to hang out with friends, I don't have anyone to watch Kyleigh at all there for, I have to pay a babysitter just to go to work and heaven knows I am not paying for a sitter just to do something for myself. I can't afford it. It's not easy but I guess you have to ask yourself this, is anything easy that's good in life? IT WILL BE WORTH IT that much I promise. It's not going to be simple by any means that I assure. But, you need to be strong for your little one's to them your supermommy. Your strong, you have no weaknesses, and no fears.
You also will be showing them that they can do things by them selves and all though it maybe hard it's worth doing, you will be showing them that you CAN do anything that you set you mind to if you just have persistance and will.

I wish you the best of luck and I just have faith in the fact that everything will be alright in the end.

Toni - posted on 12/30/2009

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I am 22 years old with a 3 year old boy and pregnant with a girl due in Feb. I just left my fiance 2 weeks ago because he was cheating on me. I live with my parents and my son and my dad are real close. They play all afternoon and all day during the weekends. I really hate to see how I handle 2 kids by myself when I can get my own place. I have never worked a day in my life so it's going to be hard to find a job after I have my baby. I most likely wont see a dime from the father until tax time comes around every year. He's an owner operator and he said they wont take child support out of his check but I guess we'll see. Good Luck with everything.

Angie - posted on 12/30/2009

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I was 27 with a 5 year old and 6 mos old when I left their dad. I was in debt up past my eyeballs. I moved in with my dad and ended up staying for almost 5 years, got out of debt, got a more reliable vehicle, and saved up enough money for a down payment on a house. Yes, my dad and I had our times, but the reward of being able to get firmly back on my feet plus especially close relationship my kids had with their "poppy" was worth the small issues we (me and my dad) had with each other. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's a lot easier than doing it on your own - paying rent, utilities, etc - and it's better than staying in a relationship that isn't healthy for you or your children. It will make you a stronger person, more independent, and you will be proud of your accomplishments. Maybe you and your sister can swap days when you take each other kids to give each other a break - me and my sis did that, but she had 4 kids and I had 2, so I teased her she had to do 2 days to my 1..lol. I didn't get a break other than that since they didn't go to their dads - he's an alcoholic and hasn't been much part of their lives. By the way, my oldest is now 18 and my youngest is 12 - it does get easier. Just set your goals and go after them - good luck to you!!

Christine - posted on 12/29/2009

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I just recently became a single mom I just got full cusody of my 19 month old and I been learning to deal with it my daughter is always on the go I have learned the best time for urself is when the kids are asleep in bed at night or even when they are down for a nap but I sujust day care is a good option to do for them because they can learn and as well as u can have time to get things done and have rest as well as time to urself. I have a brother who is daten a single mom of a little boy who is about my daughter age and she has him in day care so she can finish HS and also work to make a go for her boy I will be going back to College and trying to find a job to make it on my own with my little girl and yes its hard to be a single mom but try to find time to urself try to make time away from the kids when u need it I have my time alone when my daughters dad has her and she is asleep for nap or n bed for the night I find that time alone to do things and relax when u can will help u be a good mom for them both.

[deleted account]

It is hard being single however it is way better for your kids to have 2 homes then 1 broken home. trust me. i am 21 and have a 4 year old and one whos almost 3. i know how 2 hiper toddlers get. it is hard to hold a good job and take care of the kids however if you have made it this far allready, you are strong enough to keep going. to give your girls the best life they could have. thats what keeps me going day in and day out. when they try your patience just take a minute and remind yourself of the day when they are older and they appreciate all you have done to make their lives great.

Coral - posted on 12/29/2009

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Hi, I was in the same postion. My children are 2 and 4 now. My ex and I seperated just over a year ago and I lived with my parents for about 4 months before I moved out on my own. I get on really well with my parents too, but It was much easier when I got my own place. The sooner you can settle into a proper routine with the kids it will get much easier.

Im am now looking for a part time job and im studying by corrospondence. Im trying my best to make the most of my new independence and im really enjoying myself. The key is move on with your life as best you can.

Good luck and keep smiling.

Maria - posted on 12/28/2009

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Dear Jacky, I know how you feel. Being a single mother has been tough for me too. But, unlike you, I don't have any family close- they all live in Sweden, so you are very fortunate. Also, when you get on your feet you'll be able to find your own way. To have a schedule and routines will help you, your children and your mother to cope : ) Just rest assure that with time things will get easier. Good luck to you!

Emilie - posted on 12/28/2009

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Being a single mom is definitely tough, but for me, it is easier than when my ex was around. Family is a big help. When things get crazy, which they do even in 2 parent families, just remember what is important - you all love each other. I absolutely love being a mom, even though I never expected to be a single mom.

Kelly - posted on 12/28/2009

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I have 2 beautiful babies. They are 4 and 6. I have been a single mom for 4 years. I am living with my mom and dad, which has been a tremendous help. It is hard, but you will realize how strong you are.

Marisa - posted on 12/28/2009

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It's tough, I won't lie but you have your mother their and that helps! I was a single mommy and I lived in Pittsburgh, PA. The first 2 years of my son's life, me and his dad lived together. He went to jail in Philly and when he was released I asked him not to come back to Pittsburgh (he was never really involved in our sons' life anyway-even when he lived there!) I moved to Phoenix to live with my mom so I could be closer to her and she could help with my son. When I was in Pittsburgh, it was tough at first. But you develop a routine and stick to it. You adapt-you have to. That's how I felt. I had no help at the time. But I made it.

Moving with my mom made it much easier. Sure there are times that we get snappy wirth each other cause of my son (he just turned 3) and he can be a handful but at the end of the day, I wouldn't change my situation for anything! Being there with your mom, hopefully, will give you a chance to have some time for yourself-and that is so important. Even if it's something as asmall as taking a bath, just taking time for YOU! Even though I live with my mom I still haven't gone to the bathroom by myself in over a year and a half! LOl!

You'll develop a routine and a way of doing things. It takes time and you'll make it!

Misty - posted on 12/27/2009

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im 23 and going threw pretty much the same thing with a divorce and my husband is one of them types that dont want anything to do with my son unless he wants to make him self look good and its hard i live with my mom to and i hardly ever get a break and if i do my younger sisters watch my son for me so i can get a break , expecially my baby sister which is 15 , she tells me to just go some where and do something , so she can have time with my son which really helps me out of a while , and i like to just go out and do what i want for a few hours and its really nice my son is 2 yrs old , and its hard on him b/c there are days he wants his dad to come play trucks or cars or even color with him but his dad dont want to spend ne time with him so its even harder on me , with the stress , so i know where ur coming from with being a single mom but i love it tho. i dont have people telling me im doing something wrong that they themselves dont do whit there child ,

Sarahlynn - posted on 12/26/2009

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Its not easy being a single mom but you so what you have to. Stop being scared and just do it. I am not saying that to be mean but no one else is going to be a mother to your children. You will be fine as long as you always put them first. Being a mother is never easy but it is worth it. THe stress doesnt go away but you do learn to deal with it. Hold your head and keep pushing through. You will be fine!

Lisa - posted on 12/25/2009

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Its hard, But so worth it when you look in your kids eyes and feel the happiness and love. I found the harder times got the harder I pushed myself, Ive been a single mother of 3 for 12 yrs. And now that my older 2 are 15,and 12 they appreciate everything I do, My youngest is 9 and they all let me know everyday how much they love me... You can do it many of us do and realize tough times now lead to happiness... When you feel sad or that its to hard give your kids a big hug and look in there eyes it wont seem so hard then.. I wish you the best of luck...

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