How to date with a 16 year old daughter at home (lonely single mom)?

Edna - posted on 04/11/2012

I see nothing wrong with mom dating. It may be that your daughter needs time to get used to the idea. My teen son was much the same. However, he has come around full circle. I have been single(widowed) for nearly 9 years, and have found that when the right guy comes around, it all falls into place. My 12 year old daughter says she wants me to date, yet I know deep down she doesnt want to share either. It makes me smile though. I have many talks with her about not replacing her dad, just adding onto our family. I need to add that for your sake and the sake of the kids please take it slow. After several dates and you are both sure you want to make it steady, then it would be ok to introduce him to the kids. I wouldn't take it to the move in phase too quick either.

Emily - posted on 04/11/2012

I think dating is fine but I would not bring the male into the home or move on with him as long as the girls are in the home. There are a lot of good men in the world but sometimes you have to kiss the frogs before you get to the prince. Don't put your girls at risk.

Ursula - posted on 04/08/2012

Thanks Coletha, I am very careful with men around any of my children especially my youngest and look for any sign and always take their side (no matter what). Family by blood always come first that is how I was raised and how I raised them.

Coletha - posted on 04/08/2012

Ursula if your children are encouraging you to date, then it sounds like you have the answer you need. My daughter never stopped me. I made that choice on my own. See my dad was never good at being alone. He was on his third marriage by the time I was 12 years old. I wanted him to be happy. He asked me for my permission to marry his third wife and as a kid I thought that was funny and sweet. She changed after they got married and made him take sides when there were issues. I don't care that he chose her side. I was strong enough to walk away, but not strong enough to repeat that mistake with my daughter. Every situation is different. My mother only married twice and my dad was her second husband. Her boyfriends never bothered me much. A few were weird, so watch out with men around your daughter, but none every tried anything funny with me. For you it can work. Best of everything to you :)

Ursula - posted on 04/08/2012

Me and my daughter are very close as I am with my other children. My two oldest are encouraging me to date and now my youngest is but she wants me to use eharmony. I talked to her and that is what we worked out so eharmony it is. I did join the red hat society and planning on joing the american sewing guild next month. I am also working on opening my home based business this year. Thanks for all your advice it has helped alot. I don't need a man to make me happy I want one to join me in my happiness that is the difference. As a single mom I have done a lot without a man in my life including growing up without a father myself. I don't need a man but want a good man for adult personal relationship that will never ever interfer with my life with my children.

Coletha - posted on 04/08/2012

I had very bad experiences with the step parent arrangement. As an adult, I still have a lot of bitter feelings about it too. I was not at all close to either parent as an adult and chose not to live to close to either. I never realized just how much anger I carried inside until I found myself single with a young daughter at home. I couldn't bare her resenting me in the same way. There were men in my life that I cared about but it was me who decided not to date until she got older. The only thing she shared me with was school. I went back while she was growing up and earned three degrees. This month I get to watch her graduate with a Bachelor's degree in English. I am still single BUT certainly not lonely. I am a school teacher with a very busy and fulfilling life. I am starting a knitting class at the library this month and i have a very active social life. I am also a very religious person too. Life can be sweet. You don't have to have a man in your life to find happiness. Find things to do. It wouldn't hurt to wait until she is older. Not to many 16 year olds have strong or lasting relationships. She needs your guidance right now. Best to the two of you :)

Ursula - posted on 04/01/2012

Don't have any women friends to hang out with but will try joining a group or two to get out more thank you.

Karen - posted on 04/01/2012

You don't need to date to not be lonely. Take a cooking class (maybe with your daughter?). Join a church group, bowling league, go out with your women friends, etc. Find a meetup group in your area with others that have similar interests. A friend of mine goes on ghost hunts in her meetup group and has a blast.

Ursula - posted on 04/01/2012

She is my youngest daughter not my only. I am considering not dating but How do I deal with the loneliness. I do have two other children they are both in college right now. I do plan on going back to college this summer.

Karen - posted on 04/01/2012

I think waiting 2 more years is the best idea. She is your only daughter ... 2 more years isn't much more to wait. As a single mother myself, I feel our children need to be a priority.

Ursula - posted on 04/01/2012

Thank you and good luck to you.

Beth - posted on 04/01/2012

Worth talking to her as she's old enough. Explain to her that she'll be on the dating scene soon (if not already). Does she think it's fair that she's allowed to and not you. Also worth coming up with some ground rules for both of you for bringing potential boyfriends home. You could also discuss that yes, you're her Mum, but no she isn't allowed to dictate who you can or cannot date.



Say that any man that you're interested in bringing home will be done within reason. You're not going to rush into a relationship with the first man you think is boyfriend quality. Certainly worth having an adult conversation with her.



When talking to her, explain that any man you go out with, isn't going to be moving in with you after the first date, any relationship you have will be done at a sensible speed. As she's old enough to understand, the boyfriend will be introduced to her at the appropriate time and able to get to know each other. Also explain that you're not replacing her biological Dad. You need the adult company that you crave for - adult company doesn't mean in the bedroom department, it's been able to have a conversation with another adult, even if it's just to moan about that annoying person you saw today in work, supermarket etc.. and getting it out of your system etc..



Worth reassuring her that you'll still be her Mum regardless of whether or not you have a boyfriend/new husband.



Good luck with finding the right man for you. Certainly with my girls I've mentioned in the fullness of time I would like to have a boyfriend. My girls are younger than your daughter (eldest is 12 soon). My eldest said that I'm allowed to have one (not 100% happy with idea though), but he's not allowed to live with us!!! I'm not actively hunting/looking for a new man in my life, but know that one day I will do. After over 7 years of being a single Mum, feel it's time that I start addressing the issue of a lack of a partner. For that, I need to start having a proper social life again!!!

Ursula - posted on 03/28/2012

Thanks Michelle I will give it a try.

Michelle - posted on 03/27/2012

Sit down and talk to her about how you are feeling let her know that even if you were to start dating she would still be your priority but that she is not going to be at home with you forever and you would like to find someone to share your life with.