How to deal with a deadbeat dad?

Karen - posted on 01/16/2010

move on...I know thats harsh..my daughter has never met her father and she is now 26. He has lost out on her whole life while I have had a great time with her..teaching her and laughing with her..dont let his loss interfear with your gain...you are WOMAN you can do it!

Brenda - posted on 01/16/2010

I totally understand where you're comin from! My daughter is 5 years old now and hasn't seen her sperm donor(father) in 3 and a half years--she doesnt even remember him because when he was around he wasnt really around!! She asks me about him and i just tell her in his own way he loves her. and she just drops it after that!! He is the one who will have to answer for his choicesin life!! and one day your son will understand! Best of luck to you and your son!!

Bridget - posted on 01/16/2010

i just had a baby 8 days ago and my babys dad is like that i dont know what to do eather

Brianne - posted on 01/15/2010

My Sons biological father has never met him nor ever asked about him either. When my son whos two and a half asks about his daddy, I just tell him that one day God will bring him a really special daddy. I guess you have to use your best judgment as to what you can tell them for the age that they are at. I wouldn't tell thim that his daddy didnt want him, because that would put more hurt on your son then you would want, just tell him when hes at an age that understands that his biological dad wasnt able to be a part of his life because he was unable too. Dont go any further then that, because if you do then further down the road his bio dad might say you turned him against him, blah blah blah.. the things that dead beats usually do. Aslong as you feel your doing whats best then thats all that matters, as for the really hard questions when your son is alot older I would leave that up to his biological dad, so that he has to be held accountable for the wrongs that he has done,and that way you dont have to justifly your ex, or live up to his wrongs when you have done nothing wrong. Anyways thats just my two bits, and thats probably what I will be doing with my son unless something unforseen happens.

Natalie - posted on 01/15/2010

my ex was a prick. making demands and threatening me with court when things didnt go his way every time. in the end i said take me to court!! we havent heard from him since. he hasnt seen skylar since she was 15mth old, shes 3.4yrs now. screw him, hes the one missing out on sky.

Ashlie - posted on 01/15/2010

hey i know what u are going through my daughter's father as never seen her he wont make the effort to ether i said he can come up and see her but he wont my daughter is four months old and thank god a man came into my life and took on the both of us....... so i think u should get out there and live life because he don't want anything to do with ur beauitfull son

Tenneeka - posted on 01/15/2010

I no the feeling it truely is there loss dont beat yourself up your child will understand when they are older.. and the father will have so much regret, one day he will crawl back and try and get into your childs life but remember that they dont need a casual father figure they need something fulltime like you.. i bet your doing an amazing job xx

Kate - posted on 01/15/2010

Your hurting yourself by trying to keep the father alert and concerned about his son. Let him wonder and let karma deal with him. I think it just makes you unhappy as a mother unable to give that father figure but as long as he has you as his rock then he will be a good person. Your good Mom and you care about your son, if the father did decide to become involved then ditched his parental duties would you think it would be better to not involve the father than risk the chance of him hurting your son's feelings in the end?

Amanda - posted on 01/15/2010

i know exactly what your going thru!! Kyndri(my daughter) father, but we can call him asperm donor also. lol (p.s.- i like that term ashley, it fits well!!) so anyways, he has another girl pregnant a couple towns over at the same time i was. he spent most of his time with her because she had more money than i did and she gave him everything he wanted. my advice is to do right for you and your child!! nobody else!! you cant be worried about him wanting a relationship with your son or you. because by his actions, he obviously doesnt want one at all. i gave up when her father deleted me from his page when i tagged a photo of my/his daughter to his page. so i say just back away and do right for you two. and dont worry about him and his b.s. if he comes around eventually,, great. if not, you dont need him hunny!! if you ever wanna talk, message me!! im with ya on this!!

Jennie - posted on 01/15/2010

i think jail works, even if not to make him straighten up, to make you feel better lol and i hear torture works nicely too

Caitlin - posted on 01/15/2010

I know how you feel. My daughters father has done nothing for her. Since finding out that I was pregnant with her he wanted me to get an abortion and now he doesn't even believe she is his. I have done just like you and sent e-mails and texts and I'm lucky if he replies.
For me personally I could care less if he is in my life, but she has a right to have a father...but one that cares about her more then anything in the world. It won't be easy explaining to them why their dad's are dead beats, all we can do as single mom's is love them with all our hearts and that will be enough. (hopefully)
Just don't postpone telling them. My sister's father is a dead beat, but she thought he was the best thing ever and that it was our mom's fault for not staying with him.

Christina - posted on 01/15/2010

Well I have one of those deadbeat dad situations. My daughter is 16 and her "sperm donor" hasnt had any contact with her since she was 3 yrs old. I mean his family has met her and they still have not made any contact with her. It is very hard to know how kids will react. I never asked him for child support and I have tried to do this on my own.
It is hard but you got a beautiful baby from a jerk of a man. All you can do is raise him right and love him for two parents.

Marie - posted on 01/15/2010

im just waiting for the child support to get some kind of help but i want my son to have an emotional relationship w/ this man. its my fault really he doesnt call or text and when he does he texts me so nonchalant and it aggravates me he asked on monday january 11th how was my christmas and happy new years. i said yea and didnt say anything else, i mean wth why are you worrying about christmas now and happy new year really 11 days into the year. and then he had the nerve to say well i guess you're mad at me and i said bye and he thought it was funny and texted lmao i dont deal w/ him i dont call him or anything im tired of trying to push him or trying to let him come around. i've always been the one getting hurt and i refuse to let my son get hurt by this s.o.b. child support isnt any much help its a hassle trying to get it.

Marie - posted on 01/15/2010

i can relate my son is almost 4 months and his donor hasnt come to see him even though he said he would several times. i somehow didnt get his text saying he wouldnt be able to come but i got all the other texts' about why am i going to put him on child support. and im tired of people making it seem like child support is the devil i mean i didnt have this baby alone i took responsibilty for my actions and this fool is treating me as though i met him one day and ended up getting pregnant this is someone i was in love w/ and he claimed the same thing i've known him for 3years now and i got pregnant after knowing for 2years. my family loves the baby but are always critizing me about it, im 21years old and realize i made a mistake i dont regret having my son but i regret ever meeting his sperm donor.

Shannon - posted on 01/15/2010

Hun, know that you are not alone out there. As a divorced, single mom of two I deal with this on a daily basis. It is part of taking the good with the bad. Dont look at it as telling your son that his dad didnt want him. My daughter asked about her dad and I told her that he moved to Washington...she asked me DOES HE LOVE ME? I took a deep breath and said the only words that are true......WHO WOULDNT LOVE A GIRL LIKE YOU. Just know that you got the better part of your ex when you had your child......Sperm donor is the one missing out on it....not you

Joanie - posted on 01/15/2010

Hi ! Well first of all, are you sure you want him there? In my case, I wanted him there, told him and then, there was a confsuion as to who was the father. Anyway. It wasnt until my child was 18 months(he FINALLY took the test) when the DNA thingy came back positive. Now my child is 21 months and he desperatly wants to be there. We are going to court and he is applying for Joint custody and I dont think that it is right. He couldnt find any time during the first 18 months of his life. Why should I let him now? If anything he should only get access. I dont know maybe im just being spiteful and selfish.

Erica - posted on 01/14/2010

I am going through the same EXACT thing. My daughters father has seen her 2 times since shes been born. I know its heart wrenching to deal w the fact, but I have also had to deal w the same fact that.. My daughter, as the same as you son deserve a father figure but obviously these "sprem donors" are not a good influence on them anyway! Your a great mom I can tell! You are all your sone needs! His father Will never be able to give him what you already have, and thats unconditional love. So hang in there I know thew day will come as to it will for me, when the father realizes how much hes lost. And by that time hopefully its to late. Keep up your good work hun. Your doing great!

Tina Hazel - posted on 01/14/2010

I actually cried when I read these posts by you lovely-strong-dedicated, INDEPENDENT mummy's. All your advice to this wonderful lady, comes from the heart and experience, it seems that dead-beat Dads or "donors" are aplenty.
I am in the same kind of situation, I have tried contacting him, but he doesnt answer, i have given him more than enough chances to spend time with his daughter, i have shed countless tears over him and i worry constantly about how she will grow up without a Dad, and what i will tell her later on when she asks, but I guess after reading your reply's to this post... none of that matters. What matters is that she has ME.
It is impossible to understand why these idiots can't love their kids the way a mummy does? A mate of mine told me recently that any DICK can make a baby, but it takes a real MAN to be a Daddy... (and my mate is male and a great Daddy to his step-kids) these fella's who aren't there for their little ones are nothing but fools and wasters, and right now I'm thinking its their loss, they are the ones missing out on the heart wrenching joy our babies and kids give us.
I know it breaks our hearts that our little ones will probably grow up in the knowledge that their fathers didnt want them, but they will also know that their Mummy's have more than enough love for both of them, and our relationship with our kids will be STRONGER because of it.
My heart goes out to all of you who are going through this and my deepest respect and admiration to those that have battled through and come out stronger.

Rachel - posted on 01/13/2010

Don't sweat it! It's his own loss! There is nothing that you can do to make him want to be a father. My son's father is the same way. Whenever he asks about his dad, I just tell him that his dad wasn't ready to be in our family yet. I also reassure him that just because he isn't ready now doesn't mean that he is a bad person. It may take him some time to come around but the more you "push" the issue the more he is going to push back and not be there. I know it is tough, but just keep pushing through. The important thing to remember is that your son has you as a mom and that is all that counts.

Patricia - posted on 01/13/2010

Hey Amanda!! I feel you!! My situation is similiar and it hurts my heart for my child but listen I met the most awesome man who my little 2yr old girl adores!! He is so wonderful to us both and he such a gud dad to his own kids and he is just as awesome to my child. Hes a perfect model for my little shuga. So screw that bastard!! There are sum really awesome men in this world contrary to popular belief. Find yourself one while hes little and he can grow with this person. Be selective though.

Granny - posted on 01/13/2010

I can relate with your story, My son was six months when he's father started the disappearing act, at first i was shocked and very surprised and felt betrayed because he went against everything we planned while i was pregnant... But because i had this little soul to look after, i realised then that he's the one thing that matters and i focused on him and forgot about all the questions that will come at a later stage. The HERE and NOW mattered and My Son is 9 today and by God's Grace,we still manage to live our lives without him (By the way i managed to get a Court order to force his employer to pay maintanance for my son, i get the money through the Court) It doesn't make up for him being absent but it makes a difference because i don't have to pay for his school fees and we have a little extra to take care of us each month. If he can't love the child, the least he can do is assist with mantainance because we all know that raising a child is very expensive. Try to get help from the authorities in this regard. :-)

Sandra - posted on 01/12/2010

im not being rude when i say this but i know from experience the more u try with him even if it only is you trying to get him to meet your son and be in his life the further u push him away...my strongest advice is to let it go already it is the hardest to do but deffinitly the best ...just act as if this baby was just given to you by the heavens and his sperm donor dosnt evn exist...trust me when i say it wont be like this forever life has a way of working itself out! drew will have a dad one day even if its not his biological one. drew needs HIS mommy your the one who loves him feeds him bathes him play with him he needs YOU and focus on that ...i cant tell you how many guys who ive seen that get interviewed and they get asked whos you favorite woman/person ever? they always reply "My momma" ...





keep ur head up

Kai Schele - posted on 01/12/2010

First of all you shouldnt have to tell your son that his daddy didnt want him, when he is old enough to question why his father wasnt there yuo simply explain to him that as much s you tried, he wasnt ableto be there for his son. My son is 10 months old now and i dont allow him to see his father (not that he tries to see the baby ne way) but i have been on my own to raise this baby financially, physically, and every other way, so if he cand contribute to the well being if his child he shouldnt get the benefit of seeing him. i may or may noot be right but thats how i feel. my advice...just leave "dad" alone and put all your focus on your child..if he decides he wants to come around then by all means but if he doesnt you havent wasted any energy stressing over the issue.

MARIE - posted on 01/11/2010

Girl first I would like to say that u r not alone!!! I have a 13 year old son who have meet his father but he hasnt been involved with him at all!! never!! I done it alone and will continue to do it alone which isnt a problem yeah its hard and unfair but what can I do!! My son went thru many of nights crying asking if his dad luvs him n why he never comes around the only thing i could do is talk to him to try to get him to understand n thats the hard part cause they sometimes dont!! now since my son is older he sees who was there and wants nothing to do with his father and i let him make that choice my advice to u is to stay prayerful God will c you thru!!!

Ashley - posted on 01/11/2010

I know what you are going through, i have been dealing with this for 5 yrs. My son's sperm donor (father) and I dated for two years and then the day I got pregnant was the day he left me. I am a single mother, going to Nursing School, and working. He doesn't give me any child support or anything to help, he doesn't care to see him but blames me for not letting him see his son when I have told him the invite is always open. My son has also had to have two cranial surgeries and he hasn't cared one bit. It is crazy how we get our selves in these situations and cant get out but just think of what a perfect lil' angel you got out of all the hurt and pain, NOTHING can ever change the love between a mother and her child! Stay postive girl!!

Kimberly - posted on 01/11/2010

shoot him lol. Its not funny but Im a single mother going on 3 years but its hard to do it by yourself. but what can you do pray about and take him for child support it will go against his taxes, take away his drivers license and go on his credit report. keep your head up