How to deal with a deadbeat dad?

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2010 ( 230 moms have responded )

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I need to vent. Drew's dad has never met him. I have been holding out hope that he will come to his senses and realize he is missing out on the best thing he could have in his life and ask me to see him. I have sent him messages via email and text (cuz he doesn't answer when I call) trying to be as polite and non-pushy as I can be but telling him he can see his son whenever he wants but to no avail. I feel like today was the final cutoff when he deleted me from his myspace. That was a knife to the heart. How could someone so easily write off their own child? It blows my mind. What am I supposed to tell my son when he asks about his dad someday? "Sorry sweetheart, but your daddy didn't want you."? Don't know why I'm sharing this with everyone but I just needed to put it out there. Any advice on how to deal with a deadbeat dad?

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Ellen - posted on 11/05/2011

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You're not alone! So many of us have been through the same thing. Go to court and hit him where it hurts most...his wallet!!! Make him pay! That will remind him every day that he has a child! I hate men like him! My kids have learned that they don't need that loser in their life, but money is always a good thing...and mommy with extra money to spend is even better...lol! I've always told my kids the truth about that drunk abusive loser, and they are better for knowing that he's a piece of garbage and it's never been their fault, and that they are the greatest kids on earth and it's his loss, not theirs. Teaching your kids the truth about most things in life early is wayyyy better than them finding out you are a lier later. Nobody has to respect garbage, so make sure the kid knows how wonderful he is and how wonderful you are, and that's all that matters. Oh, and get that money from that POS!!!!!

Ellen - posted on 11/05/2011

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You're not alone! So many of us have been through the same thing. Go to court and hit him where it hurts most...his wallet!!! Make him pay! That will remind him every day that he has a child! I hate men like him! My kids have learned that they don't need that loser in their life, but money is always a good thing...and mommy with extra money to spend is even better...lol! I've always told my kids the truth about that drunk abusive loser, and they are better for knowing that he's a piece of garbage and it's never been their fault, and that they are the greatest kids on earth and it's his loss, not theirs. Teaching your kids the truth about most things in life early is wayyyy better than them finding out you are a lier later. Nobody has to respect garbage, so make sure the kid knows how wonderful he is and how wonderful you are, and that's all that matters. Oh, and get that money from that POS!!!!!

Jodie - posted on 11/02/2011

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it isnt easy being a single parent, I did for 5 years until i found my new husband who is not my childrens father by blood, but he considers them to be his and he loves them with every part of his body.......if your sons father doesnt want to see him.....its his lost, he will some day know what he missed out on and KARMA is a real bitch when she wants to be.....you hang tight and do what you can to raise your little bundle of joy, he will one day ask about his FATHER and you have the right to send his right to his door step

Jodie - posted on 11/02/2011

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hi, touching story, I have been going through a custody arrangement and child support for 4 years.....my son was 2 and my daughter was 9 months when me and their father split.....it was hard to do it without them, but then I realized something after years of crying every time i looked in their big beautiful eyes......IT'S HIS LOST.....if he don't want to have access to his children, 2 beautiful miracles then thats his choice, but one day he will regret it, because they will be grown, and they will ask questions, and mommy (me) will send them straight to his door......but girl you have to know, whose the bigger person, you are raising your son, and doing what you can for him.......leave the dead beat where he is......YOU CAN'T SAY YOU DIDN'T TRY......you can check out my blog i post daily readings, stats, jokes, poems what ever i feel for that day....heres my link

http://crazyhellraiser.blogspot.com/

please, pass it on to your friends and family.....and if there is any advice i can give or just be there to talk to......look me up......i hope you get all the answers your looking for.....oh and by the way, a little advice for you, even if he doesnt want anything to do with your son, the court agrees on the fact that, you made them, you support them

Jodie - posted on 11/02/2011

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hi, touching story, I have been going through a custody arrangement and child support for 4 years.....my son was 2 and my daughter was 9 months when me and their father split.....it was hard to do it without them, but then I realized something after years of crying every time i looked in their big beautiful eyes......IT'S HIS LOST.....if he don't want to have access to his children, 2 beautiful miracles then thats his choice, but one day he will regret it, because they will be grown, and they will ask questions, and mommy (me) will send them straight to his door......but girl you have to know, whose the bigger person, you are raising your son, and doing what you can for him.......leave the dead beat where he is......YOU CAN'T SAY YOU DIDN'T TRY......you can check out my blog i post daily readings, stats, jokes, poems what ever i feel for that day....heres my link

http://crazyhellraiser.blogspot.com/

please, pass it on to your friends and family.....and if there is any advice i can give or just be there to talk to......look me up......i hope you get all the answers your looking for.....oh and by the way, a little advice for you, even if he doesnt want anything to do with your son, the court agrees on the fact that, you made them, you support them

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2010

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I know exactly what you are going thru. Omg and i feel awful. Myd daughter is 11 months old and greg walked out on her at 2 months old. He has come and gona a few times but i had to put a stop to it. He got with a women who lost her kids and drinking and drugs were more important. I told greg he could see roni as often as possible but was not allowed to leave my house with her bacause of his lifestyle. He choses not to see her because his new girlfriend might make accusations. I cant figure out how someone else is more important then this precious girl but those are his desicions. This weekend he called me this weekend to tell her happy birthday but funny how its not until next month so he broke down and cried. I still gave him 5 shots to see her this weekend willing to pick him up give him time with her and there was an excuse as to why he couldnt. Sometimes you just have to realize there not worth it. Greg will never get another chance to be a dad to my baby because i have finally realized he really doesnt want to be and he will not come in and out of her life as he does his other kids. Oh yes he has 3 more boys from 3 other mommys.

Nicolette - posted on 03/23/2010

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I SOOOO agree! If every dead beat Dad was arrested and jailed, at least we would know that they are paying for their Deadbeat-ness, while we are being 24/7 Moms and Dads. Their lives can be interrupted completly! Now, DEADBEAT Dads, wouldnt it had been easier to just do the right thing in the first place? For every $100.00 they owe shoudl be equal to a month in prison.

Julie - posted on 01/19/2010

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...another thought - If the daddy doesn't want to be a part of a child's life that child is better off than knowing there is a daddy who doesn't care. I had a son whose Dad lived one hour away and this son grew up without him. Compare that to the other children of mine whose daddy was dead. Its easier having them dead than alive and not caring. Ask my kids -
IF that Daddy wakes up THEN reconciliation will happen. My sister went through this and her son (35) is now very close to his deadbeat dad for the past 10 years - but it took years...
Always speak positive of the Dad as the kids takes responsbility for BEING unlovable ... whereas they are not at all to blame -

Ashley - posted on 01/19/2010

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It is hard doing it on your own. Most of the time though I just forget that my sons father is even a part of it. Sometimes I start to feel angry at him for abandoning his son but in the end I realize he is better off without him because any 'person' I will not refer to him as a man that would do this to a child is no kind of role model that I would want in my child's life. I do realize that it hurts but the child is what should be your first priority not begging his father to be a part of his life. If he doesn't want to be then shame on him on missing out on all of the great things that come with being a parent. You get to experience something special and beautiful every single day and should be grateful for that. Hopefully you use your knowledge of what not to look for in a man for the next relationship that you are in and this man will love your son as his own. Children are very resiliant to this type of thing, fortunately. If he knows that he has someone there to love and care for him and is interested in his best interest all of his life he is most likely not going to even want to seek a relationship with his father when he is older.

Sherrie - posted on 01/19/2010

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When that time comes, try to be as honest as you can without putting his father down. Let him know that you wanted him to have a relationship with his Dad but for reasons unknown to you that was not possible. I know it would be easier for you and less painful for Drew if you made excuses but if Drew finds out you lied to him then he will be devastated that the only parent he trusts has betrayed him. The best thing YOU can do for Drew is just be there for him. He will appreciate it that later in life. You will probably get the brunt of all the emotions about his father though because he knows whatever he says to you, you will always be there and will always will love him. Been through that but once they get through that stage they realize how much YOU have done for them and that is a wonderful thing. Hang in there. They say things always happen for a reason. Maybe there is a reason Drew's father is not suppose to be in the picture. Maybe you just dont know about it yet. You be the best Mom you can be and give all the love you can and that will be all your child needs.

User - posted on 01/19/2010

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Im going through the exact same thing. He started dating someone else when I was 5 months pregnant now I have a 6 month old and they are engaged. He has never met her and it baffles me because she is so bloody awesome. The only thing you can do is be the strongest mom you can be. Your playing both roles now and doing great so just keep on doin what your doin. It is something Im sure he will come to regret later on in life!!!!!

Hebah - posted on 01/19/2010

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Look Amanda,
I totally agree with Sandra, forget it about the father,,, think about yourself and your kid.. im a single mother of a lil girl… I raised her up since she was 1y and half by myself… my only advice to you is don’t ever ever ever mention any bad things about your kid’s father… it will leave a very bad impact.. and if he ever asks about his daddy, tell him a good stories about him… keep a great image of the daddy, even if you gonna lie,, I did this with my daughter and this left a great positive impact on my girl. By the way; when my daughter stars to ask me about her daddy and I started to tell her a good things about him, this made her feel great and when she starts seeing him after she became 3and half years, she is the ONE who bring him back into her life…
now he meets with her all the time and most of the weekend she spends it with him…
Trust me if you do your part well done… your kid will get his rights well done
My daughter now about to turn to 5years…
best of luck and keep thinking positively

Monica - posted on 01/19/2010

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Believe me I understand wholeheartedly. I have a deadbeat dad as well and I'm not sure if this is what u want to do but I just stopped calling, sending emails and everything. When my child asked about his father I told my child the truth and when I did talk to the father I said it will be up to my child if they would want a relationship with u. All u really can do now mom is just continue to keep doing what ur doing cause ur not the one missing out he is. He may realize that or he may never but as long as u do ur part and don't miss out on anything. U be the best mom u can be and right now that's all u can ask for . God Bless U and I hope everything works out for u and ur child.

Audrey - posted on 01/19/2010

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Ah pet. I was in a similar situation when my daughter was born but her dad came into her life when she was 8months old. When Mia was born he asked for a paternity test so my only saving grace now is that he not on her birth certificate and has not rights. He came back into me and my daughters life. And to this day i regret it. Because my daughter now thinks shes has a relationship with her dad she misses him. what I am trying to say to you is if your babyfather is showing you this level of disrespect why would you want him in you or your childs life. He is no good now and will be no good in the future trust me I have been through this. Instead of looking for something that does not exist move forward now with your future for you and your baby and when Drew is older he will see what an amazing mother her has and if he wants he will see his dad and you will be there to re afferm how much you love him. You are his mum your all he needs x

Marta - posted on 01/18/2010

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I have 6 month old twins and their father hasn't even tried to see them except for when they were a day old, he spent 15 minutes with them and left. Trust me when I say this, don't bother trying to talk to him. You need to focus all of your energy on your son, the more you worry about what the father is doing the more energy and commitment you'll take away from your son. As for child support/visitation rights by the court, think of whether it's really worth it to go to court, because if you have any doubts on whether he will actually help out, don't go that route and just forget about him all together. I know it's hard, I knew my kids father for 11 years when he walked out on me, but you have to keep your head up and move on. I wrote a letter to my kids about what happened between their father and I and one day when they are old enough I will let them read it, in it I just wrote that their father wasn't capable of taking care of them, because he really wasnt.

Julie - posted on 01/18/2010

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FIRST -Register with the State's Child Support Enforcement Bureau ASAP!

It took two to make baby right?

Don't count on playing on is emotions to get him to visit or pay up -

Sad enough as it is, THIS should be a very real aspect of sex education in the schools ... as it is as real as the conception itself -

.

Hannah - posted on 01/18/2010

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I'm going through the same thing. My son Hayden is 7 months and his dad has never met him either.He has treated me the same way Drew's father has you. I honestly don't understand how someone could act that way either. But what I've been doing is trying to let him go. I don't call or text him anymore. If he wants to talk to me, or see Hayden he will do it himself. You need to stand up for yourself and let him know you don't need him. It's a very hard thing to do, but this way he doesn't have the control, you do. Good luck!

Vicky - posted on 01/18/2010

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Amanda,
I agree with the rest of the ladies. This is a situation in which you've given him plenty of rope, so let him do the rest. It's apparent he already has. Please also be clear and honest with yourself about the reasons WHY you contact him - whether you still have lingering emotions and hopes about reconciliation and/or if you honestly DO want your child to have a relationship with this man. It's not bad to feel this way nor to have these thoughts and feelings. However, being clear about your actions is important for you and you need to be fully present for your son during this very difficult time.
My son's father is the same way and has never been involved with the pregnancy. My son is now 14 months old and I've heard that he's claiming certain actions he's taken are for the best interests of my son. Yet, he's never met him. I found the closure I need every day that goes by when my son smiles at me and I happen to think about what his father is missing out on. I don't feel bad for the father, I feel badly for my son. However, I do know that explaining to my son when he does ask is as simple as saying "some men can be fathers, few men are able to be dads." It's not fair for you to try to influence the child's emotions towards his father, even though you know that a hardened heart can handle the experience better - he will ALWAYS love his father. He will grow into the knowledge of who his father is on his own and unfortunately, that's something we can't protect our children from experiencing. Just give him all the love you have and all the knowledge you have to raise him better than you've experienced. Your son will know who he needs to become. Amanda, you're doing a great job. Stay focused on taking care of you and your son. The rest is details that you don't need to worry about. Good luck and BIG hugs for you and your little one!

Lisa - posted on 01/18/2010

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Truely, it's his loss.



I have been a single mother of a 13 years old girl, I divorced her father when she was 2. He has never seen her since. She always asked about him, I gave her short and simple answers when she was little. I told her I didnt know where he was (which was true) and showed her pictures of him. The need to see a picture is really important. I wanted her to know she has a real father somewhere. She has always wanted to meet him some day, prayed about it and then out of nowhere, he facebooked us (we both have our own facebook) and she was scared and talked with me about it. I approched him first and thought out about it for a few days before I let them talk to eachother. I could see in my daughters eyes the joy and happiness she was feeling, finally my dad. But the 11 years without him were tough. no lies. she always asked and I always shared. Every year I told her a little more and a little more as I seen her mature into the young adult she is becoming now.



But, sorry, I dont really have a happy tail to tell either. He has always paid child support, and now that he can see her and talk with her and take her places, he doesnt. Some guys just dont have it in them. It made me sad when she said, why did you marry him? Wow, I know she understands more now after meeting him and talking with him that there is just no fathering in him. He is just that (her biological father) and nothing more.



I really wanted to share this with you as I felt you needed to hear my story. Be a strong mother, enjoy every moment, dont think about his loss, dont let your childs loss worry you - Your child has you! Maybe, someday, he will want to see his son, but it is his call. Be happy, demand child support and live!

Lisa :)

Kimberly - posted on 01/18/2010

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Hang in there!! My son said to me the other day, " Mom I love my Dad but I don't like him very much. Sad but true. They know alot more than we give them credit for. I have always told my son that his Dad loves him he is just making bad choices but he is not a bad person.

Kathy - posted on 01/18/2010

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Maureen

Sweetie, you obviously have flew the coop!! That you shoulsd always be poud of. It takes a strong person to laeve a situation like that. But i have to tell you need to be very honest with your daughter about why you left. Iff she is not old enough to understand, trust me someday you will have the conversation! But also brace yourself that these guys "never do anything wrong" they will try everything they can to play on the chils sympathy when they are grown. I would have never dreamed that either one of my kids would have gone back to their fathers since they were "missing in action completely for 22 years". But they did because of curiosity and they need to be wanted, loved, and accepted!

Good luck!

My prayers are with you!!!

Kathy

Christine Joy - posted on 01/18/2010

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You dont have to say anything at all now.Just wait till you child is old enough to understand things and tell your child not a bad word bout the father but just explain to your child that the guy is just not on his right time to be a father at the time he is needed and just give your child all your love and support cause he only have you

Tanya - posted on 01/18/2010

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My kids father is a drop kick too. Best thing you can do is nothing. Its his choice to not be involved. When your child asks about their dad. You simply tell them that when he was born that you and h that u will support him but its his choce is dad were not together and that you tried to contact him several times but unfortunatley his dad did not respond. Tell him if you want contact him then you will support him.

Amanda - posted on 01/18/2010

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hey amanda i totally get what you mean. my lil girls dad hardly ever sees her and than he blames me for not seeing her even though i have done everything i can to get him to come in. his main thing is that he wants to take her away to his family, who have never met her, and away from me. this is kinda hard cuz im bf her and she doesnt really settle for anyone but me. its really hard cuz even tho she is only 5 months old im worried bout what im going to tell her when she gets older he doesnt pay for anything and never has and i just dnt know what to do about him anymore so im just leaving him to do his onw thing and he can visit from 2:30 til 6 if he can make it but most of the time he couldnt be bothered so thats not my problem i guess hope things get better between you two but if not you can do it by urself and do a great job at it

Alana - posted on 01/18/2010

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I know what your going through. I'm a single mom to 11-1/2 month old twins. Their father wanted nothing to do with them the day I told him I was pregnant (I didn't even know I was having twins at the time). He never asks about them, doesn't do child support, isn't on their birth certificate, doesn't do anything to help and has never seen them. I'm getting to the point where I don't want him to see them, I don't want him to only be in there lives when he wants to be. He's the one that missing out on two wonderful babies. I feel so lost on what to do sometimes but I know I have to put my twins first and do whatever is best for them. Its tough being a single mom but your not alone and there are so many people here for support.

Sarah - posted on 01/18/2010

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Your obviously better off without him. You have done fine so far, so let him get on with it its his loss you have your beautiful son, he doesnt.

[deleted account]

my advice to you is not to say anything bad about the father in front of Drew.. when he gets old enough to start asking about his dad just tell him you have tried your best to get him to come .. Let the man make himself look bad ...and suffer the consequences. No child needs to feel that they are not wanted by a parent, even if they are

DANIELLE - posted on 01/17/2010

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WOW- DO I KNOW THAT FEELING- MY DAUGHTER WILL BE 1 ON WEDNESDAY AND HER GRANMOTHER N HER DADS SIDE STILL IS UNAWARE SHE EVEN EXHISTS. MY "SPERM DONOR" THINKS HE IS A RAPPER AND POSTS ELABORATE STATUS' ON MYSPACE HOW HE SPENDS SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY WITH HIS OTHER DAUGHTER BUT HAS NVR CHANGED MY DAUGHTERS DIAPER-NVER EVER FED HER- LET ALONE GOT UP WITH HER IN THE NIGHT-- IM DEBATING ON TELLING HIS MOTHER SHE HAS A BEAUTIFUL GRAND BABY- I HAVE HER NUMBER AND ADDRESS-- THEN I THOUGHT OF SENDING HER AN INVITE TO MY DAUGHTERS FIRST BIRTHDAY- SPERM DONOR DENIED HER TWICE TO HIS MOTHER, BUT PAYS ME 200 A MONTH-= HMM-- IM LOST AS WELL-

Leanne - posted on 01/17/2010

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TRUST ME...let him go girl! You cant force someone to be in their kids lives. Enjoy being there for you child & you have already done more than you need to. Your son will know the truth once he gets older & will respect you for at least trying & always being the one there for him. You dont want to keep pushin him in your sons life & him be there halfway like my sons father is! Your gonna regret it!

Kaila - posted on 01/17/2010

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Get child support! My son is 21 months old and has seen his "father" once for three hours when he was 14 months old. He says that he wants to be in his life but never shows it. He just got back from Korea for the army last weekend and was suppose to be here this weekend but said that he doesn't have the "finances" for it. He does this every time. Gavin and I are better without him. I would love for him to be in his life but if he's not it's his loss. Keep your chin up. You will find someone that will love your son like he is his own. Everything will be ok...... but get that child support haha

Yolanda - posted on 01/17/2010

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Amanda, I do understand your feelings (been there). This is something that will never go away, however time will soften the blow. The best thing to do is pray and put your best effort forward to get your son and his dad together ("which from the sound of it that' s what you're doing). When you've exhausted all measures to get them together, let it go. It's good to be able to walk away knowing you've done your best, that eliminates any room for regrets. As moms we have that instinct to protect our children, so when the time comes to discuss the situation with your son, tell him the truth (gently). Keeping positive, this situation may never arise and the dad may finally have an epiphany and come around. Best wishes to you and your son.

Kendra - posted on 01/17/2010

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For everyone...if the ex hasnt even tried to see your children and its been more then 6 months since he has seen the child/or children go file for child abandonment to obtain all parental rights. That could also be a way for the state to get child support for you. I have yet to do it but it takes having money for a lawyer. Also dont ever go through legal aid, they are a joke...well state of nebraska's legal aid is!

Jennifer - posted on 01/17/2010

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my daughter's dad is the same way, but it's his loss, she's 14 and he's never been a part of her life. i just feel that some men aren't mature enough and are way too self-centered to care about anybody else, i always tell her that she's my blessing and his not being around is in no way her fault. he's the bad person and he's the one that's missing all the blessings that she brings!

Brandy - posted on 01/17/2010

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The best thing you can do is say nothing about your child father, until your child is old enough to ask and understand. Then you must not say bad things about the father, just say he wasn't at a place in his life where he could be a father, and if you child is old enough support their need to try and find his father, maybe start out finding the grandparents and going from there. Just always be supportive and let your child know you love them no matter what

Rhonda - posted on 01/17/2010

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I know exactly how you feel, my son is 6 and his dad has never really been a hands on father, we sperated when my son was 3, and his father has seen him twice in 3 years, never calls doesnt even send him gifts for birthday, easter, xmas etc. I must say that my son is not stupid, I have never talked badly about his father in front of him and my son does not want anything to do with him. As far as child support make sure you get it!! My ex refuses to wrok and he lives off the system and now has another child with someone else, so needless to say I don't get child support. But all in all it is his loss, and he is missing out on the greatest gift, which is his child.....so hang in there, and just remember to give lots of love and your child will be fine:)

Marissa - posted on 01/17/2010

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baby girl u know what dont hide it from her tell her so she will know what not to deal with when she gets older just give her all ur love and she will be ok if u raise her right u dont have to worry about her being like him at all keep ur head up and keep moving forward

Marissa - posted on 01/17/2010

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ladies this is what i have to say we r strong and god made us to that way and we will be alright all we can do as single moms is raise our kids and love them ladies it 2010 and we cant worry about what a man is doing for us or our kids we have to do what we have to and (KEEP MOVING FORWARD) that my new thing this year im trying to move forward and not look back im here if anyone needs me send me a message if u want to talk

Connie - posted on 01/16/2010

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Hi, Amanda. I really do feel where you're coming from. I have three kids - divorced their dad when they were in Pre-K and Kindergarten... and he's a dead beat. RARELY sees them, though he lives only 10 miles away.... just stopped paying child support about 6 months back... and he's just a problem. I'm not going to lie - not having a father around hurts the kids; especially my boys. But you know what? HAVING him around hurts too - because he's not a good role model, not a real father. As your son gets older, I would suggest having some good male role models around - your dad? an uncle? a friend? It's not a perfect world for children with dead beat dads, no matter how much we want it to be. And the truth is: the men who desert their children DO NOT DESERVE the HONOR of knowing them. It's a hard road.

Khara - posted on 01/16/2010

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I feel your pain and frustration. Although Trey has met his dad, his dad doesnt really care. We were married and he would rather go out and get drunk or never be home and be out with friends or other girls. Being married to him was a nightmare and we are divorced now. Things are better but it took me leaving him to finally find out that his son was important to him. I honestly would just tell your son that his dad was not in the right time in his life to take care of a child. Your son will get his own idea of how his dad really is, just as will mine. When he gets older he will find his dad and ask him why he never wanted him and someday his dad will have to answer that. All you can do is just love him unconditionally and show him that you don't need his dad to make your family complete. One of these days you will find someone that loves you and your son like he was his just like I have and then nothing will matter. Hang in there girl things will get better, and this might be a blessing in disguise, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Maureen - posted on 01/16/2010

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u should be lucky, i could only wish my daughters father was not in her life. i would hate to think she would turn out like him, she is so much better then her father. and its not worth the fight to try to keep our family together. i would rather tell my daughter ur daddy didnt want u, then to tell her ur daddy beat on mommy everyday for two years, and i couldnt hold it together for u.

Kathy - posted on 01/16/2010

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Make him pay child support and give him the opportunity to be apart ofthis precious baby's life. It is his choice that he doesnt want to take responsibility. I had two of these guys.That is exactly what i did and do not regret it. They will be like this forever. dont look back and beleive you deserve better and so does your baby.
Kathy

Georgeann - posted on 01/16/2010

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Sounds like he would be better off without him. You don't want someone like that in his life believe me. It's not about you or the child it's his issues. I had an x-husband that I wished would never see the kids because it cause so much heartache for them. Maybe you should count your blessings.

Debbie - posted on 01/16/2010

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I feel for upi Amanda. i deal with that same guilt that he (the dad) should be dealing with. I dont know how old your son is, but hopefully he will not allow himself to feel responsible for it. My daughter is 8 and was not wanted by her dad either. Once she was born, as long as i took the initiative, he would see her. But I couldnt make up for his disinterest and lack of wanting to be her father. He loves her, but he just lacks something...empathy or something. I fear everyday this will affect her life and how can I explain the pain away. She is adjusting and just seems angry at him, but accepting it isnt her fault and he is in the wrong. I hope it sticks because we cannot change them. He deleted you off myspace!? Wow... I feel your pain. Birthdays and Christmas ignored etc. I had a psychiatrist tell me that a man like that has a personality disorder and there is nothing that will cahnge that. No meds no psych help..it is part of them. Try and explain that to him if you can. I will be thinking of you. Sometimes I feel like Im the only woman on the planet with a disinteresed dad. It hurts. I hate it hurts my kid even worse...All we can do is be all we can to the child and let the man go... there is nothing we can do to change them and even if you contact him and push him to contact your son, it will not be from the heart and it probably wont last. It stinks! I know. Makes me so angry. Realize he is a jerk and try and let it go... get child support and let him pay for it when he meets his maker one day. Hope this helped

CYNTHIA - posted on 01/16/2010

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u don't. u let the law deal with them....u take care of the kids. love ur kids.

Angela - posted on 01/16/2010

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Ok, So i have been in your shoes for almost 5 years...since i got pregnant...It's a hard thing to do..really is..But how i get through it is I compare my life to how it was before my son was born. See his sperm doner wants nothing to do with my son...he has three other children..they are all by the same woman..he sees two of them and talked this woman into putting the other little girl up for adoption...they kept one boy and one girl and he tossed the rest..as he would say..My son looks more like him than any of his kids...but he is a waste of sperm in his eyes..He is a very evil man but as I write this I have a smile on my face. I know my son is happy and has everything he needs and wants...God will take care of the rest...Plus i get all of my son's time..I don't have to share it with someone else...just pray and know that god is with you and your child..that child is a blessing...and that child is ALL YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2010

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Girl you are def not the only one going through this, there are alot of mother's out there and I am one of them. It does hurt your feelings knowing that he help make this beautiful child and then he is not around. But your child will know when they get older that u were the one to take care of everything, that u were the one that was always there. When he gets old enough and start's asking where his father is then that's when u give him his phone number and tell him to call and ask him where has he been. My best suggestion is to file for child support, ive done it on my own for a year and a half and u best believe im going to file even if you don't need the money throw it into a saving's account for your lil guy!! My son see's his dad when its convenient for him and I think that def make's it harder bc my son is always running around yelling dada and that is so hard on me I think I would much rather him not to come and see him. It will get easier in time, and one day you will have a guy in your life and he will be a great father for your son. I hope things get better for you and Drew.

Kristina - posted on 01/16/2010

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My daughters dad stopped seeing her about 5 or 6 months ago. He barely saw her before then but put her off on his parents alot. Finally he got served child support papers and, I guess, figured that ment he didnt have to see her at all. I sucks to do it alone and its really hard. And people can always say that they understand but no one really does unless your in that situation.

Lorena - posted on 01/16/2010

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So sorry this is happening. I have a 12 yr old that had to grow up the same way. She has 11 other half sisters and brothers (yes i said 11-not a typo) and her dad sees all of them except her. What makes things worse is that she attends the same school as 2 of her sisters! Its hard for her to hear how they see their dad and he doesnt make the time for her. But let me tell you, the key is to let her know that its not her fault. I always explained to her from the get-go that her father made a decision to be that kind of a father. Its not my fault (she sees that I try to communicate with him) and she knows its not her fault becuase she didnt do anything wrong. It is hard to do it by yourself but its not impossible. A lot of single mothers are in this circle and its hard for ALL of us. But in the end, whether your son is gonna make it thru this or not, all depends on YOU. I would never talk down about her father regardless of what he does. I decided to stick to this becuase what if one day he decides to come back and my daughter welcomes him with open arms? Am i the one to take that away from her if she wants him around? I also-as a mother-am gonna have to be there if he decides to break her heart and that is just a part of life that you deal with when you cross that bridge. Take care of your baby twice as good and do the daddy thing and you child will grow to give you that much more respect. One day, he will thank you for being the one that cared. Good luck and hope that HE has a change of heart. You cannot be the one to do that for him. Pressing the issue or anything like that might (maybe) make him come around BUT he wont be doing it from his heart--he'll do it cuz u bothered him to. Sometimes, though, a mom is better off raising her kids on her own rather than to have a deadbeat come around and mess things up and raise havoc.

Emma - posted on 01/16/2010

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U tell your little boy that his father made a huge mistake and because of that mistake he has missed out on the most amazing thing in the world...watchin his son grow an learn and become a his own person and then u tell him its ok because i got to watch you do all those things an i m so lucky i didnt have to share you!

Charlotte - posted on 01/16/2010

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I forgot to support and agree with all the moms who stated that child support could be a very resourceful move for you to take. Even though I did not pursue that. I felt if he wanted to help he would. It is his Son that he would have to answer to. My Son is aware of that and hesitates on trusting his Dad fully. I do think this does give my Son some protection knowing in advance that his Dads interest might be short lived.
Good luck to you.
Girl Power,
Charlotte

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