How to deal with my son's father who is on drugs and lies constantly!

Amber - posted on 09/27/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My son is 16 months and I got pregnant by my son's father within a few months of being together. I didn't know then but he had just gotten out of prison and wanted a child so secretly got me pregnant! I wouldn't take back my son now but I am stuck having to deal with the sperm donor. He wants to be in my son's life so I let him see him whenever he wants for the most part but I won't let him be alone with my son or I. He has said he would kill me if I ever keep my son from him. He also says if I date anyone he will have them beaten or killed. He is on heroin and pills but denies it even though I caught him red handed with heroin in his vehicle while he was visiting my son at my house. I told his family because before this they were in denial. He went to "rehab" for a week and now they are all singing his praises and saying I should trust him but I know he is back to doing drugs and dealing drugs. He is not safe and hangs out with drug dealers and people who are also doing heroin. He is getting more demanding on seeing my son alone but I won't let him. He isn't listed on the birth certificate so legally he has no rights but if he takes me to court I just don't know what to do! Does anyone know what I can do besides just documenting his visits with my son to make sure if he takes me to court he doesn't get to just take my son and put him in harm's way?

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Heather - posted on 09/29/2011

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Where are you from? You can get some legal help for free, did you know that? It's called legal aid... it really helped me out a lot... my son's father is very similar to what you described and we ended up moving out of state to start a new life. If you contact your local attorney's office they should have the number for you to call... as long as he hasn't called there to get legal help they will help you... it is very beneficial!

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Kimmy - posted on 10/20/2011

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I went through a simialr situation. My son's sperm donor was on drugs and I didn't like it. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive. He eventually thought that I had tricked him into getting me pregnant and told his therapist that he was going to kill me and my unborn child. I was terrified. So I just kept him out of my life. He is not on my son's birth certificate and he NEVER sees my son. I didn't want to take the chance of him hurting my son so he never sees him and he doesn't even try. I wish you luck and hope everything works out for you. Just know there are others out there with similar issues that you can talk to.

Emily - posted on 10/19/2011

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Definitely get help! I would file a restraining order first than seek legal council. Also, start documenting EVERYTHING!! Everything he says, what he does, where it happens and if anyone else is witness. Write it down and include the date, time and as much detailed information as you can. Tell a friend or give copies to a friend. If he is threatening your life, he is not safe. Leave town, move away, get help. You can also go to a women's shelter. They will provide you with resources and can act as witness's in court should you need one. Good luck.



Here's the info for the National Center of Domestic Violence

http://www.thehotline.org/

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)



Just because you're not married doesn't mean you can't get help. Also, just because he is not beating you doesn't mean he is not acting violently towards you. Call them just to talk to some one. They will give you resources.

April - posted on 10/19/2011

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Nesa is right. You need a lawyer TODAY! Legal aid is a good idea or calling the state's attorneys general office will help you or tell you whom to call. You should explain this all to the lawyer and ask her to file an order of protection against him. He won't be able to get within 500 feet of you. Include the baby in the protection order. Then you need to have the lawyer file for full custody and child support. They can test him for drugs and they should. Good luck. Call a lawyer today.

Nesa - posted on 09/30/2011

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Well first i read the last post you put on here. He CANNOT take your baby from you. period. He isnt on his BC and as far as i know that means he has absolutly no rights. If you wanted you could tell him never to come around again. With those threatsyou can get an order of protection for yourself and your baby so that the sperm donor can never come around you 2 or he will be arrested. I tried to do this with my sperm donor who was on drugs just less harmful drugs and i chickened out because i felt guilty not letting my daughter know her real father. It turned around and bit me in the tail end. He has made our lives a living hell ever since i called the cops on him the first time. As far as court goes definantly get some legal aid you can have any rights he wouldve had completly stripped away from him and even if they didnt do that and wanted to give him some rights you can drug test him on the spot in court. If he fails then he is arrested right then and there. Especially if he fails for those hardcore drugs he is doing. I would definantly not ever let him out of your sight with the baby. Definantly not a safe situation. I went to court with mine and got court ordered visitation where he has to come to our house to see her and isnt allowed to take her anywhere unless im there or ive said its ok. He got no custody not even her name changed to his. With a lawyer and alot of prayer you can make sure your son is safe for life. I hope everything works out for you and your little one. Good Luck and keep your head up you are doing the best thing for your baby. Oh and did i mention im jobless right now still trying to get my Highschool Diploma? That Idiot sperm donor dont stand a chance hun..

Karleigh - posted on 09/29/2011

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i would take him to court for full custody before he does . good luck with everything !!

Amber - posted on 09/27/2011

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Oh and also, he is obsessive about getting back with me and acts like I am his property and has that "if I can't have you no one can" mentality. His family has money and I am a single mom struggling to make my bills because he doesn't pay child support. He always threatens when we go to court, he will get my son because he hasn't had any dirty UA's and that his rehabe was listed as "depression" not for drugs. Any legal advice would be wonderful.

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