how to you make your child's father realise what he's missing out on?

Sam - posted on 03/18/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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when jessica was born on 21st september my ex saw her three times between day after she was born and the end of october. i even went to meet his mother with jess when she was working one day, and we'd never met before.i believed she had a right to see her grandaughter even though her son didnt want to know.she came over after christmas and we had a good long chat. it seemed he had lied about alot of things,so i told her the truth.she seemed to understand and was in full conversation about things. then i dont hear anything for months, and i later found out his girlfriend had conceived the same week my daughter was born. how can he not want anything to do with one child, yet he's having more kids.he already has two older kids from his marriage. he makes out to be the victim in everything,and the worstthing is everyone believes him

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Stephanie - posted on 04/21/2010

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the long and short answer to how do you make him realize what hes missing out on is that you cant.... you cant make someone feel something they dont... and its hard because your baby is perfect in your eyes... but you cant make an a-hole feel something he doesnt.... be all that you can be for your baby, because you simply cant make him give a crap. sad but true.

Jessica - posted on 04/12/2010

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OMG! This sounds exactly like my situation. My sons father has 4 other kids but my son is 13 months and is the youngest of all of them. He has so many issues so i left him and came back from Florida to New Jersey to have the support of my family. For some reason i want to be back together with him but know he will never change. He didnt even send his son a card for his 1st birthday. I can go on forever to tell you the whole messed up story but overall what i have learned is that there are a lot of "sperm donors" i guess you can say. Its freakn horrible that they dont care about there children even if they say they do. Its crap. WE REALLY CANT QUESTION WHY THEY DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEIR KIDS, WE JUST HAVE TO TELL OURSELVES THAT IT IS THERE LOSS AND THAT WE WILL DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM ANY PAIN THEY MAY ENDURE. Even if that means that they may never see their father in order for them not to get hurt emotionally then thats what we have to do. Dont feel alone. I am in the same position. I wish you the best for you and your daughter.

Lindsey - posted on 05/29/2010

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ive cussed him, harassed him, reasoned and agreed with him and just when i thought he was getting a clue, hed dissapear again. Hes went through 5 or more girlfriends in the last 2 years of our child being alive and maybe 1 of them didnt have a child. he lives with his girlfriend and helps her take care of her 5 years old daughter when all i have from him, or have ever gotten from him is a pair of nikes on nolans first birthday that i then seen at the mall on sale for less then 20$ were going to court this month and i want him to sign over his rights as a father because him and his family have led me on, made promises and broke every one of them and i wont let them disapoint my child 10 years down the road

Elizabeth - posted on 04/08/2010

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your post sound sjust like my x, everything uve said he the same, weve got 3children together our oldest is 6 and youngest is 1 year old next week, hes never seen her all because he has another little girl 6weeks younger then our's hes wants nothing to do with our 3, he doesnt pay a penny towards any of them, im fed up with all the lies he has told every one about me and his children. the only thing you can do is try and once you have tried there isnt a lot you can do its up to his family to make the next move, ive tried all i can for years, his paretns have been in our older childrens lifes but for the last year since our youngest has been born, weve seen less and less of them, last time was boxing day. im fed up with trying now my older two know i have tried and all i can do is explain to our youngest whens she ask's that ive tried as much as i can ut they wont make the next move so i cant do any more, ill always leave the door open for them to find their dad and his family but i will be parpared to stand by and be there for them what ever the outcome is, ur not alone with what ur feeling my x always made out it was him the victim when the only victims are children in this. for now im just to put all my energy in to the children and ensure they dont go with out anything else. they will know the truth and that is that matters, i dont think you will ever make him see what hes missing out off. and if u have to there just not worth it.

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Angela - posted on 10/27/2012

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If he aint realised bein in a family environment wot hes missing then u my dear wont be able to show him the error of his ways. Stop tryin to fix him and realise that hes a waste and concentrate on you and ur child. Sorry to say hes not ur problem anymore, u cant make a man feel something if he dont....u cant force it or ur son will feel rejected again in the future. Just leave him be x

Brianna - posted on 10/25/2012

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It sad and it breaks my heart what some fathers do with one of the greatest gifts you could recieve...my son is 3 years old and his father missed out on 2 years of that due to a loooong state mandated vacation...now that he has the opportunity to be a part of his life he rarely sees him but yet he gets his other son (6yrs) every weekend....after trying to push a relationship with him i gave up and relaized my son is better off without him...he doesnt need a once a month father my son is better off with a having just a full time mommy

Charlena - posted on 05/27/2010

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Sometimes people come into our lives just to serve a purpose and leave , put all your attention into your child , stop thinking that it has to be a mother and father all the time , if it matters that much then you be her father also ! your child will still smile and laugh father or not because she has her mother to keep her happy , your perfectly capable of giving your child the love of two parents even though one isnt there , even though he isnt there now he might suck it up one day and come around , just make sure you leave all the drama at the door and be on the same page , lies , fights , cheating , whatever doesnt matter anymore your not together what matters now is your baby and you always put whats best for your child first .

Sam - posted on 05/25/2010

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thank you everyone for the support.i did not know what reactions to expect and im glad i joined this group.with some of the comments it choked me up a little. sad i know lol. but the good news now is that he split with that girl and we are now sharing the CSA payments. who's laughing now x

Clare - posted on 04/20/2010

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My son is 8 and we split up when my son was 2. since then he has married and sees my son once every 3 wks. He has no interest in being a dad any other time and I feel like i am banging my head up against a wall trying to get him to be part of my sons life,it is heartbreaking seeing my son miss out on having his daddy there for him. sometimes you have to give up the fight and try to accept that you cant force them to be a good dad,however much you want that,and believe me i do.

Nhery - posted on 04/11/2010

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Be happy with your kid, be contented and focus yourself on the future of you both. Get over with that man. If he sees you that way, That's I think would be the sweetest revenge. He'll realized what he had lost.

Rachel - posted on 04/11/2010

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dont worry about him honey!!! ,He has seen her, he should know what he's missing. i think for some men, it doesnt click. what's important is that YOU realize how important and beautiful your little one is

Deanna - posted on 04/10/2010

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I had my daughter in January 2010 and now she is 3 months old and her father has only seen her two times within her first month of life. He never seemed slightly interested in her, but he loves fighting and arguing with me. Child support is not in his interest, he would rather spend it on other things. Now he is dating a young chick and seems like he has chosen his new girlfriend over his daughter. His parents came over on valentines day and seemed like they wanted to be in her life, but now I have not heard from them since.

I feel that if they don't want to be part of her life, I can't force them to. I mean I would love for her to know her father's family but if they chose to not be in her life then that is their decision and they are the one's missing out. I love spending time with her! She babbles smiles and laughs now and the last time they saw her she was a newborn and couldn't hold her head up. She really lights up my life!

Amanda - posted on 04/10/2010

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my daughter is 8 now and her father was absent up until her 5th birthday.. unfortunately you cant make them see that that their children are important its something they have to figure out on their own. some guys never understand. trying to make them love their children is not going to help the situation.

Amanda - posted on 04/07/2010

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Honey the sad truth is you cant make him realize that. You know what a joy your child is and you are so in love with that child and I know from experience you just cant believe how anyone wouldnt want to be around your child but the hard truth is that he dosent feel that way about your child, and I say your child because even though he is the father that child isnt his, its yours. I gave up on my daughters dad a long time ago and its hard but you may have to do the same. My daughters dad wont see his daughter but he is about to marry someone with like 3 kids and he takes care of them, I dont understand it, and I probably never will but it it what it is you know? You have the best part of him and he can never take that way. Chin up sweetheart.

Sabrina - posted on 03/30/2010

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Oh boy...

This is a hard one. I been raising my niece like my daughter, our kids are six days apart. Her Dad has two kids from previous relationships and now my niece and has another girl pregnant. He has lied to the family and everyone that he is the poor victim. For some reason his mother believes him. At some point sadly you need to just realize he isn't going to change and just focus on raising your daughter Jess. I know it is hard because it takes two to make a baby but yet most of the time it is only one raising them. I say just focus on your daughter screw the rest of the Drama with him and his family. You have done everything you can and they know where to find you and Jess. I hope things work out for you. I am always sadden to read these posts. I can't understand why someone would want to miss out on their child's life.

Tatenda - posted on 03/30/2010

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jst let him be,thats wt i do.i tell him of all oncoming events well in advance/emergencies that pop up bt all i get are excuses.dsnt matter 2 me as lng as i played my part.i no its hard wn u c yo baby disappointd bt there is nthng 1 cn do

Kerrie - posted on 03/26/2010

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there is nothing we can do its either they do or they dont the way i see things is there the one missing out on a beautiful daughter growing up but when the times right when your daughter asks you where is daddy it will bring tears down your face coz you kno it hurting ur daughter but is wat i would b sayin is daddy needs 2 work out a couple of things in his life n he cant do it here but he does love you very much

you cant make him want 2 be a father coz he hasnt worked out 2 be a man and take responsibilty

Taniesa - posted on 03/26/2010

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I joined this group when I was a single mother, I am no longer single and am married to my daughters father. To be honest, I was in the same shoes. I did not know what to do with regards to making him realize what he was missing, but I do remember calling him when my daughter started walking and I guess that is something that helped him to realize that he was going to end up missing out on all of her firsts and those are the most wonderful feelings. Before we worked things out and got married, we had been through a lot of arguing, separations, and visitation with the baby. I guess if you just take it one day at a time sometimes things will go right. I made sure I did not try to force him to see his daughter, because I felt if I did that he would not want to see her. Also because I remember the first time we split up I did try to force him to see the baby, and it kind of made matters worse. Thats not what I wanted I wanted things to work out. So I never called him or asked for anything. Then he was the one calling asking for the baby and seeing if she needed anything.

Vilavanh - posted on 03/26/2010

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"THERE IS NO WAY" plain and simply. Sorry for coming to you like that but it is true when it comes to a man. Regardless of how much guilt you're try to put on them you're just driving yourself crazy and get more heart ache. If he choose to be in the child's life, he will do so. If he chose not to do so, he will not do it no matter how much you try. All you could do it hope that maybe one day he'll realize he is a not a man and step up.

Terra - posted on 03/18/2010

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my daughter was born in april and her father has sense moved ssix thousand kilometres away. This happened the begining of october end of september. i hear from him about once a month and he acts like he wants to be in her life, but sends no money to help me out and doesnt seem to actually care that he just missed the major half of his daughter's life. He left before she could even sit up by herself; he hasn't seen no milestones of hers.



His mother father and brother are all part of my daughter's life; and they all figure he won't show up to her first birthday like he said he would. so needless to say you aren't alone on this one.



i have no idea how to make them interested; in fact i believe there is no way to make them interseted. the best thing we can do is love our daughters aas much as we possibly can. be mom and dad and worker and housemaid all for the sake of our little ones.

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