Husband cheating and expecting 3rd baby in March

Tina - posted on 12/04/2009

I think you have been true to yourself be honest, what did you do to deserve this nothing, there is not a more vulnerable time for a women when she is having a baby. The kids will be only happy if you are, it is not easy being on your own but please I think you are setting a great example to your children of howmuch you are worth. Not all men cheat and I have to say i am appalled how women do this to other woman and dont accept responsibility, why do men cheat because there are so many woman who want to cheat with them. It is a shared responsibility to ego boost, anyway I am a single mum of five children and it is not easy, but it is harder dealing with someone who has no regard for you or your children. I hope you have a wonderful xmas with your family

Belinda - posted on 12/04/2009

My ex and I had the same problem. We stayed together, unhappily and without trust, for the sake of our son. That was the worst decision we could have made. You are your kids' role models and what they are learning is that this is what a marriage is supposed to be like. This is what you can expect their future relationships to be like if you continue because they learned it from their parents, so it must be right. This is also not healthy for you. Don't sell yourself short, you deserve better. Not all men are cheaters. Do yourself and your children a favor and do what is right for everyone! Be strong, that is what you want for your kids right?

Candy - posted on 12/03/2009

First, do not trust your heart because it is filled with elevated emotions and can distort your judgement. Use your mind when making decisions because when you've taken time to think things through, you are making educated decisions based on the facts and the situation, not emotions. I've been in your shoes before so I know exactly what u are going thru. However, don't ever feel that you must make a relationship work for the "kids' sake". If it couldn't work for your and your partner's sake, what makes you think that adding kids in the equation makes it any easier or more valid? All kids deserve having both parents in their lives, but not at the expense of them or either parent being unhappy or dealing with degrading circumstances (such as ur own). Your kids' dad has already been unfaithful to you before and you decided to work through it. Now he has done it again, therefore, he meant to do what he did -- he just didn't plan on getting caught. HE disrepected the family arrangement, HE chose to put his family happiness on the line (AGAIN), so let HIM deal with the consequences of his actions. The kids will be fine -- you can even put ur older one in counseling because they are going to need it. Do the same for yourself. Also, you and your kids' dad don't have to be "friends"; just be parents to ur children and act civil towards one another. Be aware: he is going to try to make life miserable for you because you don't want him anymore. THat's his way of trying to "make" you take him back and show u that you can't "make it" without him. Hold ur head up high, keep prayer as a top priority, and focus on yourself and ur kids --- not on him. You will alright! Say it to yourself daily and believe in it. I'm sure that you love your man, but you need to love yourself more. You loved and forgave your partner for as much and and long as you could. Now it's time to give someone else that same, if not more, time, dedication, patience, nurturing, forgiveness, and love --- YOURSELF.

TOSHA - posted on 12/03/2009

I went through the same thing and was married for six years with two kids. My ex husband cheated a couple of time and I kept forgiving him and thinking he was going to change. Well it helped me to realize by forgiving him led him to believe it was ok which resulted in him disrespecting me to the fullest. We are divorced now and I am doing better than I was with him being that I have a piece of mind and my kids see me happy and vibrant again. I still love him true enough but I deserve better and being that I have a a son and a daughter I don't want them to think it is ok for them to do or allow this in their marriage when they come of age. My ex husband and I have become cordial for the kids sake and they are doing just fine. Sweetheart it's not going to be easy this i know but in due time things do get better and the wounds are healed. You can do it and you deserve better......

Robin - posted on 12/03/2009

Do you want to drag out your heartbrake or get it over with now?

GEMEKA - posted on 12/03/2009

when I saw itthought no way i am married have a 2 yr old a1 year old and I am due in march my husband has been unfaithful the entire time and its to the point he doesnt even ask to come back he chooses them over his fam. No one can tell you what you should do even though they will try. My biggest reget is that I didnt listen when others told me I Deserve Better

Jennifer - posted on 12/03/2009

This is hard only you know what is right for you! My ex cheated on me while I was pregnant and after our son was born with the same women. When my son was 8 weeks old he went away to Mexico with his "w" I shoulnd't swear. He said it was a bussiness trip my gut said look at his passport....I left immediately. It was hard and is hard being a single mom the money factor and getting everything done. Do I regret leaving not at all ! He made me think I was crazy that he just went away....because I was crazy. The only think crazy is all the lies I was told meetings and business traveling that didn't add up. It gets better it was his friends wife and he was in their wedding. It has been 8 months .. she moved right away and he still denying having a affair. I want my son to respect women and not turn out like his "w" father. All my feeling went away after he did that. Your pregnant with his child how lucky is he!!!! This is the time he should of been caring for you. At the end of the day you would always be wondering will he do it again...can you take that chance? Karma is a wonderful thing it always comes around.

Preya - posted on 12/03/2009

Hmmmm this is a very complicated situation.

I can personally say i have gone threw the whole cheating thing with my boyfriend. I am going tell you what i think maybe you might be stronger then me and actually move on!

Me about 2 years ago would have told you that everyone deserves a second chance! BUT now im telling you that you did the right thing by kicking him out! He not only disrespected you but was not thinking about you nor your children when he slept with that other women! If you take him back now ,, your basically putting in his head that its ok for him to cheat because your going to keep taking him back!

I know it seems hard because you have 3 kids to think about but he can still help support his kids and help raise them with out you to being together! I know you still love him and might even want to work things out,, but let me ask you this one question remmeber how hurt you felt when you found out he cheated to you really wanna continue to go threw that? I would hope not.... you have to put yourself first for once. Dont allow a man to hurt you you deserve sooo much better! & believe me you can make it without him!

Maureen - posted on 12/02/2009

sorry about that but my advice is think about yourself for once. the best gift you can give yhour children is to be there for them come to think of it in this age and area of HIV AIDS the last thing one can can dois tgo get exposed to the chances of contacting the disease and you will leave yhour children orphaned so gal think of yourself and being there for your children its a very hard discision. being a single mum is preety challenging but it aint impossible many have made it i included and its so fulfilling tgio bring up children who give u so much joy and a sense of satisfaction so go for it gal u aint alone Gosd wil guide u through and it will really i mean really surprise you of your potential all the best.

Tiffany - posted on 12/02/2009

Definitely follow your heart.. I have been there I was married for 5 years to my kids dad and we have 3. And I found out he was cheating on me with a 19 year old and I stayed around and thought that if I was still getting part of him then she couldn't have all of him. But that was the wrong thing for me to do. Because it just hurt me in the end. Now we are all friends even me and the girlfriend and they have been together ever since we split up. They now have a kid together and I didn't file for divorce until she got pg. So I think it is better in the long run for the kids to see you guys as friends than together and no trust. cause that is what they will think a relationship is suppose to be and that is unhealthy... I am so sorry that happen to you.. It will get easier I promise..

Kaari - posted on 12/02/2009

That is a tough one. I agree with you once a cheater always a cheater. What is the reason that he gives for why he cheats? Do you believe what he says? You have to do what you believe is best for you and your children. Just remember if you are not happy your children will not be happy either.

Megan - posted on 12/02/2009

I just went through the same thing! I'm about 5 months preggo right now. 7 days ago I found some texts between him and a girl that were a little inappropriate, I called him out on it saying that I do not deserve to be treated that way and he BEGGED me to forgive him that it was completely innocent. I gave him one more chance because I understand that everyone makes mistakes but I made it clear that if he EVER did something like that I would be gone. 2 days later I found a very sexually eplicit text conversation between him and an ex containing pictures, and him saying she is beautiful, he wants her blah blah blah. 2 days!! after I told him if he messed up again I'm gone! He tried to turn it around and blame it on me lol. So anyway point being, once he's a cheat he'll always be a cheat and yes you'll want to try and stay as civil as possiable but do not take him back. Do it for yourself because even if it's not now, maybe a few years down the road you will catch him again, the children will be older and it will be a bigger mess then than it will be if you take care of things now. Hope that helps, I'm so sorry you have to deal with an as* while pregnant.

Ljubica - posted on 11/18/2009

Oh nooooo....
Like Sharolett, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will share my story. Unlike the ladies who have shared their story and opinions, I have stayed with my husband. Thant does not mean that staying with yours is the right answer. Hopefully when you read my story, you will see why...
My husband and I have been together for 9 and a half years and married for the last 3 and a half years. Our son Dayton is turning 8 in February, and has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, OCD, global delays and is now under observation for autism.
Last year in mid July, my husband went to his brother's wedding 12 hours away from home, and I stayed at home with my son, because I didn't think Dayton would be able to sit through a wedding, and he doesn't like change... anyway, my husband (Glen) was the best man, and the other woman (Benita) was the maid of honor. The day after the wedding, they slept together in a park of all freaking places, like dogs. Glen used to work out of town a lot, and just came home on the weekends (of course, if he didn't have to 'work'), so I had no idea that sometimes, he was actually visiting with her 12 hours away from home, rather than at work. Finally, in mid August of last year, he told me the marriage was over. He refused to admit that he was having an affair. Finally, 2 days later he admitted he has had an affair for a month. In less than 2 hours, I found out that Benita was 49 years old (I just turned 35 last Saturday, and Glen just turned 40 in September), and she is mentally delayed at about a 17-18 year old level. She had left her husband of 30 years to be with Glen, and has no children because she hates them. Furthermore, Benita has had 6 affairs prior to sleezing around with Glen, and had left her husband twice before. She has several personality disorders, which is why her husband had always taken her back, because she is sick. I called Glen with this information, explaining to him that he would never take Dayton out of my house to visit this woman because of what I had just learned. He in turn called her and confronted her about what I had learned. In less than 24 hours, Glen wanted to come home. I gave him a second chance.
2 weeks later, he was seeing her again behind my back. I didn't find out about it until mid November, 2 months later. I freaked! But for the sake of my son, I took him back. Dayton loves his daddy, and no matter how much I hate my husband, I can't deny him his father. I know that if Glen and I separated, he would probably not visit with Dayton very often, and in order for me to take that step, I need to prepare Dayton for that reality. As I've said, my son has challanges, and Glen dissapearing abruptly would create havoc in his little life, not that Glen thought of that when he was busy with miss Benita, but I have to. I need to look out for my baby.
What I can tell you about this experience is that I hate my husband. I'm not kind to him anymore. Don't get me wrong, I don't argue and freak out on him in front of my son, but I'm not blinded into thinking that my baby doesn't sense the tension either.
I resent Glen, I hate him, and I wish he would leave of his own accord. We've recently moved into a more affordable home that I can financially take care of on my own without him, this way, I'm secure if and when either one of us decides to quit the marriage. I agree that taking your spouse back for the sake of the children is probably not the right thing to do. I'm living proof. I'm in a living hell. But, with my son's challanges, I'd rather prepare him for daddy not being in our lives and live my own personal hell, than live through the sheer agony of many sleepless nights with Dayton freaking out because he had a surprise absence of his sperm donor.
I guess what I'm saying is that it's your choice what to do, you've got many stories here to chew over. If you love him, know the road ahead won't be rosy, it will most likely resemble my road. If you kick him to the curb, it will be swift, like ripping off a bandade, painful, but your life won't be a nightmare.

Amy - posted on 11/18/2009

We I was and about same spot, but child not almost 3. My advise is not to go back the biggest mistake women make is the go back. If you have boys they will see it and think that its ok and girls are the same as well. Its hard to be a single mom I know but your kids will be more balance and healther mentally for it. And flexible visitation works great, try to work it out so the kids can see him on a regular basis. Not just everyother weekend. Have him get them from school one or two days a week. Alot or employers will make allowances for this. It hard but be strong for the kids they are worth it.

Cheryl - posted on 11/18/2009

I am goin throw the exact samething. We have been together for 4 years. When my son was 7mnths old my husband ran away with my best friend. Three months later he wanted to come back and I let him. In Jan. she had his baby. But in Dec he ran off again with another girl for a couple of weeks. He also has a bad drinkin and drug problem. We kept goin throw alot of being together then apart. We finaly got totaly back together in May. I found out in July I was pregnant. A week after that I found out he was cheatin again and had been for months. The girl had even been pregnant and had a mischarage. A month ago he wanted to get back together but he decided its easier to be with her. But now he says he is ready to fight and wants to be a family with us again. This pregnancy has been so hard on me. I'm only 21 wks and have been in the hospital 5 times already. The stress and everything has taken a toll on me. I've lost over 20lbs constantly have a bladder infection and had an infection in my uterus. This is realy hard I understand what you are goin throw. He has done so much but I cant help but love him so much. I still don't know what to do. If he could ever be trusted. I've taken him back so many times and its happend three times now. I thought it was better for him to be there for my son. But I don't even let him have our son on his weekends cause of stuff that has happend while he has had him and he doesn't stop drinking. And now my son has actually been alot happier, more lovable, and is back to goin to the potty again. He still sees him he just doesn't stay with him. So my husband says he has stopped the druges and will not cheat but you never know. I'm pretty much in the same boat its just happend more times to me and I don't know what to do either. Everyone tells me not to beleave him that he will never change. But I can't stop lovin him it all hurts so much.

Casey - posted on 11/18/2009

follow youre heart but once a cheater always a cheater..and if you think you can do it on youre own and you'll be happier that way then do it. i went through the same thing and am doing fine is on my own. its up to you hun. good luck

Sharolett - posted on 11/18/2009

I dont want you to think I am telling you to do this but it is what I would do and have done. I think you should follow your heart! If you get with him for the kids sake its just going to make you miserable and in turn the kids. Your kids can tell! I am divorced bc of cheating. I am friends with there father and he does see them on a daily basis! It does work set boundaries with your relationship and follow through. My kids like having two rooms and toys. Good luck hope I helped out some!