i am a single 17 year old mom.HELP PLEASE!

Heather - posted on 03/29/2011

Being a single mom is rough but you can do it on your own. It seems that we find our inner strength when we least expect it. As Shannon suggested, look into government programs to help you. My daughter is 14 months old and I've been on my own since I was 3 months pregnant. If there is anything I've learned, I am the only person that I can count on! You can do this!!! Good luck!

Meagan - posted on 03/28/2011

I googled some resources based on where your profile says you live. A couple are just programs, others help young moms achieve independence. Heres a start of the list:
http://www.newbeginningsva.com/grouphome...
http://www.deltahouse.net/services.html
http://www.thealternativehouse.org/aym.h...
http://www.vahealth.org/resourcemothers/

Google assistance or transitional housing or shelters for single moms/ teen moms. You'll find SOOOOO much more, and a lot of it is to help people in your type of situation. lol

Leeann - posted on 03/28/2011

I was your age when i had my first child and even though i married her father a month later i had to do it on my own. he wasnt there for us at first always gone always with friends doing things i got to miss out on. i resented it for many years even after he stepped up and became a man. dont do that it only works out bad for everyone involved.

but i have to agree with the very wonderful advise already given. get help food stamps, wic, anything you can. i was on it and it helped out so much. they can even help you find a stable job.

much luck to you honey. and know that it will always be hard it just comes with the territory but your baby boy will always be your silver lining.

no mater how the world will try and bring you down he will be there to smile at you and let you know that your doing alright.

LAVETRA - posted on 03/14/2010

FIRST OF ALL,YOU DID MAKE THE DECISION TO HAVE A CHILD FROM THIS DUDE. NOW YOU HAVE TO FIND JESUS AND LEARN OF HIS LOVE AND HIS WORD WILL GUIDE YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO DO IT VICTORIOUS. GOD HAS BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU FOR YEARS.

Samantha - posted on 03/13/2010

Try going to a medicaid office or something, they usually can help with housing and daycare and cash assistance. As far as the baby's daddy goes, My sons dad never pays child support and I let him see the baby because I was raised by my dad and even though his dad doesnt pay I think he needs him in his life and he is a good dad to him. But also at a medicaid office, if you establich paternity with the dad (which they can do for you if you havent done it) they will help get support from him.

Susan - posted on 03/13/2010

I was a mom at 19 and it was hard for me back then so I can relate to what yoj are going through. Please listen to the advise of the other mom's who posted comments about going to get government assistance. Things do not get easier overnight, it will take some time. People in your situation are the ones who need the help provided by the government. Food stamp programs, medicaid, WIC...all those will help you to provide for your son as well as yourself. You do need to find time for yourself as well. I have never heard of government daycare programs but the people at the WIC and medicaid offices will be able to help you with those things.
You can also find educational assistance for yourself to get a college education without paying any money out of pocket and also get grants that will actually put money in your pocket in order for you to go to school. Also, dont be afraid of looking into service repayment student loans where you are given loans for education which are paid back after graduation just by you working in your field. You dont pay any money back at all.
As for the dad not apying, once you go to the medicaid office to apply for assistance, they will go after the dad for you and he WILL pay.
Good luck.

Calandra - posted on 03/12/2010

First things first, you are still a baby yourself and it can be hard to take care another person without the support system. What I would suggest for you to do is seek family or friends who are willing to assist with your needs. For example, if your working maybe they can watch the baby for you or if they need something done in the household maybe they can compensate you for it. Just till you are able to get something more substantial for yourself and son. If your having issues with supporting your son then you need to take the necessary actions to take his father to family services. You have to do whatever it takes to take care of yourself and your son to make sure you and him don't want for nothing. Get involved in your local government to get assistance. I hope this helps a bit. Good luck!

Kristen - posted on 03/12/2010

File through your states office of the attorney general and they will help you set up custody and child support. DHS or Human Resources and the work force centers in your state can help you with money for food, help provide schooling and above all remember your are all that baby has so not only do you owe it to yourself you owe it them to be the best you can be. I am 27, I gave birth to my oldest child when I was 17. He will be 10 next month, I have lived your life. I promise the best advice I ever got and never followed was to go back to school. Do it while they are little and they will never know you are gone. Then when hes 10 you will be home at night to do homework with him......

Mindy - posted on 03/12/2010

being a mom is really hard. I too am tring to get help with my daughter. some people have told me togo to churches to get involved. as far as child support just get his wadges attached so you don't have to worry about if you are going to get a check that month.

Danielle - posted on 03/12/2010

Im in the same situation almost. All i have to say is next time use a condom!

Alicia - posted on 03/10/2010

Yes it will send you on the road you need to be on to become the mother your little one needs. I am not saying you aren't a good mother now, but motherhood is very hard learning experience and you are constantly growing so you will need as much a support as you can get. Stay open minded to suggestions, and listen to what your doctor says. They are the best at knowing how to handle baby stuff, and give great networking if you need a question answered. Um I would make sure if you are planning on putting your child in a daycare that they are a well renown daycare. My son is in KinderCare and they base on income. My son has been to one before them and they were hurrible to him, but dont let that scare you out of finding one for your son. The Department of Human Services I mentioned in the email have a list of the safest and best places to put your child in. You have a choice as to which one you want, go to them and ask the quastions you want and check it out. If it looks clean and the kids look like they are having a good time and aren't just sitting in the corner doing nothing then chances are its a decent place.Another clue about daycares are if they are good about keeping a program going for the older kids than they are more than likely a really good daycare, because a daycare that cares enough to teach the children instead of just giving them toys to play with all day is a good daycare. I know your child is only three months old, but I am meaning if you find out about the older kids programs than you will get an idea as to their expectations of themselves. Also it gives you a place to keep your child and know that he will be learning from them when he is older. I forgot to mention that the Department of Human Services will pay for daycare. Sometimes there is what they call a parent fee, which is basically if what the state pays isn't enough the parent pays the rest. You dont have to worry they all dont do it, and if you can't get around it its usually no higher than like 10 a week anyway. I pay 5 at Kinder Care right now. As far as the father goes, yeah I wouldn't push it, because to be honest when your son is older he isn't going to want a father around only if he is being forced into it. My son hasn't had his father in his life since he was born, and it is hard sometimes, but he has my dad as a father figure. I dont know how involved your father is or will be in your sons life right now, but I can guarantee you aren't going to want your son around a father that isn't setting a good example. It would help you got the child support though, and I hate to say this but that might actually change his mind. If he has to pay for this child he might start wanting to be around. Its pathetic I know but sometimes they are like that. The way I see it is my ex-husbands father was horrible to him, and was only around when it was convenient. So now he is doing the same, and to be honest I dont want to teach my son those bad habits. So I told him if he can't be around everyday and really be a part of his son's life than he needs to just stay out of it completely. There is no half in and half out,because that will only hurt your son in the long run, it can cause some serious emotional problems. On the bright side of this you have complete control over how you want your son raised. You dont have to worry about the father arguing with you over what he thinks is best or what he wants versus what you think is best or want. The decisions are totally up to you, what you introduce him to, what he learns or doesn't learn, where he goes, or where you take him. The choices are totally yours, and he has no right to say so, because he isn't in his life. Just think of it this way, who your son will grow up to be is what you show him now. If you want the best for your child than do what you must and keep this guy away until he proves he wants to be responsible. he still needs to help with payments, and if he refuses than the Department of Human Services will take care of that for you. Its part of there requirements for you to get assistance you have to get child support and the state pays for everything. I think things will work out just fine, just look into the programs I mentioned in the email and they will get you started and really educate you with being a single mother. I am sorry you have to go through this at such a young age, but believe me its well worth it. Children are a blessing.

Amanda - posted on 03/10/2010

I agree with Shannon! Get the help you need even if it is state and government assistance. It does NOT in any way make you any less of a person or a parent for doing this. I get daycare assistance so that I can go to work. The government will usually help with your daycare if you go to school instead of working too so you might want to look into that. It is hard to do it on your own, but it will make you a stronger person for it. That is one thing that single moms have that other moms don't have. We are stronger and find ways to make everything work. Don't worry about trying to date right now until you are truly happy with who you are and where you are in your life. Getting an hour of time to yourself a night (or day) is very important. You will feel much better if you do. You don't even have to do anything, just watch a movie or take a bath or what ever will make you happy and help you relax. You will always have someone to support you even if it is just on here. It does get easier with time, just take things one day at a time and if you get too stressed or overwhelmed, step outside for a minute and take a couple of deep breathes. This will also help.

Shannon - posted on 03/10/2010

I do not know where you are, but there are a lot of government programs that will help with daycare, food stamps, and wic. Look into these. It does not make you any less of a person to get this kind of help and you are doing what your baby needs. As for the Dad... A lot of first time Dad's do not even realize what it takes to care for a baby especially when they are so young. I would try to get child support, but do not harp on him for not seeing the baby. Any relationship that has to be forced will not be a good one. He will either come to it on his own or he won't. As for doing it alone... it sucks and it always will, but your little man is worth it. Just try making a schedule for yourself so that everything gets done and you have at least an hour a day to yourself. This is important for your mental health and not enough single parents do this. Going back to the daycare thing. If you have low income you will be able to get help and pay as little as $10 a week for daycare. Find a good daycare and you will be fine. My son has been in daycare since he was 4 months old and has never suffered for it. We still have a very close bond and he is now 4. I guess that is my basic advice. Take whatever help you can and get on a schedule.. you will soon see that you do not feel so overwhelmed.(hopefully). Good Luck. Hope this helps.