I am afraid!!

Guner - posted on 05/06/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am planning to open a divorce case and ask for primer custody for our 4 years old son. I am the care giver for our son since day one. I am responsible with everything happening in his life, everything. My husband is always busy with his stuff, he loves our son but never spend a quality time with him. He doesn’t know what his last check up was or what goes in his food so many other care he was never been involve. When I ask help from him he always said “I have stuff to do, I am busy” . Now he knows that I am going to ask for full custody with his visitations. He told me that he is going to be enemy with me if I will open a custody case and not let me to have the custody of our child. I am planning to rent an apartment in the good neighborhood when things get resolve. We are living in his mother’s second house without any rent and the house is in the very bad neighborhood with full of crime. Infect our next door neighbor murdered when my son and I were alone at home. We are both self employees but he made so many bad business decisions that it affect our personal life and he had self bankrupsyts in 2 years. My husband wants 50/50 custody but our son is so young and having two houses/life changes will affect him tremendously. He is not thinking the best interest of our son he just wants to win the battle. I want our son to spend couple days a week with his dad but not 50/50 sahre. I have been always a perfect mother to our son but I am still afraid to lose him even with 50%. :(

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Louise - posted on 05/10/2011

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I think you need to seek legal advice here because there is no reason for the judge not to give 50/50 custody as your ex has not been abusive or a drunk. Speak to a lawyer and see what you can expect. Your son will adapt whatever happends don't worry.

Judy - posted on 05/10/2011

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Hello, Guner, I know that you are scared. I was so scared that my children were going to suffer when my ex-husband and I divorced 3 years ago. My situation was different from yours; there was abuse in our home. The judge still awarded joint custody. If your husband is "too busy" right now to care for your son, he very well might surprise you and step up to the plate and be the dad that your son deserves. If he doesn't (like my ex), you can always file for sole custody with visitation later. Just try and put your anger for your husband aside and do what is best for your son. Work on getting yourself a safe environment and just try and be a good example for your son. I wish you the best of luck. God bless.

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Guner - posted on 05/10/2011

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Thank you so very much for your inputs! I highly appreciated! The lawyer I spoke told me that I would highly get the custody of my son because I am the primer care giver since day one. I always felt like I was raising this child as a single parent. My husband believes that women should not work, make any career. He thinks women should only make babies and takes care of them and husband can do whatever he wants to do. It is sad that my son will be raised with this mentality but I guess this is out of my control. If I open any separation subject to my husband he starts verbally abusing me and I don't want our son to witness this. Now he can understand and feel the tension. It is VERY hard to make the right decision. But who knows how things will go. I want the best for my child. He comes first!

Iysha - posted on 05/07/2011

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Well, at a custody hearing I was present for while waiting on my daughter's hearing, the judge had said that children actually adjust very well to living in two separate households. My daughter's custody issue was different than yours but, in any case, the court does take into consideration all aspects of the case and does it's best to be fair and make a decision based on the welfare of the child. They aren't there to decide which parent is the best, which one has the most money, which parent lives in the best neighborhood...they are there to see who the child can have a healthy and safe life with; you, your son's father or with the both of you. If there was any abuse in you and your husband's relationship, especially if it was in front of your son, include that in your deposition because that is one factor that can sway the judge's decision away from joint custody. So can drug abouse, alcoholism, arrests, etc.

Advise I can give you is to be prepared....think of what he may say against you and be ready to defend yourself. If he leaves any nasty messages, keep them..don't erase them. If he threatens you, have a record of the threat. My daughter's father tried to kidnap her and the police were called, so that was on record.

I am speaking out of California, not sure where you're from, but dont hesitate to look onlne for answers about your court system. I looked up the factors that would prove someone an unfit parent and the factors that can have kids taken away from their parents and tried to find a commonality with my ex's behavior and past. It worked well for me.

Hope all goes well

Guner - posted on 05/07/2011

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After reading my post I realized that I made so many grammar mistakes! :( I am sorry, English is my second language.

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