I am sick and tired of hearing he is the father he has rights!!!

Brenda - posted 2 hours ago

I totally agree with u I have been mom and dad for my boys and ur right people that say well he's the father he has right don't get it sometimes ur not the one keeping him from the dad it's the dad that don't want to be part of the kids life my sons father would come and see my son when he was fighting with his girlfriend and would tell my son oh am going to pick u up and take u places but once the got back together he would forget he had a son now my son is 6 years old and is the one that wants nothing to do with his dad and it will be hard cause u have to do it all but u seem line u got a good head on ur shoulder so u and ur baby will be just fine with no help of the father

Colleen - posted on 05/30/2013

The only problem here is that we are hearing your side of the story. If he is a drug addict then you can go to court to keep him away from your child. if he is just someone you hate because he did you wrong then you can't ruin his relationship with his child because of your feelings. You have the right to leave the father but you don't have a right to keep his son away from him, unless he is not safe for the child to be around then you go to court and prove it. Other wise let the child decide for himself what his Dad is. I wouldn't pay you money if you wouldn't let me see my child either not fair to take money but not let him see the child.

Julie - posted on 05/24/2013

I agree. Father's have too many rights.

Jen - posted on 11/10/2012

sad to burst both side of the bubble the child has right to see both parent . when you face court it all about the child not about his mother or father right as you don't have the right. you might think but you don't strip the title of mother and father and you see you are nothing but a carer to that child.

you are caring for that child that all nothing new.if the father want to be apart than let them as least you allow the child to see both side . Sure they are going to get hurt by your ex but you know what they know you will not hurt them .

the child is not dumb when it come to parents they know what they like and dislike about them. I tell my friends get in bond while they are young as they are going to ditch you when they become teenagers and their friends are more their family .



if the father doesn't want to be apart of the child life than you just say hey you can't force someone to do something they don't like or they were not ready to grow up . just keep in mind that child has the right to know both side . they will work out who is lying as well. you want a great bond with your child tell them the truth with out trashing the other parent . as in the end the child find out the truth and could turn against you due to you might have stop a visit with his father .

Mom - posted on 11/10/2012

It isn't best for him and I would not let him any where near him.If he got drunk and drug free for a full year then I might consider it.He should be in jail for setting the fires.How could anyone believe he has any rights.I hope you have a restraining order for you and your son against him.

Stefanie - posted on 11/04/2012

I completely agree girl.

What do you mean by "hey made me file for child support." ? My gvt assistance also said they can make the father pay child support, but I do not understand how they can force it. You can private message me if you want. Just trying to understand what I am in for so i can be well-equipped to fight it when these things start happening!



Good luck girl. You sound like a strong mommy. You don't need no stinkin douchebag baby daddy to keep up your good work :)

FeeFee - posted on 11/04/2012

My 14 week old girl's dad has almost completely ignored her. Plays no role in her life...she doesnt know his scent, his voice etc, there has been zero bonding and he doesnt visit. Now why on earth should i extend him any 'rights' when he has voluntarily given up having a relationship with her? I completely understand what the OP is saying.



A man's sperm making a child doesnt mean anything all by itself.

Erandy - posted on 05/09/2012

In the situation your in, i completely agree. But you also have to blame yourself for having a child by a man you knew was no good. I do the same sometimes, i married a man that had children from prior relationships and was not really financially responsible for them. Now that we are divorced he wants the same rights I have over our daughter when all he contributes is 100 a month.

Alicia - posted on 03/10/2012

ive posted before but wanted to update everyone. my daughter's father has not seen her since she was three years old and she is now 6 1/2 years old. he has not talked to her in over a year. my ex has since then gotten remarried to a girl that he had only been with for seven months and helps raise her 9 year old and 5 year old daughters. he doesnt do anything for either his seven years old son and our daughter. he has tried to bully me into letting him give up his rights as her father just so he can get out of having to pay child support. my daughter sees what is going on with her father and has said that he is mean and that she does not want to see him anymore. all she wants is to be able to see her half brother. i lost it when he refused to buy even one box of girlscout cookies from my daughter but its his lose because she did great without him helping. i find it funny he wants to see her but yet he doesnt contact her at all and doesnt even pay his child support. he has not bought her a single birthday present since she turned 1 year old.

Stephanie - posted on 03/10/2012

I hear the bullshit speech all the time. Im sorry but get a clue. My daughters dad hasnt been thrrefor her not one bit. Hell the day i had herhe got married to agirl he knew for 2 months. After the wedding all of his family came to see her but he was no where to be found. Didnt call for 6 months then wanted me to help him get shit together for a divorce. Then two weeks beforeher 2nd bday he got remarried to some other girl. I finally gave up tryin to force him to have a relationship with his daughter. Hes not on the birth certificate and i dont need his help. Been doin it for 3 years without him whats another 15

Lindsey - posted on 03/09/2012

Whenever that problem arises I will have to face it. I am pretty sure he is not going to blame me because he has many father figures that will always be there and I have saved everything regarding his father and when he is old enough to understand I will give him all the newspaper articles, letters, everything. I do my best not to say anything bad about his sperm donor in front of him but he has heard me tell him things over the phone when he is crossing the line. He does not call and ask to speak to my son he starts screaming about me not allowing him to be on my facebook or who my boyfriend is and so on. He has not tried to contact him since May of 2010 and my son has not asked a question regarding him since he was 2 years old. When he seen him at 2 years old he did not know him and told him you are not my dad my uncle is. Of course that was my fault and I was feeding it in his head....ummmm no he was in prison since my son was very small and then paroled to Texas and started drugging and drinking again the day he got there and selling drugs and is in prison yet again. So No I do not fear he will blame me in the future.

Erika - posted on 03/09/2012

I think you should keep your child away from him definately but if your kid wants to see his dad what are you going to do? My child is 16 and wants to see his dad. He is difficult and blames me from not having his dad in his life. I understand you but you need to think about the future.

Melissa - posted on 03/09/2012

Seeing your post and others' replies, it has given me so much hope! I kept my son away from my alcoholic, mentally and emotionally abusive ex. I finally told him about his son three years ago, and even then to now he hasn't stepped up to the plate. Just last night he told me he didn't want me trapping him, or trying to make things bad between him and his now girlfriend (of whom he mooches off of). Translation, he doesn't want to pay child support for a child he has no interest in getting to know our son. I have had friends of mine tell me what a horrible person I am to keep his son away from him. But I'm the one who has taken care of him since I found out I was pregnant. I'm the one who has paid for everything, even on a limited budget. I too am on government assistance and getting my bachelor's in Psychology. All he has done is move in with his girlfriend, not gotten a job, and is probably driving without a license (due to his multiple DUI's). So I say to you, good for you! More of us mothers need to be strong and stick together. It's so wonderful to know that I am not alone, and when I do feel that way, I need to come back here and read these posts!

Lindsey - posted on 03/08/2012

Well I did not let my son talk to his sperm donor in may of 2010 (which is the last time he has tried to contact him) and the only reason he really called was to see if I was seeing anyone....This "guy" has not seen my son since he was 2 years old (he is 5 now) and since January 4th he went back to jail for Burglary (his 4th time) and is still in there. I hope he stays there and I talked to my son to see how he feels about it and if he wants to talk to him and he said no he is in jail and bad guys go to jail and I explained to him that he is his dad and if he wanted to talk to him he could and he said no I want to talk to my uncle because he is my daddy and he is not in jail and he loves me.

Yolanda - posted on 03/08/2012

I had posted on here a while back. My boys' father now has a second child with his "gf". They come around with the kids. My boys, bless their hearts, love their little brothers. They see their father as he is, thru their own eyes without me having to say anything about him. My youngest son calls him by his first name and says he feels no connection to him. His father, of course, is upset at this..ha, funny huh? I have been mom and dad to my sons for the last 10 years. Yes, as I posted before, we have struggled, and they have paid a price, especially my oldest son, but still they continue going forward and are sweet young men. You follow your instinct and do what is best for your child. Better one good parent than one good one and a bad one who will only serve as a bad influence.

Jodie - posted on 03/08/2012

I agree with you, My children are 6 & 8 years old, and their father hasnt been in their life for bout 2 years....he is allowed to see them, I have never denied him any rights to the children, I I was the one supporting my 2 children for the 6 years I left him, and in that time I received 2 yes only 2 child support payments.....but I say, leave him where he is.....if he wanted to be in the childs life, he would make an effort.....dead beat dads should be one or the other....DEAT or BEAT

Resa - posted on 03/03/2012

You tell em' mama! I agree one hundred percent with you! I made the mistake of allowing my AJ's dad to come to her birthday after spending 10 months behind bars because I was told that I would regret keeping him from her when she was older and you know what? She hadn't seen him in so long that she cried when he picked her up in fear of him because, put simply, she didn't know who he was. It BROKE MY HEART to see my princess scared and crying on her special day and I swear on everything holy i will never put her in that position again, which I'm sure is inevitable that he will once again be locked up and try to return as if everything is the same.

Heather - posted on 06/20/2010

I have to say I completely agree! I wish the legal system would look at each case and decide from there instead of saying he has rights too...

Casey-lee - posted on 06/19/2010

Wow You stick to your guns The man does not deserve to be in your sons life by allowing him to do so your ruining you sons future realy i wouldnt wnt a man like that around my child

Lindsey - posted on 06/16/2010

Yeah maybe I should have but the past is the past and I wouldn't have had my son if I hadn't have gotten drunk and met his dad. But oh well shit happens...and I believe everything happens for a reason and my son is my life and I could care less what others say.

Danielle - posted on 05/31/2010

you are right, you did your part in showing your son pictures and telling him who his dad is. your son will grow up knowing love and stability because of you. your son will do just fine.

CLARISSA - posted on 05/31/2010

I was first hesistent to comment but I just couldn't avoid it. I thought I was one of a few people that didn't understand why people always say "well he's still her father." I was told to have an abortion after I told my ex that I didn't want to be with him, then he changed his mind and apologized, but later became angry when he found out that I didn't really want to be with him. He tried to say she wasn't his, that he wasn't going to sign the birth certificate, and he wanted a paternity test, because I wasn't acting like she was his. Then he changed his mind again and decided that he did want to be there. That was the end of the back and forth for me, I thought we could work out some agreement, but he just kept trying to corner me into being with him.

The only involvement he has had, is because his mother and aunt brought him to the hospital. They, his mother and aunt, gave me the whole two parent speech, the it's not about me speech, and the custody threats. I even had someone on COM tell me that I was being a bitch, that he wasn't talking about abort my daughter he was talking about the fetus that was in side me, and called me a handful of others things from simple-minded to pathetic because I believed that you can't go back and forth about being in his child's life and it be an okay thing.

I never understood why some women say that he can come anytime he wants to and if he spends time, it souldn't matter if he pays child support or not. It's bad that you are already a part-time father and then to show up at random doesn't make it better. I won't have an open door policy just to say to my daughter I let him come anytime he wants, it's either you're there when you need to be, or not at all. And child support is not something that can be paid every blue moon, they don't need diapers every blue moon, they need them constatnly. I see it as yeah, you are her biological father and her DNA can't be replaced, but if there is someone else who is stepping up to the plate and doing what you were supposed to do, then you are being replaced.

Sorry for the long rant, just touched a nerve.

Serene - posted on 05/31/2010

I feel the same way as you do LIndsy my unborn daughters father has been denying her through my whole pregnancy and i am due in 2 weeks. I have been told that if i don't let my daughter meet her daddy she is going to be mad at me when she gets older, she is going to turn into a criminal or even if i met some man he'll never replace her biological father because he is not her daddy.

I'm so sick of hearing this Bulls***t my daughter will do just fine without him, I'm in a relationship right now with my sons father and he has been there for me threw this pregnancy more then her biological father. The biological father doesn't even know my daughters name or where i am going to deliver at. If that tells you how involved he is in this pregnancy. If he ends up coming around then he'll have to take a DNA test and take me to court if he wants to see her because i don't care much for child support at this point, to me hes a sperm donor. You go girl!!!

Shelby - posted on 05/31/2010

I could not have said it any better. Bravo, bravo.

Cassandra - posted on 05/26/2010

My kids are no longer allowed to see their father. Just because someone helped create them doesn't give them a free pass. My kids father abused everyone in the household and is a constant source of chaos and instability. I discussed it with therapists and so forth and it's SEVERAL professionals opinion that he would be a bad thing for my kids to be exposed to. Each circumstance is different. I've heard the same thing repeatedly from many people who have no clue our situation or circumstances and want to judge. I think if a father is a decent person who tries to do the best they can and treats their children with love then no, they shouldn't be refused. I feel for you, been there and i'm still going through it, but it's what is best for my kids and I'm not backing down on this one. Good luck and just do the best you can for your kids.

Heather - posted on 05/26/2010

I agree completely. I am in almost the EXACT same position. the BFs are retarded. If they do not do anything that makes them 'Dad' then they deserve no access to OUR children. I smiled politely and told a judge the exact same thing. They can drop into a big giant HUGE hole for all I care. You stick to your guns and screw them.

Bree - posted on 05/25/2010

Good on you babe!
I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my second child, to another violent, abusive male. Yes, my first baby's father was abusive also.
Only now, after leaving my unborn baby's biological father recently, I can really start to enjoy my pregnancy and feel happy.
I didnt say at word and left him one day while he was at work, had the removalist turn up 2 hours after he left... it took him 2 weeks before he sent me a text message saying "Keep me posted with whats happening with the kid, i wanna know" and thats it.
Yeah okay, I'll do absolutely everything for this baby, love, care, tend, supply with everything a baby could need and he can come and play with it.
Sorry.... The title Daddy has to be earned.
A mother is someone who a child can always depend on and be their rock... males like this who make no change or imput even before the child is born can go to hell.
Whats best for your child and my own unborn child? Not their biological fathers... just because they claim to be the father doesnt mean they have any rights.

Linda - posted on 05/24/2010

This "Daddy" will come and go in and out of your child's life. As long as you are the constant parent who loves your child and is there for the sweet child, then there will be no issue in the future. Grandparents seem to think the kids have no brains, but kids know and can figure things out on their own. Go with your gut and everything will be fine.

Dana - posted on 05/24/2010

I agree with you, my case isn't as sevire but it's bad, the dad fought with with during my pregnancy not about not getting a job then demanded a dna test 4 months before my son was born. Now he saw a picture of one of the first days my son was alive and rejects him cause, no lying this is what he said, "cause he looks fucking native" I could not believe he said that... He doesn't even kno I'm part native but my son has very very fair skin and looks identical to me and his father, I'm in the middle of battling for child support so I say neither sperm donors have the right to be in these childrens lives!

Careen - posted on 05/24/2010

completely agree am tired of hearing that to.......I feel u...you have to do whats best for your child. My son is is 7months and half ..and his daddy left when i was pregnant about 4months to be with someone else

Amy - posted on 05/24/2010

You are doing the right thing. Follow your heart. You have your child's best interest at heart. I commend you for taking care of your child.

Charraine - posted on 05/24/2010

i totally agree with what you are sayin i am in the same situation myself so i know what ur saying xxx

Alesha - posted on 05/24/2010

i agree with you...dont listen to what other people say, do what you know is best for your child and keep your head up. good luck!

Miranda - posted on 05/24/2010

I totally agree! You do what is best for you and your son! How do folks know your child will hate you! Tell them to QUIT watching so much LifeTime and let you do you! My son's dad is not involved and as long their is breath in my body; HE NEVER WILL!!! Some people are quick to criticize a situation they have no clue about. They are simply outsiders looking in! We have laid with these deadbeat ass men and we are reaping the best benefit from it---OUR CHILDREN! They are the ones who are missing out. I LOVE MY SON! I dont regret having him although I cant stand his dad. Continune to raise your son and raise him in the way you want him to go! Be Blessed!!

Sharon - posted on 05/24/2010

Just because he donated sperm doesn't make him a father and if he has a record of violent crime I personally wouldn't let my child go near him I feel for you because he actually has no right to put you in this situation. Keep up the good work and your son will be a better man for it.. Child support be damned. He is no example to any child anywhere in this world!!!

Mandy - posted on 05/23/2010

wow you go girl!!!!! Im in the same boat with my daughters father. He keeps telling me that Im not right and I need to do whatever it takes so they can have a realtionship but why should I have to do everything its just bull!!! He doesnt realize or care what it does to her everytime he comes back in her life for a second then hes back on drugs and back in prison and I get to pick up all the pieces and deal with her broken heart. No more now though. I say as moms we all take care and protect our children at any cost even if that means keeping them away from their "fathers"

Lindsey - posted on 05/23/2010

Ok I commented on here....a long comment too and I don't know where it went

Kat - posted on 05/23/2010

yep, sperm donors should be denied all rights.

Danielle - posted on 05/23/2010

Finally someone has said what needs to be said and TRULY has the best interest of their child at heart. My opinion about 'hes the father' is this------ACT LIKE IT!!!! A child is not a toy or cd that you can just put on a shelf and get out whenever you feel like it. It's NOT FAIR to the child to put them through that!!!!!!

Michelle - posted on 05/23/2010

i agree with u so whole heartedly i am goin throw a similar problem but my ex isnt as bad as urs as far as i know he dont do drug or drink much but i do know he has done drive offs with the 3 girls in the car with him and now i hav to leave my 2 year old with him because "he is the father" well what sort of father threatens the life of his children or asks a 9 year old if ever she wants to die she just has to tell him how n he will kill her but still i hav to send them all to him the 3 girls r my stepchildren but he never helps with a thing when it comes to any of them it doesnt seem to matter how many times he has attacked me in front of them i still hav to send them so yes i understand how u feel n i agree with u that ur childs father should b out of his life i just wish i could do the same so u stay strong n dont let them push u round cos i know how it feels

Tina - posted on 05/23/2010

its not follow ur heart u no ur son u are his parent u need to speak for him please i been though it do ur best go to court and make the judge give him time to change or let ur son go ur son has u and ur or his papa in his life it he will do just fine with out a dead beat dad :)

Daniska - posted on 05/22/2010

amen... they are all full of shit and they dont deserve anything!! they should all go to hell

Alicia - posted on 05/22/2010

just keep your head up and be strong. i kindof know the feeling my ex husband wasnt there for me the whole time that i was pregnant with our daughter and he was not there for the first two months of her life. then from two months until she was 6 1/2 months old he was there all the time and we even got married on march 15,2006 when our daughter was 3 months old. then when she was six months old he took off and we didnt see or hear from him until she was 7 months old. after that we only saw and heard from him whenever he wanted to be invovled with us. he didnt even come to her first birthday party instead he came up with an excuse that he was in pain because of hurting his finger the day before. for the longest time every time that i would be ready to go to a lawyer to divorce him he would talk me into taken him back and i was stupid enough to go back to him. the thing that finally made me decide to get away from him is the fact that i was tired of the verbal and emiotional abuse that i was always getting from him and his family.plus he admitted to me that he cheated on me(long story to that). once he admitted that i packed up my daughters stuff and my stuff and moved with my family to maine and after 6 months i filed for divorce. come september 23rd it will have been final for ayear and im happy. now i just have to deal withthe fact that he goes back and fourth with wanting contact with her and not wanting anything to do. he doesnt even pay child support right now but with the help of the state of maine we are working on getting set that he has to pay child support so once again keep your head up and be strong.

Michelle - posted on 05/22/2010

What the courts and government officials do not understand is that children do not come with a manual nor should they be afflicted to pain and suffering at the hands of a negligent parent. They can be completely irresponsible, negligent in child support arrears and the states believe every lie that a guilty parent comes up with (just so there are no conflicts of interest and having the guilty party go after them). Times have changed and the laws need to match the same challenges faced by single moms. This includes the factor that the courts/ government need to stop forcing parental involvement by those that do not want to be parents. I have done just fine on my own and am grateful for my educational background to be able to provide a stable lifestyle for my daughter. However, until the laws change to meet the needs of today's parents, then the vicious cycle will continue.

Edia - posted on 05/22/2010

I understand completly i have a 2yr old she is a preeme child with health problems and i was with her father for 6 1/2 yrs then he decide to ditch both of us for a younger gurl in 08 and now it's 010 and he wants to be back in her lif after so long he was not there for any of her docs apt or when she was sick, boo boo, when she started to crow and walk and now that she is 2 he wants to be in her life i don't think so she has a a father type in her life yua he may not be her really father but she knows him as her dad i show her pics of her dad and she says no thats not daddy even when i went to his moms he never showed up to see her bc now that his young gf left him he wants to be in her life and got court pappers for child support and for me to get full custady he wants to make things better and help out and i never see a dime for him so don't feel bad u r not alone in this i wont even allow him to be alone with my daughter, ya i know he does not need his haert crush and by the sounds of it it is not best for him to be around that he has two people that love him and he knows them as a father to him and thats wut he needs not someone who doesnt care and does bad things

Courtney - posted on 05/22/2010

Exactly....just because you have a child doesn't make you a parent. My Son will be 12 in November and his Dad has a 5yr old Son and he doesn't take care of mine but takes care of him. I've never kept my Son from him he just simply chose not to be there. I've never spoken bad about him to my child and the saddest part of all is that my Son says"He's still my Dad Mom," and I can't even argue with that, but it just makes me mad. How do you take care of one child but not the other? My Dad is more of a Father to him then he is and his own brother(my Son's Uncle) spends more time with him then he does. I feel exactly like you do and I'm looking out for my child's well being. Why does he need you when you can't show him how to be a man? You can't even be one for yourself. I am his Mother and Father and guess what he will be ok without you. I know my relationship with my child and you will have to live with regrets...NOT ME!

Diana - posted on 05/22/2010

I agree too with everyone.

Delsa - posted on 05/22/2010

I totally agree with you,my childrens father has his child support payments susspended because HE SAYS he cant work due to mental health issues,but works around the clock UNDER THE TABLE,then wants to tell me who i can,and cant be with because his GIRLS are here,first of all i'm a mother i no who to let around my children and who not and if left up to me he would be the not..and has had five wives since we have divorced only almost two years ago..now he wants them for the summer,hell no..and has the nerve to be taking me to court for partial custody,i like to no where do the get the nerves to do this stuff.its funny to me how we can love theses sort of men who a one point in our lives were our sun and moon,and now they are doggy poo(as my seven year old says)but never the less it is what it is..i believe in god and he is all the daddy my children need....

Karmi - posted on 05/22/2010

AGREE!!!!! I don't know why people think we are screwing up our children, when in fact their dads are screwing it up because they refuse to be around. We are only protecting our children and don't want them to go through the pain we have already felt. I completely agree on the child support thing, I was FORCED by the government to do it too! I finally recieved $90 and guess what? His dad is back in jail again! So wow, $90 got me a box of diapers and a pair of shoes for him. Are you serious? I refuse to let my son go through the pain his father already put me through! He would bring a gun in his bag to our house and not even tell me, what if our son crawled over to it and grabbed it! OR what about the time I left him with his dad for an hour and I walked in to my son with a golf ball size knot on his head and was crawling around a tale with blunts and weed onit! For all the moms on here that are so rude and mean to US single moms doin it all without the daddy. Screw all of you, because you ain't in our position! Don't hate because I protect my son and you are stupid letting your children see your messed up baby dad. You ain't in my shoes and you don't know my story, and until you do don't say a word or judge any of us!

Michelle - posted on 05/22/2010

Have been there as well with a father who my daughter is from and a stepfather that was not much better. I had to fight city hall and the courts to protect my child when she was being physically and verbally abused by my first ex during visits. After spending thousands of dollars, I was able to get the information documented and I have not had a problem since. The stepfather was also guilty of perscription drug and alcoholic problems which led to a failed marriage. He was never really committed behind closed doors to the relationship or being a father to his own two children (even though he was able to make people believe he was a saint and a wonderful parent). The support issues will always be there. My ex now has an IRS intercept notice sent out. However, if he was working full-time, the money would be there. I have always worked three jobs (one full-time and two part-time) to make ends meet. I would try to have your ex-spouse followed by a legal entity (PI or get law enforcement involved). Your situation is definitely unhealthy for your son and she not be involved in that type of circumstance regardless of what the law or the courts say.