I am sick and tired of hearing he is the father he has rights!!!

Lindsey - posted on 05/18/2010 ( 92 moms have responded )

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You know what..it is easy to be a biological father but to be a father or a dad is a totally different story. I am so sick of people saying we have no right to deny the father from the child. I am his mother. I have kissed every boo boo, changed every diaper, bought every can of formula, diapers, clothes, covered all doctor bills, bathed him and tucked him in every single night. My son's father was "in his life" for almost a year if that's what you want to call it. I am so tired of all these posts saying the child will hate you later on or that they have the right to see the child or I shouldn't have filed for child support if I didn't want him in my child's life. You know what when I have to get on Government assisted insurance because I can not afford it for my son that was born 2 months early and have never had any help from his drunken drug addicted felon father, they made me file for child support even though he was in prison. My son is now 3 1/2 and if you ask him who his daddy is he says his papa or his uncle. I have told him about his father and showed him pictures but guess what...he doesn't know him. Now all of a sudden he wants to be in my son's life?? He wasn't thinking of my son's safety when he robbed and then set 6 fires in a house right next to the gas water heater about 15 feet away from where me and my son slept. So no I will not allow my son to have any type of relationship with him and for your information no I have not received any of the "$10" he was ordered to pay a month. Why would I allow my son to build a relationship with a man that is a drunk drug addict at the bar every single night gambling away the money "he does not have" just to have him go back to prison and crush my son's heart?? You tell me how that is best for him??

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Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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I love reading women complaining about how the legal system is so unfair because men have parental rights. You are delusional.
The legal system is ridiculously skewed in favor of women in regards to custody and has been so for decades.
Women started devaluing men and their role in child rearing in the 60's.
Well congratulations! You told yourself that men were unimportant and you made bad choices in partners because you could all do it yourselves. Fine, do it yourself...
You don't want anything to do with the man but you were needy enough to have sex with him. Really?
Now there is a child and you want custody and child support. You don't want the man or for him to have parental rights but you want his money. You want control of the child and then to be considered a victim when you get exactly what you asked for.
Your problem is narcissism and hostile dependency. You don't want to depend on men but ultimately you want their money while still controlling access to the child.
You are all selfish and in no way accountable for any of the decisions that YOU made to find yourself in your current situation.
Grow up. I am sure if we were to ask the men who are subject in this post and responses, we would find that the mothers were less than perfect and made every effort to make things difficult.
Stop using access to the children to play out your petty/childish issues on the father of your children and consider the fact that you too are less than perfect and made some sketchy decisions. Ask yourself if your child really deserves to have you make their life hard so that you can project your feelings onto someone else.

Jen - posted on 11/10/2012

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sad to burst both side of the bubble the child has right to see both parent . when you face court it all about the child not about his mother or father right as you don't have the right. you might think but you don't strip the title of mother and father and you see you are nothing but a carer to that child.

you are caring for that child that all nothing new.if the father want to be apart than let them as least you allow the child to see both side . Sure they are going to get hurt by your ex but you know what they know you will not hurt them .

the child is not dumb when it come to parents they know what they like and dislike about them. I tell my friends get in bond while they are young as they are going to ditch you when they become teenagers and their friends are more their family .



if the father doesn't want to be apart of the child life than you just say hey you can't force someone to do something they don't like or they were not ready to grow up . just keep in mind that child has the right to know both side . they will work out who is lying as well. you want a great bond with your child tell them the truth with out trashing the other parent . as in the end the child find out the truth and could turn against you due to you might have stop a visit with his father .

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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Daddy issues? Good job! Ruin your daughters life because you are mad that your dad because he didn't pay enough attention to you.

You look young! Based on your thinking and inability to use rational thought, my guess is you will be a grandmother by the time you are 32.

Alexandrea - posted on 12/30/2013

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As a mother i have to protect my children, they could see their father and have costant disappointment or i could refrain from all that bullshit you wanna know why? Because to me i am the only parent and id rather not subject my children to such mess. Think about it if i let constant disappointment engulf my children's lives they will turn on me and not trust me because" i allowed it to happen" if i stop it from happening" they will blame me or they will thank me for not letting them suffer" either way i risk it...but id rather be the trusted protective parent. It doesn't matter if you knew or didnt know how much of an ass the guy was, that all changes when you have children and you as a parent don't matter anymore because when you see that babys face when they are born that instinct kicks in, but when you see a childs tears and hurt from broken promises and an asshole that doesn't care, fuck that that breaks my heart, and to put my children through more of that, im doing the same as that idiot, no not my babys that asshole can bounce forever!! So screw those who think they can tell you how to handle your situation.

Miranda - posted on 05/24/2010

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I totally agree! You do what is best for you and your son! How do folks know your child will hate you! Tell them to QUIT watching so much LifeTime and let you do you! My son's dad is not involved and as long their is breath in my body; HE NEVER WILL!!! Some people are quick to criticize a situation they have no clue about. They are simply outsiders looking in! We have laid with these deadbeat ass men and we are reaping the best benefit from it---OUR CHILDREN! They are the ones who are missing out. I LOVE MY SON! I dont regret having him although I cant stand his dad. Continune to raise your son and raise him in the way you want him to go! Be Blessed!!

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Jenny - posted on 06/10/2014

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yes i feel the same way my ex is trying to get access to my children but has been in and out of their lives the last five years cause i kept kicking im out for being irresposible i lost my kids to childrens services for three months and after they have been returned he constantly came home drunk which i dont let booze or drunks near my kds as well as he had a huge zlock bag full of pot and that was a big no no in my books he risked me losing them again and lied and said someone wore his coat and put it in his coat he has a warrent a dui and driving with suspended license causing accident any advise

Gordon - posted on 05/18/2014

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Every case is different, but no matter how the child's parents feel about eachother, The child must have a loving relationship with his parents, Both parents.
The child must not be denied this.
I accept my responsibilities fully, I always have, Iam not simply a meal ticket, & something to be controlled with regards to seeing my son.
Yes, I did go to the court & tell the judge that Iam here as i want to see my son much more, That is fact...But i want my son to Not be denied his relationship with his father, & reinstate quality time for Both my son & myself.....
Too much to ask ??
Being selfish, wanting to see my son because i miss him ??

Jay - posted on 05/16/2014

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I'm sick of women thinking that they have the right to take a child away from there father ! The only choice you had when it comes to this whole equations was to not let a dead beat have sex with you . This whole situation is your fault. Your inability to keep your legs closed and your obvious horrible ability to judge someones character. This fool was a drug addicted alcoholic felon and you had sex with him ? I'm scared for your kid who knows who else you associate with that robs and burns houses. Look you made the horrible decision to sleep with him (probably more then once) so it's not a mistake you fucked up now deal with your shit get over yourself and let that man see his kid if he is a danger to him then take it to court and prove that he needs supervised visits other then that lay in the bed you made for yourself. Don't no one feel bad your your lack of restraint, thought, and common sense I feel bad for the kid that got two idiots as parents

Maria - posted on 04/25/2014

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I really don't understand where individuals have this misconception about how important it is to have the father in the child's life no matter what the father has done in the past or is currently doing. Men whether married or not choose to have children with women, these children once created should be the main focus of both parents involved in these children's lives. But whether it is a woman or a man not taking responsibility for the child or children and not being an example that would promote the well being of the child or children, then why would anyone in their right mind allow the emotional ups and downs to occur to those children, the parent that has done their part, emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially should not just suck it up and allow a parent that comes and goes as they please when they remember they have children, not pay child support ordered by the court to assist with keeping a roof over their child's head, feeding, clothing, educating, transporting them, providing extracurricular activities to them, showing them love, not just telling them they love them, and being their for them at every turn in their life. The parents that are truly there should kick the low life to the curb, and help the children become strong, well educated, loving human beings, without the influence of the piece of garbage many of you claim should continue to benefit from what us as mothers do for our children daily, because we love and protect them from all ill will, including their father if need be.

Emma - posted on 04/08/2014

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Hi linsey. Dont listen to any comments from these ignorant poor excuses of human kinds. You do whats right for your baby.

Caryparkway - posted on 03/31/2014

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This is the problem we have of unmarried parents...what do you expect but trouble! What happened to courtship and marriage????

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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Keep trying to blame your poor choices on someone else. Lack of accountability is very attractive to convicted felons. You are sure to find another soon.

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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If you offer the advice, "I think you should keep your child away from him", then I am guessing that in your case, your child is correct in stating that it is your fault that he didn't have a father in his life.

Women do petty things to hurt men in their lives and never think about the consequences it has on the other people in the relationship.

It is selfish and pathetic.

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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He probably can't understand what you are saying based on your crappy syntax.

You sound less than intelligent. My guess is that you picked a moron because you yourself are one.

I pity your poor child.

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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Stinking douchebag? I thought that is what I smelled coming from your bathroom....

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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Maybe instead of complaining about the men in your life not being good enough, you should get off of your GVT, Assistance but and find a way to provide for the child you were 50% responsible for bringing into the world.

You think it is everyone's job to pay for your child but YOU...

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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Father's have too many rights?

Maybe women DEVALUE men because of their own issues and shortcomings and project those things onto the men in their lives.

It is hard to take anyone seriously who is stupid enough to even type the sentence, "Father's have too many rights."

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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Did you ever think that you chose such an obviously bad mate because you have unresolved issues with your own father and you picked someone who was guaranteed to fail you because that is what happened to you?

Having children with irresponsible felon's does not make you a victim. It makes you irresponsible yourself.

Make better life choices and the results will be much better.

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2013

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You complain about the father being a criminal yet you had sex with him?

You are not a victim. You made a stupid decision and I don't believe your son is in any better hands with you than his father given your inability to think critically.

Jordanna - posted on 12/14/2013

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i agree with this . my sons father left me pregnant ,. got back with me until my son was a year old and untill i added him to the birth certificate for him to have rights and then he got me pregnant and left me again . now im getting threats for court when i am actually allowing him contact . I dont want him to have any rights or contact at all .

Mbele - posted on 10/24/2013

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Mh my dear u knew he was an addict bfr u even conceive or its d ada way arn? Tell your son who his father is n wat type .den tell him y u kiping him away frm his dad n let him knw des two types of dads on earth frst d biological n d one dat provides n support so wen he grows up he knws wats wat.cz hes gn hate u fr mking him col smbody by d name of papa while his dad is alive out d.n dat of course wil help him to mk his own decision wen hes grwn up

Brenda - posted on 06/16/2013

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I totally agree with u I have been mom and dad for my boys and ur right people that say well he's the father he has right don't get it sometimes ur not the one keeping him from the dad it's the dad that don't want to be part of the kids life my sons father would come and see my son when he was fighting with his girlfriend and would tell my son oh am going to pick u up and take u places but once the got back together he would forget he had a son now my son is 6 years old and is the one that wants nothing to do with his dad and it will be hard cause u have to do it all but u seem line u got a good head on ur shoulder so u and ur baby will be just fine with no help of the father

Colleen - posted on 05/30/2013

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The only problem here is that we are hearing your side of the story. If he is a drug addict then you can go to court to keep him away from your child. if he is just someone you hate because he did you wrong then you can't ruin his relationship with his child because of your feelings. You have the right to leave the father but you don't have a right to keep his son away from him, unless he is not safe for the child to be around then you go to court and prove it. Other wise let the child decide for himself what his Dad is. I wouldn't pay you money if you wouldn't let me see my child either not fair to take money but not let him see the child.

Mom - posted on 11/10/2012

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It isn't best for him and I would not let him any where near him.If he got drunk and drug free for a full year then I might consider it.He should be in jail for setting the fires.How could anyone believe he has any rights.I hope you have a restraining order for you and your son against him.

Stefanie - posted on 11/04/2012

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I completely agree girl.

What do you mean by "hey made me file for child support." ? My gvt assistance also said they can make the father pay child support, but I do not understand how they can force it. You can private message me if you want. Just trying to understand what I am in for so i can be well-equipped to fight it when these things start happening!



Good luck girl. You sound like a strong mommy. You don't need no stinkin douchebag baby daddy to keep up your good work :)

FeeFee - posted on 11/04/2012

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My 14 week old girl's dad has almost completely ignored her. Plays no role in her life...she doesnt know his scent, his voice etc, there has been zero bonding and he doesnt visit. Now why on earth should i extend him any 'rights' when he has voluntarily given up having a relationship with her? I completely understand what the OP is saying.



A man's sperm making a child doesnt mean anything all by itself.

Erandy - posted on 05/09/2012

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In the situation your in, i completely agree. But you also have to blame yourself for having a child by a man you knew was no good. I do the same sometimes, i married a man that had children from prior relationships and was not really financially responsible for them. Now that we are divorced he wants the same rights I have over our daughter when all he contributes is 100 a month.

Alicia - posted on 03/10/2012

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ive posted before but wanted to update everyone. my daughter's father has not seen her since she was three years old and she is now 6 1/2 years old. he has not talked to her in over a year. my ex has since then gotten remarried to a girl that he had only been with for seven months and helps raise her 9 year old and 5 year old daughters. he doesnt do anything for either his seven years old son and our daughter. he has tried to bully me into letting him give up his rights as her father just so he can get out of having to pay child support. my daughter sees what is going on with her father and has said that he is mean and that she does not want to see him anymore. all she wants is to be able to see her half brother. i lost it when he refused to buy even one box of girlscout cookies from my daughter but its his lose because she did great without him helping. i find it funny he wants to see her but yet he doesnt contact her at all and doesnt even pay his child support. he has not bought her a single birthday present since she turned 1 year old.

Stephanie - posted on 03/10/2012

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I hear the bullshit speech all the time. Im sorry but get a clue. My daughters dad hasnt been thrrefor her not one bit. Hell the day i had herhe got married to agirl he knew for 2 months. After the wedding all of his family came to see her but he was no where to be found. Didnt call for 6 months then wanted me to help him get shit together for a divorce. Then two weeks beforeher 2nd bday he got remarried to some other girl. I finally gave up tryin to force him to have a relationship with his daughter. Hes not on the birth certificate and i dont need his help. Been doin it for 3 years without him whats another 15

Lindsey - posted on 03/09/2012

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Whenever that problem arises I will have to face it. I am pretty sure he is not going to blame me because he has many father figures that will always be there and I have saved everything regarding his father and when he is old enough to understand I will give him all the newspaper articles, letters, everything. I do my best not to say anything bad about his sperm donor in front of him but he has heard me tell him things over the phone when he is crossing the line. He does not call and ask to speak to my son he starts screaming about me not allowing him to be on my facebook or who my boyfriend is and so on. He has not tried to contact him since May of 2010 and my son has not asked a question regarding him since he was 2 years old. When he seen him at 2 years old he did not know him and told him you are not my dad my uncle is. Of course that was my fault and I was feeding it in his head....ummmm no he was in prison since my son was very small and then paroled to Texas and started drugging and drinking again the day he got there and selling drugs and is in prison yet again. So No I do not fear he will blame me in the future.

Erika - posted on 03/09/2012

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I think you should keep your child away from him definately but if your kid wants to see his dad what are you going to do? My child is 16 and wants to see his dad. He is difficult and blames me from not having his dad in his life. I understand you but you need to think about the future.

Melissa - posted on 03/09/2012

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Seeing your post and others' replies, it has given me so much hope! I kept my son away from my alcoholic, mentally and emotionally abusive ex. I finally told him about his son three years ago, and even then to now he hasn't stepped up to the plate. Just last night he told me he didn't want me trapping him, or trying to make things bad between him and his now girlfriend (of whom he mooches off of). Translation, he doesn't want to pay child support for a child he has no interest in getting to know our son. I have had friends of mine tell me what a horrible person I am to keep his son away from him. But I'm the one who has taken care of him since I found out I was pregnant. I'm the one who has paid for everything, even on a limited budget. I too am on government assistance and getting my bachelor's in Psychology. All he has done is move in with his girlfriend, not gotten a job, and is probably driving without a license (due to his multiple DUI's). So I say to you, good for you! More of us mothers need to be strong and stick together. It's so wonderful to know that I am not alone, and when I do feel that way, I need to come back here and read these posts!

Lindsey - posted on 03/08/2012

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Well I did not let my son talk to his sperm donor in may of 2010 (which is the last time he has tried to contact him) and the only reason he really called was to see if I was seeing anyone....This "guy" has not seen my son since he was 2 years old (he is 5 now) and since January 4th he went back to jail for Burglary (his 4th time) and is still in there. I hope he stays there and I talked to my son to see how he feels about it and if he wants to talk to him and he said no he is in jail and bad guys go to jail and I explained to him that he is his dad and if he wanted to talk to him he could and he said no I want to talk to my uncle because he is my daddy and he is not in jail and he loves me.

Yolanda - posted on 03/08/2012

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I had posted on here a while back. My boys' father now has a second child with his "gf". They come around with the kids. My boys, bless their hearts, love their little brothers. They see their father as he is, thru their own eyes without me having to say anything about him. My youngest son calls him by his first name and says he feels no connection to him. His father, of course, is upset at this..ha, funny huh? I have been mom and dad to my sons for the last 10 years. Yes, as I posted before, we have struggled, and they have paid a price, especially my oldest son, but still they continue going forward and are sweet young men. You follow your instinct and do what is best for your child. Better one good parent than one good one and a bad one who will only serve as a bad influence.

Jodie - posted on 03/08/2012

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I agree with you, My children are 6 & 8 years old, and their father hasnt been in their life for bout 2 years....he is allowed to see them, I have never denied him any rights to the children, I I was the one supporting my 2 children for the 6 years I left him, and in that time I received 2 yes only 2 child support payments.....but I say, leave him where he is.....if he wanted to be in the childs life, he would make an effort.....dead beat dads should be one or the other....DEAT or BEAT

Resa - posted on 03/03/2012

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You tell em' mama! I agree one hundred percent with you! I made the mistake of allowing my AJ's dad to come to her birthday after spending 10 months behind bars because I was told that I would regret keeping him from her when she was older and you know what? She hadn't seen him in so long that she cried when he picked her up in fear of him because, put simply, she didn't know who he was. It BROKE MY HEART to see my princess scared and crying on her special day and I swear on everything holy i will never put her in that position again, which I'm sure is inevitable that he will once again be locked up and try to return as if everything is the same.

Heather - posted on 06/20/2010

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I have to say I completely agree! I wish the legal system would look at each case and decide from there instead of saying he has rights too...

Casey-lee - posted on 06/19/2010

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Wow You stick to your guns The man does not deserve to be in your sons life by allowing him to do so your ruining you sons future realy i wouldnt wnt a man like that around my child

Lindsey - posted on 06/16/2010

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Yeah maybe I should have but the past is the past and I wouldn't have had my son if I hadn't have gotten drunk and met his dad. But oh well shit happens...and I believe everything happens for a reason and my son is my life and I could care less what others say.

[deleted account]

you are right, you did your part in showing your son pictures and telling him who his dad is. your son will grow up knowing love and stability because of you. your son will do just fine.

CLARISSA - posted on 05/31/2010

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I was first hesistent to comment but I just couldn't avoid it. I thought I was one of a few people that didn't understand why people always say "well he's still her father." I was told to have an abortion after I told my ex that I didn't want to be with him, then he changed his mind and apologized, but later became angry when he found out that I didn't really want to be with him. He tried to say she wasn't his, that he wasn't going to sign the birth certificate, and he wanted a paternity test, because I wasn't acting like she was his. Then he changed his mind again and decided that he did want to be there. That was the end of the back and forth for me, I thought we could work out some agreement, but he just kept trying to corner me into being with him.

The only involvement he has had, is because his mother and aunt brought him to the hospital. They, his mother and aunt, gave me the whole two parent speech, the it's not about me speech, and the custody threats. I even had someone on COM tell me that I was being a bitch, that he wasn't talking about abort my daughter he was talking about the fetus that was in side me, and called me a handful of others things from simple-minded to pathetic because I believed that you can't go back and forth about being in his child's life and it be an okay thing.

I never understood why some women say that he can come anytime he wants to and if he spends time, it souldn't matter if he pays child support or not. It's bad that you are already a part-time father and then to show up at random doesn't make it better. I won't have an open door policy just to say to my daughter I let him come anytime he wants, it's either you're there when you need to be, or not at all. And child support is not something that can be paid every blue moon, they don't need diapers every blue moon, they need them constatnly. I see it as yeah, you are her biological father and her DNA can't be replaced, but if there is someone else who is stepping up to the plate and doing what you were supposed to do, then you are being replaced.

Sorry for the long rant, just touched a nerve.

Serene - posted on 05/31/2010

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I feel the same way as you do LIndsy my unborn daughters father has been denying her through my whole pregnancy and i am due in 2 weeks. I have been told that if i don't let my daughter meet her daddy she is going to be mad at me when she gets older, she is going to turn into a criminal or even if i met some man he'll never replace her biological father because he is not her daddy.

I'm so sick of hearing this Bulls***t my daughter will do just fine without him, I'm in a relationship right now with my sons father and he has been there for me threw this pregnancy more then her biological father. The biological father doesn't even know my daughters name or where i am going to deliver at. If that tells you how involved he is in this pregnancy. If he ends up coming around then he'll have to take a DNA test and take me to court if he wants to see her because i don't care much for child support at this point, to me hes a sperm donor. You go girl!!!

Cassandra - posted on 05/26/2010

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My kids are no longer allowed to see their father. Just because someone helped create them doesn't give them a free pass. My kids father abused everyone in the household and is a constant source of chaos and instability. I discussed it with therapists and so forth and it's SEVERAL professionals opinion that he would be a bad thing for my kids to be exposed to. Each circumstance is different. I've heard the same thing repeatedly from many people who have no clue our situation or circumstances and want to judge. I think if a father is a decent person who tries to do the best they can and treats their children with love then no, they shouldn't be refused. I feel for you, been there and i'm still going through it, but it's what is best for my kids and I'm not backing down on this one. Good luck and just do the best you can for your kids.

[deleted account]

I agree completely. I am in almost the EXACT same position. the BFs are retarded. If they do not do anything that makes them 'Dad' then they deserve no access to OUR children. I smiled politely and told a judge the exact same thing. They can drop into a big giant HUGE hole for all I care. You stick to your guns and screw them.

Bree - posted on 05/25/2010

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Good on you babe!
I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my second child, to another violent, abusive male. Yes, my first baby's father was abusive also.
Only now, after leaving my unborn baby's biological father recently, I can really start to enjoy my pregnancy and feel happy.
I didnt say at word and left him one day while he was at work, had the removalist turn up 2 hours after he left... it took him 2 weeks before he sent me a text message saying "Keep me posted with whats happening with the kid, i wanna know" and thats it.
Yeah okay, I'll do absolutely everything for this baby, love, care, tend, supply with everything a baby could need and he can come and play with it.
Sorry.... The title Daddy has to be earned.
A mother is someone who a child can always depend on and be their rock... males like this who make no change or imput even before the child is born can go to hell.
Whats best for your child and my own unborn child? Not their biological fathers... just because they claim to be the father doesnt mean they have any rights.

Linda - posted on 05/24/2010

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This "Daddy" will come and go in and out of your child's life. As long as you are the constant parent who loves your child and is there for the sweet child, then there will be no issue in the future. Grandparents seem to think the kids have no brains, but kids know and can figure things out on their own. Go with your gut and everything will be fine.

Dana - posted on 05/24/2010

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I agree with you, my case isn't as sevire but it's bad, the dad fought with with during my pregnancy not about not getting a job then demanded a dna test 4 months before my son was born. Now he saw a picture of one of the first days my son was alive and rejects him cause, no lying this is what he said, "cause he looks fucking native" I could not believe he said that... He doesn't even kno I'm part native but my son has very very fair skin and looks identical to me and his father, I'm in the middle of battling for child support so I say neither sperm donors have the right to be in these childrens lives!

Careen - posted on 05/24/2010

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completely agree am tired of hearing that to.......I feel u...you have to do whats best for your child. My son is is 7months and half ..and his daddy left when i was pregnant about 4months to be with someone else

Amy - posted on 05/24/2010

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You are doing the right thing. Follow your heart. You have your child's best interest at heart. I commend you for taking care of your child.

Charraine - posted on 05/24/2010

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i totally agree with what you are sayin i am in the same situation myself so i know what ur saying xxx

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