i am single with no family help

April - posted on 05/25/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

3

7

0

IM A SINGLE MOM TO A 10 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER. HER DAD AND I SPLIT WHEN SHE WAS 6 MONTHS OLD. I HAVE NOT WORKED SINCE SHE WAS BORN BECAUSE I HAD NO MONEY FOR CHILDCARE AND HER DAD SUPPORTED US. WELL SINCE HE LEFT WE MOVED IN WITH FRIENDS AND THEY ARE LETTING US LIVE HERE FOR FREE UNTIL WE CAN FIND A PLACE TO LIVE. THAT SEEMS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE SINCE I CANT AFFORD CHILDCARE SO I CAN GET A JOB! UNTIL HAVING HER I HAVE ALWAYS WORKED, I AM NOT LAZY BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! MY FAMILY WONT HELP, ALL OF MY FRIENDS THAT ARE NEARBY ALL WORK FULLTIME AND CANT HELP. HER FATHER DOESNT WANT TO HELP. THE STATE WILL HELP BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE TO BE WORKING AT LEAST 30 HRS BEFORE THEY WILL PAY FOR THE CARE. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK? AM I SUPPOSED TO LEAVE HER HOME ALONE? JUST WONDERING IF THERE WERE ANY SUGGESTIONS...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ashley - posted on 05/25/2009

3

7

0

Hey, I really feel for you. I am/have been in very similiar situation. I left my husband (of 15 yrs) last July (almost one year ago). Actually, he wouldnt leave so I ended up having to get a PFA order. We have three children (12, 9 and 2) and no family support. It has been extremely hard to make it. He had quit working, had not paid rent in about 4 months, utilities cut off, no vehicle.....I had nothing but a house full of torn up furniture and years of accumulated things to either dispose of or find place for.....evicted....I started looking for a home or shelter as well as ways to get government assistance. The loop holes and time it took was unbelievable to make progress getting the help. Finally, in November we were accepted in to a transitional shelter. But like you, at first, they wouldnt allow us in until I was employed and I kept asking how does one work if you can't afford daycare??? Makes no sense. I went around the chain of command, to the top and shared my situation. I really wanted to do this, to make it and get on my own feet. It has been almost 6 months now and I thought I would be way further along than I am, definantly thought I would be out of here and in our own place. I have learned that it takes time. It takes time to heal and to process the loss, the fear, the stress.....i can definantly say with conviction though that I have found strength from within rather than from outside (others or moving). As I stopped viewing myself as a victim and started looking at the situation as it is what it is now and only way going to change is by my making it different. I have had to learn what faith really means......and God has shown me....He has provided our needs for the day...It has been painful, hard, exhausting, scary, but also very rich and I have learned so much, grown closer to my children, become appreciative for the smallest of things.....and more than anything, I have learned to trust myself/God in me. Seek Him, pray for a pure heart and go with your gut, no matter how hard it seems it will be, or how impossible it appears, just do. He will meet you there in ways you cannot imagine. You will become proud of you for doing this on your own and your child will love you for choosing to make it and care for him rather than run away. Hang on.....and definantly go online to search for aid for needy families or help for mothers with children....should be programs/shelters that are for temporary assistance for mothers with children, they provide daycare and help with job placement, case management....etd

Natalie - posted on 05/26/2009

143

9

18

My thought would be to try and find a job that you can do from home! It isnt that easy but I know there are those jobs out there! Never give up just always find options! I have been in your situation and still do it alone! Everything is mind over matter! Keep positive and you will get what you need! Trust me on that!

Keasha - posted on 05/25/2009

13

5

1

In this economy it can be extremely difficult to find employment. I would actually try to find employment in a daycare. I know that usually if they are hiring they will give you either free daycare or at least an extremely discounted rate. I would try to be as honest as I possibly could with them. Explain the situation and maybe they can (if the child care is not free) work with you for the first few weeks until you receive a paycheck. It is just a suggestion. I hope it helps.

Penny - posted on 05/25/2009

37

25

8

Maybe try to talk to someone at an in home daycare and work with them about your situation. Like maybe talk with them about once you do get a job paying with your first check or something like that. Does her dad pay child support. Maybe pay part with that and then the rest with your check or something like that. I recently had this same problem but I was living away from home and I just moved back in with my father which is OH SO FUN! ha I understand if you don't have that option though. Take her dad to court too it is not right if he is not willing to help at all in any way . If anything get a job that works opposite hours from him and tell him that he needs to watch her or he needs to pay for the care or you are going to take him to court. That is his responsibility. Hope things get better for you!

April - posted on 05/25/2009

17

9

0

April,

I know that it is hard for you right now, but trust me things will get better. Trust in the Lord and give him all your worries and things will fall into place. I didn't have no help either and I was so stressed out. It took awhile but things fell into place. Where do you live at ? Sincerely April Smith

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

Alex - posted 4 days ago

8

0

0

Reliable loan offer !!!

Here is an opportunity for those in financial problem and those who want financial uplift in their life, we give out loan at a very reasonable interest rate of 2%, we give out all kind of loan to help the nation from financial stress. Many are suffering and needs help to improve their life status, many are jobless and need financial help to start a business, many needs financial help to clear their bills and debt. Here is a wise decision for you now. Our loan offer is unsecured loan which means there is no collateral involved.

As a loan seeker you are eligible to apply for loan with the following contact below.

Name: Alex Moore
Email: am.credito@blumail.org

[deleted account]

also, the cost of vocational schools can cost up to 10,000 to 15,000 for the tuition and supplies. you are able to get free governent grants up to 5200.00 and the rest in loans that everyone is approved for and you pay back after you get out of school. so you may have to apply for all of that if the state wont cover your tuition from your DHS or SRS office. If you enroll in community college like i did, the cost of tuition and books was only about 2700.00 so thats why i was able to get back 8,000 in loans back to me for living expenses. if you go to vocation school they cost more and you get back very little to live off of. so you could stay with friends for about a year until you graduate. but if you go to community college youll have all of that money to live in your own place and pay your bills ahead of time. thats what the money is for. You can only get upto 10,000 in loans a year then the grants is 5200. SO, thats why I did that, community college is cheaper and it may take longer to get a degree but you have that money to live off of and you can do all your classes online at home so you dont need a daycare. its working great for me. Email me if you need more help!

[deleted account]

okay heres what you DO!!! This happened to me, my exhusband left me when i was two months pregnant and no job. i was evicted from three places we lived that he supposablly was going to help pay the bills. Im a hairstylist so I could work different shifts but my parents wouldnt help me either. my car was repoed and i was seven months pregnant walking to work. I was 31 yeas old and established with a beautiful home and car pretty things. i was at the bottom of the barrell and went to my county office for help and assistance with daycare. Your state MAY say that you have to already be working to get the benefits. You have to be pushy and get your questions answered. I asked my office, how am i suppose to take care of my child if he isnt paying child support (he was self employed and claimed he made hardly NO money) if the state wont help me??? So, how do i look for jobs and go to interviews witha new born? they told me that they dont inform everyone because ppl abuse it, but they offer child care during the week if you apply for food stamps and cash assistance. The cash assistance means you have to prove your are looking for employment at least 30 hours a week. That is you having places sign a sheet that you inquired about a job. If its person they sign it, if its online you print out the weblink you applied. So, some states give you gas allowance will searching for jobs. Ask your local office, DHS or SRS about job search. The state pays for your childcare the 30 hrs a week you are looking for work and then when you find a job your child is already in daycare. It makes it impossible to think you can find a job and interview while carrying a child around with you. When you apply for state benefits, be sure to ask them if the cash assistance will help you with looking for a job? Also, consider going to cosmetology school, or medical assistant or dental assistant school. these vocational schools last about ten months and some states pay for them for you to go and the daycare while you go, its usually 8-5 all week for ten months to get a certificate. this will get you out of the house to get a trade to find a good job, your child care will be paid for, you will be forced to apply for child support if the state is giving you these benefits as they go after the father to repay the debt later on. you may also get up to $350 in cash a month and $350 in food stamps for the two of you. I went through months of fighting my ex to help me with child care and child support.I finally got tired of his promises that he was going to help us and went to court to enforce it. Its not much, so maybe you will get more than me. I had NO help from anyone as they showed me tough love. I reconcilled with my exhusband last year and we were once a family and my little one just turned a year then. He took great care of us so i could stay home with her. But in the back of my mind i felt hed leave again, so i got my cards in a row, opened a bank account, bought clothes for her in sizes big enough for next year and enrolled in college classes. I figured tjhe student loan reinbursements that come after your school is paid for i could live off of. I was at one time in Section 8, government paid apartments before we got back together and left that place to be with him. So, apply for that as well. Call the housing authority in your county, google it. So, now its been a month since he left us a second time!!!! Hes a douche. Glad I got about 8,000 in student loan reinbursements back in my pocket and am taking online classes, so I am not moving anywhere this time. I have our place and hes paying the bills for now until the lease is up in july, we will see. But at least i have that bank account to live off of because i planned for this because he never wanted to be a dad to start with now, we will be okay if he just stops paying. i also have food stamps and getting good grades in my classes to finish up and be able to be a kindergarten teacher this time next year. GOOD LUCK, sorry i spilled my whole life story, but your post sounded really familiar!!

Myrna - posted on 05/25/2009

1

18

0

Im on the otherside of the world and fortunately for my children, fathers do not have a choice but to pay child support in New Zealand, regardless of wether they are in paid employment or on welfare. I am disgusted at the attitude of your child support enforcement agency! That kind of attitude is the reson why so many men get away with not taking responsibility for their actions.

I wish you well and hope you find the strength within yourself to strive towards a more prosperous future!!! For your and your childs sake.

April - posted on 05/25/2009

3

7

0

Thanks Penny! Her father lives about an hour away and I am in the process of getting child support from him. He lives in Florida and we are in Georgia so they say it takes longer. He gives me $20 here and there but hasnt been ordered to do anymore. Right now the child support enforcement are telling me to just keep my mouth shut and take what he gives because right now its a gift! It blows but what can ya do?He wont help me in any way really. He gets her 1 day a week since he lives like 50/60 miles away. My mom works fulltime and my dad lives 3 hours away and they werent happy that I had a child without being married. I dont know something will hopefully pan out soon hopefully. Thanks for writing!

April - posted on 05/25/2009

3

7

0

Thanks April! I live in Georgia. It just seems that whenever things start looking up they get worse in the long run! Its pretty depressing! I know I am not the only woman in history who has had to raise a child alone. Its just i assumed I would have someone to help me. Ugggh! You are right though, I do need to trust the Lord! I know I cant change anything right now.

Chasity - posted on 05/25/2009

1

37

1

I WOULD TRY STARTING AT THE MICHIGAN WORKS WEBSITE FOR JOBS THAT HELP WITH CHILDCARE OR START CALLING DAYCARES THAT WILL WORK WITH YOU UNTIL YOUR STATE AID KICKS IN...MOST OF THE TIME THE INHOME DAYCARES WILL HELP

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms