I don't know if I'll be a single mom but I'm scared

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

I have known my boyfriend for about 2 yrs and have been dating him for about 4 months, I am in my early 30s n he is in his mid 20s. He got deployed and the day before he left I found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant, he says he is not ready for a baby and wants me to have an abortion but he is going to support me no matter what I decide. I want to keep it but I am scared I love my boyfriend and he says he loves me but I am scared of taking this own my own. how do I know if he will stick around? I have given him the chance to walk away but he hasn't yet in fact he wants a copy of the ultrasounds and wants to know about the doctors appts but still he says it's not a good time he is not ready for a baby and he doesn't want it.

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Shanna - posted on 09/29/2012

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Hi Kitty! I'm 24 yo and I'm a single mom. My son is 3yo. I've known his father for 2 or 3 years more or less back when I was still in college. he's 4 years my senior. We planned for a family but we're not married. he wanted to have a child with me. When I found out I was pregnant Ii immediately informed him and he was more than happy. But when I was nearing the end of my 1st trimester, i started seeing less of him. I knew at the back of my mind that I'll end up being a single mom but I just didn't want to admit or say it out loud to myself. It did happen that way anyway. Its indeed scary to be a single mom especially if you've just graduated from college. And I know this may sound silly especially with the fact that most people this days give less thought with their Spirituality; but, I got through every day by saying the Rosary. At the time, I was forced to resign from my 1st job because of my situation, I was 3mos pregnant, I lived away from home which basically means I was the one financially supporting myself. Its hard to be in such a situation but feeding your fear of being a single mom won't bring you any step closer to getting okay. Whether you'll be a single mom or not, work your way on your own. You cannot just depend or entrust everything to someone who doesn't even know if he wants to have a child or not. And please DON'T have your child aborted. It is already a sin to get pregnant outside the bonds of marriage, DO NOT add another burden to your soul by getting an abortion. It will only engulf you with so much guilt. It will not make you feel better. Face your current situation. Gather yourself up and find your way. Most of all, have FAITH and PRAY. Years from now when you look back to what had been, you'll be so amazed with how you got through it all, how you succeeded, how you survived. That's how it was for me. You'll never know, it might be much better for you. God bless.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/14/2012

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He sounds like the guy I was with when I got pregnant. He was really mixed up like that, and said a lot of negative things so I left him when I was 17 weeks pregnant. I am a single mom now and I hear nothing from the loser so I'm happy. Eventually you will get tired of him saying it isn't the right time blah blah blah... and you won't have a hard time making a decision for yourself and your child.



Good luck! You might be better off on your own anyway... the is young and immature.

Marian - posted on 09/12/2012

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Honestly, if you want the baby then you will do what it takes to take care of the baby, whether your boyfriend is in you and baby's life or not. He may say that he wants to be apart of things now, but he can also change his mind. I would make sure that you set your expectations for him to not be around. That way when he stays, it's a joyful occasion, but if he goes you are not devastated. Surround yourself with a really good support system and you and baby will be just fine. Best of luck!

Faye - posted on 09/11/2012

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My ex and I "done things backwards" according to today's standards! We got married in 1989, had our first child 21 months after the wedding and a second child 3.5 years later. 15 years and 5 weeks after we were married, he left! How is that for a laugh?



You can not determine if someone will "stick around" just because you get married first and then had kids. You can not determine if someone will "stick around" just bacause you had a baby first and then got married.



People change and grow apart, it happened to us. We were the first in our families to be divorced! His parents were married 42 years before his mom passed away and mine were married 38 years before my mom passed away.



How about this for another laugh? EVERYTHING was my fault in his brain! I went to the counselor by myself as he would not attend on a regular basis. The few times he did attend, he lied to the therapist.

Tanya - posted on 09/10/2012

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I am a single Mum and I would never change what happened, I have met a wonderful man who has accepted my little girl as his own! Becoming a mum has made me a better person and I cherish every moment! Best of luck, you'll be fine xxoo

Mariah - posted on 09/09/2012

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I been there and my experise was he stuck round for birth up to when are son was 4 month. When this happen that way I think to it hard know if he will or will not stay. Hopefully he will because don't need another dead beat dad in world. make sure you have good support team because you will need it. I don't know what I do without mine. Best of luck to you.

[deleted account]

Thank you all my concern was the fact that I was going to do it alone the question was not so much if I should keep it if he stays or not I decided no matter what I wanted my baby and when I told him he had actually come around and told me he was very excited and very glad I was keeping it alone or not

Laura - posted on 09/05/2012

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By asking for the ultrasounds he might be deciding if he wants to be a part of the baby's life

Laura - posted on 09/05/2012

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No matter what happens that baby is a blessing and you can do it with his support or without!

Jocelyn - posted on 09/05/2012

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Whether you keep the child or not shouldn't depend on if he feels ready to be a father. Once you do the dirty deed, you are taking that risk of joining parenthood. I'm glad you're keeping the baby; if you hadn't you would have always wondered. Women are strong. You can do it with or without him. Good luck to you.

Sherry - posted on 09/04/2012

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I was 31 when I had my daughter. She is now 8 years old. I did it completely on my own...with the support from my family. He has never seen his daughter. I think being a single mother must be much easier than being a co-parent. Does it matter if he will be around if you chose to have this child? If he choses to leave, that definitely shows a lot about his character. Are you wanting a child? Your window of opportunity starts to decrease once you are in your 30s. I don't regret my daughter at all. I don't care that the sperm donor left me. I have a beautiful little girl that I get to spend my life with. I couldn't imagine it any other way!

[deleted account]

Thanks! I will look that up and thank you so much I am keeping the baby and I am starting to get really excited about it I appreciate your comment and hope he does come around but if not, even though I'm scared I do have the support of my family

Alisha - posted on 09/03/2012

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Hey I'm new to his web site and I'm a single mom my daughter London just turned 3 weeks on Sunday. When I found out I was Pregnant not only did the father say its not his and still Denys it a couple of people insisted I have an abortion mind you I was 22 and had an abortion when I was 16 because I was too young to be a mom I regret that day and will regret that day for the rest of my life. It was one of the hardest things to do and to deal wih I made a promise to god that I would never do that again if he blessed me wih a bay again which he did and I'm 23 now and have the most Precious baby girl I don't know what I would do without her.. Listen I know I don't know you and all of your situation exactly but I'm telling you If u descide to keep him or her it will be the biggest reward ever I am so blessed and u will be too and it seems like the dad would come around something my doctor told me is a mother gets excited for baby when she pees on the test and finds out a father gets excited when he makes eye contact unfortunately that wasn't the case with me but I couldn't be happier and my family is super supportive.. Eaither way good luck I don't know if you believe in god Or own a bible but read psalms 139 it's amazing and I read it to my little girl every night god bless

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