Slhill1 - posted on 04/15/2017 ( 2 moms have responded )
First of all, I'm in my early 30s. I'm pregnant and am due in early September. I met the baby daddy on a dating website last fall and I thought he was a great guy - he's been in the Air Force for nearly 15 years (he's several years older than I am) and is very smart and I thought we were super compatible and I was very excited to see where the relationship was going - until I found out that he was still married. I knew that he had kids from a previous marriage, but yea he definitely told me he was divorced, when he was still very much legally married. I found out because his wife sent me a Facebook message stating that she was indeed still his wife and asking if he'd been cheating on him. I confronted him about it and he didn't deny it. I obviously ended things when I found this out, and was distraught about the situation. About a month later (in January) I found out that I am pregnant. I was shocked, as I'd been on birth control. I told him the news and he said he was still married and advised me to get an abortion. He made it pretty clear that he wants nothing to do with it, and he hasn't contacted me since. Being in my 30s, I feel as if I'm way too old to get an abortion and although it wasn't planned, I do think this baby is a blessing. It's a human life and it's not mine to take! I saw on social media just today that he has a new "girlfriend" now. Basically I don't know what to do at all in regards to asking for child support or not. Part of me wants to not ask him for anything since he doesn't want to be part of this, but part of me thinks not asking for child support is a selfish decision based on emotions and that it is not in the baby's best interest. I know that since he is in the military and has been for so long, this situation is trickier because adultery is very frowned upon in the military, and he could possibly lose rank or even be fired over it, which could affect his entire family. BUT child support really would help. Even if I didnt get any monetary support, jumping from individual health insurance to family health insurance is outrageous, especially when the baby could get TriCare. Having a kid is going to be very costly and every bit I can save will help. I have a job but I am not the richest person ever. Plus, part of me thinks he really should be held accountable for his actions. He can't just go around sleeping with women when he is married to someone else and then walk away with no repercussions when they are left with another entire human to take care of. What if he knocks this new girl up too?! And part of me is hoping if I make him pay child support, he'll decide that he wants to be around, at least a little bit. Maybe if he had to pay, he'd ask for visitation, and I would like for my baby to know his or her daddy, even if I don't really like him anymore. It's not fair for my personal feelings about my baby daddy to get in the way of any relationship they may be able to have. I'd also like for my baby to have the opportunity to know his/her half siblings. I just don't know if any of this is feasible or how I'd even go about making it happen, especially not without destroying his family. Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated. I know I really need to talk to a lawyer but I'd also really like feedback from other single moms.