I gave in and texted my baby daddy what are your thoughts on the convo?

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

As you guys know, I wrote about how my sons father DID Not call and wish his son a happy birthday..and how highly upset I was..we had his birthday saturday and his dads..aunt which is my sons great aunt showed up for the party and brought a gift from my sons grandfather as well (his dads dad) i was so thrilled I was in tears..to see someone was finally stepping up and trying to acknowledge him on his side..



so when i get home later that night I decide to msg..my sons father basically like..why cant u see your son, it's his birthday why cant u wish ur son a happy birthday etc etc and this is what he says

Him: "For our son you should have grown up and stopped playing internet games and stop being a constant problem stop texting my line. Courts gone squash it leave me alone."

Him: "I dont understand why you do this to yourself..fly off the handle on me for nothing then when I react back everyone wants me to think about the baby..Im finish with that u want to say I called yall names(he would say Fck us call me out of my name etc etc)..but leave out the 3 years of shit I took off you.. u know u the reason for our relationship..u and I and me and javion."

Him:"When im ready to contact yall I know how to but you never gone change so I probably wont"

Him: "Past two times was suppose to be about javion just me and him no contact or even visual of you everytime I got him u was there bitchn bc I didnt speak to you..smh. so what! I was there for him dont have to speak to you..I dont like you why I need to speak? u making shit about go right back to where they were when shit first hit the fan just leave me alone and accept the fact that im away because of the shit u do over and over again"



I cant remember everything I said but I basically said..I do admit I didnt have javions whole interest at heart in the beginning I not only want u to be in his life but I wanted you to be in mines and it hurts when the person you gave your virgnity to and sacrificed the world for..wont speak to you or acknowledge you especially since im the mother of your child. You say Im the reason why you have choosen to be out of his life since july? Ok so why didnt you go to see him at daycare? Your listed as someone on his list? You wouldnt have had to deal with me? Not once have I heard that you went to see him or visit him there? I even offered for you to get him every other friday from daycare at 6pm and drop him off mondays..but you declined tht as well..talking about your done..and im never going to change? so because you hate me you take it out on your son? We call you and you cant tell your kid happy birthday? yet you do for your other two kids? I just dont understand..but I basically was texting you to let you know im throwing in the towel..i no longer want to fight and bicker it's about javion 110%..if you ever want to see him the door will be open and I will never deny you of that..nor will my family. If you would like im open to working things out before we go to court to make the process easier. Just to remind you, you havent seen him since july im sure u dont know his fav color fav movie fav food..but it's never to late to get to know your son :) good night.





He never responded.



What do you think he meant in his texts? Do you think he will come around? Ugh my mind is spinning. Should I txt him anymore? HELP!

Background information on me and my sons father to help you better understand.



Thanks for all the replies sorry it was so confusing for some: I just wanted to give you guys an insight on some of the events that have led us here..and why he feels like he hates me




we have been going through this back and forth for three years as he has said. The last straw for him as he claims is when..me and his recent daughters mom( he just had a baby) got into it on myspace..and I said, No one wants ur man and his FUBU shoes..and he got upset and stopped seeing javion. He said it was between me and her and I should have left it at that..He said F me, F javion, F my family. Let me remind you he is saying this but forgetting I was the one who got him a car, took out loans for him brought him and his daughter (who is not mine) clothes..a phone, paid his phonebill I did so much and I feel all I got was a trip to the mental ward twice. He also feels im a demon because of the some of the things i did:



Ie. Put his social on my, myspace headline

talked to his friend to make him jealous

broke up him and his girlfriend

found out he was denying my son from someone and went off

I have called him every name in the book cock eyed loser, deadbeat, I mean I cant even begin to describe how low I have gone..but this is only after the way he made me feel. I felt like I gave him life and he took everything away from me. when we first broke up when javion was 4mths..I told him he could never see him again.(i definately was speaking from being hurt) but ever since then he brings it up and uses that as another reason why he doesnt like me. I do admit everytime he would come around I would want to be back with him but he was my first and I did and still do love him very much. I didnt want to take him to court but I felt like I had no other choice his girlfriend said he said I forged the signature on the birth certificate and etc etc and that I was scared to take him to court..so I took him. Im taking him for child support and paternity. He makes me feel bad for doing so like when he says things like u got your court date i'll be there. It just hurts because they are the ones that told me to file..so why is he mad now..and on top of that he couldnt even call his son while we were texting or even say it through the text msg saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY..yet even when we are arguing or hate eachother I always send him something from javion for his birthday, xmas, etc etc..when his aunt came up for his birthday party..I sent a gift back with her to give to my sons sister for xmas...I didnt HAVE to do that..but I did bc as much as I love him I still love her very much as well as so does my son. So my thing is Not only is he affecting his relationship with javion. He is affecting his relationship with his sister(s). His aunt was hesitant to get involved in seeing him because she didnt want to get involved in me and my sons fathers issue.

I just dont know what else to do. I get mixed views some people think he wants to be around some dont I personally feel if he really wantd to he'd find other ways to see him

Ie. going to see him at daycare..

I dont see how he can go since july without talking or seeing him he has changed his number on me twice.. I happened to have found it because a friend of mines works at tmobile and thats how we started texting on friday..but still if he wanted to be there for him he wouldnt change his number my son could have died..and I wouldnt have had a way to contact him you know? It just really hurts my heart and I am definately dreading court!! I really dont want to go to court.. I just dont know what to do Im willing to work out something where we can have a third party pick up and drop off but he doesnt want it to be anyone I know..

thanks for all of your advice ladies!

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5 Comments

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Novella - posted on 11/30/2009

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ok sister, i'm there with you but not in the same way, i c when you love you love hard, but he doesn't want that love from you anymore, so what do we do as women and mother's, we cry, get mad, and then we get strong and into our selves, and move on to something or someone better, we do what works for us, to make us feel good, we are women, we build families....men are the ones that tear them down (not all men ) but most, all that love you have give it to yourself. not even your child or children can get that love, WHY, because if you don't love yourself the right way how can you love them. i learned that the hard hard way years ago. look me up> FB Novella Jackson, Later

Valerie - posted on 11/29/2009

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the power of the words you speak either empower of discourage...get professional help for your sake and your son's sake...if one of his parents wants to take the child to see him and he is agreeable that would be better than the two of you chancing any more negative interactions. you have lost his trust...you are responsible for your choices not his...respect his decision to not have contact and work to build up relationship through the other family members but no whining or blaming...be responsible...your child's future depends on it

Tracey - posted on 11/26/2009

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Hi Preya said it all for me.Siera, i know its hard ,forget him.I really feel for you and i do understand.I have had no contact with the father of my child since i was 5 months pregnant.He wasn,t intrested and could not have cared less.He was always no 1 priority to himself.Would make up any excuse to get out of his responsibility including blaming me.I got tired of chasing him and left it up to him.He hasn,t been in contact since and never met his son.I love our son and could not imagine life without him.i couldn,t live with myself if i had abandoned my child.My son is better off without his father as it would be a trail of broken promises,disappointments and lies.i have a happy little boy who hopefully will grow into a fine man with his self esteem intact.I also deserve more as do you.Don,t short change yourself.Enjoy your time with your little boy it goes by fast.I wish you all the best and hope things get better xxx.

Melissa - posted on 11/25/2009

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Whoa! It seems to me that you have a lot of feelings for this guy! First I suggest that you Pray for your own situation! You really really really need to leave this man alone. Its only obvious that he has no interest in making anything work... between you, his bond with your son, and neither the situation. Let it all go and move on with your life. You have a child who should be top priority in your life whether the other parent is absent or present. Fulfill all of your motherly duties and do not allow a man to solidify your strength and steal your independence! You as a mother, a role model, and a voice for your child have to learn how to be child of God and let God deal with the things that are out of your reach! Its called having [FAITH]. You are a mother to someone you love who loves you unconditionally! Be blessed in the Lord and know that he will provide you with all of your needs!

Preya - posted on 11/25/2009

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Wow!

I know when you think about everything it does seem confusing and it hurts. I can relate you a lil bit on some of the things you've mentioned!

I understand that you have your sons interest at heart and you want nothing but the best for him all mothers feel that way when it comes to there children, but one thing i have learned about my relationship is you cant change someone if they dont want to change! You and you son's farther 's issues have nothing to do with your son and if he cant relize that then thats on him! At the same time i know its hard and you want him in your life just has much as your son but it seems like he has made it clear he dont want nothing to do with you! i know it hurts considering all you have done for him and how much you love him but to make yourself happier you have to move on! it dont make sense trying to be with someone and they keep rejecting you why put yourself threw that pain!

For now on just focus on you and your son and wheather his farther wants to be apart of that or not dont make that your problem just show your son you love him and you care regardless if his farthers there or not! Cause at the end of the day your sons going to appreciate you that much more! :)

Keep your head up love....

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