I Give Up.

Alice Monterio - posted on 12/19/2012

Honey STOP! OMG. I have said those exact words, "I just want to give up. No one helps me. I want to die." You sound like me about 10 years ago. I raised 3 kids by myself. I got like three checks of child support for $50 each at first, then nothing. No governement help. I worked 2 jobs most of the time. It was hard as heck! YOU CAN GO ON AND YOU WILL BECAUSE YOUR KIDS NEED YOU! Today, my kids are grown, although, I have an 11 year old at home. They are all fine and we made it. They have their own homes and famiies. I purchased a brand new house in 2007 LOVE IT! I have a good job and I am an author of 2 books. I will publish my 3rd book, "Single Mom Syndrome, Rising Above the Challenge with God's Help," which will be avail in Spring of 2013. I wrote this book for moms like you. You WILL NOT give up! There are things you can do. You have skills and talents that you were born with that you can utilize. You have hope and you are not alone because you have God. Start praying and asking Him to help you. Stop leaning on your own understanding. If you need to talk, please contact me at penpassions@yahoo.com
Alice Monterio
NEVER, NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!!! :)

Francesca - posted on 12/15/2012

Hi Erin my name is Francesca I am a 26 year old married with one step son that is three I recently had a miscarriage and lost triplets I am not successful in carrying a baby so I cant have kids of my own. I have a good job work everyday other than a couple days off have a loving husband and family. I am so sorry about everything that your going through and I prayed to God that he will give u clarity and if you need anyone to talk to my email is newwomanbygod@yahoo.com and telephone number is 2523663772. If you really meant what u said I would love to be a parent to your babies. I would keep you in contact at all times you wont lose your babies theyll just be mine legally but yours always maternally. I cant have any babies and I dont want to miss out on being a mother I have so much love and care and I was looking into adoption and your post appeared and it brought tears to my eyes cause I know how you feel and I am so sorry about everything I just want to help you may God watch over you and your family keep me posted.

Nita - posted on 07/27/2012

plz speak with someone baby im going through the same thing i jus moved to tx because my own family refuses to help n the sad thing is they r able to. do they have shelters it sucks but they help

Ganail - posted on 07/26/2012

Sorry, back again with Carolee's follow-up story! Gotta show you how she's doing now! I saw this several months after she'd already been on my team! I feel so honored to be on a team with her!

Ganail - posted on 07/26/2012

And here's a link to one of my current team members/co-workers, Carolee Lohn, on Dr Drew's show, "Lifechangers." Alpine Access changed her life, like it did mine!



http://youtu.be/ypIo091L3rE

Ganail - posted on 07/26/2012

Hello Erin! So sorry for the situation you are currently faced with. I know what it's like--having one child you can barely take care of, only to get pregnant with a 2nd. It's why I made the choice to get cauterized after my 2nd daughter--I WON'T bring another child into a jacked-up financial situation! I was living near a BIG CITY--DC--and things were STILL difficult. What I did to help make things better is to move to an area where the cost of living was VERY low (northern Louisiana; I had a brother here, so he and his GF at the time helped me relocate. With their support, God made a way for me to get my own house down here in less than a week!). Secondly, I got a work from home job for work via landline phone, PC, and high-speed internet (actually, I am currently employed for TWO! Shhh, keep that between me and you LOL). Heck, I even had to purchase a new PC, rent-to-own style, because my old PC wasn't fast enough! Then I had a couple of family & friends float me $100 here, $200 there until I got solvent again, paid them their money back whenever possible, then filed taxes earlier this year and saved $1,000 of it (with a plan to raise that savings each year).

I am saying all of this to say that, even when times look bleak, turn to God. He'll give you a plan, and the wisdom, knowledge, ideas, and fortitude to execute the plan once He gives it to you! Anger, fear, depression, and desperation will keep you from "hearing" or "seeing" what God would have you to do to pull yourself up by your bootstraps (I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE on ALL FOUR!). And I do ALL OF THIS WITHOUT CHILD SUPPORT from EITHER sperm donor! I will be praying for you, Erin! I pray you open your mind to all the possibilities--don't shut yourself off from moving from where you are to go somewhere that might be better for you financially so. And working from home allows you to be there for your kids, too! Please search Google for both the websites of the legitimate work from home companies I work for -- Alpine Access and West At Home. Good luck, and may God be with you!

Ricketa - posted on 07/23/2012

Trust me I do understand where you are coming from feeling like you are backed into a corner. I have been trying to remember that this is temporary . I too have lost employment I am seven months pregnant and have a six year old but I know its not the end of the world even though it feels that way. I have been going to a local pregnancy center for counselling and even though it doesn't fix everything it helps to keep from sitting at home worrying about bills and things that I can't control.

Karen - posted on 07/22/2012

Hey there. Sorry for what you are going through. It probably wasn't the best idea to get pregnant again while you are struggling so badly, but what is done, is done.

Have you considered getting a job as a teacher's aide in a school, or work in a day care? This way you can get paid AND be able to bring your child to work with you. Or maybe watch kids at home during the day, and do your schoolwork at night.

Michelle - posted on 07/20/2012

I know how you feel! Going through the same thing. I live in a tiny ass town in the middle of no where with a 3 year old and no car now, so it sucks! I atleas have a mom who helps me as much as she can! Does your county have a W2 Works program or anything like that?? They pay you like 600 a month and all you have to do is show proof that your applying for jobs, they also help with daycare too but I'm not sure if every state has this program. You should look up emergency help programs also, that could help you get back on your feet... If you look online there's also an agency I've heard of that lets your child live in a foster home for up to 6 months and you get to visit whenever you like, just helps you get on your feet so you have a home, job and can get them in daycare when you have the means too. Hope this somewhat helps =)

Samantha - posted on 07/20/2012

if you gave the baby to his dad would the baby be safe? would it be looked after properly? also doing something like that could make social workers come knocking..
No one has a magic wand to make things better.. unfortunitly. could u move house somewhere that you could get help from welfare and maybe your rent paid? maybe if u stay in a homeless shelter for a while u will get help for accomadation. where do your familys kids stay when they are at work? could no1 take yours? how are u going to afford a new baby? you need to get some help, and not just financial, you need to talk to someone like a councillor. and dont be doing prostitution you will just make yourself depressed thinking about what u done! and imagine your small town found out!!!! then your life would be much worse cause you'd have everyone talking about u. stay strong!

Michelle - posted on 07/20/2012

You say its a small town so maybe not but is there any college nearby? You need to talk to someone and they can often offer no cost options. Any churches? One in our town offered counseling services for non-members too (as it was easier to talk to someone you weren't going to see in the pews on Sunday). In both these programs people had to have some experience in psychology or social work so they had some ability to help.
The whole family works, they want you to keep the kids, what other ways can they help? When my daughter needed therapy to start my grandmother gave me some money for a sitter to get her to & fro. Maybe if they can't sit they can help you pay for a sitter for X nights?

Erin - posted on 07/19/2012

I really don't think adoption is the answer. I don't think giving up kids is the answer to our country's serious economic problems. I think I should drop the baby off with his dad and say here you do your equal share, I'm finishing school and getting a job and you can lose your job and beg for money and go on welfare that's what I think I should do!

I mean seriously I'd just feel guilty until I jumped off a cliff for giving away my son. I already want to jump off a cliff now. It's not fair his dad gets to do whatever he wants gets to have everything while we sit here in poverty begging for food and money!! he can help he just won't help. I wish I could have hom thrown into a prison cell for life for it. I've sat and watched sadly as many of my friends with kids have failed school and lost their financial aid because dads (even ones in the house) would laze around and not help with the kids so they could study, who refused to take care of sick kids at least part of the time so that mom could study. Smart women who just wanted a chance to be better and get a job that makes real money. I am the only one of my friends that has made it this far in school and I get almst straight A's. I have pushed against all odds and critisism to get this far all to lose it because of one selfish man who won't help! I'm furious.

Marie-Christina - posted on 07/19/2012

Erin, you need to do what is best for you first in order to be a good mother. If that means giving the baby up for adoption, so be it. No one, not family or anyone else has the right to judge you. If you are going through this alone, then all decisions are your own as well. I was in the same spot as you. I found another mom who was able to watch my kids and vice versa. it gave me a break for 2 days so I could get my studying done. I was also strict with the kids about bed time in order to get one more hour of study time a night. Keep doing the right things and good things will start to happen. I know it seems like it never will but things will turn around for you. Focus on education and being the best mother you can be, and if that means adoption, your babies will thank you for it one day.

Erin - posted on 07/19/2012

Yeah my family knows I need help but they all work so noone can help I guess. The baby's dad is "too busy" to be around, doesn't help with anything, lives 40 miles away and won't ever get his butt here to help out! I finally broke off the engagement after a year of waiting for him to move and listening to a plethora of excuses. We have no such thing as citizens aid here. I already applied for every possible program and I keep getting denied for really unfair stupid reasons. It's almost as htought they are intentionally denying people they know need help. Even with the help it's still almost impossible to afford to pay for anything.

None of the schools here have free daycare, or any daycare at all for students. I do everything online but that doesn't help because the kids are constantly making noise and slapping the keys on the computer or unplugging it etc. I actually have thought about giving the baby up for adoption but of course my whole family and my friends all make me feel guilty and bad because around here doing that sort of thing is not considered acceptable. I don't want to give away my kids. I just want some help so I can finish school and get a part-time job. I need a husband who will take care of his family, but no. This is why I'm sooooo depressed.

No matter what I do it's always wrong, nothing I do makes any difference. Nothing good ever happens to me.

Tonya - posted on 07/18/2012

I am in the same situation. I struggle daily to make ends meet and finding a job is like finding a needle in a haystack. You need some sort of degree or lisence for the jobs that are being posted. Any that I have experiance in I apply and send resumes with never a call back for an interview. Its so frustrating and depressing because I feel as I cant get my life staightned out. I had a wonderful job, actually I worked 3 jobs but had to quit them all after I had my third child. Then I got divorced and thats when that hardship started. I have no help eitber and wish there was someone I could talk to or make arrangements for child care. I understand what you are going tbru and it is hard. I just had another baby 3 months ago and Im trying to figure out child care for her too. Im here if you need to talk to someone.

Louise - posted on 07/18/2012

Go back to citizens advice and tell them how you are struggling. There must be something they can do. Is there not a school near you that does free child care whilst you study. This would help out and get you through your exams quicker. I hope you have got child support coming from the father as he is as responsible as you are for bringing these kids up. Does he not visit at all? If he does tell him an hour here and there is not enough you need him to take the kids for the day or the week end so you can rest and catch up on school work.

If things are that desperate have you thought about open adoption of your unborn child. I know you want to keep him/her but if you feel like this now things are about to get a whole lot worse. It's some thing to think about before you disregard the situation.

Lu - posted on 07/18/2012

Have you spoken to friends/family about any of this?

As for social workers, just show em the figures- that you're only getting x amount per month, life costs z and as a result you can't make ends meet, nor find employment. There's no need to get personal about it, its just money and it is what it is. I don't think they're going to take your kids off you because you approached them for help. Though if you aren't coping and you aren't making ends meet, thats when their red lights start flashing.

Erin - posted on 07/18/2012

No I don't talk to the social workers about personal issues because around here they never leave you alone if you start. They have a bad habbit of taking kids away instead of helping. They also don't ever leave you alone, so no I don't want to ask anyone for any help on that.

I have already applied for daycare assistance and cash grant, but keep getting denied for dumb reasons. There's a waiting list for housng and you have to pay a deposite and utilties and work to get it and I can't afford to work or get a job because I have no way to pay for child care. You literally have to have your job and get approved for the assistance at the exact same time in my state or you get denied. I can't do that since the process can take up to a month, I couldn't afford to pay for the daycare for even one month until getting approved. You can't get pre-approved for the assistance here so it does me no good. The only jobs available here are all part-time and really low wage jobs too. Our daycare assistance prgram won't accept part-time workers. Even if I got a full-time job I stil wouldn't be able to afford a place to live, because wages won't cover the bills. Cirha won't count my older two kids towards getting enough rooms because I am their non-custodial parent, but yet they need a room! We are already so crowded it's rediculous, so there's no reason to move into a place that has no more rooms than I do now.

All of my family works. No one has time to babysit so I can work. It's not that they wouldn't help they just can't. I live in a really small town with no job,s no nothing. Almost all the workers commute to other towns, but gas is so expensive I can barely keep gas in my car just to get to the store. I can't afford to commute anymore. When gas was cheap that was one thing, and you get a good pay job out of town, but now every job sucks, and gas is too expensive. Our state has the dumbest least effective programs and rules that make it almost impossible to get any help. We are also one of the top five states for worst pay vs cost of living. I really really have tried everything, except prostitution, and applied for every possible program several times to no success. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Lu - posted on 07/18/2012

Hi there!

Have you spoken to a social worker about your situation? Not sure where you're from but I'm guessing you would have access to someone, either thru government social services or NGO / charity. They are a wealth of information and can pull strings in order for you to get things back on track. Sometimes you need to be a nuisance and go "hey I need help here".. As the saying goes "the squeaky wheel gets the oil".

Do you have family that can help you out? I was in a similar situation at the start of this year, there were times I was struggling to fee myself and the kids. It was stressful but I managed to seek help from the powers that be and was able to get enough money to get my head above water and allow me to get a job. But I had to make a fuss, I was on the phone to social services, child support agency, social workers, even child welfare! Didn't take too long before things were reassessed and I got enough to scrape by and get my affairs in order to return to work. Had I not been a pain in the rear end and made myself known to services, I'd still be working out how to make $10 last the week.