I have a 18 month old son and on his birth certificate there is no father I left it blank or wrote unknown cuse still to this day there has been kno DNA test done the guy who might be his father just now decided after walking out of my life when I was pregnant and not wanting anything to do with my son he decides he wants to see him and is threatening me that he is going to get full cusidy of him now my ? Is can he get cusidy

Keighlyn - posted on 05/07/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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And my son has medical problems to he has a nebulizer and he has several food allergies this guy doesnt kno nothing about my son and wants to take him can he

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Meagan - posted on 05/13/2011

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Can he walk into a court and take your son? Nope. First he has to pay court fees (you will too, unfortunately, but like in my area, if you are low income, you can have the fees waived, and if not, then you can defer them until after the case, and make payments if needed, but it's less than what he'll pay!), which aren't cheap, and file the case. Then you get served, which can take a few weeks after it was filed to process and serve you, and THEN you go to a court date, which can be a short while away. You go to court, he says "I'm the father! I want the kid!" and the judge says "prove it first" and orders all 3 of you to submit your DNA for testing, which will be on HIS dime. When I had a paternity test, it cost a little over $600 to do. Why? They charge you for the test, a collection fee for everyone, fees to send the results out, etc. It's pretty expensive to get a court admissable paternity test. You get a couple months to do that (again, his dime). Then you get the results and go from there. In my state they force you to go to resolution counceling first, which he pays for. I didnt have to because I had a restraining order, but usually they do. And why not? If they do for you, and he has to pay, MAKE it more expensive for him! You file for child support and BACK OWED child support (so allll those moneths he didnt pay, he will have to pay. It wont be at once, but it'll be paid by him, plus a percentage a month based off his income.). In my state, if the child has been on state assistance and the father has insurance through his company (they dont care if he's a waiter at dennys), the state will have him pay a premium for the state healthcare recieved, and force him to put the child on his insurance. It doesn't matter if he opted out of insurance. He will be getting it!

A lot of times it's really hard for the father to have full custody, and the judge will look at the fact that it was 18 months before he showed his face and that your son has medical needs that the father doesn't know about. He may order the father to do parenting classes, maybe not. But your sons healthcare needs WILL be part of the equation when dealing with custody.

Try to limit your conversation with your ex to text messages (that you save) and email only. Threats, him picking a fight, etc are all things that show his character. On the other hand, YOU need to be sweeter than sugar. Don't argue. Don't say "you cant see him", or ANYTHING that could be held against you in court. You want to appear to be the most loving mother who wants to foster a father son bond. Clarify EVERYTHING. So, if he wants to see him and he can't because you guys are busy, let him know that you guys are busy and offer an alternative option, all in the same message. If he says no, there's another email for you to provide as evidence. The key is don't argue, and fake it. And dont put ANYTHING about him or the situation on facebook or any other similar sites. Keep conversations about the specifics to close friends. Don't talk bad about him to anyone except those you can trust. It may suck having to play nice, but it'll pay off. YOU look like the better person.

Also, as far as the custody threats, tell him that you think it's a really good idea to go to court and have custody and child support worked out in a legally binding way, so that way there is no tension between you guys about money or visitation, and so you can both provide support equally for your son. Tell him that you are fully willing to co-operate with the court process, and to let you know once he's filed the paperwork, so you know when to look forward to the summons with the court date. Also, tell him that you are willing to set up play dates so him and his son can bond, but until paternity and visitation is set up, that you will be present.

Challange him. If he's going to take you to court, he's going to take you to court. But, it could be some sort of manipulation. Eitherway, the mention of child support tends to make them run with their tail between their legs.

Remember, be sweet, save everything, and try to communicate in text/email/IM. =]

Brittany - posted on 05/10/2011

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I would say to let him take it to court, he absolutely can not take your son until a judge says otherwise. If he does take it to court then make sure the judge understands that he abandoned you when you were pregnant and made no efforts to see the child until recently. I honestly don't see a judge taking your child away and giving him to a father who abandoned the mother while pregnant. Also get as much dirt on the guy as possible, drug and criminal histories can prevent him ever seeing the child without supervision. I'm a bit lucky in that since because my son's father does have those histories and if he doesn't go about things my way you can bet your ass I'll bring it up in court and he knows it. Oh and get your child support, you can get that wether the guys sees his son or not. It can only help you.

Anna - posted on 05/10/2011

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iam going through the same situation and the way i see it no. my guy hasnt done anything since i found out i was pregnant he got somebody else pregnant when my son was only a month old and since then he has treated my son as if he was a mistake. for him to even get some custody he will have to prove iam an unfit mother. i have done everything from day one and still do to this day!

Tammy - posted on 05/10/2011

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I understand. I know it sucks and it hurts to have your son go through this. Try your best to keep your chin up and something i learned recently was to keep your cool when the father is rude! good luck.

Keighlyn - posted on 05/10/2011

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Thanks everyone for ur comments and support he his not a very trustworthy guy I don't trust him with a ant lol my son has to watch what he eats and I can only imagine the type of care he would get with his father thanxs again

Tammy - posted on 05/09/2011

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He CANNOT take him anywhere without your permission until he establishes paternity. Without him on the birth certificate or without that paternity test then he has no right. if he does establish paternity then you should talk about child support (i believe its law for the non custodial parent to pay?) and also about visits. Since right now you are the custodial parent then you agree on HIM visiting. If you trust him enough you can change it to him taking your baby for awhile. Or you can start it off that way as well.
My sister went threw this. However the father treated her horrible (abuse) and went to jail many times and he was only allowed to see his daughter for 2 hrs a day at our house with my mother/father's supervision and had to pay child support. He hasnt gained our trust yet. Its been 7 years and in the last year he has stopped seeing her.
If you have any reason&evidence not to trust him then let the court/your lawyer know.
Im in your situation except im still pregnant. I have all the info and steps but i have to wait. Just check for your state laws on custody and child support.
Hope i helped a little and sorry to hear about your trouble.

Jessica - posted on 05/08/2011

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the court will have a dna test done once it comes back saying he is the father then u guys can talk about visit and so on most likey he will just get visits and that is all and will have to pay child support i hope this helps u and good luck

Louise - posted on 05/08/2011

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first of all you need to establish who the father is. If this guy wants to pay for a DNA test to assess whether he is the father or not then let him. If he is he has to pay you support if he is not then he can butt out. Your child has a right to know who his father is. If this guy is the father then he has rights too and you will have to give him access to your child. You will have to teach him about your sons medical problems and then trust him enough to let your child spend time with him. Just because the birth certificate is blank it can be filled in at any time. If this guy is willing to pay for a test seek legal advice.

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