I have a question bout Child Support

Ebony - posted on 03/31/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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So of course i'm a single mother... i'm 25 and from the moment my daughter's father found out i was pregnant he's literally ignored me at all costs... wants nothing to do with her...

Well Ne waz last Friday i Petitioned for Child Support from him... I'm so scared... i don't want this to be a fight and i don't want this to b mean any nasty... Hell i would love if this went well enough that he decided that he wanted to see his daughter... (but i'm sure that's just pushing it)...

I'm wondering though if there's ne advise on how to keep this civil and pain free...

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Mae - posted on 04/02/2010

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It is going to be ugly whether you file or not. It will take a lot of strength to the bigger parent. Someone has to be, both of you cant be petty and fighting all the time. It took me a while to figure that out and once i stop letting him make me mad and just killed him with kindness his ENTIRE attitude changed. I am the Co-founder of R.O.K.S. RAISING OUR KIDS SOLO a single parent support group in the Washington, DC area. go to our website after April 17. On April 17 we will be doing a child support workshop.

Tenille - posted on 03/31/2010

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You seem level headed about this and that's very good. It is hard trying to be the better person. When this happens (child support) it normally opens up a can of worms meaning he will threaten you to take your child away from you. The crazy thing is once you put him on support he has every right to be in the childs life. I dont know what type of person your child's father is but i hope that if things get ugly that you have a few thousand for a lawyer. If it gets to that point just try to work something out amongst the two of you (meaning a custody agreement). Try to avoid the court. I've been there and done that a few months ago..Good luck!

Dana - posted on 03/31/2010

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Its not easy but it needs to be done. This is when your single mom strength starts to kick in. You're doing this for your child. Who else is going to fight for her? He will be pissed and you may not hear from him in a while, but your child support will come to you faithfully every week or month how ever you decide. So to one single mom to another, put your feelings aside and do what's best for your baby girl. She needs the support and it's not going to get cheaper. I'm just keeping it real. My son is 9 and my daughter is 5. I'm thankful I took action because he is not thinking about the 2 of you when he is out there doing his own thing. Its not fair to the both of you. He has to help. Willing or unwilling!!!!!!!!!!!! Be strong single mom. Be blessed

Dusty - posted on 03/31/2010

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dont let it get you down. the easiest way to do this is to go through the court like you are doing. this will also give him visitation rights if he wants them. the judge might also have him take a dna test if his name is not on the birth cirtificate. just keep your head up. i am also a 25 yr old mother but i have 2 boys and their dads dont want anything to do with them and i dont get support from them either. just remember things will get better.

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Danielle - posted on 04/07/2010

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many are saying it will give him visitation. should you find you need to create a custody decree, might want to state the max overnights he can have each year. also make sure to specify you get to keep child for tax write-offs each year, who is responsible for providing medical insurance, how out of pocket medical expenses will be covered and anything else you can think of. do make sure you gather a support network to allow you to vent when you get discouraged. be VERY careful posting anything anywhere that could be used against you by him. be aware he might try to prove you're unfit if you have a boyfriend staying overnight while your daughter is with you.

Lorna - posted on 04/02/2010

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he threw civil out the door when he walked away. so now do what you have to do to make sure your daughter is taken care of. that is your responsability! so make sure he takes care of his half of the responsabilites even if it has to be forced on him. daycare, health insurance, child support. your daughter deserves it.

Imani - posted on 04/02/2010

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You should not be scared, that's just a tactic to get you to walk away and accept their irresponsibility. What I will tell you from experience is that you may get him into the court system and he may duck and dodge the system so that he ends up not paying, meaning 'he never finds a job', but as long as you put him in the system and remain active as far as demanding support they will get it from him. He may not want anything to do with your daughter, but he will have to pay and if he wants to rack up a huge debt over his head with possible jail time and miss out on spending time with his daughter, that is his problem not yours. I was 22 when I had my first son and 24 by the time my second son came along and bc of their father and not wanting to 'shake' things up I went years without filing...but he was very inconsistent in their life and never did anything for them..It was about 5 years before I decided that those boys deserved to be supported by him as well as me and eventually child support caught up with him and he pays a 'minimal' amount because he never wanted to do anything with his life, but that 'minimal' amount still goes to the boys. It is sad that he doesn't see them at all, that was the hardest part for me to get over, but now that they are 15 and 13 they see for themselves who is there for them, and they are turning out beautifully, they are decent respectful young men who want to accomplish something. I beat myself up for years about this, but your daughter will turn out however you spend your time and energy taking care of yourself and her, don't worry about his absence, but put him in the court system so that he is financially obligated. Keep your chin up and don't worry about him and his behavior, be strong for yourself and your daughter, always be the bigger person and things will turn out fine.

Rachel - posted on 04/01/2010

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well dont get upset if he doesnt want anything to do with her. my kids dad didnt want anything to do with them. but i wish now that i would have put them through counseling because i think that it affects them. i think that it makes them feel unwanted. it doesnt matter how much you show them that you care it still affects them.

Katie - posted on 04/01/2010

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I'm a 27 year old single mom and currently going through the same thing. My daughter is 6 months old and it took me this long to get the courage to start child support. I went back and forth for a long time and then I decided, he is a part of her and needs to support what he helped create. He isn't going to be happy and I finally got to the point where I dont care anymore. I should have to support her on my own (with the little that I make) and neither should you or anyone else. Keep your feet planted hard and firm on the ground.. you have people standing behind you.

Alexandra - posted on 04/01/2010

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When my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant, he lefted me. He told me that it was my fault that this happen to me. Since then he talked to me once or twice when i was pregnant, but he still wanted nothin to do with her.

But when she was born, for her, Im going to take his money because she deserve it. Im working right now on it, going through court and everything. Its not the greatest thing to go through, but its for that lovely baby. I thought also he would maybe come back, and relies what he is missing... He wont, sadly he wont. There is someone else better out there, that would love to be with you and the baby. No worries.. things happens for a reason. Stay strong!

Semantha - posted on 04/01/2010

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If you don't have much contact with him then screen his calls and only speak to him when you are both calm. Of course he is gonna be pissed, but don't let him bully you. You are doing the right thing for your child. Mine didn't pay for almost a year, then tried to sue me for more custody. We filed a Motion for Contempt (in FL) for non payment of child support, asking that he pay at least a certain amount, which alerted the same court overseeing the custody ruling that he was trying for more custody without having met the basic CS order. Because I had a CS case thru FL Dept of Revenue I ended up getting payment from his unemployment claims. The state took his unemployment and gave me a % of it then gave him the rest. The Contempt Motion I will file again once he gets 3-6 months behind again. It simply tells the court he isnt paying, and then the judge can order him to pay an amount of what he owes in back support. Good luck, and remember that he has an obligation to pay something even if he doesn't want to be involved. Your child deserves a roof over her head, food, diapers, etc!!

Aimee - posted on 04/01/2010

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Remember you are doin this for your child!!! Do everything through your lawyer...do not try and talk this out with the so called father...a man is not a father by dna...a man is a father through love of the child..you don't want a man who wants nothing to do with a precious child to be in her life anyways...someday you will find (if you haven't already) a man who wants to be her father until then your love is all she needs...get mean for the future of your daughter if nothing else..hope this helps :)

Ashley - posted on 04/01/2010

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Take it one step at a time like you're doing. The court system is one of the best avenues...It may take a while, but, atleast you'll be getting the support your daughter needs. And who knows, maybe her dad will get smart about this situation and take advantage of forming a relationship with his daughter, you can only hope for the best and be optimistic. Good luck!

Brooke - posted on 04/01/2010

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I'm in Australia so maybe Child Support is a bit different from country to country, but like Tenille said, if he pays child support he is entitled to visitation or part-custody of your child. It sounds like you would be pleased with his involvement which is great as it's not always the case with some mothers- they want the money but don't want him around their kids, which is unfair for both father and the children. I had problems with my son's dad paying child support privately (our own agreement) so I made a deal with him to go through Child Support Agency (they collect from his employer every month) and I would forget about how much he owed me (which was a couple grand.) Now I don't have to worry about whether it's going to be paid or not which is a weight off my mind. I hope that it works out for you without too much stress.

Deanna - posted on 03/31/2010

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Sadly, it might not be civil or pain free. Many men feel that they do not have to be financially responsible for the children they father. They think that the mothers are money grubbing. Most of the time the amount of money they are obligated to pay is not even enough to help cover day care, let alone any of the other things a baby needs. Stay strong and your doing what you need to in order to take care of your child. Remember, the child support is for her, do not ever let him get to you when he says you don't deserve it. Just keep your child in mind. Good luck!

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