I'm going to be a single Mom..

Gabrielle Marie - posted on 05/17/2013

hey there


all you can do is worry about you and your baby .....i am also going to be a single mom so i know what your going through if you want to talk more hit me up

Jessica Danillie - posted on 10/28/2012

just keep your head up cause im going through the samething an mines is just the trust and i just find out that im that im having a baby and this my first one. so tell me what i should do.

Dawda - posted on 07/14/2012

hey,
my name is dawda,am Gambian nationality,28yrs of age,i was rise by a single mom,so i know how it feel about.i thank my mum for rising up to this standard,through lucky ,got father when i around 19yrs old,love as his own child,love that i have never expect in my love,so i feel the same way to single mum trying to rise one or two of their own.
am interested in making friendship and sharing ideas,coz i know how it fell for the mothers.anyone one interested you can mail me at(dawda_jaiteh@hotmail.com)we will really get in touch.
take care,
dawda

Sarah - posted on 10/10/2011

hi hun hope you are doing ok the only advice i can give you is stay strong for you and your baby i went threw the same thing wen i was having my son my partner but now my ex did not want to know what scares men most is having that responabillty as iv red you have a good family network and as long you have that you will do great it is going to hurt you but remember you are not alone good luck n all the best

Monique - posted on 10/09/2011

Holly, one of the situations an unmarried woman faces when she gets pregnant is the possibility of being a single mom. It is sad but true. I want you to focus on your unborn child and being the best mom you can be to the baby. You have family support so please be comfortable with that. Many teens do not even have that. I know you want the father to be in the picture and he may very well come around. He could be afraid of his responsibility. I want you to know that God is giving you this child to take care of and that you shall do with the help of family. If his family want to be there for the baby, allow them to. Do not hold them accountable for their son's mistake of not being in his child's life. One thing I recommend for you is to take a parenting class - I used to teach this class in Maryland for many years and I have seen lots of positive situations come from it. I also taught a teen parenting class which was not as successful because their foster parents did not feel it was important enough for the teen to attend. Please make every effort to find programs and groups for single moms and teen moms. If you have not finished school - do so! If you have finished high school, make it a point to go to college even if it is a community college part-time while also working. Let your family know your goals so they can help you meet those goals. If you do not have goals, make them now! Sorry for the long post but I counsel people all the time and just needed you to see the importance in knowing that this is not the end of the world for you - it is a new beginning.

Patricia - posted on 10/09/2011

Fuck'em. And don't let him back in!!! Make sure you talk to your local child support prosecutor for child support!!!! My ex left me when I was pregnant with my son.

Sarah - posted on 10/03/2011

Just take one step at a time n don't worry about giving birth but remember the breathing n you will be fine

Luisa - posted on 05/22/2010

I started my family when I turned 17 and I did for my son anything and everything I possibly could without counting with the father. He was a good man, but he wasn't helping me with the baby. That made me stronger so I didn't have to depend on him or my Parents. Get the necessary help but try to do certain things on your own. If he doesn't want to be there for those things then go without him. It makes you a better and stronger mother. Be happy and know that that baby is a part of you and he/she needs you more than you need the dad.

TM - posted on 05/21/2010

No need for persuasion. If he doesn't want to be a part of it then it's best to leave him out of it. It will just add stress to you, which is not good for the baby anyway. I would say if you still want the support to take a very special, very close friend who will share in this joy with you and keep you in high spirits so that you can focus on loving your baby rather than worrying about the donor's presence (and yes, I mean the male half of your baby. They're not a father until they act like it, in my eyes). It makes a difference if your support person is behind you 150% of the way.

Also, best of luck to you, keep your chin up and focus on what matters: not being afraid! Fear = Tension = Pain! :)


Much love,
T. xoxo

Ashley - posted on 05/20/2010

Scans make it a reality. A lot of fathers especially young ones, aren't really able to understnad what you are going thoruhg until there is actually a baby there that they can hold, see, feel. Let him come around in his own way, if he does. I had been with my ex for four years (I got pregnant at 19) and knew him well enough to make him stay with me and play house but thats all we did. 18 months after our daughter was born and I was pregnant with our second son we split up and I look back now and wished I had just done it on my own it owuld have saved me and my daughter a ton of heartache (but then I wouldnt have my son etc. ) Being a single mom is super empowering and I have managed to work four hard years through university and will graduate next year, as well as play sports, and volunteer, and have a new extremely happy realtionship with the love of my life. Having your child young will benefit you later on, you will be young enough to enjoy him/her. Best of luck to you and I promise you will feel so empowered knowing that you can do it on your own and that you dont need to rely on him for anything. If he does figure stuff out and comes around then you still know that you can do it if you ever end up alone again.

Holly - posted on 05/20/2010

I was there once too. I was 17 and pregnant with my son. He never participated in my son's life and only sent a card once for his first birthday. My son is now 15 and had wanted to know him at 10 and meet him at 13. After trying for years to try to set this up then, I went for child support and they made contact. He then for the first time denied he was his and we went through DNA proceedings. He was 99.99% the father and was ordered in June to pay support for the first time. He and his mother asked to meet him. I arranged it, and he decided to spend a week with him last July. He hasn't seen him since and rarely speaks to him. He has decided he no longer wants to pursue a relationship with him, and has been able to move forward with his life as best he can. I don't know if this gives you any insight as to what could be in store for you and your baby, but Stephanie is right in that you can't force him to be there. All you can do is pray that for the sake of your child, he/she can one day feel the love of their father. Best of luck to you and keep your head up!

Kassi - posted on 05/20/2010

You can't really MAKE a father that doesn't want to be there be there. I am a 17 year old single mom and her father SAID he wanted to be here but he's only seen her once. You could try child support but he could then challange it.

Lizamalia - posted on 05/20/2010

Child support. I dont know about teenage pregnancy but I got pregnant when I started to live (I was 21) Its okay to do it alone because after you see that sweet babys face your not gonna have nothing to worry about. I use to be scared to do it alone but I like being provider and protector.

Manda - posted on 05/20/2010

I was a single mom at seventeen with family support also, you can do it. I raised a perfectly well adjusted child without the father being around. You don't want to have to make the father be there. If he doesn't want to be around, then that is his loss. Don't spend your time worrying about him...you have a precious little angel that will need all of you. He isn't worth it....there are many more hims, but just one of that little angel that you are carrying....Good Luck

Deborah - posted on 05/20/2010

There's alot of good advice given and I suggest you narrow them down to just these few
1) no one can be persuaded to do what they don't want to do
2) enjoy your baby; the less stress you have to face, the more enjoyable your time with baby will be
3) if he decides to be a part later rather than sooner, don't deny him that. Give him the opportunity to build a healthy relationship with his child.
4) thank God for your family, it's not going to be easy, but with their love and support you and baby can overcome any hurdle

Don't worry Holly, if he's not there baby won't miss who he/she never knew.

Lou Lyn - posted on 05/19/2010

hi cin, in my part i didn't send pics or keep on trying to contact the guy if the guy is not willing to do his part then NO! we cant force them to be a father my effort will go to waste if i persuade him, theirs nothing we could do except acceptance and adjustment is all we need. i carry all the baggage but despite everything when i see my baby every worries, regrets, insecurities, etc. will wash away..and i just smile!

Ronda - posted on 05/19/2010

focus on you, your health(mental, emotional and physical) have your family there for you and try not to persuade him-he will need to make that decision on his own. Look into any teen support groups in your area, you are not alone~share your fears with your family and perhaps they will be able to make you feel less scared. Many of us single moms share the same worries and it helps to talk about them. Best wishes

Marti - posted on 05/19/2010

Sounds as if everyone readily agrees to NOT push the baby's father into any sort of relationship/committment with you or your unborn child. I would have to agree. I am a single Mom to a son who will be 4 this July. His father and I had already split when I found out I was expecting. I tried to"coerce" his father into being a part of his life, then realized, what's the point? It is truly his father's loss. Not to mention, it only made me more upset and anxious, and children pick up on that. I have my father to help as well as other family members and we are doing just fine.

I realize I am much older than you - however, I was quite young with my first child, still in school, and the father was not interested. I decided to place my child into a loving Christian home with parents who were unable to have children of their own. He has now graduated school, headed to college and is doing well. Adoption is always an option if things seem too overwhelming. But that is a choice only you can make - whatever you decide, just be confident in your decision and know that the Lord will be there to guide you and care for you and your child. A family does not have to include mother, father and child...a mother and child can certainly make a family in themselves. It's the love between you that counts.

I wish you all the best, and will keep you and your child in my thoughts and prayers. Motherhood is the most magnificent gift from God - nothing compares. Don't settle or sacrifice anything of yourself (like thinking you need the baby's father to make it work). You and that lovely child will be just fine.

Kati - posted on 05/19/2010

I was a single mom at 18, I tried to get the dad interested in my daughter, we lived with him for a month after she was born. Trust me when I say it is not worth it. It just makes bad situations worse. Go, be a mom, don't worry about him, it's his loss. The way I see it now is that I don't have to share her. She just turned one yesterday and I am now with a fella that loves both of us and I am so glad I didn't try to force her dad into th picture because I would not be near as happy as I am now. Oh and congratulations, you will love being a mom, no worries.

Cin - posted on 05/19/2010

Honestly, you can't make anyone be there if they aren't willing to be there. I learn this the hard way with my second child. He told me he couldn't do the realtionship anymore and left me when I was 6 months ...my child is now 3 months and he has only seen her 3 times max. I try to keep in contact send pics and msgs on how the baby is doing but that didn't seem to spark a light or heart for him to come around more often. So i cut all forms of communications with him cause at the end of the day i was finding myself crying out of disappointment and felt tremendous about of heartache because he wouldn't come around to his child. Knowing that we had plans and he ditched them to tell me he couldn't do it anymore really hurt me... but its all in due time when you heart heals and become focus on the important things in life is your family and your childeren. Please alot of single mothers don't carry emotional baggage and don't blame men cause all of them are not the same. Sometimes we become blind and things don't turn out like a fairtale and that's alright to. Love yourself and Your Kids first then everything else will fall all in due time I say.

Julie - posted on 05/18/2010

Are you sure you want to give up the last bit of your childhood for 24/7 responsibilities...? There is no turning back once you decide to keep this child.
There are many happily married men and women who'd love to have a child who cannot.
Love your child and seriously consider giving them two parents who long to hold a child of their own... and cannnot ♥

Taylor - posted on 05/18/2010

I was a single mother for my son starting when I was 17 and if he doesn't wanna go, he probably can't be persuaded. My sons father was just like that. But if that's how he's gonna act, immaturely and irresponsible, you'll do better without him. It's harder on you to deal with that. You deserve better. Mabe he'll
come to his senses and realize what he's missing out on. Try showing him a couple pictures of the ultrasounds tho. It could help.

Denise - posted on 05/18/2010

I agree you can't change a man, or anyone for that matter. my best friend is going through the same situation. I told her to try to show him what he's missing. Talk about how amazing it is to hear the heart beat, see the baby inside you, feel the baby inside you, etc. Kinda like reverse psychology, show him you don't need him there, don't want him there... think and act positively about it and show him what he's missing. Maybe he'll realize what he's missing and become interested. She heard the baby heart for the first time last friday, alone (I got there too late to hear the babys heart) but she and he are on better terms now. They talked about everything, talked about being scared, and needing each other, she told him everything he missed and it hurt him, it's his child too. Just because you're carrying the baby doesn't make it any less his child. He needs to know that. Here's a great website for single moms, there could be some great advice for you on the website. www.singlemomfinancialhelp.com, also on facebook at www.facebook.com/singlemomhelp Good luck. Stay strong! You can do it!

Jennifer - posted on 05/18/2010

You can't force him or persuade him. If he doesn't want to be around, you can't make him. You can always keep him informed on what is going on and when the appointments are to give him the option to come. Of course, let him know how important it is to you that he be there. The best thing you can do is to remember that his relationship with your child is just that - it is his, not yours. Your personal feelings should have nothing to do with that, unless there is fear or evidence of abuse toward the child. You need to let him take and accept responsibility for being a parent, just as you have done. While he may or may not ever step up, the choice needs to be his. My daughter's father has never once met our daughter and has agreed to sole custody. We haven't talked since we found out I was pregnant, but he always pays his child support on time and there is no drama between us.
Good luck. :(

Lou Lyn - posted on 05/17/2010

dont be scared you have your family that willing to support you and your baby. if the father of your baby doesn't want to come then heck no, dont persuade him it's his lost not yours. just take care of your self and the baby dont mind that guy forget him, i know your in a difficult situation especially that your having your baby, if the baby is born dont run after him or let him see your baby. i wish you luck!

Bonnie - posted on 05/17/2010

Dont force him.. I was with my sons father when i was pregnant and he went to 2 apointments..to hear the heart beat the first time and to find out the sex..and thats it..he has only been to one apointment for my son who is know 20 months old..its guys they dont get it sweatheart and at this point i dont think they ever will some guys are just different and odnt get it but you can't make a boy be a father..good luck and just stay positive bring ur mom or a sibiling or someone who is thrilled to see the ultrasound or hear the heart beat..hes missing out and that is NOT ur fault and the more pressure u put on him may push him further away

Ginger - posted on 05/17/2010

Holly, I am a single mother that was seventeen also when I found out I was pregnant. My son is now 16. It is most rewarding part of life that you will experience. The best part is that it is all for you. Your child will be better off to have the father not involved then to have him in and out. The worst thing for the child is to have the sperm donor come and go and to be let down over and over. Kids are smarter then we give them credit for. Your child is going to be so much happier to have one parent love them. If you have the support and love of your family then that is all you and your child needs. When you become a single mother, you find that you have some much strength with in. It is not an easy road, but I would not trade it for anything.

Angie - posted on 05/16/2010

Holly, I'm not 17 but I am a single mother with great family support. You are better off just being a single parent and not to worry about the father. Just think as it this way you will be there for that baby and and he won't know what he will be missing out on. Its only his loss not yours! You will be fine and I sure a great mother.

Eurydice - posted on 05/14/2010

It's all about you whether there is a man around or not. You have all the skills and love you need to be all your child could ever want. Just focus on what your child has to teach and offer you and what you have to teach and offer them. Never make your relationship with them about anyone else. You will be fantastic because each day you will learn and want to be a better parent.

Pelga - posted on 05/13/2010

Swty don't even try, you will only be humiliating yoself in front of his family and friends. Some men do come around when the baby is born but not all. Stay open to a new r/ship you might be lucky and get a good man that will love you regardless

Lynn - posted on 05/13/2010

My son's "donor" left me when I was just 6 weeks pregnant! Now my son is 7 months old and Ive been doing it on my own the whole time!! Its hard, but make sure you have some good support (family or friends) and you'll be ok. Thankfully I have my mom to help me with any questions that I have. The rest of my family lives across the country.

I also gave up on tryin to get my sons "donor" involved. He didnt seem to care. I didnt want anyone like that in my son's life..

Good Luck!

Stephanie - posted on 05/13/2010

Hey Holly!

Believe me becoming a new mom at such a young age can be extremely scary but just know that irregardless of what happens God has your back, front, side, and top etc.....At this point in time I would say it's easier just to leave the dad alone and make plans on moving forward without him. One thing that is one your side is that you have a strong support system. You can even reach out to the dad's parents and see if they want to be involved and that way your child will have a relationship with both sets of grandparents. But otherwise it's stressful enough bringing a child into this world and taking care of him/her properly. Do not allow him (dad) to be a stressor. Just prepare for your child the best way you can and make plans on being the best mom you know how to be.

Amanda - posted on 05/13/2010

Focus on you and your blessing and don't worry about him. Either he will step up and be a man or he won't. Don't stress on him. Turn the negative energy around and put it where it belongs.

Tiffany - posted on 05/12/2010

Don't persuade him. He's making his own choices and that's his loss. I spent most of my pregnancy and the first 6 months of my sons life trying to convince his father to be around more and to change for his child. Finally, i realized he isn't a good father especially if he doesnt want to grow up for them. Family is all you need right now so you are in good hands! :) My family is amazing and helps me out as much as i need them to.. I don't know what your baby's father is like, but i think right now what's best is just forgetting him and look forward to your little miracle! I wish you good luck and hope this helps you!!

Claire - posted on 05/12/2010

Hi Holly,
I was 19 when my son was born. His so called "father" is a piece of crap. He's a drug addict and a complete jerk. He came to almost all the appointments and acted like he was involved during my pregnancy but I found out a LOT of lies. He pretty much ditched me when I was in labor. He was there for the delivery and everything but not really. I took him to court for custody. I'm a single mom and couldn't be happier. It was VERY hard in the beginning because I thought I was in love with that guy, but after I "woke up" in a sense and realized what was really going on, everything was ok. I wouldn't change it for the world. I know it's scary being young and pregnant. You are very lucky to have your families support. Good for you. Keep your head up. Do not force him into anything. If he wants to be there for you, good. If not, write him off completely. It will be better for you in the end. Remember that you are a strong woman and you'll be fine. Good luck with everything. Add me on FB if you want to ask questions or just talk, ok?

Natasha - posted on 05/12/2010

I know what your going through b/c im eighteen and my son father is not in his life. But the best way is to try to convince him to see his child and if he still refuse to see him or her just be the best mother you can be and remember its his lost and not yours.

Tiffany - posted on 05/12/2010

I went through the same thing with my daughter i was 18 and it was really hard but i know u have heard it before but u cant make him do anything he dont want to do it could get better after u have the baby but it could stay the same just know that u did everything u could and just be a great mom and hopefully he will come around but dont force him let it happen on his terms i know that doesnt help much but thats what i did and he is now an active part in are childs life

good like with everything and congrats on ur soon to be new bundle of joy

Ron & Christine - posted on 05/12/2010

You have received so many replys. My opinion is this. Some men will only be the sperm donors. They are missing a cell in them that calls them to step up to the plate and be a man. Sounds like he could be the trophy winner in that one. If he would be a uncaring, unloving, immature father... would you want him in your life anyway??? I worked with the public for 30 years. I've seen high school guys step up to the plate and I've seen men in their 30's that just didn't get it. So age is not the deciding factor. It is totally up to you to do it, thank god for family support. Be strong and make the best decision for yourself and your baby. Good men are not the easiest to find. For now take good care of yourself , cause your stress isn't good for the baby either. Your life can go in any different direction. #1. You can keep your baby or #2 adopt your baby to a loving couple.#3 Get your education and raise it on your own. Don't let his value of you and your baby, be your reality.

Sarah - posted on 05/12/2010

one day he will realize he missed out on something beautiful...

Dawn - posted on 05/12/2010

comin from someone who was pregnant at 17 goin on 18 when havin a child at a young age you have to grow up quickly if the father doesnt want to be in the childs life forget him he's jus missin out on the amazing things that will happen in his/her life all i can tell u is to be optimistic and be strong cause wit bein a single 1st parent u go through alot of strugglin cause its alot harder then what u think but u can do it as long as u know that u can do anything u set ya mind too and dnt never feel like ya family help is somethin u dnt need its very important to keep u sane and dnt beg the deadbeat let him live his life jus learn from ya mistakes and dnt do them again

Angie - posted on 05/12/2010

I was seventeen when I got pregnant with my oldest so I know how scared you are. First- if you have not already done so GRADUATE high school. It might not seem like much but it will make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. Two go to college. Make a plan for yourself and stick to it. Yes you will have set backs but there is so much help out there for single moms that you will be able to go to school and get a baby sitter.
About the "father" is he your age? That could explain why he is not wanting to be a part of the pregnancy. He is probably scared out of his mind thinking that his life is ruined and he will never get to do what he wants to do. He will have "this child" hanging around his neck for the rest of his life. Talk to him find out what is going on... how does he feel? Does he just not want a child or is he afraid that he is going to be saddled with a kid for the rest of his life?
If he is older then he needs to grow up. (all men do in my opinion). Just because you two are having a child together does not mean that you guys have to be together. You can have a nice relationship where you guys see each other and talk about important things but that is it. And make sure you guys are on the same page about discipline. "But Daddy lets me ......" does not go a long way in my house because I talk to Daddy and Daddy backs Mommy up on decisions and punishment.
I know that this whole situation is not what you had planned for your life but things change and you have to adjust. It is time for you to start thinking about the baby. You have adult decisions to make and trying to persuade a man who is not ready to accept that he is going to be a father is not one of them. If he is not going to step up to the plate and be a Dad then your child is better off without him. (I know from experience!!!)
Go to a neutral place like a park or diner and have an open conversation. Tell him what you want and would like from him and then listen to what he wants.
You might be surprised by what you hear.

Mikala - posted on 05/12/2010

I got pregnant at 15 and i thought i was in love but i had another thing coming. my daughter is 3 years old now and the dad hasnt been in the picture for a year; yes he pays his child support but that isnt being a dad. It it very hard when my daughter use to ask why daddy could not come play with her; all i told her was that he was at his house and coundt play right now. the father was around till i was in labor, you cant force him. the dad would see my daughter for a month and then not see her for 3 or 4 months. i told him that he cant be a part time dad; he either needed to be there all the time or not at all. he decided to pick his drugs over his own daughter. Since he hasnt been around in a year she has stop asking. it is still hard i have my family helping me out too. But you always want "that" guy to love you and be there for your kid...about to 19 and have been doing great, just keep talking to your family and looking for support.we can do it, we are not suppose to do it buy if that dad doesnt take care of your child who will!!! YOU CAN DO IT :)

Sadina - posted on 05/11/2010

How old is he? && you cant make him come i am a single mother also my sons father waas always there until i had the baby. but he did not grow up as i thought he would. it takes longer for the boy to grow up then the mother we already have a special bond with the baby because we carried the baby for 40 weeks. now as the father you cant make him do it. just try to talk to him. keep your head up girl. it gets better. and bein a single mom isnt so bad! : ) i have a job i raise my baby and i am doing just fine you will to!

Lesley Eleanor - posted on 05/11/2010

Im a single mum :) Had my son at 17 years old, went back 2 college 6 weeks after having him and have just finished my 1st year of uni.

Becoming a mum in any circumstances is scary! You do the best you can for your little bundle of joy, and he/she will always b thankful 2 you for it.

if hes not intrested then its him whos missing out on one of the best experiances in life.

Do what you feel is best for you and your baby :)

Good Luck x

Sheryl - posted on 05/11/2010

Glad to hear you have family support!! I had my daughter at 18 and the dad and i were "together" but he wasn't much help...our children are 19 and 16 now...and over the years we've had conversations about how he acted way back when...he regrets not being part of the pregnancy with our daughter and says that he just wasn't ready to face reality back then...frustrating since i had to grow up quicker than i wanted to, but it's not their body or life that changes dramatically...all you can do is continue to offer him the opportunity to be there...express your feelings that you want him to be there but don't push him...just let him know that if he wants to come you'd love for him to share it with you. Good luck

Alexis - posted on 05/11/2010

All I can say is I had my child 2 weeks after i turned 18. Still in school preparing to graduate. Just stay focus on school, make sure you have a good amount of information him and take him up for child support. Woman are more mature then men, and it takes a lot for them to see the whole picture and who it effects rather than just themselves.

Susan - posted on 05/11/2010

you can't force him to take an active role in the pregnancy or your baby's life when it is born. Maybe he is petrified of being a dad, try talking to him if u can. being a single parent is hard but u can do it with help and support. i was a single mom for 8 years with no help from my daughters dad and he still don't help out. sometimes you just have to face reality, no matter how hard it seems

Amy - posted on 05/11/2010

I was 16 when I had my son and his dad actually died when I was pregnant so I had to do it on my own. My son is now 8 and things are good. He is happy and has my brothers and his dad's brother to look up to. Its amazing what a difference having your family there does make. You need to worry about you and your son not anyone else!

L.A. - posted on 05/10/2010

Know this Holly, You are now a part of a bigger better picture & you will know this as soon as you have your baby & they look at you & smile. You chose to give life instead of opting out that makes you even more special in the eyes of that child who will love you unconditionally. His loss honey not yours. He is viewing a brick wall.You are viewing as many new exciting doors to open. Life in a child's view of the world is a wonderful blessing in disguise.

Jayne - posted on 05/10/2010

i know its scary, and its lonely and very hard. the pregnancy i mean. no matter what i "knew" and what people told me my hormones just made me crazy and depressed when i was pregnant (and the father, my bf of 4 years left and wanted nothing to do with us)

BUT when you have your baby you will feel sooo much better. i have never been happier in my life now that i have my daughter. and after seeing how beatiful she is my ex NOW wants to see her all the time and likes to talk about how in love we used to be. but i've learnt what kind of person he is and it makes me happy that i finally dont need him in the slightest.

if you have your friends and family, or even if you dont, you'll be fine. motherhood is soo much greater than you could ever imagine and when you feel sad just try to focus on how happy you will be when you have your baby in your arms.