I need help! 50/50 shared custody..

Mary - posted on 03/04/2013

The norm now is 50/50. They dont care about best interest of the child. They only care about best interest of the father. Its hard on kids, I just went throught it. He filed false child abuse charges against me, took them on my time, has told them everything the court says, and they are afraid to talk to the therapist because he hurts them if they tell her anything. I spent 30 grand trying to save them from him, but in the end the courts dont care. He won, my poor babies lost.

Karen - posted on 12/27/2010

My ex and I have 50/50 and it does effect the children regardless, you just have to let them know that both parents love them very much and this is the way it has to be. I also give my ex every wkend, fri night to sat and then every other wkend fri night to sunday, and there are no wkday visits unless I approve only because it was effecting my childs grades, he still gets his holidays and b'days if he chooses to take them, sometimes he doesnt and that is hard on them as well but again let the child know something has come up and she/he will see daddy when he can come get them.

Elysia - posted on 12/21/2010

i am actually going through the same thing.. its crazy my daughters father has never done anything for my daughter and he ddnt want to help out i took him to court for child support it backfired on me becaue he then took me to court for custody... we have joint legal custody which he is suppose to have her 3 days out of the week.. the only reason he did that is because he knows the more days he has her the less childsupport he has to give me... but he doesnt get her for the 3 days he is suppose to i pick her up on the second day... i have notice a change in my daughter also she does cry when she has to go cause she thinks she is not coming back because now she stays the night.. i use to call her to check up on her but i had to stop because she wwould scream on the phone for me to pick her up and he broke my heart... i tel her mommy and daddy loves you very much and we want to share you.... i try to keep it positve for her dont want her to know that we dont get along... but back in court again after the holidays... good luck hun

Jess - posted on 12/21/2010

I live in Australia so the laws are different here, but perhaps you could get your lawyer to do some research for you to present in court. Here in Aus they don't do 50/50 custody for young children because its been proven to be damaging. A young child needs 1 constant home and its not good for them to move every week.

A baby needs its mum ! My ex was going to fight for 50/50 until I showed him this info and now he knows its just not worth it.

Katrina - posted on 12/20/2010

I used to have 50/50 custody with my ex... From experance I will tell you that it will continue this way until the child is old enough for school. My son is now 4 and a half. Its been 2 years in Sept that my ex got residental ccustody of my son... I only get to see him during the summer and every other christmas and thanksgiving. I don't know what state you live in but I will tell you that KS law really bites the big one. I noticed the same changes in my son when I had to give him to his father but it didn't stand up in court cause he wasn't old enough to say anything there for as long as my ex's house and all checked out he was still allowed to see him. SInce my ex has residental custody of my son, They have moved 5 time in the past 2 years, I was ordered phone calls with my son twice a week and it don't work. Just letting you know some of the things that could happen. My ex promised me that he would follow court orders and nothing has happened so far. We have been divorces since Nov of 06.

A - posted on 12/19/2010

My ex (we split up in june) and I have the agreement for our kids (5 years, 2.5 years and 7weeks) that he takes them (the oldest two right now as i'm still breastfeeding) every second weekend (friday night - sunday night) and he can see them once or twice for a few hours during the week as long as he calls me and i'm not busy. He won't set an exact day during the week because of his oncall schedule and the kids are quite happy to go to his place every second weekend and sometimes won't see him at all during the week. I am pretty sure he doesn't watch them at all cause he paid very little attention to them when we lived together and when he's over to see the kids he spends about 30 seconds with our youngest before sitting down and chatting on his blackberry, only spending less than 20 minutes out of 2-4 hours, playing or paying attention to the oldest two. Other than 30sec-1min, he ignores our youngest. He does pay child support though has shorted me a few times already. If your child is having trouble with the days may be a good start to go slow and perhaps start with a few hours twice a week and then slowly increase the time to overnight. Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 12/13/2010

Me and my ex have shared custody but i have primary physical custody of my daughter. Meaning that i have more say then what he does and she lives with me 90% of the time. My daughter Summer who is 2 is the same way. Shes always telling me that she doesnt want to go to her fathers house. He recently got married and has another child with this chick. I think they dont bother with her, so it affects her greatly. When she comes home I notice a big difference in her attitude and her behavior. I think that since the children are so young that they dont fully understand whats going on and they are confused about the bouncing back and forth between houses. I wish that i didnt have to send my daughter because of how my ex is. I recently reduced my ex's visitation. He only gets her every other week from wednesday to sunday. He use to get more but i talked him down to that and also becuz i was moving an hour away from him. Have you tried talking to him about every other weekend and maybe only one day out of the week that he doesnt get her for the weekend??? If that doesnt work out then try getting together with his lawyer and work out a visitation schedule that works for you and your daughter. I hope this helps. Good Luck!!!

Mattie - posted on 12/13/2010

This is exactly why I didn't want to split time 50/50. I've seen this lots. Some kids do great but some have a lot of trouble and just don't feel at home anywhere. My ex sees his kids on weekends. How many in a row depends on his shift for work at that time. He wanted it split and I refused 100%. He's a coward and never pushed me ( mind you, he knew I'd fight tooth and nail forever).

Talk to your ex and explain what's going on. Maybe he'd be willing to allow your child to adjust and then slowly increase the time? If he's not willing to work with you, then you'll have to go to court I guess.

Good luck. I hope this can be worked through with out the courts.

Melana - posted on 12/12/2010

you could try mentioning the half week split, my best friend and her daughters father do that and it seems to work out well. just remember that watever the situation is itll pry take some time for your daughter to adjust so just try and be patient and do wat you can to keep her comfortable and happy. wish ya the best of luck.!

Autumn - posted on 12/12/2010

Ok I have 2 daughters both with different fathers... I have shared parenting too. I have delt with this since my oldest (now 7) was about a year old. We did the week on/off thing too. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE!! But we ended up on different shifts for a while and lived down the road from each other On his way to work he dropped her off to me and I kept her until I had to go to work that evening when he was getting off. That worked until school time. Then we did half week at a time.. Papers got messed up and everything it was horrible teachers was confused where to send her all that soooooo now I live about an hour away from him so that had to change we went to court and he gets 3 weekends a month. IT WORKS SO MUCH BETTER!!! Her grades are awesome she is happy (altho at times she mentions she misses her dad and they call each other as much as they want and talk) If he is up my way he will stop and get her for dinner or what have u. Now my youngest who is now 5 is another story her dad I believe only gets her so he doesn't have to pay more money and he is afraid what ppl will think if he gives up his rights.. but the court ordered that he is SUPPOSE to get her from school on thurs take her to and from on Fri... He hasn;t done this once... He gets her 3 weekends a month and thats all. which I LOVE.. then if there is holidays I always offer them that time like on a mon or Fri. they can have an extra day.. Summers are week on week off. But they have adjusted to that with time. My oldest used to scream cry cling to me and I didn't know what to do but to cry fro a long time. but as kids get older just try to make it sound like a fun thing to do...

Tamie - posted on 12/11/2010

I have been doing 50/50 for two years now I HATE IT!!! Kids homework insn't getting done, my son is in Boy Scouts but if any activities fall on his week forget about it, my daughter wants to do softball but he already said no.And just because we split them 50/50 i still pay child support cause when we split i made more then he did. The judge wont change it to every other weekend for he is a chef and only has monday and Sunday off. I wish you luck it will be great as long as you both stay on good terms.

Sharon - posted on 12/11/2010

same situation 5 years ago and my daughter is still having problems adjusting, she is seeing her third psychologist and my ex still doesn't seem to get it. I stopped trying to make it work this summer since I was the only 1 trying. personally, i would fight for your daughters emotional well being and the stability

Stephanie - posted on 12/09/2010

I might suggest that trade off with my ex Andrea. That doesnt sound so bad. Its better then a week at a time. Every situation is gonna suck becuase it requires her to be shuffled but I guess I don't really have a choice.

Stephanie - posted on 12/09/2010

Thanks so much! My daughters only 10 months old so she's not in school yet but I've read around on the internet that once she becomes school age and if the teachers notice a negetive difference in her from week to week and I were to get the teacher to testify stating that, it could work in my favor. And yes I'm very thankful my ex wants to be in her life but I deal with the same things you do..He talks horribly to me and lies like no other and I know one day that's gonna happen to my daughter and I don't want that. Plus with the way she cries when he picks her up makes me wonder if he even pays attention to her when he has her or plays with her. Why else would she cry right? Its hard when you have a child and your not together to be fair to both parents in a way that is not too hard on the child. I wish it was easier for us!!

Andrea - posted on 12/09/2010

I have 50/50 with my ex, and we tried the week on/week off, and it did not work at all. She was an emotional wreck. She is also 4. I think the little ones, or at least my daughter, handles more exchanges better than long stretches without seeing the other parent. Right now our schedule is I have her every Sun, Mon, Tue. Her Dad has her every Wed Thur Fri, and we alternate Saturday. It seems to work out well for her.

Olivia - posted on 12/09/2010

I sooo know what you are going through! I currently have 50/50 custody with my ex. and it's not going well. I have two boys, one of which is 4 and a half and I notice a huge difference in him when he comes back from being with his Dad. I have amended the custody order to give me majority custody during the week. I would like Dad to see them every other weekend and maybe one nite a week but he would never sign the order for that. Living in PA, the courts do not like to give full custody to either parent when the children are not in 1st grade yet. It doesn't matter that the father is irresponsible, talks badly to the mother, and allows the children to see violence on tv/video games which is causing increased behaviors in the children. Ugh! It is important for your daughter to see her Dad and I guess it could be worse, we could be one of those Moms whose ex wants nothing to do with their children. It's really hard Stephanie and I know what I have said isn't necessarily helpful. I'm in a similar boat so it was nice to read your post and know that I'm not in this boat alone.