I need some advice i how to go about child support and custody

Sheila - posted on 11/05/2011

i went through child support enforcement in my state. Still not divorced but he has to pay child support now

Jennifer - posted on 11/05/2011

in most states there are womens rights groups that offer free or low cost attorneys for women, also the court house usually has paralegals during certain times to help people get it right. I would google both in your area and get the help you need. Google free womens attorneys for custody, and similar things to find one.

Rose - posted on 09/30/2010

my soon to be ex is an attorney, thats what i am up against in court, i filed for residential custody for my son to go to school in moy town which is 4 miles from my ex's town, keep inmind our son just started kindergarten sept 7th, my attorney filed a motion, and then my husband answered the motion saying he was the beeter parent, said our son is settled in school, the bus is right outside his door, he can take time off work anytime to care for our son if he is ill, i worked for my ex as a paralegal for the last two years and finally walked out of the office aug due to it being hostile, he says now that i am not working i cannot afford to keep my son, we are only married 3 years, i also have two teenage daughters from a previous marriage, someone, anyone please help me!!!

Julie - posted on 01/17/2010

Where I live, I had to go to the court house and fill out paper work for a hearing for child support. (they will need a copy of your child's birth certificate and social). Before I went before a judge, me and my ex had to sit down with someone and tell them what we wanted out of the agreement. thats when you mention that your ex abuse drunks and alcohol and show any and all proof and if your ex wants visitations, they should give him supervised visitations if any at all. Not in all child support cases you'll need a lawyer, I didn't., to costly.

Brandy - posted on 01/17/2010

i think it depends on where you live and if you are married to him or not. If you know he is currently using drugs and you know where he keeps them contact the DHS or CPS and report him, also report him to law officials, get a lawyer!!! and contact the states child support recovery unit to get a case started .BUT GET A LAWYER TO ADVISE YOU ON YOUR STATES LAWS AND YOUR OPTIONS

Rachelle - posted on 01/16/2010

I have never been in trouble..ok well i got arrested once for having a warrant bc i forgot to pay a ticket..he on the other hand as been in and out of jail since he was 15. Been to rehab over and over and over..he was on probation in two dif. counties, and when he got in trouble they po's had to talk, well one po sent him to a 1 month rehab program, and his other one disagreed stating that he'd been in and of rehab so much he could probably teach a class himself. That he was smart enough and knew how to play the system. He has a pretty extensive record where as i only have the arrest from the forgotten ticket.

Andrea - posted on 01/15/2010

just be careful i was in similar situation i would definatly go an see a solicitor tell them everything. you need to get in touch with your local child support agency may be able to do this through your local benefits office. If you are goin to bring up the matter of his drink an drug use just make sure youb have your own back covered cause if he makes counter allegations to a similar effect then social services will become involved an you wi;ll both have to do drug testing an once social are involved you'll never shake them off. Good luck

Sarah - posted on 01/14/2010

I applied for child support at the end of September, and haven't heard anything back yet. I moved back to WI in Sept after my son was born, and the father is still in MN. I also just submitted an application to a program called Judicare, that will pay attorney/court fees for you if you qualify. I called 411 - United Way Help Line, and they directed me to this program. I simply asked for someone who could counsel me on gaining sole legal custody of my son. I have not heard if I qualify or not as of yet, for I dropped the from in the mail on Tuesday.

Rachelle - posted on 01/14/2010

Kansas is monstly a "mommy" state, my friend has been trying to get custody of his son since he was born, and he is now four. The mother has numerous drug charges, child endangerment charges, assault on a police officer, and much much more and still has him. So i know that they won't take him from me. Thats good, and the father of my child loves him, i know that, but given the chance to go get drunk and party and bam he's gone. this all just sucks. And yes he has a record a mile long including drug and alcohol abuse as well as violence.

Bonnie - posted on 01/04/2010

hi i have been down this road and it sucks... leave the courts out of your life if you can do so... not only will the state not go after the father for support once a judge grants you child support but if your ex even commits a crime they are entitled to see the child my ex hubby molested our daughter and division of family services found him guilty and a judge in st louis co let him walk free and even tho he was found guilty and this all really happened he got back custody joint custody now our daughter has to go over there as if nothing at all happened go figure that one out.. true story got court papers to proove it all.. cant deny black and white!!! this is a common problem in our family court system big time.. not too mention the number of children who are sexually molested will shock you and the number of dead beat dads and the state not doing nothing is over welming!

Susie - posted on 01/04/2010

Have you been in touch with your local womens aid they run a programme called Freedom its the best thing i have ever done it gave me the confidence to stay on my own and not to go back it give you help support advise and most of al friendship with all the other woman in the same place and you will be suprised how many of us there is , stay strong.

Susie - posted on 01/04/2010

I am a single parent of 3 2 different fathers 1 hasnt paid in 8 years and csa still dont get anything for my first , the other dad stopped paying when i stopped his visits because of his behaviour i have taken him to court have got a residence order and we sorted visits threw the lawyer not court therefor i still control it as there is no court order for visits just a lawyer agreement , 1 tip the court does not like the money side brought in over custody see a lawyer and get a residence order and keep the money seperate threw the CSA it looks better in your favour, if he is a drug user chances are he will have no money or job but if he does have a job they can take it direct from his pay threw his employer x Good Luck

Keyala - posted on 01/03/2010

YOU NEED TO TAKE HIM TO COURT, WITH HIM HAVING A DRUG PROBLEM AND A DRINKING PROBLEM THAT SHOULD HELP YOUR CASE.

Shelby - posted on 01/03/2010

get a lawyer. if money is an issue look for legal aid, or a modest means program or the like.

Kim - posted on 01/02/2010

I have recently been in the same situation. When I left my husband I hired a lawyer to protect my rights and the children. We have requested a hair follicle test for the father of my children at random for the next year and was awarded the court order. We also had proof of drug and alcohol abuse though. Custody is always determined by what is best for the child. There is always legal aide and the ability to file for anything on your own. Keep your head up and always remember the love you have for your child. Good luck.

Tonia - posted on 01/02/2010

I can use all the help I can. Married 22 yrs in abusive relationship. Want custody of my 16 yr old and have a lawyer.

Lisa - posted on 01/02/2010

Hello Rachelle! My name is Lisa Bermudez, I have a group on here called "MOMS DEALING WITH SEPARATION, DIVORCE, AND/OR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE".I would love it if u would join my group because I have my degree in legal studies with my specialization in family law and social security disability law. You do not have to handle child support and child custody in two different courts, as a matter of fact you have several options available to you and your child. I also have certificate's in mediation which is a cheaper and sometimes less traumatic alternative to going through a drawn out court battle. I hate to say this but sometimes it's not so easy to win your case just because of his drug and drinking history if he gets an attorney that advises him to go to AA or NA meetings and pretend he has rehabilitated, but there are other ways to win your case and he would never know what hit him, lol! If you join my group I will be more than happy to help you all that I can because I am an advocate for women and children in these situations beings that I was once in your situation myself, you can read my story on my group page and make your decision from there if you want my help. I can also help connect you with many places that will work hard to help you and your child receive all that you deserve. I wish you the best of luck and your in my prayers. Email me anytime you need help or just have questions and I will respond to you asap ok!! Sincerely, Lisa Bermudez, also send me a friends request here on facebook if u want and i will gladly accept because I feel we can all use more friends in this life to help us along!

Michelle - posted on 01/02/2010

Hi Rachelle,
I think each situation is different, but I went through the prosecuter's office in County court and they set up the court date. I think that each state and county are different on how they establish child support and custody. I was lucky, my son's father didn't fight for custody, so I was automatically made the custodial parent. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

Cherice - posted on 01/02/2010

There is onething to that you need to keep in mind during this whole support/custody issue and that is to keep things as civil as possible. If you can afford a lawyer than do obtain one but keep in mind that they cost each time you meet with them, talk with them, every phone call they make, every letter they write and every court appearance they make is going to cost you. As for Child support go to your local agency there and have them obtain the order. They will want a DNA test to prove hes the babys dad unless he signed the birth certificate. The amount of support you get is determined by computer but there is alot that goes into it. Onething to consider is the amount of time the child will spend with the parent. (ex: if you have the child 100% and the father don't want to visit the child than your payments will be higher because you have the child 100% of the time and will be sole caretaker of him/her). If you work or go to school ask for daycare expenses, and if your child needs medical care get medical expenses covered as well. As for child custody each state is different and in my case california is really different by far. Child custody papers can be filed by yourself and you can obtain the papers at the local courts for a fee or off their website and print them for free. If you are not able to afford the cost of the fees to file the papers you can ask for a waiver which will cover the cost to file etc. Normally with a child support case open & you filling a child custody the courts will combine them together and give them the same case number since both types of cases are family law and at times they are heard in front of the same judge.In most cases for child custody a judge will as you both to go and talk with mediation who helps with the case when it comes to the child and what is best for the child. If one of you has a criminal record bring that up and ask for supervised visits or drug testing if you feel the need to only the judge can decide on that. Its best that you ask for sole & physical custody of the child which means you are responsible for all decissions regarding the child and if you worry about the child being taken from the state you live in than you can ask for restrictions on the child and request that the child dont leave what ever state you live in.
I hope all works out for you. I have been going through this child support/child custody stuff for the past 6 years with my daughter and it can be very crazy at times. But good luck.

Katlynn - posted on 01/02/2010

I had the same situation with my daughters father, i suggest going to a family support worker through your local court house and they will help you with everything, they are free of charge, get you on the right track, help with all the paper work, and will even go to court with you!

Angela - posted on 01/02/2010

speak with a lawyer; keep records of all the drugs and drinking- i would also recommend keeping a seperate calendar and marking it all down therel it will help your case a little

Trish - posted on 01/02/2010

hi.. I am actually going through the same thing, basically i have a near 5 year old son living with me and that i'm a single mother and i finally left state to be with the man that i love and to set up house,only to get pulled away from him to recieve a court order from the ex (father of my child) to move back to state where he lives, we have been separated for 3 years and now he wants to see his son, i have to drive down from nsw to Act every f/nght so he can see his son for 2 hours, now once a night stay over which i hate.(my son and i are staying at my mums hse) he is still on drugs has got dui still drinks refuses to pay child matinance and won't let me have full custody of my son because the ball is in his court with the court order and my hands are tied.. i do have a solicitor and going to court every so often and keeping updates to my solicitor, sometimes i just wish the ex would give up i actually hate him for what he has done because i actually had to sacrifice the man i love and so desparatly want to be with him and he is good with my son,and my life is a mess and upside down now. but cant because of the ex... all i can do is write a diary of visits ,calls to my son and hope that the ex stuffs up first on the court order. But child support i call twice a week finding out if any money has been deposited it in my bank from the ex no. i have spoken to my solicitor and all i now can do is take out a court order on him, i'll fight fire with fire. or cut of the access to him seeing his son.i really hate going through this its not fair but don't give up.

JENNY - posted on 01/01/2010

I LEFT MY CHILDRENS FATHER AFTER 18 YEARS AND IT WAS THE BEST THIGN I DID BUT MY KIDS ARE NOW OLDER AND I REGRET SOME OF THE THINGS I NEVER BROUGHT UP IN COURT ABOUT HIM , SO FIRST FOR YOUR CHILDSUPPORT PLEASE CHECK WITH YOUR LOCAL DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN SEVICES AND MAYBE THEY CAN HELP YOU WITH THE CUSTODY ISSUES.

Chris - posted on 01/01/2010

Get a good lawyer. Let him start everythiing that way he has to pay all fees. Google child support for your area. Then go in &get thigns started. Also if you do this & then he foles for custody He looks like the only reason he filed is becasue of Child support, Good Luck I just went threw all this in Sept.

Janell - posted on 01/01/2010

Well im sorry to hear about your situation but i work for a DHS office where I live and to file child support is the easiest But if your not working and going to school you should also be accepted for TANF (cash assistance) and food stamps and with the TANF you have to file for child support regaurdless. or that is how it is here.. Since every state has different laws and regulations im not sure how it would work there but I know with my baby daddy I just got him to sign his rights over to me!! As for the custody battle I really dont think any judge in their right mind would put an innocent little baby in the hands of a drug and alcohol abuser. Because of his record it will be a breeze for you. I wish you and your baby the best of luck and stay strong you can get through this!! :-)

Courtney - posted on 01/01/2010

The first thing is to get some help. Department of Family Services in your area sould have a legal department that can get you started. Be honest in your intentions and your wants concerning your child. Make sure that you bring any kind of evidence of your ex's drinking and drug habits (no matter how minor) and make sure you are honest about anything that you have done as well(this will make things a lot easier in the long run). The best thing that can happen is that the father will just sign the papers with no fight, but be prepared to fight for yourself and your child if the father wants custody. I can't stress this enough... BE PREPARED. My sons' father was nice as can be until our first day in front of the judge. Then he pulled "I doubt that this child is really mine". He knew our son was his, but was trying to make me look bad.(Thank goodness the judge saw thru him and made him pay for a paternity test). Make sure that if you do get child support that you go through the courts. It is the easiest way to make sure the father keeps paying and if he doesn't, they do the dirty work for you. If he gives you any money before then, also make sure that you document that. Having a seperate account or receiving checks is best.

The department of family services can also set you up with help with food for both you and the child, and may even have programs for you since you are going to school and not working. It never hurts to ask. Apply for everything! You never know what help you might get and your child is worth it. Good Luck :)

Christine - posted on 01/01/2010

I have agree if he has a record of drug and drinking promblums ur going to get the kid he wont and if he has a chance to see the kid he will be supervised probly because of his problums he has with drugs and drinking. dont worry about it the worst thing u can do is stress about it and its not good for the kid if ur stressed about it.

Andrea - posted on 01/01/2010

First off, every state has different laws and guidlines for custody. In Texas, I have seen a drug addict keep his child because he was a "functional drug addict" with a job and the mother (who was sober and passed her UAs) didn't have a job. This is not my situation, thankfully, but my situation is this: my ex has a record including 3 DWIs (with convictions no felonies), numerous arrests (before and after I met him) for assaults and drugs with no conviction (his parents have money and buy his way through the legal system) he has been accused of rape by 3 different women who DO NOT know each other and I still have to give my son to him for visits even though I feel its not in his best interest. I have come to the conclusion that I have done my best to protect my child, calling the police when I caught him with drugs out in my parking lot when he was here to pick up my son (he ducked and dodged CPS for a few weeks until he could pass a UA then mommy lawyered him up so custody and visits stayed the way they are.) He even abandoned us right after I told him I was pregnant. He has a profile on dontdatehimgirl.com that was there before I ever met him. He is the best BS artist I have ever met (as most spoiled self absorbed addicts usually are) I am not rich and have come to the conclusion that the more evidence you have the better. I look at the situation like this, my son was God's child long before he was ever gifted to me to raise. When he is old enough, he will see what a jerk his father is and he won't want anything to do with him...Its just a matter of time and teaching my son the positive lessons in life and how to live like a respectable person. Seek the advice of a lawyer and document document document. Talk to people from his past. Suppoena income from his past to show what he is capeable of earning. In Texas, that makes a difference, Too many men were quitting good jobs, taking a minimum wage one and then going back to the better job after child support was set at a low level. Some men want to be fathers, others just use their kids as a show off attention getting device for their next victim. Find out where his priorities are. Does he do anything for his child? Also, some states have provisions that the baby can't be away from the mother until a certain age...Texas has one such law and it says the child can't leave until the age of 3 unless the mother is unfit (I found out too late or I would have been screaming the statute at my ex, his parents and their fancy lawyers). The Texas Attorney General does NOT establish or fight about visitations, they are strictly used mainly for child support and enforcement...If this is the case in your state, I would contact legal services, a good lawyer or start doing research on the internet. I will pray for you. I know first hand the fear you have in your heart and it will only get better for you when your child can talk and tell you first hand what is going on when there. Hope my nightmare has given you a place to start...Look for the law that states what age the child is allowed to leave for visits and use it. If you live in Texas, contact me directly on here and I will send you the statute. Good Luck and God Bless.

Sandra - posted on 01/01/2010

take him to court cause i did my daughters dad and you deserve everything hes got its so easy i went through dhr public aid just go ask they will sock it to him i promise you ok im sandra by the way so write me back ok

Arlene - posted on 01/01/2010

I am going through a custody battle right now. I had to do it through my lawyer. Its a long process! I left my husband over 3 yrs ago and I am still dealing with the courts. Good luck! I hope it goes well for you.

Rebecca - posted on 01/01/2010

i left my sons father when he was two weeks old. He had alot of issues, debt, people after him etc. when I went to WINZ for a benefit I filled out a form regarding the father and child support. As for custody I gained full custody of my son. I had an awesome lawyer which I had legal aid for. He never showed and he now gets to see him for three hours a fortnight of supervised access. But we haven't seen him since june of 2009. my best friend has just gone through it too. She got a domestic abuse claim against her wee boys father and now has full custody of her son and he has supervised access through barnadoes. My best advice to you is to see a lawyer ASAP!!!!!! Good luck

KATHI - posted on 12/31/2009

Rachelle, Every state has supervised visitation. Of course it can be supervised by someone you approve, but I would go for court supervised visitation. He would go see the child at the office and is supervised by domestic relations workers who are specialized in doing so. It normally costs him $10 per session but well worth it. Tell the court you are fearful of the child being in his care and request it. No court will turn it down at least for a period of time until he has proved he can care for and has a relationship with the child. That's the route I have chosen to go. Best of luck!

Melissa - posted on 12/31/2009

I have been in your situation, and will say nothing different about the legal directions started by the others that posted...but to me, it wasn't about the 'need for the money'...even though, I really did need the money to help take care of our child. The father has an obligation, whether or not he likes it, to help raise his children, whether he lives with them on a regular or periodical basis. Out of sight, out of mind, shouldn't be a concept adapted to fit the childs life. I ended up filing with the local prosecuting department, and let the state follow up on the unpaid childsupport...I provided them with a copy of the divorce paperwork proving the support payments, and also a copy from my local clerk's office recording all of the support paid, and a balance of what was negligent. With regard to custody...my divorce terms were such that it was at my discression...which was easy since 'dad' didn't involve himself much in the life of our son. However, with the pursuant of child support funds, it should be expected that you give a little...you have to be mentally prepared to let your child visit. Thankfully, my ex gave up his addictive habits and so that isn't a concern for me any longer. I don't really know how I would handle the drugs and the drinking right now...I think providing proof of this activity, and how it is endangering the child and the father's ability to provide proper care for your child. Rights, like visitations, should be monitored in a 'safe place'. Much luck to you...

Valerie - posted on 12/30/2009

I didn't get to read all the posts but wanted to let you know you may qualify for free legal help due to low-income status. I live in S.f. if you look up family law on google or in the Yellow pages you may start to find some resources that can help you. If you are divorcing him do that quick and when he is served the papers he has 30 days to respond and if he doesn't then it all falls into default to you. So for me, my divorce papers requested full custody and since he didn't respond within the 30 days it automatically went to my favor. I still don't know if he even realizes it! Best advice though, act quick!!

Lisa - posted on 12/30/2009

Get an excellent attorney to guide you through. I'm going through the same thing with a bi-polar ex-husband and without my attorney, I would not have as much time or child support with my wonderful daughter. Good luck is the only other piece of advice I can give. I feel for you. Keep your chin up!

Tina - posted on 12/30/2009

i went through a custady battle just about 5 years a go with my daughters father and he he had mental problem but he got her just because he is married and has his a house and room for her i live in an apt. just went through the child support thin a few months ago with my sons father he pays every week it comes out of his pay. i went through dor for that but you can go to the court house and fill out papers for that .

Kelly - posted on 12/30/2009

If you can get any reports or statements from witnesses that would help lots....Child support is a breeze, just go to your local DHS office and apply...sORRY TO hear this also.,...be strong, and I am glad to hear u want the best for your baby

Ikkeb - posted on 12/30/2009

Check with your state's Department of Social Services or Child Support Enforcement Agency. There should be information on their websites about local offices. You will need to establish full custody through the courts.

I would also recommend trying to get WIC or food stamps since you're working pt while in school and he doesn't have much.

Sue - posted on 12/30/2009

You file a motion in family court requesting residential custody and child support. You probably won't get much financial support so don't expect it. If you are in school and have no income you will need to file for state assistance if you don't already have it. IF he answers your motion by also requesting custody or requesting visitation then you respond with a request for an alcohol / drug evaluation and mental evaluation for the court to consider what kind of custody and/or visitation he should have. Then you wait for your court hearing. IF you have enough money for a lawyer it can be helpful, but if he has no money he's never going to be able to pay your lawyer fees and it is doubtful that he will have to pay any significant amount of support. (If your poor before you leave, your still going to be poor after you leave)

Betty - posted on 12/30/2009

child support, you have to contact your local agency and they will be able to help you with that, they have to establish peternity first (proof he is the father). His history, does he have arrest records? any paper trails of proof? If not get notorized statements from people who have witnessed him abusing drugs or alcohol. Document EVERYTHING, you can use it in court. I have been thru this, tell the court you want to have a drug and alcohol assessment done on the father to ensure your child's safety due to his history. The way to bring it up is to tell the judge you are concerned for your child's safety while he is with the father and why. Hope this helps!

Sarah - posted on 12/30/2009

Document Document everything dates times everything that happens the more proof you have the better your case... If he is clean now though and this is in the past those kids need a father just as much as a mother and trust me if you keep them away from him they will resent you when they are older... If you have good reason because he is still abusing they will understand you were protecting them... I have been a child of a divorce and am now divorced so I can see both sides...

Toni - posted on 12/30/2009

I just left my ex fiance also. He cheated so I left. I am filling out the application for child support now. I just wanted you know someone else is going through it also. I also don't work but I'm pregnant with our second, she's due in Feb. Good Luck with everything.

Emilie - posted on 12/30/2009

Ask for what you want with custody. Our court child advocate didn't really like the restrictions that I wanted on my ex's visitation (supervised visits only - unless he can show he has been compliant with his mental illness treatment at 6 month intervals), but since they were reasonable (and my ex had a good day and agreed to them), they were adopted. Decide what is most important to you and maybe even write it down so you have a reference when speaking to the various people involved. By consistently stating my priorities, I was able to get what was most important to me (even though it was a bit non-standard) and be more flexible on other items. Definitely make sure that the court (and every person from the court that you meet with) is aware of his history. Whether they are allowed to consider it or not, it does make a difference in how they handle the case (in my opinion). Also, point out that there is a safety concern. The rules are slanted in favor of keeping children safe.

Candice - posted on 12/30/2009

if he has a record, don't freak about him getting custody. that's unlikely. if he has a record of drug use...he won't likely get more than supervised visitation. And you can request drug testing. You really need to talk to a lawyer, even if just a consult. Custody is complicated. Like the others said, proof is your friend, but if he's got a record, that's your proof right there. child support is based on income. depending where you live it's calculated differently i believe. some places consider both incomes, others consider only his. you may not get much support if he only has a part time job. if he's paid under the table, you need proof that he's working at all if he denies he is. although, some courts will estimate his income if they think he's evading child support and lying about employment.
If you are a student, you should qualify for legal aid. contact the office in your area (just google "legal aid" and your state).

Rachelle - posted on 12/30/2009

Thank you all for your comments, maybe i should have added a little more. He currently is on probation and has been in and out of jail the last year for failing so many ua's. In december he went to jail for a month for failing for marijuana in april he went to jail for one month then to rehab for another month for failing a ua for meth and marijuana. And numerous times in the last year he has spent 5 days here and there for failing ua's. He's not stupid..well he is obviously..but he knows how long it takes to get stuff out of his system. Is there a way i can get them to pop ua's on him my child is in his care? Also he likes to drink..A LOT..and i dont want him to be around my child drunk. It scares me to leave him in his fathers care with the possiblity of him getting drunk and neglecting him. Plus i'm currently not employed, im going to school, and he only has a part time snow removal job, how will that affect the child support?

Christine - posted on 12/29/2009

Bringen up the isues on ur ex u gotta have profe of it and other isues if she has marks on her from when he has the kid also has to small of cloths on the kid u gotta have profe on it all pictures, even if he has gone to jail for drunk driven and other things like drugs it will help ur case alot.

Christine - posted on 12/29/2009

The Child Support is based on income on both u and the father and its figgered by a computer also you have to go though the court for it to be set at a amount that he has to pay by the first of every month. I just went though a cusody battle and my ex bf the father of my daughter has to pay child support by the first of each month.

Melanie - posted on 12/29/2009

You can go pro per... go to family court and take the orientation class, file the papers per advice of the family law attorney (it's free). They will guide you as well with the child support which is a different entity, but they are all linked. It takes the child support agencies about 6 months realistically maybe longer.. to get anything done. Be patient. They will retroactivally seek the support once you have a date on file. The judge has to be the one to set the support amount, which will be based on your income, his income and custody.. therefore filing for a cout date is imperiatve!!! Make sure he is served and you should have a court date (after mediation) within a month or so. Honestly... dont even bring up the drug and alcohol abuse. If he is an addict, then its more than likely that he wont try to fight you. If he has any previous arrests, or dui's then you can submit that but if he has a serious problem.. the truth will come out. I have found that it's not beneficial to "expose" the other parents faults in court. The best thing you can do is go into court as the "great" mom that you are, and share your supporting facts on why you should have more custody. Most judges dont like hearing the same ole stories of he said ..she said. They hate it.. they have heard them all. They want facts. Share the facts.. not how you "feel". If you state what you want, and why you want it.. and support that then that's your best shot. If he is a good dad.. and you know he will continue to be, then you should not deny him time with his kids, however, if you feel he is a threat to their well being, then share that. Just be honest! Judges see right through people. All in all..they are the "child's" advocate.. and every court wants the kids to be with "both" parents, and they want it amicable. Obviouisly the parents get "caught up" in the fight.. and that is not what they want. Just be as calm.. stable, and honest as you can... and really really try to work with the father.. that impresses them most! All the best.. I hope and pray it all works out for you and your kids!!

Candice - posted on 12/29/2009

i'm going to say the same thing i say in all these posts. YOU NEED TO TALK TO A LAWYER. PERIOD.

Rhonda - posted on 12/29/2009

HI Rachelle,

Child support and custody are 2 different courts. For support go to Domestic Relations in your area. It's not going to cost to file. You'll have to go into the office to do so. Take any and all info you have on the father. Head to family court and get a packet. You can file for custody here. You need to have solid proof of the drugs and alcohol. Be prepared if they pop a drug test on him, they need one on you too. You can tell the court you are doing the best for your child. Keep any personal bad feelings towards the dad out of it. Express the importance of your child's welfare when they are with daddy. It'll look good on you. Any other questions do not hesitate to contact me on here. Hope this helps. I went thru this twice.