I wonder how other single moms did it?

Apryl - posted on 10/29/2011

Being a successful single mom usually isn't visable until you start to let your children be a little more independant. I am a single mom who's daughter is now 22. I got through only by the grace of God. I was not a perfect mom...there were many moments of feeling overwhelmed, not enough time spent with my child trying to make ends meet when her father wouldn't pay child support, being the mother and the father for all things, always having to be the responsible parent while he got to be the fun parent (when he felt like doing something), and trying not to be resentful that all the work was now in my lap to raise her. After years of frustration and realizing my attitude had to change about my situation as a single mom. I began to look at as a blessing to be able to be trusted with such a large responsibility of raising a child alone and even though my daughter did not have a physical father always around, she always had a heavenly father that would take care of her better than her earthly dad could. So I prayed alot, read alot, keep her in activities that i could afford and that she enjoyed, and God surrounded her with people who loved and supported her in ways that her natural father couldn't. She now is mother herself, and sit back and notice that she has turned out to be a pretty good person and mother inspite of the shortcomings of me and her dad. God has a way of bringing balance to our lopsided lives that seem to work out for the good anyway. Check out this page that encourages Single Moms through the hardships. www.facebook.com/1MomMovingMountains. Praying for you and your children. God Bless!

Patty - posted on 10/29/2011

January 1, 2008 I walked out on my marriage, taking nothing but my then 2 y.o. and 4 y.o. sons....At 44 years of age I moved back home with my mother...can we say HARD!!! I had no education, no way to support us, the only thing I had was an acceptance into nursing school and the burning desire to not be dependent on anyone and be able to support myself and my children. 3 years later I am now an RN with a wonderful job, a home, a car and the life I had before I allowed my ex to screw things up with his drug and alcohol addiction. It is NOT easy, but you can do it...at times it can be downright humilating....I had to apply for foodstamps, medicaid....this, however, was necessary for me to achieve my goals. I also applied for financial aid which I was awarded, it enabled me to complete my education. I also found a program through nursing friends which provided additional funds in addition to financial aid....check with your local employment security commision or back to work program in your community. There are many programs out there to help you.....I only worked as needed as a CNA the entire time I was in school.and I received absolutely NO financial support from the boys' father...You make many sacrifices but the end result is amazing....you will discover much about yourself on your journey to freedom and independence. Don't let anyone stand in your way.....At the beginning of my journey I adopted the motto "Failure is not an option"....for me it wasn't... You can do it.....you just have to want it bad enough to succeed....Good luck....I hope you get there!

Chingz - posted on 10/23/2011

HI LADIES, it's good to hear / read your opinions. it really helps a lot.
but anyways, I got some GOOD and BAD news recently .
the GOOD NEWS is: I really made an action this week for my baby's child support letter for his stubborn dad , while i'm on a temporary on call CNA job during weekends, but not technically always every weekend.
my super kind case worker also helped me about the things i'll do for the child support case which I am just waiting for the result of court or mail reply. hehe
the BAD NEWS is: I tried getting or applying jobs on a bit higher rate for atleast , but it's so hard to find if you are not really a college graduate. ughhhhhhhh . still i'm really confused about the COLLEGE LOAN thingy. but I'll try to inquire more or which college I can afford to go to.
as days go by, I am really trying my best to move-on from my dad's memories coz if i'm still carrying my depression, probably I can't focus with my work too.
to CARRIE. I was really smiling reading your comment. but you are way better coz you lived with your parents.
and to the wonderful moms and ladies who made an effort reading my thread. THANKS in a MILLION. I am looking forward or hoping to read more of your HELPFUL,NICE and ENCOURAGING opinions.

Amy - posted on 10/20/2011

i agree with everyone: first, take a calming breath. you can only deal with one thing at a time! next, apply to a local community college if you want to go back to school.if you are in the states, go to www.fafsa.ed.gov and there you can fill out the form so see what you can get for financial aid. you can link your last years tax return to it (they ask you, it's very simple). they will send the info to your school. as a single mom with little income, you will get alot of aid. i returned to school full time in jan 2010 after 10+ years of working, and will be graduating this spring. you can accept all the aid offered and after the tuition, etc, you will get a refund check which you can use for living expenses.
if you are not in the states, look into what your government offers for aid for schooling.
i have an 8 year old, and i too am now a single mom. i am lucky enough to have the support of my mom and step dad, but as one poster said, alot of schools offer day care for students, often times at no cost. good luck!!

CARRIE - posted on 10/18/2011

GIRL, I WONDER IT ALL THE TIME. Im 30 years old with a 21/2 year old. i currently live with MY PARENTS! Thank god for them giving me a roof. i have no income as well. Some days good , ok, shitty, and just plain depressing. Dont get me wrong, i love my child very much, but i've seem to lose my self. I SWEAR I FEEL THE EXACT PAIN! MAYBE WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER ON THIS ONE! LOL. Now thats one way i try to get by on. seems to work everytime. (just not when your complete day consist of baby baby baby) GOT TO SAY, I GIVE U ALOT OF CREDIT. YOU CAN TELL U GOT THE URGE TO BETTER YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY. HOWEVER YOU ARE SUPERMOM. i dont care what other people think, but, me, im good with one child being single. the woman with 2 and more are frieking GOD! I WILL KISS THERE FEET AND ASK FOR THE SECRET! LOL! Do what ya gotta do. and you totally are. You are sain. thinking about everyday pressures. not being able to have a life. ITS CALLED BEING A MOM! AND NO LIE, MY DOCTOR SCREAMED THIS AT ME LOL. i swear he did lol my mouth dropped to the floor. got to give it to him. nothing like the truth slammed in your face lol so i take one thing at a time.

Meghan - posted on 10/17/2011

Ok.....take a deep breath. It's going to be ok. I'm in pretty much the same situation you're in with one exception. I am fortunate enough to be living with my mom and dad while I finish school. I was 31 when my daughter's father and I split. I was unemployed and had not finished school. I wound up on welfare for awhile. I was able to get food stamps which was great....though with my pride, I hated it. I got a bs, going nowhere waitressing job to support my daughter just to get off welfare. I was very fortunate that my parents allowed me to come home with my daughter, but there #1 rule was that I was going to finish school whether I liked it or not. I was angry at the time because I hated college, but today I am in my third and final semester of community college. I am on the honor roll and graduating in december with my associate's degree. I got a pell grant which paid for my tuition and my books. President Obama has made plenty of money available to us single moms wanting to finish our education. I applied for my grant on the pheaa website. You'll have to provide your financial information and tax statements. It's a pain, but worth it in the long run. I get $2775 per semester. I'm now looking for a "real world job" as I like to call it, and making plans for the day I can leave my parents house and support my daughter on my own. I hope my story helps a little bit.

LEAH - posted on 10/17/2011

Sounds like you need to take a step back and get yourself healthy. Life can be so overwhelming at times especially when you don't have a good support system to lean on. If I were you I would definitely try to find someone like a therapist or even a pastor (if you go to church) to talk to.

Secondly start to research online schools and find out what programs your community college offers. I know another poster mentioned about the programs offered by community colleges and a lot of them have programs specifically geared to helping single mom's. You are in the states so you should be able to get subsidized childcare to help you out a bit.

Stacy - posted on 10/16/2011

Hi,

I am a single mom also and I can understand all of your concerns and I have had many of them myself. I recently started working with a business team that helps people like you and me create a full time income in a small amount of time per week. If you are interested in getting more details send me a msg. God Bless. Stacy

Chandra - posted on 10/16/2011

I understand everything your going threw. First depending on which state you are in, you can apply for temp welfare and they will help you with food stamps, child care, and funding for school. You may not want to get welfare but you can use it as a crutch to get ahead. At least it would help you with 3 things on your list. Just take on day at a time. You are a good mom. I am a single mother too. Good luck

Karen - posted on 10/11/2011

As a single parent, you qualify for government grants for your educational expenses. Not only that, but many community colleges now offer childcare for their non-traditional students. Low-income parents qualify for reduced/waived childcare rates. Also, you may even qualify for a student job on campus. Go see a counselor at your nearest campus! They can advise you on all the opportunities available to you. Your biggest decision will be what you would like to get a degree in.
I know you aren't thrilled with you CNA option, but nursing really is the best pay for the least amount of schooling you can find. It also comes with flexible days/hours and a wide variety of career options. If it's really not for you (it's not for me, either), there are a lot of other options out there. Seriously consider something that will give you a selection of jobs upon graduation: dental hygienist, teaching, etc. It would be really frustrating to put all that effort into getting an education that will not translate into better job opportunities when it's over!
So, go see a college counselor, and get started on improving your son's life as well as your own!

Olivia De - posted on 10/11/2011

Hi there, I read your post and feel your frustration and I am in South Africa. I decided to get a divorce from my husband after I could not stand his verbal and emotional abuse anymore and with that his adultery. He started in on our son and that was the final straw. Having gone to visit my sister and ending up staying because he refused to let me stay in the house was devastating. It took me 3 months to get a job, he does not pay any maintenance and my salary covers the basics. You cannot just get up and go find another job if you can't get off work.

What I will suggest is the following: Give yourself time at least a year (I know it sounds long but believe me it isn't) get started on a temporary or permanent job that offers you experience. Experience counts and can open doors to a better job with better pay and if all else fails study part-time via from home. I know running after a toddler, doing laundry, cleaning and being dead tired after work is not easy but you will have to prioritize - make lists. My mom cares for my son during the day because I cannot afford daycare, but due to her health I am now looking for a 2nd job to afford daycare. South Africa does not have welfare programs in place where you can receive subsidies for kids etc. so what you have to do you do on your own. Our public transport is a mess so if you don't have a car you walk and in the city it's tough.

Make short-term goals - looking at the long-term plans makes me feel overwhelmed, pension, college for my son etc. My short term goal is finding a new job with better pay to be able to move in a year and afford my own place. Oh and getting some maintenance out of my husband.

You have to realize your one person and even though we want to do it all, now we can't. Keep me posted.

Eliza Grace - posted on 10/10/2011

Hi Chingz,
First of all you should have thought about these things before you got pregnant...I mean this is not anybody's fault but yours because you let things happen. I did too, and I am a single mom to 2 yr old twins, I am in the Philippines as well. I used to work in call centers, which by the way accepts non graduates as long as you have reached 2nd yr level. Its a good paying job and I was able to send my sister to school back then. Have you tried applying? you get to work at night, study in the morning, and hire a nanny, it may sound hard, but takes one step at a time and you'll make it. Just to share, my ex called it quits when he learned I was pregnant. I had to fend for myself, I had to work while pregnant so I could claim my benefits. I had to stop working at my 7th month, and I transferred to a closer workplace which pays a whole lot lower than before. I had worries that my kids will be born premature, and will not have enough money to keep them alive. What I did was I kept myself healthy, so my kids will be, and they made it. They were rather sickly and I had to quit my job. I learned about home based freelance work and have been freelancing for over a year now. It seemed impossible at first, but I am home with my kids, with a great paying job. And I was able to force my ex into contributing some money for the kids at the very least. What I am getting to is in order for thing to come your way, don't rely on other people, you have to help yourself first and foremost, create a plan, and a backup in case it doesn't work out :) Goodluck girl, I hope to hear from you soon.

Karen - posted on 10/10/2011

Start back up as a CNA. Call an online school (I am going to Ashford University but there are many out there - but find a GOOD one). They can help you chose a major and get all the loans you needs. I am 43 years old, a single mom of 3 boys, 2 of which are autistic. I work 30 hours a week in an Elementary school (for peanuts), take care of my kids and go to school working towards my Bachelor's degree in Health and Human Services My goal is to become a social worker. I will graduate in 2014.

You CAN do it if you put your mind to it. It isn't easy, but it is doable.

Chingz - posted on 10/09/2011

thanks much tina for the encouraging and a great advise. I am residing in chicago illinois.I will try to adjust things also.

Tina - posted on 10/09/2011

Hi Chingz, ok first off take a breath as they say rome was not built in a day..... I am not sure where you are but here in Canada we have a lot of support for single mom's especially ones that want to finish their education .... We have grants and loans for school... the loans you do have to pay back we have subsidized daycare... we have grief councelling which with the death of your dad you for sure need, as I said not sure where you are and if any of those options are available to you. moving on YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE MOM the fact that you are thinking of all this stuff and how to better your lives shows just how much you do care about your baby. The fact of the matter is you need help and dont be too proud to ask for it call your local welfar office and find out what your options are they will help you with any numbers etc you will need atleast I would think they would. And listen I dont know if anyone else will say they are super mom's but I do not think I am I do and have done what needs to be done... to make sure my daughter has been provided for. Hang in and make some calls. good luck my dear