if ur a single mom is the dad in the childs life?

Ashlie - posted on 07/16/2010 ( 218 moms have responded )

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if ur a single mommy is ur child(s) father in his or her life? if now how does it make u feel? i feel bad cause my sons father is not in his life...

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Kary - posted on 11/26/2012

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I have been single since my youngest daughter was a newborn. Their biological father has only seen them once in 12 years. It used to upset me but I feel like they aren't missing out on anything. It's biodad who is missing out. I just make sure that they know how much I love them and that's all they really need.

Dawn - posted on 11/19/2012

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My daughter's father is in and out of her life. He keeps saying he wants all of us to be together, but I had to take him to court to get him to acknowledge she is his and get $100/month in support. Everyone thinks it's best if we tell him he can't see her, but I just feel like that should be her decision. I don't want her to come to me one day and blame me for not letting him in, but I also don't believe it's healthy for her to have him in her life sporatically. When is it ok to tell him to get lost???

Jenn - posted on 08/29/2011

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I have a 6 year old daughter, the last time I spoke to her 'father' was when I was six weeks pregnant. I most definatly feel some guilt, that she won't have that kind of relationship that I had with my dad, but all I can do is keep trying my best. In the last year or so she has asked me why she doesn't have a dad, I try to tell her as much of the truth as possible, while trying to keep it age appropriate. I've told her that I didn't want to wait for a dad' that I loved her before I even knew her, and also explained that there are lots of different families, single dads, kids living with grandparents, and some families even have two moms or dads. She seems to satisfied with this answer right now. But I know that as she gets older it will just get more difficult. I can only hope that one day she will be able to understand the decision that I made, and know that it was the best one in my life.

Marie - posted on 07/20/2011

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my sons dad is not in his life.I was ver bitter about it at first and always felt that i would tell him his dad is dead should he ask him about it.He is four and he asked him about it,i laughed it off and told him am both his dad/mum 4 now.
i know i have 2 give him a better answer with time-but i will not paint a bad picture about his dad,i will leave him 2 make get his own opinion of him should he choose to find him.

Jennifer - posted on 11/30/2012

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I feel bad too that my daughters father chooses not to be in her life I know all to well her pain it sucks and I was hoping things would be different but her father doesn't call or come by nothing and he claims to love her.

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Lauren - posted on 07/08/2014

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I have been brought to my knees... I am a single Mom to my one month old, beautiful, baby boy! I have been a single mom since week 5 of pregnancy. Oh the heartache.. Oh the anger..

My son's father is a Police Officer for Department of Homeland Security. At week 4 of pregnancy, while we were sitting on my bed in a dark room; waiting for the clear blue test to show the results, the truth came out and so did the results.

The shocker: We were pregnant and he was married. With three children in the mix, two who loved their father and would be devastated, and one whom I've loved unconditionally and protected with the reality looming over us. He would be abandoned by the man I had fallen in love with, his Dad.

In the ensuing days, chaos. He told his wife, who of course made the demands, her or me. By the following week I was a single mom. Completely betrayed, and at a loss. Didn't I just get into Med School... Aren't I educated? Oh my God, I'm in love with him. WTF just happened?

My son is now a month old and he looks just like his Dad,who hasn't seen him, and refuses to talk to or acknowledge that we exist but sends his pit bull of an attorney instead. I haven't seen him in 8 months and my heart is still broken, but now for our son. Fortunately paternity is done and the child support order is soon to be in place. Ain't that a bitch. A constant reminder of his infidelity to his wife's balance book (sorry I'm a bit bitter), and his retirement plan out the window... He'll be paying child support until he's 56, and ten years after his youngest is out of that house..

Why aren't i happy about all of that?

Even a man sworn to protect, expected to be an upstanding moral, trustworthy citizen... isn't.

Evil prevails when good men do nothing... And I have no idea how to accept what he's doing and move on.

Maria - posted on 12/19/2012

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No my child's dad is a deadbeat. I am asking women who are single moms to join our support group. One way to deal with these deadbeats is to expose them by telling the truth. Here are some links ‏to support groups that want to hear stories from #singlemoms! DM us and share your story! Shine on a light on these rats!

@AndThenThereWr2
https://www.facebook.com/pages/And-Then-There-Were-Two/494282440593852?fref=ts

@ChildSupportTip

Mary LeEllen - posted on 12/12/2012

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My sons father is in my sons life whenever he feels like it. Its usually when he meets a girl so that way he makes a great impression. He doesn't help financially but his mother helps a lot. He always cancels on us and it hurts. I think about the future and wonder what i will have to tell my son whenever his daddy doesn't show up at an event or when daddy cancels on him. =/

Selda - posted on 12/08/2012

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Ive pretty much been a single mum for most of my near 6 yr olds life. After the breakup wwith her dad, i tried real hard to keep him connected but he was too busy with his new girlfriend and so after trying for so long, i gave up and asked him to leave us alone until he could get his act together. After all, as far as i was concerned my child didnt deserve to be messed around with by a parent who continually oromised to turn up to play but never did. I am my childs advocate. After a few months i felt guilty and didnt want my child to one day blame me for keeping her father away from her so i sent him a message. He came around and promised to do the right thing and continually apologised for stuffing us around. A week later he beat me up for no good reason. That was near 3 yrs ago and i wouldnt have a clue where in the world he is. A yr ago he got in touch with my sister ansd told her he wanted nothing to do with my child ever. Such a shame really as she is such a beautiful, happy, well adjusted girl and i know deep down he would have made an awesome dad and i know he loves his child but with all this history, it saddens me to know that we may never hear from him for a very long time. I do wish he was here especially lately, im not sure why i feel this lately, i suppose its knowing the importance of both parents being in their childs life. My child doesnt ask for her father but shes now well and truly used to the idea that her family consists of many family members who cherish her and thats what i tell her that matters. I used to tell her that her dad did love her but he just wasnt ready to be a parent at that point in his life..

Sommer - posted on 12/08/2012

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oh wow ya my son father let me before my son was born i think i was 4 mouths along when my son father let and he hast tryed 2 make things right

Kelly - posted on 12/08/2012

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my sons father and I met when I was 17 when I was 23 I got pregnant I never in a million yrs would have thought he would leave me when i needed him the most.He went to the first doctors appointment and the first ultrasound and that is it.He got too into drinking and it changed the guy I knew he was.He never got to meet our son .He just passed away around my sons 2nd birthday in October.I have gone to school and worked very hard for my son and recently got fired on the day of my son's fathers funeral .It is very hard to be a single mom and I struggle constantly with it but having good friends and seeing my son's smile keeps me going.It is pretty recent since my ex passed away and I still catch myself regretting,blaming,and feeling guilty.But I know I did the best I could and that I did what any mother would do we put are children first.Like my ex he made a choice it was a extremely painful one that destroyed his life but his friends told me he wanted to me a dad and that he thought about us all the time I know hes looking down on us now proud I did such a good job being a mother to his son :) you can't make people change they have to want to change for themselves.

Rachel - posted on 12/01/2012

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My sons father isn't around at all. When my son was first born his father only came around when he had the time inbetween 'work'drinking drugs and whatever else, so when my son was about 3 months i told him if he wasn't going to grow up and come around on a regular basis than to not come at all anymore and he didn't. I feel awful because my son won't know his father but at the same time its better than knowing his father as a drunk loser and being dissapointed all the time. The way I look at it is its going to be so much better for my son in the long run because he wont have to grow up around a bad influence and he'll never have to worry if his 'father' is going to stand him up again. I know the feeling of not being important enough to a parent is WAY worse than just not knowing him.

Sommer - posted on 11/30/2012

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well im a single mom my self i have wonderful family that helps but ya my son his dad its in his life 2 and ya i feel bad for my son but its for the best his father its well hes sick and he needs 2 get help for him self before i would let him be a part of his son life my son was born in 2007 and hes my son is 5 yr and he hast tryed 2 be a part of his life and he hast tryed 2 take me 2 court so that just tells me he still hast got the help that he needs 2 be in his son life i dont know if this helps let me know :)

Sue - posted on 11/25/2012

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yes,im a single mother.. Yes..No.. my kids dad are in their lives when they feel like it.But its doesnt make me feel less than woman.You have to do what you have to do as a mother,in thats being strong for the kids.If woman havent firgure out that mans are like yoyos..They start off good but when the string drop ,they drop..But the only person they are hurting is themself.Dont ever feel like it your fault you are trying n keep trying..never give up..

Sandra - posted on 11/25/2012

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While it was the right thing that my partner move out of the house, it was never my intention to deny him access to his daughter. He however made the choice that if he couldn't have me, he didn't want to have anything to do with his daughter. Nothing breaks a parent's heart worse than hearing their child ask "do you think my daddy/mommy is ever coming back?" I decided to write a story as a gift to my daughter to explain that while her family doesn't have a mom and a dad, it is perfect just the way it is, and that she will always be loved and protected. We have been sending them out on a fairly regular basis and it has changed the way my daughter views the world for sure. The methaphor of a parent being "lost" is perfect on so many levels, because a parent that abandons their child is lost. The parent left behind to raise the child is blessed despite doubts to the contrary on any given day. The goal of this book is to take away the internal blame a child feels when a parent leaves, you know the feeling of "if only I was better my mommy/daddy would have stayed". This book reaffirms the love a parent has for a child. You can read more about our story at www.abovethetrees.ca

Love & Light to you

Sandra

Julia - posted on 11/21/2012

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No consistensy no contact dawn.. He doesn't deserve her xx tell him to do one! X

Julia - posted on 11/21/2012

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Have had to seek legal advice now as I am not having my sperm doner just turn up at my new house where my son is in Lincolnshire uk, and demand to see his son after neally 10 months of no contact. Solicitor is going to put a case of referral to contact centre to my sperm doner where I live and if he doesn't agree that's his look out... Personally I don't want him in our lives at all.. But to be the better person I'm offering him supported contact with my 11 month old baby...

Is this fair of me?

Jules

Katrina - posted on 11/21/2012

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My son is 13 month old and his fatherhas decided to walk out of his son's life. He tld me he decided that he no longer wants a kid. It pains me and I constantly feel guilty that my son does not have a father in his life. I do think it is for the best overall. He wouldn't have let the best impression or taught my son the greates values in life. It is nice to find a place with people that feel the same and that make me feel as though I am not the only one in my situation.

Maria - posted on 09/18/2012

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No ... he chose to live in Australia, make a new family with a woman 11 years his junior and made them his priority. Now ... 10 years after he started this new life, he has cheated on his new wife and disgraces ALL his children in doing so. My child is better off without a father like that in her life. It is a decision that for now, in his state of mind (or lack thereof) we are better off without a deadbeat like that. Sad, but such is life.

Megan - posted on 09/14/2012

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I only feel bad that I chose making my son more available to his father than to my whole family. My son is 2yr 5months and hasn't seen his father in almost a year. After he kicked us out of his home while we were visiting my family across the country. I wanted my son to still have his dad in his life so I stayed in the area instead of going back home to my whole family to make things easier for us. Too bad visitation was only convenient for him for two months and it took another 3 months and contact through his place of work (military!) to get our son added to his insurance and get any support. And that was after I offered for him to sign off rights without support. My son has a half brother we've never met and dad has seen maybe 4 times since he was 6 months old, I'm contemplating contacting them too but not sure how to go about it. He's missing out now and we're doing ok on our own. The support we get goes into a savings account for my son.

Charla - posted on 09/09/2012

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My son has just turned 13 I have been a single mom all of his life. His father high tailed when I told him I was pregnant. He came to see my son on his first birthday with his girlfriend. They had planned on taking my son that backfired I followed to get my son back and did.

Ever since then he has claimed that my son is not his child that I cheated on him, this from a man who had a girlfriend in every state he went to as a truck driver.

To this day he still claims that he is not the father and wants nothing to do with my son and he even sent the letter to the attoney general they informed he was on the record as the father and they told me not to let him out of his responsability.

My son keeps asking when I am going to find a man and get married again my response is I am afraid to after getting remarried when he was 4 and that turned out to be a nightmare for five years. I have now been divorced for four years and for the second time. My son wants a father I know this but at the same time it is hard to find a good man and one who will accept my son as his own.

There are so many things that a father takes his son out to do and I know that my son wishes he could have had that over the years and I feel bad that he has not had those experiences.

For most of his life he has told me that he wished he was never born my response to that is to never wish that because I wanted you and I love you so much. He was not a mistake nor unwanted by me and I do my best everyday to let him know that.

Heather - posted on 09/09/2012

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i know how you feel i been living with a similar type of man for the past 3 yrs. and he literaly disappeared on me and his one yr old son. its a hard concept to deal with but im to the point of just enjoying my son. and looking for another special man who SEES what i have to offer him rather than get jumbled up in my exes bullshit rollercoaster ride. let go as much as you can each day and make a list of whats best for yourself and child.

Heather - posted on 09/09/2012

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my babys dad walked out a month ago and doesnt call, talk or even tell me what is going on. Im angry at his cowardly behaviour but im to the point now where im starting to focus on what my son does have. and not worry so much about what my ex doesnt have. i still post pics on facebook i still keep doors open (which hurts like hell when noone knocks) but i have moved onwards. I think the hardest part is accepting the fact that my son isnt worth my exes time while he sits and party's with his grown kids and takes care of them better then his infant son. he has a history of abandoning his kids, all 6 of them so why i thought this one would be different i dont know. but i cant put anymore focus on him or his choices. i need to worry about my own. im just scared one day he will come back lol

Chelsea - posted on 09/04/2012

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Yes, I feel sad that the father will not be in his life. But not sad because he'd be a great dad or anything but just sad that his dad is so selfish and couldn't handle the responsibility of being an involved and loving parent. I don't want there to be a day where my son feels sad about his bio-dad and questions his worth because his dad decided not to be around. It just kills me to think of that and that's the impression that jerk will leave on my son.

Sandy - posted on 09/04/2012

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i am a single parent and yes my childrens dads r in their lives but my eldest dad is not and has only ever seen him a total of 3 times in 17 yrs so at 13yrs old i tracked his father down and let him meet his father and my son wants nothing to do with his bioligal father at all his words not mine. children dont need their fathers in their lives if the father does not make the effort. yes everyone wants their kids dads in their lives but sometimes its just not possible i have always believed that anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad. my eldest accepts my 2nd eldest sons dad as his dad even though he knows he is not his bioligical father but my son will tell ppl he is not my birth dad but he is my dad in my eyes . so at end of day dont feel bad if ur babys father is not in his life if it is not ur choice.

Melissa - posted on 09/01/2012

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Originally my daughters father was coming around once a week to see her.... when she turned 6 months he barely came by, he would deposit a couple hundred into her account but when he was upset with me for (every reason under the sun) he would vanish, no phone call, no attempt for weeks - months. Than suddenly he would appear and want to see her for a couple weeks ... than back to vanish act.

I decided for my daughters sake, because he couldn't see past his resentment for me, not because he didn't love her, more because he didn't know how to deal with his feelings with me while having to share a child with me - I GOT A LAWYER.

I did this not because I was after money- although that was part of the plan, but because I wanted full custody, as well as figuring out access so that we could finally have this settled. Trying to settle this between the two of us on our own was not working, too much fights and absence on his part. It took us almost 8 months to get this finally to court.

I have full custody -- He pays a ton more than $200 a month :-) which with all honesty, will definitely help enrich her life and needs and go towards her RESP. BUT FINALLY we settled an agreement and he takes her every single Sunday at our planned drop off and pick up location and eventually will move it into an over night with her.

I am happy, because although she doesn't have her mother and father together, she does have a mother and father. Had I not fought and advocated for her rights now - I don't think she would have a 'daddy' she really knows like she is getting to know now.

He is a miserable man who doesn't speak to me, ignores my calls and makes it the hell on earth to share a child with - but he loves her and I know that it's not about my feelings for him It's always been about the relationship she can build with both individual parent.

All honesty, he makes me sick, can't stand his resentment towards me (because I left him) and can't stand his way of dealing with his feelings (shuts down) but at least now it was settled in court and being the immature child he can be at times, he needed someone to step in and guide him, as the judge now has. :-)



My situation is different than yours, He genuinely showed interest for her, but didn't know how to stay consistent and get past his hatred towards me. Because he did care, I had a chance at getting him involved.

Amanda - posted on 08/30/2012

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Hallelujah! That's how I feel. He's NOT in my daughter's life. He also does not pay child support and it has been months since he's tried to contact me. I could care less. He's worthless and my daughter never brings him up. She is 5 (6 in Feb.) and has never really cared for him, either. She never missed him when he was in the picture, never wanted to see him.



Last summer she spent some weekends with him and dreaded it, so I nipped that in the bud and haven't looked back since. It may be rough, having a child 24/7 and rarely getting a well deserved break but the product is worth it. She's happy and healthy.



There's a reason he's not there. Let him stay that way, IMO.

Angelique - posted on 08/30/2012

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I know how you feel. There was a period last summer where my daughter's father was absent and it was incredibly hard on my daughter. He has been in her life since the day she was born, but when he started seriously dating again after we separated (we separated when my daughter was 4, she will be 8 in October) he felt that he needed to have some time away.



Now I am lucky because he is back in her life and we both make it a point to be "friends" as much as we can for the sake of our daughter. I have sole custody, he has visitation, but he knows that he can visit with her or taken her any time that he wants. It takes a lot of effort, and a long time to get where we are, but it's well worth it. My daughter is happier now more than ever.

Jennifer - posted on 08/30/2012

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my son's father is not around, and it's his loss .... My son is now 14, I've been mom and dad ... He now has a step father but they don't have a parental relationship, they are more friends

Miranda - posted on 08/29/2012

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Hey Ashlie,



I hear you. I am single mom and the kids' dad hasn't been around for awhile now. He used to come around to see my son, but was never consistant with the visits, so I told him to stay away unless he could visit regularly. Now he tells his friends that I'm a bitch who wont let him see his kids. Go figure, right? He left me for good when I was pregnant with our second child and she has never met him. I was very angry at first, but I have come to realize the kids are better off without him. My son is 7 and calls his grandpa "dad". He told me he decided to do that since he doesn't have a dad.



So my advice to you is to take it like it is. You cant help feeling bad for the kids, but you have no control over the fact that daddy dearest isn't around. Explain it when the child is old enough, and he/she can decide how they feel about it and whether or not they want to see the father.



I am going through the same thing once again. I am pregnant with my third child--different father, same old crap. It turned out he was cheating on his gf with me, which made me feel pretty crappy. When I told him about the baby he said he doesn't want it and he hasn't spoken to me since. I have decided I am done with men. I will continue to be a single mom and be content with that.

Jill - posted on 08/28/2012

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i have just left a awful partner my kids want to see there dad he wants to see them i have agreed to one day a week i regert it already its so painfull to see him

and hear his crap about how much he loves us but my daughter sobs so bad i just

cant say no its just so raw i want to hurt him so much i wish id left sooner so the kids

wouldnt be in this mess

Felicia - posted on 08/27/2012

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My 5y/o has never seen his father. He told me he'd be relocating w/me during my 9th month. He disappeared, called when the baby was 4mos, then just called 9mos ago. My son is elated. But still. He hasn't visited. I visited him w/o our son. We've swapped pics. I'm terrified that this man that I once blindly loved, is going to do the wrong thing, even as a 1x, excuse me, his ex said he has 2 girls so, 2x father. I don't speak ill of him, but I know that he's lied to me about it all! He's paid child support only due to wage garnishment, which for the last year has been reduced to unemployment. So, I work 2 jobs. Not what I wanted at 45! But my son is my pride & joy!! His father uses PO Boxes, claims to live in a shelter, claims poverty, no car, & that child support took his license. I confirmed his driving license lie. So, no, the father is not in his life & I contemplate custody because I fear my son leaving my state just for visitation. I'm confused!!

[deleted account]

My ex had contact just over two years ago, which lasted about 4.5-5 months. As it was going too slowly for him, he stopped having contact with them. I told him that it had to go at the girls' speed as they hadn't heard anything off him for 3 years. Then the following 8 months after he stopped writing to my girls, he wanted to see them, told him no and had to start from the beginning again, writing letters. He claimed that he'd sent them letters once a fortnight, strangely not one of them arrived on my doorstep, claimed that he'd sent the letters to another address (right street, wrong number), checked at the address and no they hadn't got any mail accidently sent there for my girls/me from him.



Am I sympathic to him, no. When the last lot of contact started I wrote him a letter with a whole lot of rules that he had to follow and making it clear that it had to be at the girls' speed and not his. Also told my girls that it was their choice to write back to their Dad and that it didn't bother me if they wrote back (or not). Also made sure that they saw the photos that he sent and all heard the letters he wrote to them. The interesting point was that my eldest was more interested in where the photos were taken than who was in them.



As for his family. I asked his Dad outright (over Facebook) if he and his wife (my ex parents in law) if they wanted contact with my girls. Answer was (shortened version) was 'no, not until my ex saw the girls at least once a month'. Also they feel that they're been used as a weapon against my ex husband. I'm thinking no - as grandparents do you want to know three of your grandchildren - yes or no? Didn't tell them that it was their son who stopped contact the last time and as a result won't let my girls see their Dad until there has been some regular contact - not just when he feels like being in their life.



Do I feel sympathic to my ex and/or his family, no. I have told the ex's family before that I see contact between them and my girls as a different issue to contact between my ex and my girls. They seem to feel that I'm sending them mixed messages, even though I have given them most of the reasons why I've put up extra barriers between my girls and their Dad. At the end of the day, my girls are happy and are better off without their Dad. If his family can't be bothered to make the effort to establish some sort of contact, then that's up to them. When the girls are older and ask, I'll let them know that it was their Dad who stopped the last lot of contact and as a result I wasn't prepared for them to meet up with him until he could show long term commitment to having contact with them. As for his family - then I've asked them a number of times if they want to have contact which has been met with silence and/or 'no, not now'.



Luckily my girls have got my family who they know quite a few from and also a wide social circle where we live.



Also my ex sees child support and visitation as the same thing. He is refusing to/doesn't like paying as he doesn't get to see the girls. Ummm, no they're two separate things.

Jenna - posted on 08/26/2012

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I have 2 children by the same man. He never wanted the children in the first place. When I became pregnant with our son, he thought it was best if I had an abortion. Well....I obviously didn't, and when my son was just 4 months old, I became pregnant with my daughter. I know what you're all thinking....hey dummy! Didn't you learn the first time?!? But in all seriousness, he has given me the best gifts I could have ever received. I love my children with all my heart and soul, and by no means are they a mistake. I do feel sorry that they will probably never get the chance to meet there dad, and if they do, later on in their lives, they might just not like what they see. I never speak poorly of their father. I figure when the time comes, (if it ever does) that they can make up their own minds. Until then....I focus on raising my kids, and providing them with lots of love.

Phebs - posted on 08/23/2012

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I am a single mum with 2 kids, 3yrs and almost 5yrs. Its been approx 3 years now since I decided to leave there father. I have never looked back from there. (Its was constant fighting with no support and a few extra nuts thrown in there. There was no physical abuse, or drugs or really bad things - just we grew to hate each other and it was damaging to everyone.)



So...

I developed over time a functional parenting relationship (that's what my psychologist friend calls it). Its handy having a few good friends with helpful qualifications.



So yes there father is in there lives regularly.



Just because our relationship didn't work - we have children and they are my priority one. There father holds the same opinion.



I emailed my family a copy of our spoken arrangement and I found that eased a lot of tension if they ever crossed paths with my Ex. Especially my Dad, as he wanted to punch my Ex's lights out. This email of our arrangement really helped calm the storm. Just a few weeks ago they both (my Father and My Ex) attended my daughters 3rd birthday and were both civilized. The bottom line was if I am alright with it - then everyone else needs to adjust too.



I think for me, its important to not react to any hurtful things he says or does - He is out of my life and holds no power over me anymore.



He is actually a good Dad to our kids and I won't step in the way of that. Even if I feel that my Ex completely wrecked my life - I don't bring that into any dealings with him. I keep everything to facts only - yes/ no answers and I keep the calls short.



I find that my Ex's family, praise the good job I have done of raising our kids so well. Things like this make it a little easier.



There have been occasions in the past, where my Ex has gone a month without seeing the kids and that is the only time I start nagging. I call on a daily basis and ask the repetitive question - when are u coming to see ur kids they miss you and I make him talk to his kids on the phone. And if that doesn't work, I go to his Grandma. Once she gets nagging on him - he caves. So I work together with them if I have any problems like that. He has a big family and they all love seeing my kids.



I have tried hard to keep up a positive front when dealing with family and quite openly say that just because me and my Ex's relationship didn't work - its not my kids fault, they shouldn't suffer because of it. We just need to move on and move forward past this event and keep going on about our lives as civilized as we can.



PS. the posts I have read so far about other single mums and the traumas u guys have gone threw - in my opinion u mothers are bad ass! nothing will ever knock u down! Stand tall u mothers!

Julia - posted on 08/22/2012

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Hi Erica, yes feel for you too.. I never wanted this, I wanted a family so much with the man I love but he didnt want that with me, now im left to bring up my son alone without a daddyhe wanted his cake and eat it.. well thats not how im built, all or nothing in my book..so here i am , 9 months in with my little boy, 200 miles away from my family and friends so that i can rebuild my life away from the man i loved, he broke my heart.. just me and my baby now...

Erica - posted on 08/18/2012

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Single mom here! My son's father moved from where we are in SC to live with family where he is from in Minnnesota. I know that we are better off without him (he wanted me to have an abortion or give our child up for adoption), but it really sucks not having someone to share the experience with. I feel very lonely a lot the times.

Julia - posted on 08/17/2012

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im sngle mum too... havnt heard from him for weeks/months.. but i haf to move 200 miles away to sort my head and heart out, as he broke my heart.. left me when pregnant.. couldnt raise my son well if hes in and out of my sons life, is that fair?
Jules x

Elizabeth - posted on 08/17/2012

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Ashlie, don't feel bad. If he not in your son's life, that isn't your fault.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/17/2012

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Oh yeah, attorneys have been contacted, one was very helpful and another told me to call back when I'm married.

Shauna - posted on 08/17/2012

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Depending on where you live, the adoption could potentially go through without the bio dad signing anything. If you can't find him, and you make an attempt to, then nothing more you can do. I live in Illinois. My cousin got married a few years ago. She had a son from a previous relationship. She didn't know where the dad was. All the attorney told her to do was run a personals ad in the paper stating that she was looking for him regarding their child, and she never heard back. The judge then granted the adoption for her new husband to adopt him. Maybe you should get in contact with an attorney and see what steps you would have to take in case you don't find him. This way you know what you're up against if your boyfriend does adopt her.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/17/2012

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No and I am very happy with how things are going. He wants no part of my daughter's life, except for to see her so he can try to control me. We have not spoken since I was 25 weeks pregnant. My daughter has my last name. My current boyfriend of almost a year wants to marry me and adopt my daughter so now my biggest worry is that biodad will be hard to track down to sign over rights or he will be stubborn and just not do it, or try hard to remain hidden.

Shauna - posted on 08/16/2012

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I have a 3 and a half year old son. His father has never seen him. Sad thing is that he owned the house next door to where I used to live. He didn't live in it, but he was there every week mowing the grass and whatnot, and he didn't even make an attempt to see his son!!! This all after establishing paternity. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that he is his dad, he pays child support, yet he doesn't want any kind of relationship with him.

At first, it bothered me a lot because naturally I wish for my son that he had a dad that loved him and did things with him. Now, almost 4 years later, I'm over it. I have come to the realization that his sperm donor father, will never be anything more than that....a sperm donor. My father is very close to my son, plus I'm also in a relationship with an awesome guy that loves and adores my son very much. We have even talked about him someday adopting my son. Whether the adoption takes place or not, my son is loved by so many people. His dad may not be involved, but he isn't suffering because of that. My son is happy and healthy and he KNOWS he is loved!!! That is all that matters.

Maria - posted on 08/15/2012

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He was ... but he has become too toxic. My child reached out to pursue a relationship with him, but once she realized how toxic it was, she decided she was better off not having a relationship with him. WOW! Wish I was as empowered at her age as she is! He is untrustworthy ... lying, cheating (many women he's had affairs with) he is on his second marriage, with two new children, and also having an affair, as the girl he just dumped was looking for answers, so sought out me, wife #1 ... and well, we became friends, as I was helping with her healing, and I had to explain to my daughter, who this woman is and why we are friends. Yeah .. my daughter is better off without a father who disrespects women and children ... if he can get the guidance, counseling and therapy he needs and we begin to see change in his ACTIONS (deliberately withholding child support for months at a time, while he pays out tens of thousands of dollars on his music career, buying a new horse and contributing publicly to charity ... all the while NOT paying child support ... my kid is better off without a deadbeat like that!

Yvette - posted on 08/13/2012

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Are you a single TEEN MOM in the LA area? if so we are casting a show and you can send to: whatnowcasting@gmail.com

Yvette - posted on 08/13/2012

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I am seeking single TEEN moms and their stories for a show in Los Angels! Please email us at : whatnowcasting@gmail.com

Vero - posted on 08/07/2012

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My daughter's father is not in her life and has never met her. I don't understand how he could not want to be a part of his life, but that is his choice. I wouldn't stop him if he wanted a relationship, but he has to put forth the effort. It is his loss, not hers or mine.

Rose - posted on 08/07/2012

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My daughters dad is only around when it is convienient for him...which is hardly ever. I have raised my daughter from the day she was born and still to this day give her everything she needs, He has hardlly helped out and even now that we live closer to him hardly see's her. that is a sad thing, and makes me very upset with him...yet i cant do much=/ My daughter is older now and expressed she doesn't really enjoy going to dads house much either...Its hard on our kids...but thank God they have us...and we are so strong for them=)

Katherine K - posted on 08/06/2012

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You know your child only deserves the best because you do everything you can to take care of your child. He does not do everything if he is not concerned with making any effort. Your child is better with one great parent then a great one and then a bad one that influences them in a bad way. You have enough work to do so I from experience my advice is to not give yourself more heart ache pain and work worrying about someone who is so much less then what your child deserves right now. That may change but you know if and when that happens. Until then you love your child with all of you and you have more then they will ever need in love, care, and influence. Good luck!

Tamica - posted on 08/05/2012

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my sons father isn't and never has, all by choice. it's hard for me because he's feeling like "why doesn't he wanna be in my life, have relatives he'll probably never meet " my daughters father isn't all by choice. she's going on 13 and he saw her Feb and a month and a half ago. he just appears every blue moon. before that it had been two yes. his mother died and had it not been that I have a solid relationship with his family, we woulda never knew any. difference between my two kids is atleast my daughter goes to her family house (don't see daddy) but my son don't even have that. I get soon frustrated but in spite of all the hurt I have to push toward and think of ways to occupy my sons mind. it's definitely not easy

Kimmy - posted on 08/05/2012

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my sons father has not been in his life at all. He decided to leave me while I was pregnant. I feel it is for the best because he was and maybe still is a drug addict. I feel bad because I know eventually my son will ask about him and I still have no idea what I will tell him. It really breaks my heart.

Kelly - posted on 08/03/2012

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My daughter's biological father is beginning to be in her life. My child is 15 years old now and he admits now that I am a great mom and how I have been through so much with her and admits he didn't help much. Now he not only pays childsupport but gives her money to spend on clothes, etc and he had even paid for a battery for my vehicle because he knows I need it for appointments for our child.
I feel cautious at times and overwhelmed. He has only gotten her alone twice since being back in the picture as he is well aware I don't trust easily. I make it clear that I am to be 100% involved such as I know what they talk about and so on because I refuse to be pushed out since I have always been the number 1 parent in her life. My daughter tells me at times she still doesn't trust him and wonders when he will walk away again. If he does then we will deal with it. If he wants to go to a park with her then I go too.
Hopefully your sons father will grow up and realize the special life he helped create.

Kirsten - posted on 08/02/2012

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nope my ex husband walked out 5 years ago and hasn't looked back once. don't feel bad. it's their loss our gain, we get to see the first school plays everything. unfortunately that means we have to have all the sicknesses ect but in the end it's their loss.

Kim - posted on 07/30/2012

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I would not force a man to be in a child's life, it will make the child end up feeling unwanted. I have raised my almost 14 year old son all on my own. He has asked about his father once. I simply said the truth, he was not ready to be a father yet and did not want to ruin your life while he was figuring his out. When you are older I will help you find him, if you would like. This answered his question and did not make him feel like he was unwanted or paint a bad picture of the man who helped create him. In time I do hope they can have a relationship Once my son has graduated from college. Then he can make his own mind up about his father.

In the mean time, I have learned to hunt, fish, camp, & play video games. My son also has great uncles & a grandfather that take time to do manly things with him properly..lol..

I would not stress about being a single mom. ONE GREAT parent is better then having one great parent and one bad parent.

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