im due in december, but me and my childs father do not speak should she have his last name?

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2012

I wasnt too bothered about my daughter having my partners last name (we aren't married), mainly because she will more than likely change her name if she gets married anyway.

Romancia - posted on 01/30/2012

my daughter has my last name, her dads not in the pic we're not married so as far as i see it there no need for her to have his last name if she lives and travels with me

Serene - posted on 01/28/2012

Since my daughters father found out that he was/is the father of my daughter a couple of months ago, he asked me if I would change her last name. I said,"NO." Now he is trying to get me to hypernate it. I refuse to change it because she is in my care. She will keep my last name until she gets married or wants to change it herself but, in the meantime she has my last name. Its easier that way. Hes isn't even on the birth certificate. Personally i don't care if he is on it or not...

Sara - posted on 01/26/2012

Having been in a similar situation, I would say definitely no!

I have a 4.5 year old boy. His father was around off and on for the first year, However, he never helped me with my son. He had other important things to do and somewhere he needed to be. I gave my son his fathers last name because ("it was the right thing to do" and "every child should have the last name of their father" ) as I was told by many. Now that I am older, I realize that I shouldn't have listened and went with my instincts. YOU are and will always be the number one person in your child's life. You will make every decision and protect them from anything. If you cannot talk to him now, even though he still claims that child is his; Things probably won't change.



From a legal view, It is harder to change a child's name from their father's to yours. I am currently doing that now. But let's say in 5 years when your child's father does change and has been there for your child, than you can decide to change it with the permission of both of you.



I have read what others have wrote and they are right. Not only will you have troubles travelling with your child ( you'll have to get his permission) and he can take the child at any time if there is no custody or joint custody agreement.



It is a hard decision but do what is right for you and your child. There are sperm donors and there are daddy's in this world.



Good luck :)

Trish - posted on 01/25/2012

What he says he plans to do is nothing but a pipe dream. While he may well want to be a part of her life after she's born, he hasn't been very reliable so far & he, or the next girlfriend could change his mind in the future. If he truly were a changed man, he would have been there throughout the pregnancy & he'd be helping out financially. If you don;t want him @ the birth - don't let him know til afterwards. You don't even have to name him on the birth certificate. If he wants legal status, let HIM pay for it. Why should you hand it to him when he doesn't want it now?

Angela - posted on 01/25/2012

Oh what a horrible situation.. well I guess you cant control his reaction and maybe he will grow up and be a daddy and maybe not.. I am with the dad of my kids and one day we will get married but only so the whole family has the same name - I find it embarrasing as people judge (sometimes quite openly) when they realise we have different names - also it can be confusing or embarrasing for others when they get it wrong and either call me by the wrong name or cant work out who's kids are who's! - good luck!

Von - posted on 01/25/2012

No you shouldn't. Give your baby your name and if the father comes around and wants to be there and wants her to have his name then let him pay to change it. Otherwise down the line if he skips out you will be stuck with the costs of changing her name to yours.

Ayan - posted on 01/24/2012

A child has and is born with the right to have a lineage and last name from their mother and father. I broke up with my ex-husband 8weeks of pregnancy so I understand your situation. Belief it or not we, as mothers have the responsibility of finding good fathers for our children and good partners in-life. In our case we failed to fulfilled this responsibility and deny our rights for our selves however to take it out on our kids by taking their right of last-name is blame worthy and we have no right to deny their identity. Call it fate that put u in ur position but whatever u do never take the childish approach of denying your child the right to possess her true fathers last-name. Its plain robbery and if u think whats in a name then thats whole new topic altogether.

I advise you to look into the importance of linage and deny NOT your beautiful child that which is rightfully given to her by the Almighty and if you're an atheist mother earth...

see the benefits in the long run 10, 20, 80 or 180 years from now. Your simple act of not writing down correct info of your child might alter her entire existence FOREVER

God bless

Tammy - posted on 01/24/2012

I would put him on the birth certificate, but not the last name so that it is easier for you when she starts school....

Kelsey - posted on 01/24/2012

I wouldn't. My daughter has his last name but I have custody of her and there is SO much confusion if I ever need to take her for her shots or to the doctors or anything. If you you are going to be the one raising her and taking care of her she should have your last name! It makes for less confusion for your baby too, he/she will never have to ask why you guys have different last names. and it wil save you money in the long run from having to change the last name.

Evelyn - posted on 01/24/2012

You can give the the child both Mother and Father the names would be best presented and documented as non hyphen names this way the use can be presented either or. It would be east have questions answered down the line and an understanding of the family tree and tracing. You never know who or what family would be interested in being a big part of this childs life.. Have family is a blessing. My Son's have their dad's last name as well as my last name. My children have a wonderful relationship with their dad's family, and my family nothing was taken away from them. As an adult the Child can decided which name to use.

Angela - posted on 01/19/2012

it's really a personal choice if you give your daughter his last name or not. i am also a single mom now. i have been for the past 3 yrs. and my son's dad also does not speak to us or have anything to do with us. i can only tell you that from my experience, if i had the chance to change the past, i would have not given my son his dad's last name. because he is no longer involved with our son at all. and it is a very difficult and long process to change his name. and it is very hard. but i don't know your daughters dad. only you do. so like i said it is really a personal choice. i would just tell you that you should think very long and hard about it. and don't let him try to talk you into anything. and make a decision before you have your daughter. because once she's born, i can tell you for a fact, you're not thinking clearly and can be talked into almost anything. good luck with your decision. like i said, only you can make it.

Candice - posted on 01/19/2012

IF YOU DO USE HIS LAST NAME HYPHENATE IT, BUT PUT HIS LAST NAME FIRST AND YOURS ON THE END. SO WHEN YOUR CHILD GETS OLDER YOU CAN DROP HIS NAME IF YOU WANT. I WISH I DID THAT!

Ashleigh - posted on 01/19/2012

from personal experiance, i'd say NO! let him EARN that rite. my boyfriend and i are now married, but back when my daughter was born i STILL wish to this day her last name should of been mine. my husband found other ways to prove his devotion, but the last name would of been PERFECT for him to try to earn back. for a man, the last name is special

Allison - posted on 01/18/2012

I know u are both young but I would encourage u as the mother to give the child your name. He seems rather unstable and unless you wish for him to try to take your daughter whenever he is ready to be a dad , may not be now but in the future...I would advise you to stick to the rule, you are sure you are the mother -----mother's baby, father's maybe...not that I have anything against father's rights , it's just that your daughter has no time to be denied each time the father get's angry at you...

Melissa - posted on 01/14/2012

It's like I'm having deja vu! This is what happened with my son's father and I. He wasn't there when Carter was born, and so Carter has my last name. If his father had been there, I would have done it just the same. His father has been around now since he was 2 weeks old, and Carter still has my last name. There was once that his father brought up changing it, or adding his, and I shot it down. He hasn't brought it up since, and I don't know if I made the right decision at that point. However, I don't regret my decision because I didn't know if his father was going to be around. The fact that this guy isn't speaking to you consistently, isn't going to end well for him, especially if he's not there when she's born. YOU are the one there for this child, YOU are the one nurturing her and making sure she gets what she needs. Therefore, YOU get to make the decisions regarding her life. His back and forth attitude also doesn't help him. Who's to say he won't do it once she's born, if he does come around.

Sabrina - posted on 01/14/2012

Heck no!!! Be strong girl,just because a person goes to God, doesnt make them any more deserving of something they didnt earn!

Casey - posted on 01/13/2012

all 3 of my children have my last name not their fathers. because with my oldest we didnt speak and with my youngers one their father and i werent together. so they have my last if you want your baby to have your last name or his your choice. good luck

Melody - posted on 01/09/2012

If the two of you are not married and not on speaking terms, give the baby your last name. He should not have a problem with you doing that.

Melody - posted on 01/09/2012

If the two of you are not married and not on speaking terms, give the baby your last name. He should not have a problem with you doing that.

Stephanie - posted on 10/10/2009

I would NOT do it! My daughters "father" was in our lives until 4 weeks after she was born. Everyone told me to at least use both of our names, just in case things didn't work out and i wish i would have listened! Now he wants nothing to do with her, and of course it is still emotionally hard for me. And everytime i take her to the doctor they call me "Mrs. Meyers" which isnt my name :)

Desiree - posted on 10/10/2009

My oldest son has my maiden name because his father wasn't around. I do not regret it at all

Brittany - posted on 10/09/2009

NO, im going through the same thing and it can be a hard decsion at first but i came to a conclusion y? why would u give ur baby his last name he wsnt yung when he got u pregnant so no i dont think u should do that

Lynne Marie - posted on 10/09/2009

Quoting Lori`:

im due in december, but me and my childs father do not speak should she have his last name?

we were not together when i first found out. he denied her off the back, but after a while he started to claim her. he said he was just scared this is his first child and we are both young. we are nineteen and both sophomores in college. during the summer we were workin it out and planning our future until we had a fallen out where we didnt speak for two months. during this time he started denying her again. by august we were speakin again and on good terms to the point where we were discussing living arrangements and possibly being together. by the end of august we got into an arguement over our daughters name being posted on my facebook. we havent spoke since than, i have sent him numerous facebook messages, text, and even tried calling, all with no success. but he still claims his child, as far as i know, and he recently told a friend of mine he would be there when my daughter is born and from there on out, but for now he is not speaking to me. I understand kinda because we have been through a lot personally. He recently got saved, during the summer, right before we started speaking in august. he is definately a better person, so changed but we still dont speak. as far as i know he is completely a new person, and cherishes his relationship with god which im not knocking i just wanted to know after all this should i still give her his last name? during the times we were speakin he made it clear that he wanted her to have his last name.

Beth - posted on 10/09/2009

I have been in your shoes, the back & fourth of a mans mind in reguards to his off spring, I handled it like this. To give a name sake is a sign of respect, is he acting respectful to you? My daughter has my name, after all was said & done I was not respected, there for niether was she.I hope this helps! Good luck!

Sekanayo - posted on 10/09/2009

Lori i think its best you give your baby your last name.I have a boy and a girl with different surnames and i have my own.Its so confusing and it complicates matters.If ever you will work out with the babys father you will change the name.But also put everything in Gods hands he sure helps and sorts out the impossible.Good luck with the labour and all the best in parenting.

Abigail - posted on 10/08/2009

its really up to you.you know the guy.if you think he deserves to be the father of your child.you're gonna be a mom soon.you should think whats best for you child first before you.goodluck

Desaray - posted on 10/08/2009

I wouldnt do it! My sons father played me when I was preg but I still gave my son the first letter of his name but I refused to give him his last name. For what!! He wasnt there!! And if he can not be there for you during this time when you really need him why give your child that you are carrying on your own his last name? If you guys ever do get back together the last name can easily be changed but if you dont then what? And the way I look at it.. When you get married to a man that accepts your children the way that their daddy doesnt, and you take his last name your children can also take his last name... Hope you are happy with whatever decision you make!!

Rachel - posted on 10/08/2009

Hey Lori,



Let me just say this...my sons father never did deny my son but i am a very religious individual and i didnt put his last name as my sons...We ended up getting into a massive size arqument about 3 months after he was born...it is an off and on situation with when he wants to participate in his sons life....it is on his terms...to this day i do not regret not doing that....i thought when i had the baby that he would grow up and be a man but unfortanetly that didnt happen... i pray everyday that he will realize what is going on but i really dont think he will...that is a big decission to make and any boy that will deny there childs existance does not deserve to have the honor of her having his last name...i hope it helps...i wish you all the luck in the world..look forward to hearing from you again



Rachel

Kristen - posted on 10/08/2009

I know you have gotten alot of replies already. I'm not taking time to read all 290 post. lol. My oldest son's father and I was not together when our son was born. We have gotten along always. There is one thing that I told him from the beginning after we had split up. He expressed how he wanted our son to have his last name. I told him the only way he was going to get his last name is if he was there during the time of delivery. He was not there when our son was born and it was not for good reasons even though i know in his mind it was but I did not (its a long story behind why he wasn't). Since he was not there our son has my madian name. My second son i was married when we had our son so he has his father's name. I am currently pregnant with my third child and My oldest's father is who is the father of this one and I am putting the same thing. If he's not there when our daughter is born she will have my maidan name and not his. I think its a privalige and if he can't take the first step of being there for the birth than he don't deserve to have his child carry on his name. Now I have told him that I will let our son choice later when he's older if he would like to have his dad's name added to his name and that would be his own choice.

Dhane' - posted on 10/08/2009

People may not like my opinion but I beleve that you should give your child his last name. My number one reason is that both you guys go back and forth with eachother and it still seems like you car for him. You knew how he was befor this pregnancy and it just so happened he panted his seed . The only thing im concerned about is if you get back with him...if you dont give your baby the last name and you guys just so happen to live happily ever after think about what your gonna go through....if you don't get back together and he comes around and wants to be in your childs life he is gonna want her to have his last name even if he has to pay for it but if he has to pay for it that's taking money away from you ad your child. It's not hard if your child has a different last name because your name is on their birth certificate show him who the bigger person is and pick your battles there is alot more to come. Good luck

Amanda - posted on 10/08/2009

My daughter's father is involved when he wants to be but I gave her my lastname. I figured since I was doing all the work, I want her to have my lastname.

Amanda - posted on 10/08/2009

i'm due in less then 30 days, and i chose not to give my son his fathers last name. sometimes its better if you and the father aren't together to give the child your last name.

Denetrah - posted on 10/08/2009

I had struggled with that with mine for similar reasons. I decided to give them their father's last name because no matter what,where,or who they will always be his children and they deserve to have his name.

Jessica - posted on 10/08/2009

Giving your baby the last name of her father could hurt you in the court system when it comes to placing the rights to her. Her father would have more legal rights to her than you. Personally i don't understand how but i found out the hard way my son has his dads last name and his father determind the placing and child support all because our son had his last name.. ultimatly it is your choice, i'd talk to a social worker in your county just see what they suggest..

Monica - posted on 10/08/2009

I gave my son both our last names hyphinated...it was my choice and my family still doesnt like it... but i feel that its his heritage and if down the road my son wants to use one or the other its his choice...His father is no where near being in the picture and its hard but doable...so think about it, and do what feels right for you and your baby

EBONY - posted on 10/08/2009

i have 2 kids and one has their fathers last name and the other has mine they have differrent dads but i feel like this if he gonna come to the hos and put his name on the birth cirtificate then im for giving the kid the last name but if he not then i say no i regret giving my rirst child her fathers last name because she is about to be 6 now and he still has not put his name on the birth cirtificate and still hasnt even brought it up but its a choice u hae to make im prgnant now and my child will have my last name and im now thinkin of cahnging my daughters last name to be the same as ours also

Ashley - posted on 10/08/2009

I was engaged to my sons father when we had him in 2007, and were planning a wedding for the following summer after he was born. I gave my son his fathers last name because I was sure we'd get married. 2 months before our wedding, I left him, and now I have to deal with being called Mrs. (his last name) and the confusion that goes with that at his day care, at the doctors office, etc...If I had listened to my family, they told me to give him my last name until I got married, and when I changed my last name, I could change his last name....I wish I had listened....

Ashley - posted on 10/08/2009

I was engaged to my sons father when we had him in 2007, and were planning a wedding for the following summer after he was born. I gave my son his fathers last name because I was sure we'd get married. 2 months before our wedding, I left him, and now I have to deal with being called Mrs. (his last name) and the confusion that goes with that at his day care, at the doctors office, etc...If I had listened to my family, they told me to give him my last name until I got married, and when I changed my last name, I could change his last name....I wish I had listened....

Leanna - posted on 10/08/2009

hell no! i had a baby at eighteen and the father was a piece of shit and i TOTALLY regret giving my baby boy his last name.

Chi - posted on 10/08/2009

this is a hard one....same kinda happened to me, i decided to give my little girl his last name, even though hes not around, nor do i really care at this point (she a year and a half) but i wanted her to know where she came from, to have roots, so she doesnt go through the process of not feeling like she doesnt belong .... and even if he isnt around now, hes going to have to answer her question if she should choice to go look for him when shes older and have to own up to his choices....thats just my opinon and im not sure if it helps....but thought it would give you another way to look at it

Gretchen - posted on 10/08/2009

i can not stress enough that giving her his last name would be the worst idea. from personal experience it just makes the road even rockier. i would tell him to just get lost and if he wanted to be involved then when the time came you 2 can work out a child support agreement and visitation, but the name stays with you

Krista - posted on 10/08/2009

WOW, there sure are a lot of responses!! If u are reading them all, here is mine LOL I have 5 children. 4 boys 1 girl. 20,18,12,10 and 2. With my 1st some I was married to his father so ofcoure he has his last name, but w/ my other children I was not. I totally regret not giving them their father last name. I decided not to because I wanted all my children to have the same last name. My son who is 12 has requested that his last name be changed and it costs $500.00. My daughter will get married anyway so it would not have mattered.

Let me tell u also that My 3 middle children do not have much of a relationship w/ their fathers. Actually my 18yr old has only seen his father 2x's in 18yrs. But regardless that IS his father, or better yet his bloodline. Fortunatly I have still kept tabs on him so if my son ever wants to find him he can. But if I had not and something happend to me my son may of not known who he "belonged" to. Because of that I would also suggest putting her father on the birth certificate now. Much harder to do later.

May God bless u and your daughter. Maybe thru all of this u can reach out to Him to help make ur decissions. And who knows, maybe it will help ur relationship as well

Krista - posted on 10/08/2009

WOW, there sure are a lot of responses!! If u are reading them all, here is mine LOL I have 5 children. 4 boys 1 girl. 20,18,12,10 and 2. With my 1st some I was married to his father so ofcoure he has his last name, but w/ my other children I was not. I totally regret not giving them their father last name. I decided not to because I wanted all my children to have the same last name. My son who is 12 has requested that his last name be changed and it costs $500.00. My daughter will get married anyway so it would not have mattered.

Let me tell u also that My 3 middle children do not have much of a relationship w/ their fathers. Actually my 18yr old has only seen his father 2x's in 18yrs. But regardless that IS his father, or better yet his bloodline. Fortunatly I have still kept tabs on him so if my son ever wants to find him he can. But if I had not and something happend to me my son may of not known who he "belonged" to. Because of that I would also suggest putting her father on the birth certificate now. Much harder to do later.

May God bless u and your daughter. Maybe thru all of this u can reach out to Him to help make ur decissions. And who knows, maybe it will help ur relationship as well

Elizabeth - posted on 10/08/2009

i have a daughter who me and her father are on and off for years i gave her his last name just because ultimately my daughter is who she is i can't change her father or his actions.

Britt - posted on 10/08/2009

My daughter carries my last name only. Her father was not involved during the pregnancy and that was by his choice, He wasn't there for her birth because I didn't let him know I was in labor. I didn't because he didn't seem to want to know since I had tried several times to get him to go to an ultrasound (which I had to have lots as it was a risk pregnancy). So she didn't get his name. He didn't support her for the first 4 years either even after signing paternity acknowledgment papers without a question to his paternity. She is his child and he knows it. He now supports her and is wonderful about it. She is 14 now and changing her last name would be hard for her so we agreed to leave things as they are.



I think just because you are on and off in the talking department is no reason to stop you from giving her his last name. That said though, unless he shows up for the birth of his daughter and takes responsibility I would not give your daughter his last name.



If he takes that responsibility he will likely want his daughter to carry his last name but I would use your best judgement (as I know you will). I love the fact that my daughter has my last name. IMO it's easier for a kiddo if he or she carries the name of the parent he or she lives with. I think that why divorced mothers keep the married last name after divorce until the child is older before going back to the maiden name. My mother didn't but my sister and I were older (11 and 13) when our parents divorced.



I believe you are the only one who knows what will be best for your daughter and I would go with that.



Congratulations and Best of luck to you!

Amy - posted on 10/08/2009

He can say he wants her to have his last name but if he doesn't even really speak to you I think it's safe to say she deserves YOUR last name. Plain and simple you will always be there for her and he has yet to prove he really cares.

Stacey - posted on 10/08/2009

i don't speak to my baby's dad and i didn't give him his last name. m son has my name. but because of my situation i didn't even put the dad on the birth cetificate. its the best thing i did

Jaime - posted on 10/08/2009

Of course it's really up to you, but if he's not around I think its better for the baby to have your name. In my case my kids have my last name do to the kids dad not in their lifes or ever.

Kayla - posted on 10/08/2009

I agree with Talia. Don't do it, even if he claims all that. I have an 8 month old son and we're not together and weren't together throughout my whole pregnancy and he denied my son at first. I let him see him and be a dad, but my son has my last name. When I get married, my husband can adopt him and my son can have his last name, incase anything does happen with my son's dad and we have a fight and don't talk again. Cause more than likely, when you get married, your husband will end up being more of a father than your baby's actual father. Donating the sperm doesn't automatically make him a father.