Im scared to lose my son in a custody battle. Any comforting words of wisdom?

Stephanie - posted on 02/19/2010 ( 26 moms have responded )

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My sons father and I do not get along.... I tried to be very open and understanding of him at first. Told him all I wanted was for him to be an active participant in my sons life. He was at first, but then got a girlfriend who doesnt want him having kids with anyone but her *even though he kinda CANT reverse whats happened* And now they say they are going to take me to court for harrassment, and try to get custody. I am single handedly rasing my son, working fulltime and helping family watch their kids. I would die if I lost even one day with my son.

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Ariana - posted on 07/28/2012

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I have been in a abusive relationship for ten years. I have three beutiful children out of it. I filed a injuction against my husband and was granted it and temporary custody of my children until the hearing. I only had my children 2 days when my husband went to court and filed an modifation full of lies and my children were taken from my without any proof and returned to him! ive been a week n a half without them now and my courtdate is in 3 days and i so scared i will not not get my babies back
i need help

Greg - posted on 06/16/2012

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Uh Roxanne Baldwin, the Senate amended this act which isnt even called the "Child Act", so if you want to get all technical miss smarty pants, do it right. It is very possible to lose custody. If you are a better parent you shouldnt have to worry, it will come out in court. The courts do realise nowadays gender does NOT matter

Chezza - posted on 03/29/2011

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please i need advice im 5 months pregnant my ex who mentally abused me cheated on me whilst pregnant is trying for custody im a gd mummy 2 small children dont do drugs etc or have ever abused my children but i have recently been diagnosed with adult add im scared i i will lose in court he works no history of drugs etc what are my chances worried mum

Chezza - posted on 03/29/2011

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im 5 mnts preg the father cheated on me now with a new gf he compleatly mentally abused me trying 4 custody for my baby i hate him what he has done i love my baby i cant handle all this stress im so scared he will win im a good mum 2 to small children they are under social services i am not on drugs or alcholcol or ever abused my children atall

Stephanie - posted on 02/23/2010

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He WANTS to go to court to get custody so he doesnt have to pay. And I have left him alone. I dont mind constructive criticism, but you dont know me, nor my situation completely. I am not a crazy bitch going after this man for money or anything, I just dont want to lose my son. AND would rather get all of it out of the way, because my son is on state medical and in my state they automatically go after the non custodial parent for child support. And you are right it DOESNT make sense, hence the fact why it confuses and scares me. This is a SUPPORT site, please remember that...... @ Jessica Squire.

Tabetha - posted on 02/23/2010

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as long as you are providing a stable home for your son and he hasn't reallly been around then you should be fine. judges don't usually just take a child from the mother so just make sure that untill its over that you don't give him anything to use against you. and unless he has actually filed a suit then don't worry its might just be a thing he says to get to you because he knows that it will get to you.

Jessica - posted on 02/23/2010

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that doesn't make sense. you said he is not a part of your sons life, but then you say he is going to go for custody. i don't understand. Leave him alone, back off. if you want your son to yourself let him disappear.

Alicia - posted on 02/23/2010

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Hello dear,
My name is Alicia Salvador and want to let you know that you are not alone. I just was in court today and it worked out wonderfully. Just need to have some faith in yourself. That what you are doing now is good, positive in your son's life.
The ONLY way of loosing your son is by using drugs, alcohol. Or not having a ruff over your head or not having food and clothing on both of you.
You working is a plus on your side. Why?
Because I am 35 yrs. old, on disability. Only receiving $845.00 a month from SSI and on food stamps also on Cal-works because the father of my girls got laid off. Once of course he finds a job I will go back to Child Support.
The Only time a child is taken from their mom that I know of is when the mother is abusive or on drugs or alcohol and aren't able to support the child with food, clothing.
Now if he chooses not to be active in his son's life Child Support will look at the time spent with your son and if you choose to go to child support they will pay you for time he doesn't spend. Remember it is his lose not yours.
The court most of the times give mom custody but making choices in the child's life will be a decision between the both of you. For example; if you decide on a special school for your son thin also the father needs to agree to the decision, its called joint custody. Where the child lives with the mom but both parents makes the decisions in the child's life. You will be okay. It seems more scarier than what it really is. If you would like to ask more about this subject, please email me or you can even give me a call or I can give you a call, 1(415)786-6069
I will pray for you but you will be fine dear, get some rest you will need it in court.

Roxanne - posted on 02/22/2010

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It's absolutely impossible for him to have custody. *I'll get all technical now lol* The children's act says its always in the childs best interest to stay with his/her mother. The fact that you're so independant working as well as caring for your son will only go in your favour... look at how much its encouraged for mums to go back to work! Your doing an excellent job.. the fact that he's going to court will more than likely make things easier for you because you won't have to be the one chasing him to have contact with his child.

Karissa - posted on 02/22/2010

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There is no way that the court system will take your cild away from you. I knew a couple that the mother was abusing her son and even then the court let him say with his mother because it is believed that the mother has the most rights to custody. The worst thing that might happen is he may be granted some time on weekends and everyother holiday but there is like no way they will give your son's father complete costody so relax it will all work out in the end.

Renee - posted on 02/22/2010

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he wont get custody if ur a good parent and am not very spiritual but leave everything to god. also look at this as getting extra money to raise your son because he will have to give you child support it might be a blessing

Shauna - posted on 02/22/2010

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he wont stand a chance if your there caring for your son ,dont loose it with him your doing the right thing not answering are getting into petty arguments , keep a record of everything that is said to you brilliant copying emails, proof is definatly what you need just make sure if it goes to court are a solicisitor hes made to look the bad guy not you.gd luck x

Maria - posted on 02/22/2010

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Good luck! I know how you feel. You will not loose custody, you will only have to increase the amounts of visits to the dad. (which feels like losing custody)
The court system sucks.

Stephanie - posted on 02/22/2010

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Well than I am all set. I feel much more confident now! Thank you all! I know I am a good mommy doing the best for my son. :) And I definitely dont do any drugs or abuse him, and he always has what he needs and more ^.^ I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS ^.^

Christina - posted on 02/21/2010

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not sure about the state your in but i know in virginia unless he can prove you completely unfit you have no worries. in va as long as you can provide a roof, food, and clothing for the child they wont do anything. hed have to prove that you are unfit due to drugs, neglect or abuse. so as long as you dont have those things against you, you should be fine. good luck

Charissa - posted on 02/21/2010

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i am in very similiar situation. a judge wont change custody as long as there is no serious reason to. they will see right through an ex w a new gf fighting with mom...........as long as your a good mother and are able to provide for your child there is no way they will take him away from u. custody is hard to change there has to be a HUGE significant change in order for that to happen

Rain - posted on 02/21/2010

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Most courts will not remove a child from the primary home unless the secondary parent can prove, without doubt, that being in the primary home is having a negative impact on the child. My ex-husband has tried twice to take custody of our daughter and lost both times. I have learned to keep records of everything. When he calls her, when she calls him, I keep all emails between us and have many phone messages recorded and notarized in case I need them in the future. (He's violent and already has CPS record on him as well as a RO in CALi.)
Whatever you do, don't yell, scream or write anything that can be used against you. Although recordings can't be used unless they inform you that you are being recorded, if they have a witness to verbal issues on the phone, those statetments can be admitted to court.
The best thing to do is stay calm, be there for your child and provide the stabilty that you guys need. As the judge and the mediator told me in court, you can't make someone be a better parent than they want to be and other peoples actions are not your responsibility.

Cassandra - posted on 02/20/2010

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unless you are cracked out and abusing your child or are unable to fully provide what they need like food and clean clothes or something to that extent...you wont lose your baby i know how it feels my daughters father has been threatening to get custody on and off for a long time and its scarry but every lawyer i have had says what i just sed to you...unless there is proof that u are an unfit mother...then let him threaten u all he wants...if u ever need someone to talk to im around fyi ive been there...its tough...but Good Luck and dnt let this situation bring you down.

Heather - posted on 02/20/2010

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I'm very proud of you for printing out documentation. I have been divorced for 6 years now and have had my ups and downs with my kids' dad. He actually threatened me before. The courts have to find you as an unfit mother. I do not drink, do drugs, no bar hoping. I work full time and school full time. The courts will not take away your child just because you are working. Just make sure that you are doing the right things by your child and you should have no worries. Good luck

Lisa - posted on 02/20/2010

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Hey, im going through a similar thing. My only difference is that the BIATCH he cheated on me with and him are now "together" and i dont want my son around her.
He supposedly wants to see our son but "couldnt get someone to look after the dog" this weekend as im refusing our son to go to our old home as its unsafe, he was to have our son at his mums. Turns out there was a car enthusiast rally on today and its more than likely the reason he didnt want our son.
Guys are just idiots. Just make sure you have a good lawyer.

Ashley - posted on 02/19/2010

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The only way you could possibly lose your son if there is any kind of abuse or neglect or if you do drugs. Other than that I would record every conversation you have with them so when it does go to court you can prove that you are a great mom and only am wanting the father to be there fr his child. The best thing to do when someone even mentions trying to take your child away is to record every statement comment or conversation you have with them. You sound like you are doing a wonderful job in raising your son. Keep up the good work and keep your head up.

Candice - posted on 02/19/2010

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it's doubtful that he could get full custody if the child never lived with him, unless he can prove some sort of abuse. it's also doubtful that after a long period of him not being very involved he would get full custody. there is a chance he could eventually get shared custody, but that depends on where you live, and most likely won't happen until regularly visits the child for a period of time. nothing is guaranteed, courts are weird, but the law is on your side as far as i can tell from what you said.

Deanna - posted on 02/19/2010

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As long as you are keeping your cool you should be fine. I know how hard it is to hold your tongue when you just want to lash out against them for how they are behaving. Good move printing out everything you are sent. If you can, get yourself a lawyer, that always helps when in court. Just keep being the good mom that you are and hopefully things will fall into place. You have been the primary caregiver and its very rare that a mother would lose custody. Doesn't matter how great the dad is, if the mother is doing what she is supposed to and been doing it all along, then judge's do not change the custody. Most you will probably have to deal with is giving him more visitation time. Good luck!!!

Stephanie - posted on 02/19/2010

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I know I have wanted to lash out on them so many times, but I just refuse to answer any of their emails anymore. Now I just print them out so I have the documented proof of our conversations. Thank you so much for your thoughts!!!!! :D

Jordanna - posted on 02/19/2010

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It is very unlikely that he will be able to get custody of your son. A friend of mine and her boyfriend have been trying to get more time with her boyfriends daughter since she was born and have been unsuccessful in court. He is a great father and she is a great step-mother so there is no reason why they shouldn't be allowed more time with his daughter except that the mother does not want them to have that extra time. The custody arrangement that they originally had in place when she was born is every second thursday and one weekend a month. When they asked for more time they were told that it was not a good idea to take the child away from the primary caregiver (being the mother) and that they could not ask for different custody arrangements until something changes in the childs life ex. starts school, moves to a new city etc. As for harrassment if your only contacting them about your son and your not doing it every day their not going to get far with that. And as long as your providing your son with everything he needs and are a responsible mother they dont have grounds for wanting custody. Just try to keep your chin up and be the bigger person don't give them or the courts any reason to doubt your ability as a mother. Good luck.

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