Communities

Single Moms

All Communities > Single Moms > introducing a new relationship

introducing a new relationship

Claudia - posted on 07/14/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

5

24

I got seperated about 3 months ago. My daughter is 8 and not a big talker but I tried to explain the best I could why mommy and daddy aren't living together any more. She seems ok about it and likes the sleepovers at mom and dad. When I introduced her to my new boyfriend she liked him at first until she figured out he wasn't just a friend but a boyfriend. I have asked my boyfriend to give us some space so I could give her time to adapt. She thinks that some day her mom and dad wil get back together again. How do I get her to understand that it's not gonna happen and that I have someone else I would like to share my life with including hers. I tried talking to her and ask her what she thinks about it but she refuses to talk about it. What do I do, how can I handle this without hurting her or my boyfriend's feelings?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

3 Comments

View replies by

Teresa - posted on 07/14/2011

10,689

29

Seriously? It's been THREE MONTHS! Give the kid a break and a LOT of space. I don't believe a new boyfriend should even MEET the kid until it's been at least 6 months and/or there is talk of marriage. You really need to take it slow for your daughter's sake.

Just my opinion, at least, but what do I know? I've been single for 3.25 years and other than briefly dating one guy.... I'm not interested in having a new relationship....

Tiffany - posted on 07/14/2011

76

0

I don't know. I cannot even imagine ever dating again. However, before I was in a relationship with my twins' father I had years before dated a man with a son. He had custody and his ex-wife lived in another state and made little effort to see their son. We had talked marriage and I moved in with the understanding that we would get married. Well, I got very close to his son, was fully playing a mother role and then he ended things after 2 years. Needless to say it was just as hard to end things with his little boy as it was with him. So my advice is take it slow. Unless you are engaged I would not have them become overly involved in each other's lives. I would keep your dating life and your family life somewhat seperated if possible, but also don't make him the reason your not spending time with your child all the time either. When you are together make sure you are still the mom, the one to make decisions and the one who enforces rules/discipline. If your boyfriend is really marriage material he will want your daughter to be secure and will be understanding that you are a mom first and that your daughter's well being comes first. That's just my humble advice after doing it the wrong way.

Christina - posted on 07/14/2011

1,513

28

I had to sit down with my seven year old and explain that we were not getting back together. I told her even if she drove away my boyfriend (who is now my husband) we would NEVER live with her dad again. That helped. Being blunt is sometimes required.

Want to find out the opinions of this community?

Add Poll