is it always so lonley being a single mum ?

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Ama - posted on 04/27/2013

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I know exactly how you feel. I work 5 days per week, my friends live further than me and i am tired and bored, i live in a one bedroom flat, am in debt and wish i had someone to really talk to!

Christine - posted on 04/23/2009

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I'm sorry you feel lonely. You'll pull through! My daughter & I lived with my parents for a while too. My exhusband does not give us any money either. My daughter & I live on our own now. We still don't get any money from him. We do fine! We are very happy! We do not have a lot of money at all, but we survive! I wish you well & a lot of happiness!

Melony - posted on 04/20/2009

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I'm a single mom too hun, my daughters dad has never seen her and doesnt want to either. So I'm right there with you! And I think that the lonelly feeling never really goes away. I'm also currently staying with my mom, so I'm not really ever alone but still feel alone if you know what I mean. I have decided to shift my focus from being alone to bettering my career, and so bettering myself and my daughters futures. I spoke to my boss and they will be paing for my further studies, while I'm still working - How awsome is that!! Good luck hun :-)) (Just nice to know sometimes that your not the only one going through this hay?)

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Divya - posted on 03/07/2013

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You are likely to feel lonely and isolated as a single mother but that doesn't mean that you are not allowed to see or be friends with other people. You are very likely to do so. Being a single mother myself I know what it is like to be in your shoes. Incase you are feeling demotivated do go through this blog which is came across a couple of days back. This blog is pretty helpful and might cheer you up. Here it is: http://goo.gl/iBhHm

Sandra - posted on 04/26/2009

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I do feel very alone especially trying to raise teens and helping them with all the emotions going on. It's hard too when you are it and try to console your kids with their ups and downs in life and then the driving here and there, sometimes I just wish their dad was more involved in their lives but I just take it one day at a time

Brianna - posted on 04/26/2009

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I have only been a single mom for about 2 years now and I'm the same my sons dad left when I was 4 months preg, and hasnt been back since. And yes at times I feel very lonly even though I currntly live with my parents, but its just not the same as if you had a husband to back you up and help you with all the hard parts. But you know what gets me through? It is GOD! I'm not sur where I would be right now if it wernt for him, he has showed me that even though I feel alone he is always with me and he will never leave me no matter what. Yes I know that he is not physicaly there but he is there in a way that no one could ever be there for me, and honstly if I didnt realy on him everyday for strenght to get through the lonlyness and the stress and the depression who knows where I would be right now... Just keep the faith and know that GOD loves you and is there for you when ever you need him to be!

Susan - posted on 04/26/2009

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i know exactly how u feel.my son is 4 and i've been by myself pretty much since he was born.i'm divorced but it wasn't any better being married.me and my ex had separated while i was pregnant and i moved back in with my parents,so i did have help but it wasn't what i wanted.me and my ex trie to "work thing out" we lived together twicw before finally separating in late 2005 and we divorced in summer of 2006.the apt.we got together i kept and he left.it was so scary because it was the first time being on my own.i had friends,but was still lonely.i've dated a few guys but don't have a boyfriend.i'm 31 and currently going to school so i can provide more for me and my son.on the worst days i want toscream because i have to do all the disciplining and i really hate it when he doesn't listen.my mom tries to give me advice but it doesn't usually help.so i know it's challenging.but when he says something funny or knows what to say to put a smile on my face,it seems worth it.at one time,i didn't think so.long story short,there wer toomany problems between me and his dad and at one time i was majorly depressed.but it was because of my son i was able to move on.he sees his dad on the weekends now.ex has 6 other kids by 2 other women so at least my son can know his bothers and sisters.i still get lonely,even thogh i have a neighbor i've become friends with,2 actually.i've always craved companionship and sometimes it's worse than other times.i love my son and just want him to be happy.i feel that because of all i've experienced since he's been born i'm alot stronger.i'm doing things for myself,trying to stay focused on school and just keep lookin ahead.so it will get better.marriage can be good and relationships but not always better.

Kirstie Jayne - posted on 04/26/2009

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Hi. l am single mom 2 an l been lonely since sept 08 an l kick my exx hubby out as he been lies to me over 12 yrs an married him 4 two yrs.. he say that he havnt been drinkin but l knw he had, it is upset me an my two boys at the times, they seen their dad every weekend an l get money from him every week when he pick his boys up on fri nite at 6pm, at weekend l do feel lone an got no1 to talk to me but l talk to my fella when he not busy, sumday l feel sad an other l feel happy that l on my own with no stress, l am going thou diovce an since dec 08, but l got fella an l only see him once month 4 abt two weeks, but we are still friend 4 the boys sake.. my two boys knw when l am happy, they happy that all matter to me in my life

Leslee - posted on 04/25/2009

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Hi Sweetie, I think all of us are in the same boat... It's hard, especially at nite. I've been a single mom for the last 2 1/2 years... Somehow, lately, its gotten worse. So I joined facebook... then a dating site too. Just to have ppl to chat with after the kids go to bed. I hear ya on this one hunny!! If ya need to chat- I'm here :)

Angela - posted on 04/25/2009

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Being a single parent is the most difficult job on the planet. It can be so lonely!! If you are feeling lonely, pack up and go to the park, grocery, a little cafe or any place that is full of people. Your baby is adorable so I'm sure people will oohh and ahhh over her!!! Take that opportunity to start up a little conversation. That is the best way to find other people in your situation. Surrounding yourself with people is the best way to keep from feeling lonely. I am a 40 year old woman with 3 children and have raised them on my own for most of their lives. My oldest is now 20. Don't let yourself get caught up in the loneliness. It can be devastating.

Christy - posted on 04/25/2009

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It gets pretty lonely. I come from a very close family. So I try to surround myself with lots of family and friends. The kids are involved in several sports. We are always running from practice to ball game to gymnastics to school activities. The days stay pretty full. It's at night after I tuck them into bed and pray with them that being lonely is the worst. Things happen and you have to make decisions. No one tells you how hard it's going to be to be a single parent. You don't have the support or encouragment of a partner. That's what I struggle when the most. That's when I feel the most lonely. But hang in there. The good days far outweigh the bad ones!!

Laura - posted on 04/24/2009

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I too have days where I feel lonely - especially bad when I first left my ex partner. My daughter and i moved in with my parents and have been there a year - I know the day will come where Ihave to move out and l know that I will probably be round there just as much when that day comes.



I find that I love my job more then ever just because I get to socalise with work mates and patients (I am a nurse). I also make arrangements to see old mates esp those that are mums themselves. I email and text with friends all the time. Sometimes I can be surrounded by people though and still feel alone.



Keep your chin up Kelly, as you can see, you are not alone xx

Jennifer - posted on 04/24/2009

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I feel for you. I am a single mom as well with no father in the picture whatsoever. My daughter is a little over two and I love her to death though I would like to strangle her at times. My suggestion for you is to find a family member or a baby sitter at least once a month if not twice and go out with friends by yourself with no baby. It has helped em to feel apart of the world again. Also I have friends come over once a week and I cook for them. They are a great bunch and don't mind my daughter so it helps.



Hang in there it won't last forever. At least I hope not, I am still single.

Christine - posted on 04/23/2009

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I've been a single mom for 10 years now and one thing I learned is that it is a great time to read or take a course in something that interests you. It helps to pass time.

Blanca - posted on 04/23/2009

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At first you will definitely feel lonely and angry but eventually you will keep yourself busy. It is in our nature to find things to do-friends-hobbies-etc. Your child is your rock to hold on during those difficult times-it will get better. I started watching alot of movies, reading, and using the internet. Remember that you will feel lonely from time to time but we all do. During those lonely episodes hug and hold your child and you will be OK.

Darlene - posted on 04/23/2009

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I've been single mom for 9yrs and yes it can be lonely at times. It's very hard sometimes too and alot of ppl have a hard time understanding. Try hanging out with friends when you can and have the tv or the music on helps too. Try not to icelate yourself too much it will make it harder. I wish there were more places for singles to meet....

User - posted on 04/23/2009

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Being single has it's pro's and con's but you have to focus your attention yourself and your child. Do something special for yourself if it is nothing more than a manicure and pedicure or cook yourself a nice dinner, staying busy is going to distract you and make it easier. Nights are harder but the busier you keep yourself and the less caffeine you drink the more tired you will be and the easier it will get.

[deleted account]

Yes, the times can sometimes get lonely BUT..... I often am amazed and wonder what I did to deserve such a blessing of being entrusted to raise a beautiful human being all on my own - what an amazing and wonderful responsibility to be given! I know that my daughter will grow up happy and loving and secure, because I will bend over backward (sometimes at my expense) to show her that she is loved. She brings so much joy to my life - and is entirely better than the heartaches and headaches of the past. Sometimes we have to step back and realize that it is not all about us, and roll with the punches and work with what we've got. I know that there are lonely times, but maybe this forum will make things a bit easier! Just hang in there and realize that you were gifted with an amazing responsibility that some would envy. I think God blesses us single moms! We must be special people to be given a child and asked to do it all by ourselves. Think of how we will feel when they turn out to be wonderful contributors to the world! xxoo

Kristy-Lynn - posted on 04/23/2009

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It won't be this way forever. Depending on what kind of person you are. Some people join mom's and tot's groups. Plan playdates etc...Baby gyms..... just places where there are other mom's and babies. I was fortunate to have my family around and was not a group person so I hung out with my parents or siblings. I preferred to have one really close friend instead of many aquaintances. I also didn't like the judgement of being a single mom and found people always wanted to know your story and what happened. I didn't like always having to explain myself. So I kept to myself alot. I was very lonely too. But try to find ways to keep yourself busy and occupied so you don't notice it so much.

Rachel - posted on 04/23/2009

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It can be very lonely being a single mom, i have been a single mom for 4 years now. Some days are better than others. Try findin friends with kids or other single moms to hang out with that always helps. Just always find time for family and friends it will get easier as time goes on. Just hang in there and know it does get better..

Christina - posted on 04/23/2009

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I was a single mother for a long time, dead beat dad, the whole story. I recommend that you locate a play group for kids your childs age. Get to know the other mothers. We formed a group of about 4 of us and practiced what we call tag team parenting. This way, you have someone you can trust that if you want to go out can help with watching your child while you go out and have fun and you return the favor. Not to mention, it creates a great bond for the kids. My son, and I only have one, has a great bond with my God Son, they are like brothers. Who would have forseen that reaching out to someone else would have created such a long friendship for me and for my son. It can be difficult, but it gets easier with time.

Alexandra - posted on 04/23/2009

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It's really hard to be a lonely mom.... I live with my daughter at my parent's flat since she was only 1 month old.... my ex- leave us and he even doesn't give me some money for his daughter. I try to think positive, I'm working mom already and I hope that I'd not be alone all my life.
Good luck to all lonely moms here! I wish that we all will not feel lonely!!!

Felicia - posted on 04/23/2009

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It hurts to be alone with my son.Why because it seems that everyday goes by my son asks to see or speak to his dad,and the only response he gets is ill be there or call me back later.I cant keep lying to my child that his dad is working or busy that he cant even call him.The one thing i never done was direspect his dad to him.Even though hes sorry i want let him know that.Times goes by and days gets longer hell find out how sorry his dad really is.Until that day comes im his mother and father.

Wilma - posted on 04/23/2009

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I feel for u hun.. but i promise u it wil get better, jus give it time and prayer. Prayer you definitely need to calm your spirit. i'm a single parent to a 10 and an 8 year old, its been hard but i thank God for them both and the time i have with them seeing them grow. i try to ensure that i'm involved in activities at church and do have friends who are also single. Jus give it time and ask God in prayer for healing, peace and comfort... hope this helps

Cheryl - posted on 04/22/2009

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Hi Candace,


Dun be so despair. Always look at the brighter side. It is easy to say than to be done but you must be strong. U have to be a role model to your girl. M aso like you. Couldnt take it initially but I told myself I have to and I cannot collapse cos I have a girl for mi to look onto. So hope that you can build up yourself and open up. Get to know more friends and if they have the same experience as you, you can share with them or else keep yourself occupied to stop feeling lonely. 


Hope it will help u.


Quoting Candace:

Honey I compeletly understand how you feel and I wish I knew how to help! I was with my husband for 5 years and we have now been separated and divorced for going on 6 months. I filed for divorce for things he did and I couldn't deal with. So it has been one of the hardest things I've ever been through! Every friend I have has children but they also aren't single parents so they don't understand the things I go through. The other side of my friends are gay/lesbian so they don't have children at all. I have no friends that are single with children, so I feel alone all the time! Her dad is in her life and he does get her, but when he gets her I feel so lost and alone! I don't receive child support so I'm doing the best I can to make things work! I moved out of my mothers house because she lived in a 1 bedroom apt and I was tired of living out of the living room. So I live in a 1 bedroom apt and gave the bedroom to my daughter so she would have her own room and I made the living room my bedroom. I can't afford cable or the extra things, so on top of the lonely feeling, its not like I have anything to occupie my time with anyways! I'm so use to having something to clean or cook, you know I always had something to do! But now its just my daughter and I and nothing gets dirty! I've been trying to find activities to get into to keep myself busy, but I find myself not doing anything because I don't know how to get out and make new friends. It would be different if I had people to go out with me and help meet new people, but I guess for me I'm afraid of doing stuff alone. Anyways, I just keep hope and faith that things will get better! I take everyday 1 day at a time and try to make the best out of it! I try not to focus on the negative things, but to look at all the positive things and that seems to help me each day! Just keep your head up and keep faith that things will get better :)


 

Shelley - posted on 04/22/2009

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Quoting Nurse:

It does feel very lonely...you don't want to bring just anyone around your child and you don't have time to meet people...it's a very hard thing to do...and most of us didn't sign up to raise our kids alone.....i feel for ya!!


I can totally agree with this...You've got to not only find someone good enough for yourself, but good enough for your child.  That does make it a bit harder.

Nurse - posted on 04/22/2009

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It does feel very lonely...you don't want to bring just anyone around your child and you don't have time to meet people...it's a very hard thing to do...and most of us didn't sign up to raise our kids alone.....i feel for ya!!

Christine - posted on 04/22/2009

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well in what way are you lonely? for companionship? i am a single mom. always have been. i got divorced when my daughter was 13 months old. i was in a secure realtionship for almost 3 years after that ended, i thought it would be bad after that ended but i feel better than ever. i never imagined i would like being single but i actually love it! it's just me & my daughter & i get all my time with her & i woudn't have it any other way. i don't want a boyfriend at all, i like doing it all on my own. i surprise myself because years ago, i wouldn't have imagined feeling this way but it feels great! i don't feel onely, like wanting a man, because i don't. i want all of this time right now for me & my daughter because it is time that i will never get back with her. i will have time to find a companion later on. i don't want to try to balance dating & being a mom when my #1 priority is my daughter & that's all i care about.

Candace - posted on 04/22/2009

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Honey I compeletly understand how you feel and I wish I knew how to help! I was with my husband for 5 years and we have now been separated and divorced for going on 6 months. I filed for divorce for things he did and I couldn't deal with. So it has been one of the hardest things I've ever been through! Every friend I have has children but they also aren't single parents so they don't understand the things I go through. The other side of my friends are gay/lesbian so they don't have children at all. I have no friends that are single with children, so I feel alone all the time! Her dad is in her life and he does get her, but when he gets her I feel so lost and alone! I don't receive child support so I'm doing the best I can to make things work! I moved out of my mothers house because she lived in a 1 bedroom apt and I was tired of living out of the living room. So I live in a 1 bedroom apt and gave the bedroom to my daughter so she would have her own room and I made the living room my bedroom. I can't afford cable or the extra things, so on top of the lonely feeling, its not like I have anything to occupie my time with anyways! I'm so use to having something to clean or cook, you know I always had something to do! But now its just my daughter and I and nothing gets dirty! I've been trying to find activities to get into to keep myself busy, but I find myself not doing anything because I don't know how to get out and make new friends. It would be different if I had people to go out with me and help meet new people, but I guess for me I'm afraid of doing stuff alone. Anyways, I just keep hope and faith that things will get better! I take everyday 1 day at a time and try to make the best out of it! I try not to focus on the negative things, but to look at all the positive things and that seems to help me each day! Just keep your head up and keep faith that things will get better :)

Tara - posted on 04/21/2009

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I don't think so... Well, I mean, being a PARENT is the hardest job there is - we can all agree with that! =) I'm single, and yet I've spoken to so many of my married girlfriends who have kids and they, too, say that they feel "lonely" all the time because either their husbands are at work most of the time or when they're home, they can't relate to each other's day anymore. So, it takes working on ourselves either way. My little guy is 16 months old, and I honestly don't think my hormones leveled til after he was a year old. Since then, I've felt way more able to cope with everything life throws my way. Sure, when he does something cute or new, it would be nice to share that...but that's what girlfriends are for! =) Look online for a mommy/baby group that meets once or twice a week at a park or something to play...or, start a home business as something fun and exciting for you to focus on. Hope this helps.

Sara - posted on 04/21/2009

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I know how u feel.... the evening are the lonliest!!



Just good to know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.....I'm sure u will meet someone to end the lonliness soon!!

If u'd like to chat, let me know!!



x Sara

Sue - posted on 04/21/2009

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Hi, I am a single mum of 3. When I was with my babies father, I moved with him for his work away from my family and the place I had grown up in. When we split up he stole the 2 months rent money I had put aside and totally trashed my house. I had to persuade my landlord to let me use my bond to keep the roof over mine and my childrens head. My youngest is 13months old so I am not working at the min and can't afford to move back near my family. I am out "in the sticks" on my own with my children (a 6yr old boy, 4yr old girl and 13month old boy). The dads do not see my children or pay a penny for them. The only way I keep my sanity is by never sitting still. I go to play groups 4 days a week, swimming, park, long walks... anythin so I don't have time to sit and think. Then bed time for the children arrives and if there is nothin good on tv, I clean the house, iron clothes, do crosswords... Again, anythin to stop me thinkin. Then when I know I am that tired that I will fall straight asleep, I go to bed. Then get up at 6.30 the next morning and do it all again. I think I know how you're feeling but there are 2 things that keep me going.... 1: knowing I am not alone in this situation and 2: knowing that my kids are the happiest they have ever been because they have their mum focused on them and doing her damned hardest to make sure they know every day that I love them so much and do not need a partner to make me happy because they manage that withoput even trying. Good luck x

Chantel - posted on 04/21/2009

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For me the worst time is when my son goes to bed and i am on my own. During the day it's easier to surround your self with friends family etc. I haven't given up hope of metting "Mr Right" but it is hard. One piece of advice i would give you is make sure you take some time for yourself, don't lose yourself because that was what i did. When my ex left i told my self I was only going to focus on being a mum and nothing else and now 11 years later I'm am trying to figure out who I am apart from a mum. You can be more than just a mum. Remember single parents are doing the job of 2 parents we deserve a bloody medal. Good luck surround yourself with people that love you and piss off the negative ones.

Audrey - posted on 04/21/2009

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It's the hardest, lonliest three and a half years I've ever been through. I'm always at my mom or sister's place. My daughter's father is not allowed to see and even when he was allowed he never pitched up or else he'd arrive high or as drunk as a lord. I had to get a protection order against him, he was emotionally abusive and later became physically abusive. When Cailtlyn was 2, she came out and said " my daddy touch my pee pee and I touch his winkie" it broke my heart! He threatened all the friends I had and one by one they all disappeared. The one and only true friend I have left is my best friend Pia. We never saw each other for almost a year, he threatened to kill her if I didn't stop being her friend and I cut all ties to protect her. We don't alot of one another but we sms and chat alot. Even though my family and Pia are there for me, none of them understands how lonely it is being a single mom. I own my own business, between working and looking after my daughter I don't find the time to go out and meet new friends. My mom is terrified of looking after my daughter and won't take her for me to have time out and my sister just isn't a kiddie person. I love my daughter more than anything else in life but I've found I've stopped being her mom and become her best friend instead. It's not healthy for either of us.

Bonita - posted on 04/20/2009

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I went into programs for moms. A mom's support group, I also havea nurse that comes to my house once a week. I try to go out for supper with a friend once a month. I find that doing these things help with the loneliness. Just keeping busy I find works, even doing little things like going for a walk everyday.

Emily - posted on 04/20/2009

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hey girl, i was living at my parents house when i had my son, i was 16 all my friends left me and the dad is a dead beat. my family was always out doing things i felt i couldnt do cause i was scared of my son gettin to much sun or this and that. i felt totally alone and had a huge break down. being a mom is effin hard xpecially when you baby sleeps eats and poops, oh dont forget cry lol. but tristian is now a yr old and he is so much fun, i dont feel alone at all and the family is kinda the same. i have so much fun chasing him around the house, and scream at the top of our lungs together he is so much fun. it does get better.

Teea - posted on 04/20/2009

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oh my daughter also has never seen her real dad ,but my family and i have a friend he lets amber call him dad he's a great guy ...

Teea - posted on 04/20/2009

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i know how you feel girl, i'm a single mom myself and its hard being alone ,i've been alone for 7 yrs now, but don't give up hope , if your looking for a guy ,the right one will come along someday. i also want someone to love me and to love my child as thier own ..or just to feel loved you know ....its depressing to be alone and we shouldn't feel this way . but if you are dpressed i would talk to someone about it ...

Terri - posted on 04/18/2009

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Quoting Kelly:

is it always so lonley being a single mum ?

can you help me i feel alone



how can i help u out.. i want to try to do wat eva i can that will help u out sense we both r single parents

Terri - posted on 04/18/2009

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it very very hard bein a single parent.. ive been takin care of my daughter ever sense she was born... there was alot of times that i needed the help but i got through it b myself.. it gets really lonely bein a single parent cause u really want the other parent there wit u but for some people they dont have that choice...it helps when u have friends around an that still spend time wit u cause they can help out an u end up not bein that lonely or make new friends from doin activity wit ur chikd... it helps alot when u become fiends wit single parents that r goin through the same thing ur goin through cause than u will know that ur not the only one that is havin a rough life.. i met couple single parents that r goin through the same thing as me an it makes me stronger an wok harder to figh for wat im tyin to get for my daughtere an to make a better life for her...

Christa - posted on 04/18/2009

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I feel very alone. I live with my parents currently, but it can still feel very lonely. I thankfully have a friend in a similar situation to mine and we spend a lot of time together with our kids. It helps a lot to have a friend in the same situation. Branch out and get to know some other single mothers it helps a lot.

Candice - posted on 04/18/2009

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i know the feeling. it comes and goes for me. some days are lonelier than others. i also spend alot of time with my parents, just visiting, because they are close. i lost alot of my "friend time" when i turned into a mom. i have found recently that i am not the only one in this boat though..just by reading the posts on here. i also have some older ladies in my building who enjoy the baby so much that i visit with them a few times a week. she's like the grandchild they don't have. i LIVE at the mall just to get out of the house sometimes. and i recently made friends with another mom in my building.



but yes, the feeling of being "alone in it all" is still there. the responsibility on our shoulders is pretty great, and having no one to share the joys and sorrows with is a lonely feeling. but try to think of the positive things:

you are gonna be your child's safe place to fall. they will always reach for you, rely on YOU, want YOU. you will be the most special person in their world. you will see all the new tricks they do, be there for the first words and all the other milestones. and you will be stronger for having survived this all. it doesn't change the loneliness, but it helps cope with it :)

Crystal - posted on 04/18/2009

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It's very hard to be a single mom... for me it was the worst right after i moved out of my parents house... i was at their house almost everyday because of how lonley i was... after a while i kinda got used to being lonely... then i started to make a few friends around my house and it got less lonely... i also called some of my friends both who are parents and who are not and would get together with them a few times a week... about the only advise i have is make sure to make time with friends and family when you can and just go day by day... eventually it won't be so bad... don't worry too much it won't last forever...

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