Is it ok to strip a father of his rights if he is not in the picture?

Kelly - posted on 02/17/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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My son is 4 now and his father has never really been apart of his life, and doesn't really love him. The man I am with and wanting to further my life with says he would love to adopt my son one day when we get married. Will doing this hurt my son in the long run?

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Karen - posted on 12/21/2012

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hi i was married for 15yrs and i spilt from my husband in 2009 because he choose to be a drug user he just left my 3 children never seen them for three yrs then we tryed to have anthnor go in feb 2012 he told me he was clean of drugs but as the months went by i noticed he was a drinker and worse than ever he lied once agen he just got up and vanished agen my children are heartbroken as this is the second time now he has gone can i take him to court and get rid of his paretnal rights as a dad

Karen - posted on 12/21/2012

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hi i was married for 15yrs and i spilt from my husband in 2009 because he choose to be a drug user he just left my 3 children never seen them for three yrs then we tryed to have anthnor go in feb 2012 he told me he was clean of drugs but as the months went by i noticed he was a drinker and worse than ever he lied once agen he just got up and vanished agen my children are heartbroken as this is the second time now he has gone can i take him to court and get rid of his paretnal rights as a dad

Pamela - posted on 11/26/2011

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As long as you are honest in giving your son the truth about his biological father and his adoptive father there should be no problem.

You may wish to wait until the relationship has truly reached the committed stage, meaning when you are married and the husband has begun adoptive procedures.

By law you must attempt to locate the birth father and when this is done he must give his permission. You have no idea if his birth father really wants him.

My first husband didn't really show up in his son's life and demand inclusion until my son nearly died and he was contacted. Then he showed up and fought for custody after my son had reached 9.5 years of age. So you never really know how the biological father may react.

Prayerfully you will not face a battle in your situation, but realize that it could occur.

May your relationship with the man you now love and his willingness to adopt your son prosper and grow. May all of your family dreams come true.

Amy - posted on 11/22/2011

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I too live in Texas and am dealing with a problem "father figure". He has not seen his son or daughter in 8 months, forgot thier birthdays, but has not reappeared. My 8 year old has gone through the grieving process and tells people he his dead to her. But to thier "father" this is all my doing. He is now calling my daughter regularly and she won't answer. The voicemails scare me!! He routinely cries and tells her he just wants to love her. Or he blast her with insults. The worst part of it all HE IS A COP!!! And I can't get a restraining order God Bless Waller County!!! I wish you the best of luck and Pray your son finds a good dad.

Kelly - posted on 04/15/2010

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I have found proving abandonment can strip him, I live in Texas and taking his rights wont be that hard, he is on probation as I found out for " tickling his fancy" in front of an elementary school.... I have a feeling this might be easier then thought.

Alison - posted on 02/28/2010

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No it won't hurt your son. Especially he haven't been involved in your son's life.

Jessica - posted on 02/28/2010

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i doubt it, you can ask the courts (when the time comes for the adoption) to dispense with consent. basically you ask the court to keep the child's biological father out of the adoption process and dont give him a choice on giving up his rights to your husband. you need to prove that he has not supported or been a part of the child's life for the past 4 years though. its pretty easy to do.

Angila - posted on 02/28/2010

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Depends on what state your in and if you have ever been on Tanf and he owes back child support to the state. Even if he wants to sign off on his rights, the state might not let you. Didn't matter to them that he had nothing to do with them or that he left state 2 days after he got out of jail for not paying child support and on a suspended sentence. So I just changed their last names to my husbands. My children said that it was better than nothing.

Claire - posted on 02/28/2010

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if a father hasnt seen his child for 3 years straight he automatically loses his rights my sons dad did he tryed and failed

Shannon - posted on 02/28/2010

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I would say that if your son doesn't know his father and his father is willing to sign off rights then go for it. Just by him signing of rights should prove that he can't be a good father. If this fiance has always been a dad to him then that is great that he wants to adopt him. Good luck to you.

Coreen - posted on 02/27/2010

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Unfortunatly you cant strip him of his rights, he has to sign them away and most me will use that against you. If you can prove why he should have them taken away and why it is the best interest of the child then you may be successful. Aways try to seek legal advice.

Rachel - posted on 02/20/2010

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Donna, there is a legal action to relinquish parental rights. This can be done voluntarily or involuntarily. Check with your local court (on the web site, likely). I know that in my state, the parental rights can be relinquished after 6 months of non-participation and/or child support paying.

Gloria - posted on 02/19/2010

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i think not...your son needs a father figure in his life and if u wait around until his real father decides to be apart of his life hes going to miss out on a lot so i think it would be a great ideal to let her soon to be husband apopt your son.

Donna - posted on 02/19/2010

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How can we strip the father his rights? I want to know! My son father is a deadbeat father or shall is say an asshole! He worthless! He never made any effort to be with his son but yet he blames me for all of it! Go figures! The man i am with, feels the same way as your man does! Wants to be his father and adopt in the near future too! Can anyone suggest how we can strip that deadbeat father off? I really want to know how! I was told that you cant do that! I know i have fought to get him for child support but that doesnt seem to work either! Help me here too!!!! Any suggestions??

Rachel - posted on 02/19/2010

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I feel that it is fine for another man to adopt your son if the bio father chooses not to participate in his life and as long as the other man cares for the child. If children get love, guidance and discipline, I don't think they'll resent you for anything. I wouldn't keep the bio father a secret from the child, though. You might want to ask a child therapist what would be the best answer for when he asks about the bio father - something that won't damage the child.

Kelly - posted on 02/18/2010

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I really hope it will be just like that :) Ash is close to tim but he was close to his father, see his dad come around about 2 months out of every year and see's him about every other weekend of that year and when he does ashton gets really excited then all of a sudden Matt is gone again and ashton is soo hurt and crys why doesn't daddy want to see me any more, it kills me that a human can do this to his child?

Cathy - posted on 02/18/2010

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I have a son who is all grown up now. His dad walked out before he was born and never look back. If the man your with now wants to take your son as his own. I say go for it. Someday when he able to understand it. Sit him and explain to him about his dad. My son knows his dad walked out on me before he was born and never looked back. My son is close to his step dad in many ways now. My son is a father now. He is never going to walk out on his child like his dad it to him. Good luck.

Kelly - posted on 02/18/2010

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Yes he knows who is real father is he calls him by his first name and understands that he is his father, but he also realizes that tim is a much better person and that his d-a-d never comes over and see's him and ask questions about it all the time. It breaks my heart.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2010

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hi the bio father of my son told me to choose between him and my son he told me to get rid of him needless to say i got rid of the so called father, he has nothing to do with my son my fiance has taken my kids on as his own my little 4 month old is classed as his legaly he put his name on the birth certificate he loves my son, if the fathers want nothing to do with their kids then i would give full parental responsibility to the guy that your with he sounds like he wants to have your son as his own, i will tell my son the truth about everything but thats for my own reasons that if he ever found out then hey i already told him i havent kept anything from him then he can find out what a waste of space his bio father is, good luck hun hope it all goes well for you xx

Tjuana - posted on 02/17/2010

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I dont think that it will hurt your son. But I do suggest that you let you son know and give him an understanding of the situation as he gets older. One day, the db may come up and say or do something that can cause your son not knowing that can bite you in the future. Once he gets older, he will understand why you did what you did and you will not be at fault.

Tiffany - posted on 02/17/2010

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Your son will understand in the long run. My son's "donor" has never seen him and has signed off on his rights. The only thing I might warn you about is he may not give up his rights which is stupid if he doesn't love or see him but some men do it to us just to be assholes. I understand it is hard my son is 7 months and I still question if I should try to involve the "donor" who left when I was 2 months pregnant( we had a bad relationship).

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