Is it possible to remain civil with your child(ren) father after a bad breakup?

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Karen - posted on 07/14/2009

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Hey Latoya, I think it is possible. I left my husband because he was constantly cheating on me, stole $10,000 from me, put all the bills under my name and never paid them putting me in big financial trouble and ignored his son! So, ibelieve I had every right to be the bitter ex. However I'm much to big for that, and it's not about us anymore, it's about our son, and thats the only thing that matters to me. I have nothing to do with him except when he sees our son, so I'm civil to him then and other that that we have nothing to do with each other. I also hate that he is such a stink father to our son, but even at 3 he is staring to pick up on things and I think its better for him to figure out his Dads an asshole by himself than to hear it from me.

Antoinette - posted on 07/13/2009

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i try but i don`t even bother anymore he doens`t call he emails to ask me for the kids or just shows up i let go my kids don`t even ask about him


he was in jail and never really was there anyway and now cause he with the new one he wants to have time when he wants but i don`t have the time it `s up to you

Candice - posted on 06/25/2009

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i keep conversations centered around baby. "she ate this today, she needs this later," etc. when he is obnoxious, i answer with "ok" or just ignore him. he can't fight unless i fight too. it keeps the arguments to a minimum.

Greta - posted on 06/25/2009

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For the sake of the children, I would try my hardest. No matter what happened between you two, the child should not have to pay the price for that. I know it's hard. Believe me.

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Leah - posted on 07/13/2009

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you have to stay civil for your child, My daughters dad is a deadbeat and i can't stand him, but, after a lot of fighting ( not around my daughter) we came to an agreement that we don't have to be friends, but in the case of my daughter, we will be civil, no fighting, no argments, just facts and agreements. It seems to be working okay.

Andrea - posted on 07/12/2009

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It is definately possible to be civil - you have to be! I have only been separated from my husband for a few months, so civility is all I can muster right now. I hope that as time goes by I can tolerate in the same room with him for more than a few minutes and stand the sound of his voice. We were together for 16 years - It just going to take time......

THEODORA - posted on 07/08/2009

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For your childrens sake you should do your best....I have the same question almost every day in my life...specially when i'm asking my self why he is in my son's life since he does 1-2 months to see him.....
BUT thing first what your children will say about you in the years to come??????
You want them to be proud about you and to feel that you are the best mum in the world.....ignore him totally,thing how much you love your children and that's it.
I know its tough.Good luck

Mary - posted on 07/07/2009

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with a bad break up it's hard to be civil with the kids father if the kids have a good relationship with their father that is the important thing the kids need thrir father in their life it is possible to be civil to the kids father i know from experiance it not always a walk in the park

Amanda - posted on 07/01/2009

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i guess it depends on the father... i try and be civil with my ex for my sons sake, but he always picks fights and twists my words... at least im able to talk to his parents without arguments or nasty words... but there again my ex was a violent jerk.

Kiri - posted on 07/01/2009

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Like the other Mum's replies I think it's a matter of having to for the Kid's sake. I struggle with it myself but just keep reminding myself that it's not the kid's fault that their Dad is a **%#!!****

Marquita - posted on 06/30/2009

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Yes it is; You both have to just come to an understanding that every thing that you'll talk about and do is only about the kids.

[deleted account]

It is possible to remain civil. You must keep in mind that the most important person in the "relationship" is your child. If you allow him to have the upper hand he will always be able to control you and your feelings. You don't have to be best friends, but for the sake of the child be civil. Once you learn and he learns that he is not in control of your feelings and emotions things will get better. And most important thing to keep in mind is to NEVER, NEVER bad mouth him to your children. My ex-husband and I have always put out daughter first, when she says things about not liking him I just tell her she knows its not true. Always stand your ground with him.

[deleted account]

Yes I have a friend who found out her husband was cheating on her with another women. She filed for divorce and got custody of at the time her daughter was 8. 31 days after the divorce was finalized he remarried. For the sake of her daughter they were civil to each other. The daughter is now 25 yrs old and it paid off.

Michelle - posted on 06/30/2009

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It is possible. I have been learning in my expereince you can make it work, You just have to tell urself before a phone call or seeing in person, has nothing to do with how you feel bout him and that it is all for the sake of your child and when you start to think bout ur child ur going to smile and try your best to keep yourself from wanting to strangle him and keep convo light and only bout ur child.Its hard becaus emy sons dad is a deadbeat but...it is what it is and theres nothing I can do bout it.if anytimew you need to vent im hear to listen

Brooke - posted on 06/30/2009

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It is possible to be civil with the father of your child. It's even possible to be on friendly terms (eventually)! I had a terrible, destructive and abusive, relationship with my son's father and when we eventually ended it, it was the best thing we could ever do for ourselves and our child. My son's father is now married and has another child on the way but I am not bitter about it as I was never happy with him anyway - I remind myself of that if I ever get a bit upset. Our son has two happy parents and also a loving stepmother and stepsister, and I am thankful for that. Things can be difficult between us adults at times but the communication is limited to our son and we all try to get along for his sake. That is the most important thing. I myself have divorced parents and they are both very bitter still - 25 years down the track! They cannot be in the same room, which makes things very hard for myself and 3 siblings. I found it very damaging that I was exposed to my parents hatred of each other from such a young age (2years.) It is in everyone's best interests to be adults and keep the peace.

Anna - posted on 06/29/2009

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i had a bad break up with my baby father the only time i talk to him now is when i have to for marcus. but in order he dosent see me jason father picks masrcus up and drops him off. this way i dont have to see him or be polite to him and marcus still gets to see his father.

Sherry - posted on 06/29/2009

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It is possible. The most important thing is to think of your children. Every situation is different, I know. We don't know your circumstances... but even if it is difficult... keep your kids out of the conflict.

Dominique - posted on 06/27/2009

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I too had a bad breakup and do not get along with the father of my children. But I agree with what others have said: For the sake of the children, you need to behave. I do keep the conversation centered on the kids and whenever I sense that a conversation is going out of hands, I tell him "this conversation is going no where and I will now end it. Bye" And I hang up the phone or push him gently but firmly out of the house. To limit the contact, I use to wait for him bringing back the kids outside the door (on the balcony), so he would not come inside and not leave. Also, I try to repeat on and on the same short message (ei: I will not go back with you) and this leaves him no grip to argue on.

Sharmaine - posted on 06/27/2009

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i myself had very bad break up with the father of my kids. at first it was very bad. couldn;t even speak to each other. as the time when by. we had contact with courts. contact with the childrens. lot my easy now their older. we have to make good or bad choices in life. i did what was best for my childrens. happiness. we get on better as we are not together anymore. i feel that was the best choice for my children.

Cynthia - posted on 06/25/2009

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ITSpossible. be THE mature dult at all times. It seems if you go off on them thats what they like lol. make everything about the kids nothing personal and you got to pray for them. That has been the key for me. It is so hard in the beginning but you got to trust and believe that God is the only one that can fix them!!

Michelle - posted on 06/25/2009

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I believe it is possible. At least for your child(ren)'s sake. Plus it will teach your children how to be a responsible adult. You don't have to like him but, you should at lest be respectful.It's not worth harming your children just because you don't like or agree with someone. Keep those subjects only between each other respectfully .

[deleted account]

Me too, he's an utter cretin; but for the sake of our son I am civil - mind moving a good 30-40 minutes away from him has helped enormously and I have little to do with him.

The trick I've discovered is to keep the conversation to a bare minimum. :-)
Jacq.

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