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Is this normal sexual behavior for a 4 year old, and how do I deal with it?

Kristina - posted on 09/15/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have had several complaints from my 4 year old son's daycare that he is exposing his private parts to other children, sometimes trying to get them to touch his penis, and getting other children to expose their privates to him and other children (and because he now knows it is not appropriate, he tries to do it in secret, hiding behind trees, etc.). There is nothing overtly sexual about the incidents. It seems more about curiosity than a sexual thing, so I'm hoping I can rule out that he's being sexually abused. All the research I've done seems to say this is fairly normal, except that he's a little more into it than the average child. He has always been very fascinated by his penis, he plays with it all the time, and has been getting self-stimulated erections since before he was two years old. I have tried to explain that this is a private thing, and that he needs to go to his room when he wants to do this. I have also tried to explain that it is not appropriate to play this way with other children, especially at daycare, and that their privates belong to them, and are for their privacy too.



I have had such a hard time with this, because I was molested as a child, and I am terrified that something may be happening to him that I don't know. I also don't want to over-react if this is just innocent child behavior, and cause him to feel shame about his body and his sexuality. Please help me with any experiences any of you may have had, and how it was dealt with. I just don't know what else to do, or how to explain this to him in a way that will allow for a healthy sexual development. Thanks in advance, K.

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3 Comments

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Ashley - posted on 10/29/2012

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This is perfectly normal. My son and daughter are two years apart. I never had trouble with them at school but at home was a different story. Not that it was ever a problem. Since about 4 they would always show themselves and play with themselves to each other. We bathed with them and them together so it was never a big deal. During play dates with other kids they were always looking and touching each other so the other mothers and I recognized it as a normal thing. My kids are older now and my daughter 12 has eased up but my son 14 has never stopped and masturbates constantly. But he knows it is only to be done at home. I am sure my daughter will start experimenting soon. They don't really show themselves to each other on purpose anymore but also are not shy about being naked around each other or us. I Love to masturbate so why wouldn't they. I think just try to explain to him that he needs to only do that stuff at home. Maybe let him explore your and your husband's body and explore his and his curiosity will be satisfied at home.

Lisa - posted on 04/22/2012

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Masturbation and sex play among kids is pretty normal actually. You have to realize they are done for more curiosity sakes at his age. Sex play comes in 2 times in life it seems. Either around 3-5 when kids are first around each other so are curious about others bodies. And around the tween/early teen years which it's then more done for sexual reasons. I say let your child know that if anyone is touching them they need to tell you and keep the door open.

Amanda - posted on 09/18/2011

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I suppose the best way to go about it is to ask him how he learned that and ask him if anyone has ever asked him to do that before. I really dont have much experience with this but you do have to remember that kids are naturally curious about their bodies.

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