is this the right way to deal with a 13 year child

Jacks - posted on 09/13/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I am wanting to know what everyone feels is the right way to handle this. If your 13 year old niece kicked you in the face and you told her not to do it again b/c you are in pain and her mom and grandmother was sitting right there and she did it again. what would you do. keep in mind that you have 3 children and they are seeing this as well. i might be wrong in the way i handle this but i think i did what needed to be done. and that is grab her foot and put it down then turn her over my knees and spanked her butt with my hand 3 times knowing it didnt hurt her but got the message that i was not taking it. my mom and sister feels that i should have look at them and told them to make her stop. but my thing is they were sitting right there when it was happening and did not say anything now they are saying she was playing with me. but i dont think kicking someone in the face is playing. just wanted to know whatever ones out look is on this

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Faye - posted on 09/14/2011

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I don't know that I would have stopped at 3 swats! Her mom should have helped with the discpline. Was she grounded once she got home? Was there more punishment (from her parents) once she got home? Just some questions I would be asking my sister if it had happened to me.

Tammy - posted on 09/15/2011

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At 13 years old she should know better then to kick someone in the face. If you sister is upset with the way you handled it maybe she should practice better parenting to teach her child that we do not hit or kick people. I would have done the same thing.....

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Myra - posted on 09/26/2011

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If they did not say anything then you have the right to put a stop to he kicking.

Jacks - posted on 09/22/2011

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thanks all.. my sister after thinking about for 3 day has came to me and said she was sorry for not saying anything to her child,and for jumping on me. that i am her aunt and she should have respect for me and that i have the right has aunt to correct her child just like or aunts and uncles had the right to correct us. the 13 year old came up to me and said she had never had anyone treat her that way and she was glad that i did. she still says she was playing and i explained that kicking someone in the face or putting your hands on them is not playing. we or still working out others problems but with the grace of God i know we will be alright. i dont know if what i did has made her change her ways but around me i see a whole new child. she does not back talk anymore and she is trying to watch what she says. i know it will take her sometime to get it down after all she has been acting this way for a very long time and getting away with it. now if my sister means what she says i think her children is getting ready to have a wake up call. maybe what happen was for the best. maybe it made eveyone open thier eyes and see what i have seen all along. lets hope that she sticks to her words and be a mother first and friend last. as for me and my mother that is a different story we have alot that we have to work on. but again thanks to all of you. i am sure i will have another post soon. lets just hope that it is not drama. i have had enough to last a lofe time. God bless everyone.

Amy - posted on 09/21/2011

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I personally wouldn't have spanked someone elses child unless I had that persons permission (family or not) it's just too risky in this day and age and I wouldn't want to risk it. I would have however looked at my mother and sister and told them both that since they couldn't seem to be bothered to pay attention and discipline the 13 year old then you were leaving and taking your children with you. I would have told them that you were trying to teach your children more respect than that and until they decided to show some guts and discipline the 13 year old they could leave you and your children alone.

Michelle - posted on 09/20/2011

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Well if it does come down to her calling the police, you can play that game to. Kicking someone in the face is against the law. It's called assault and if there is actual contact, it's called assault and battery.

Tammy - posted on 09/15/2011

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Iam glad you are a strong women it shows in your commitment. to your children. Sorry about the choices you ex made. My son father also chose drugs over us and ended up dying from them six years ago. Stay string and know things will work out and don't worry about what your family says. You are 30 you no longer need there approval. Your life is now about you and your children..... good luck girl. Stay strong and all will be provided in time.... ;)

Jacks - posted on 09/15/2011

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agian thanks tammy the sad part is i am the youngest of 4 children and i am the only one who wants to teach their children right from wrong. my oldest brother just had is first baby a year ago and sorry to say dss has step in and took her. my 2nd borther has 3 children one he signed the rights away too the other he left with the mother to have his 3rd with another women. and then my sister has 4 and you know how hers are. iam not saying my children are angels cause they are not they do get in trouble but their is reactions to their actions if they are wrong they get discpline and not always by spankings it all depends on what is that they do and if they repeat it or not. they no there are rules to be followed and no matter where you go at in life or what you do their will always be rules. I am 30 years old and have 3 kids all a year apart. 9,8,7 2 boys and a little girl. had a good life with my ex husband intill some things went south the biggest one him choosen drugs over his family. i left him with the house, car and anything else that was in the house and moved in with my mom and dad. now i am stuck here intill i can get out. i cant get out cause i am fighting to get on disabilty cause of a injury that occured on my job. i was a cna making 1200 every 2weeks now i have nothing. and my childrens dad want pay child support or help out in anyway. so agian thanks for your advice it makes me feel good knowing that i am trying to teach my kids right from wrong and not being to hard on them. all i want is for children to grown up in a loving, caring home and feel good about their childhood when they grow up and hopefully they will teach their children right from wrong. i wear my heart on my sleves and sometimes it hurts alot specially when your on mom makes you feel like crap. i have always been there for her and dad when ever they needed something or was in the hosptial. one of their only children that was. and still their only child that will still do it. my borthers want talk to neither one of them and my sister is around when she needs help. it saddens me to know that no matter what i do i know it will never be right in my moms eyes. so thanks agian. i know i write alot and i am sorry for that. but it is me i am a talker and i gues that shows.

Tammy - posted on 09/15/2011

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also if this is the way your sister is raising here children then she is just adding to the problems of the world. You be proudbthat you live your children enought to teach them right from wrong. Your sister could learn afewbthungs from you. Sad to say but maybe its time to cut the ties if she threating you with the law.....

Tammy - posted on 09/15/2011

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I feel like you mother is behaving in a very in mature way to this. There is no good reason to go around spanking kids out of revenge or to prove a point. Only out of love and guidance should we ever lay a hand on a child. Why is she behaving this way if You were raised the same way? I have a 12 year old boy and is absolutely no way he would ever dream of kicking his aunt or anyone in the face becouse he knows it Is wrong. Maybe your mom should try to figure out why she is defending the wrong behavior of her grandchild so much...

Jacks - posted on 09/15/2011

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thanks to both of you. my mother said i was wrong and wanted me to put a survey up to see how many people would do what i did and how many people would say i was wrong. so far both have said they would have done the same thing. i have talk to friends and other family members as well and they all say they would have done the same thing. now my mom is saying she still feels like i was wrong and said next time one of my children gets out of line she will do the same thing. my response to that was as long as they deserve it, it would not bother me i would give them more when i found out. that is how she raised me and that is how i am rasing mine. so thanks again i really feel alot better knowing i am not the only one who had that reaction.

Jacks - posted on 09/15/2011

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No Faye nothing was done to her. Her parents feels like i did wrong. and said they are calling the law on me. if they press charges i have no idea what will happen. the thing is my sister dont believe in spanking her children and this child will stand up and back talk she gets her way all the time, and when she did that to me with my own children sitting there watching i had to do something or my children would think they could do the same and get away with it. her children will talk like this "you are a hoe' thinking that since they use it like a garden tool that is fine and my sister dont say anything another ex "you are a witch" her children does what they want when they want. i know she loves them but she is more like a friend to them then a mother. i can not sit down and talk to her about anything to do with her children. when i do it is always a fight. and our mother always take her side. so i feel (even if i thnk i am right) i am always wrong.

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