Just needing to vent...

Sarah - posted on 11/13/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am 25 years old and I live in a city where I have no friends and very and I mean very few family members. I am only here because my mother is close which is great for my two daughters, Kaitlyn (4) and Abigail (2). I have been a single mom even before I had these two girls. I am an independent person and have never really pictured myself getting married, like no one would want me or something. I have been an on and off again student. I just feel like life is so difficult right now. I havent been working while I am going to school and I am desperate for a job now. I have been in a relationship with this guy who is unbelievably selfish. I know he loves me but he only thinks about himself and his future. He doesnt know if he can ever see himself as a family man and I used to have a lot of fun with him but lately he is just on the computer or playing a game on his phone. I know he hasnt been cheating cause he is ALWAYS at the house but he takes no interest in my life or even take an interest in doing things with me and my girls or even with just me.... I am ALWAYS kicking him out and I have never been an angry person but I am starting to get really angry with everything. I mean angry. I have never lost my temper and I am just furious and easily irritated with everything... I am so mad and its mostly at him... He has this awesome job in which he gets money just to spend it on whatever he wants. I pay my bills and utilities. I just dont understand why I am putting myself through this frustration... I wait to see a difference and I know I shouldnt hold my breath... I just dont know why I continue to torture myself????

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Mama Gaby - posted on 11/19/2010

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i think for the sake of your babies you should leave him for good because they need a happy mother and children can feel your frustrations. please dont put them that kind of life they deserve better and you do too.

Sarah - posted on 11/18/2010

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So I read all of your comments and I must say Thank you! I never really took a chance to vent and I appreciate all of the feedback. To give a little update, I have been spending a lot more time with my children. I am still torturing myself in the relationship aspect and it kinda sucks... He has started helping out around the house and helping with my life but there are still some major flaws. I know this is not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and when I said before that I never pictured getting married cause no one wants me, that was before. I know I am a good girl and there is nothing wrong with me. I guess I just never pictured marriage because I have seen a lot of heartache. I like being alone and thats why it is sooo hard to be in this relationship because in some aspects I feel alone when he is sitting next to me and I think why am I not alone?? I like spending time with my kids and my family and after next week I will start taking online classes to be able to work a little bit. I DO need to join some sort of group and exercising would be GREAT because I have packed on some serious depression pounds. I am doing much better controlling my anger and just walking away from the situation. I just know this is like an addiction and I have to take it one day at a time. I am really trying to fight this.... I am just praying I can...

Jennifer - posted on 11/17/2010

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Hi Sarah, we hear you! I was VERY angry in my last relationship and I didn't like it - not may anger, not who I was becoming. I left him and the truth is that sometimes I'm so lonely that I ache HOWEVER I'm no longer angry all the time :-) And I have hope, which I had lost in that relationship. Like you I wasn't with a cheater or a violent man, he was just utterly unmotivated and dependent on me. It's scary going out there in the worl but believe me, if I could do it anyone can - I was terrified! I agree about finding some mama/baby groups and also continue reaching out online - you may make friends here who live nearby. Slowly but surely your circle of loved ones will grow. Put yourself out there girl! You deserve it!

Lashanda - posted on 11/17/2010

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It sounds like he is the biggest reason that you are so unhappy. It may seem hard to let go of things in your life that's bringing you to your lowest point, but in the long run, you will feel so much more better. Being a single mother, trying to go to school and being worried about finding a job can be very stressful. I was once there. Things will get better through prayer and faith. Hang in there and by all means, get rid of him if he can't do better by you.

Desiree - posted on 11/16/2010

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Dear Sarah,
Having a man around is not the answer to your problems.First off he doesn't care about you or two precious babies. If he did, he would be showing more interest and talking about being a real family, marriage included. Your little girls should be too precious to have a man stressing u out. i am a single mom and i look at my daughter everyday as a blessing even though i am not with her dad. i have found someone better than any man on this earth, and that is Jesus Christ! I can depend upon Him, He will never leave me nor forsake me, He is my rock and my strength, on Him i can depend on anything, When i looked back on the life I use to live i thank God for my little girl, having her was the beginning of a relationship with Him and I didn't realize it at the time. Nothing much of the world seem to matter when she was born, and even now i know the truth of this world and some of the people will only bring u heartache and despair. Their is a good man out there for you, trust in Jesus and He will provide,sweetie, He did just only for today when i was broke and He intervened now i can get the things i need for my daughter. He uses people to intervene at times or in His own divine and supernatural way! Prayer is the key to any situation, once u have faith in believing. My suggesting to u is to get the never failing friend through prayer and repentance. He loves u Sarah and He is calling out to you. He wants to take away all your burdens and make it light for you. Drop that guy he will only frustrate u more than ever. For Jesus said " Therefore I say unto you, Do not worry for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body what ye shall put on.The life is more than meat, and the body more than raiment.Consider the ravens:for they neither sow nor reap;which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them:how much more are ye better than the fowls? And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.For all these things do the nations of the world seek after:and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things will be added unto you. Love you and stay strong! Jesus loves you before the beginning of time!! :)

Janet - posted on 11/15/2010

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If he takes no interest in you, then he doesn't love you. My x boyfriend stayed here on weekends, while he he texted the other woman he was dating, always telling me we were exclusive. Some people just need someone by there side, it's a security/self esteem issue (no offense). I have been through hell and high water, and each time a relationship goes bad, it's a lesson learned, an eye opener, and it has made me stronger. Your house, you pay the bills, he's a looser and needs to get out. Don't torture yourself, your better than that, Your life should revolve around you and your daughters, We as woman are strong minded and strong willed most time, but weak when it comes to a man, only because we feel we need a companion at whatever cost. Not worth it.

Mary - posted on 11/15/2010

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Well, I don't know how much help I can be to you except to say, you deserve better, your children deserve better and why stay with someone that does not value you in any way? The old adage you can do bad by yourself applies here. Why not take a step back regroup for yourself and let God lead you to the right man for you and your children. They deserve a positive role model not a selfish brat. And a mom that's happy not angry all the time. It will send the wrong message to them about relationships. Do what you feel is right for yourself and them.

Rachel - posted on 11/15/2010

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I know how you feel...kick that guy to the curb...loneliness is better than that guy anyday,, plus you never know...things might not stay neutral with this loaf just hanging around,, it could turn out that he actually negatively impacts your life,, like besides the anger...hmm i know what you are going through all too well, I am a single mom of 2 boys ,, I am 28 years old,, and I work full time now,, but I actually just recently finished the college degree....if you can the first thing I owuld do is ditch the four year and focus on being an LPN and then on to RN...more money honey!! other than that...hang in there! it's gonna be a dark and lonely ride,, but after the days have bled into each other and your kids are old enough for you to have some time to yourself,, you're going to cherish these long hard days...keep your head up!! ask for help!! wic, DSS etc,,, whatever you can...join the YMCA is possible...you're gonna be okay...keep going!!! : )

Miriam - posted on 11/14/2010

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You said the reason you don't see yourself getting married is that you didn't think anyone would want you, so I have to wonder if the reasion you are putting yourself through this frustration now is that you don't think you can do any better, or that you think you deserve any better?

Sometimes we are willing to do for our children what we are not willing to do for ourselves. Sometimes that can be the push you need to stand up to yourself. Maybe you are ok with being with someone who shows no interest in you or your girls, but are you ok with that for them?

the bottom line is, is this relationship draining you or nourishing you? If it is draining you emotionally, then you may need to say goodbye, which is painful especially when you have no support system. I'm guessing that's why you posted here -- when you don't have friends nearby the internet can be your source of community. Take your support wherever you can get it! And remember, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your girls.

Karen - posted on 11/14/2010

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if your anything like me it's because you love him and your holding on how he used to be and belive that it can be that way again. that and the thought of being alone. i'm also in a city where i know only my mother and grandmother, the few friends i had i met through my ex since i moved here to be with him. it was the toughest thing i ever had to do leaving him but i was tired of being angry all the time and feeling like my daughter and i were just an after thought to him. the only thing i can say is you have to deside weather or not you can see yourself living the rest of your life with him, if you can't then why waste anymore time. weather or not you deside to stay with him you should try joining a mommy & me group, you can find alot of support though them and some really good friends too, that's what has helped me through all of this.

Blessing - posted on 11/13/2010

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i dont have any advice just to say u not alone, i love my BD a lot problem is he is so so selfish. i never used to get angry b4 but now its all i feel. its all abt him, what he wants and say.. i decided its time to leave and i find im getting better.

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