kids constantly trashing my house!

Jessica - posted on 06/28/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom of four 1/2 kids. I say i have a half because my children have a half sister from a different mom that stays with us every other week, if not sometimes more. I was in a relationship on and off for six years, but he was a dead beat who didn't take care of the kids or provide for them in any way shape or form. he cared too much about his drugs and his friends over taking care of his kids. even when i was with him, i still felt and acted like a single mother. he was not there for us financially, physically, emotionally, or as a father figure. i recently moved away from him and his daughter.

My problem is, my kids don't have any respect for me. they are getting into everything, making huge messes, and destroying everything they can get their hands on. it seems like i turn around and there is a new mess right after i clean up something. i clean the walls, they get colored on within ten minutes. i steam clean the carpet and they cover it with syrup within 30 min. my mom and i spend the whole day cleaning and the next day they destroy everything we did in 20 minutes. they are ripping out screens and throwing things out the windows, pouring my shampoo, tooth paste, and what ever they can find out every time i buy more. they dig in my car and throw food in it almost every day and are wrecking it. my two year old has taken to pooping and smearing it all over her walls, bed, what ever. my mom bought her a new toddler bed and new sheets for it and not ten minutes after we set it up, she spills strawberry syrup all over it and all over the floor and smears it on her door ten minutes after i scrubbed it off. they throw books out of windows, drag blankets all over outside, leave their bikes every where, walk with muddy feet on my clean laundry, eat all the baby food snacks, throw boxes of cereal every where after i get done vacuuming... the list goes on and on... the point is, i put them in time outs, i make them clean it up, and it doesn't seem to be enough. my house is always a huge disaster and i don't know what to do. i don't get breaks from my kids and i can't clean 24/7. it is depressing me and i don't know what to do. i also stop buying things after they make a mess with it, and they still make messes. i put things up high and my kids will climb to get it. i feel like i have a bunch of wild untamed animals in my house.

any good suggestions on how to deal with this other then time outs and making them pick up would help. my other problem is most of the messes is caused by my two year old. she is out of control. she poops and pees on the floor all of the time, won't use the potty, and can climb on anything and gets into everything! there is nothing that stops here and i don't know what to do. she has broken all the furniture in her room, ripped every picture off her wall, wrecked every book, tore apart the closet (including the very top shelves), colored on every wall, gets into everything, and makes huge messes all the time. i am a single mother and i can only do so much! how do i deal with it?

My kids are 8 months, three in aug, five, half sister is six, and my son who has autism is 11.

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Michelle - posted on 06/30/2010

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If you haven't done it already, then you might have moral oppositions, but this might be about the time where these kids get a good spanking. I just recently did a paper on conditional spanking for a college class and did some pretty in depth research from many accredited studies across the world and what I found out was that a swat or two on the butt with an open hand, used as a reinforcement when time-outs and other punishments are ineffective, when a child is between the ages of 2 and 6 have no more detrimental side effects on a child than any other punishment, and in fact in certain studies have shown the kids who received whats known as "conditional spankings" have had sunnier outlooks on life, volunteered more, and performed better academically than those who were not spanked at all. Most studies opposing spanking and stressing detrimental side effects, don't distinguish spanking from abuse, don't take into account the age of the child, socio-economic status, other types of discipline used, education levels of parents- nothing. Anyways, it sounds to me like these kids need a healthy fear of their mother so they don't walk all over you. And a spanking, especially if it hasn't been used yet, will be a great way to let them know you're not playing around anymore. Give them a verbal warning in a stern voice. If they don't listen, give them one more with more seriousness. If they don't listen, tell them you will give them 3 seconds to stop their behavior. Count: 1......2.....--if they let you get to 3, give them 2 swats on the butt and put them in time out. This works with my son and now, I VERY RARELY get to 3. Like once every 2 months (he'll be 3 in august as well). Because every time I get to 3, he gets a spanking. I don't think this method would be effective on the 8 month old at all. Like I said, this is most effective on children between the ages of 2-6, and not shown to be detrimental until they are 11, although you might need a different form of discipline for your son with autism, I really don't know anything about that. And then after they get the picture, I think Latoya's star chart would be a really effective method of positive enforcement.

Good luck mama!

LATOYA - posted on 06/28/2010

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I think that u should find time and create something for them to do. Each day set aside a time for fun time and if u have misbehaved or do any of the things that u mentioned, they will not be allowed to join the activity. I only have two and even they get out of hand, but I have come to find out that kids like to be busy and if you don't create something for them to do then your house becomes the playground and anything goes and because u are alone it is tough to watch all of them at one time unless u all are engaged into the same activities. As far as the car don't allow them to have anything in the car. If u are going on a long trip then u keep everything next to you and when it break time then they get snacks. As for the baby smearing poop everywhere u might want to check on that because sometimes that can be a defense mechanism. If they just love to color so much you should invest in the water color pad not sure if that is the right name but it is by crayola and the only thing it shows up on is that pad. I know it hard but u need a routine bc if they are busy thru out the day then they don't have time to destroy anything. I know u said that u do the time out thing instead of time out u need to make a star chart and make them earn some of the fun things that you are doing bc no kid wants to watch someone else having fun. Of course this is gonna take some time but the more u do it the more they get use to it. I hope this works for you and GOOD LUCK!!

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Ashley - posted on 06/18/2013

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how are they getting into all this stuff? do you watch your kids?! when you see them getting into stuff go over and smack their butt!! close doors tht lead to rooms tht u dont want ur kids in..such as the bathroom and tell them they are not allowed in there! if you catch them trying to go in there smack their butt!! its not hard.

Stacey - posted on 06/30/2010

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WOW it sounds like your having a really hard time, maybe you should talk to your health visitor they give really good advice, i would say carry on with the time-out but try not to let it show that she gets to you, also perhaps get some cupboard locks, perhaps you could sit the older kids down when the little ones are asleep and ask them to help you out by setting a good example and stop her doing bad things, maybe you should keep a nappy on her until she starts acting like a big girl, is there no one who can take your kids for a day or an evening so you could have a break you must be exhausted!!

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